A Place In This World
by Hiljik
Summary: What if Taylor Swift was never discovered at the Blue Bird café? What if she had somehow wound up in Vancouver, and became best friends with Josh Ramsay, the lead singer of Marianas trench. When fame finally engulfs Taylor, Josh will need to pull her out before she hits rock bottom. What if Josh had to risk reliving his darkest days, in order to help out a friend? Could he do it?
1. A Place In This World

_This is my story. _

_They say fame will always end out bad. Something will happen, and it'll likely be the medias fault. 3.2% of girls in the United States are diagnosed with an eating disorder. 2% are guys. Most, if not all, can't make it out on their own. _

_They need help. They need someone to believe in them. Someone to drive them away from the hurt. _

_Myth: Bullying does not cause any serious harm._

_Fact: Bullying is associated with a range of physical and mental health problems, as well as suicide, educational problems, antisocial problems, and relationship problems._

_Myth: Canadians are "too nice" to bully._

_Fact: Canada ranked a dismal 26th and 27th out of 35 countries on measures of bullying and victimization._

_Fact: Adults can get bullied. Teased. Harassed. They can get brought down by it. They are not made of steel. They are not bullet proof. _

_Fact: The same goes for celebrities. _

_This is my story. _

_And this also the story of Josh Ramsay. How he became the best friend, protagonist, knight in shining armor, and antagonist without realizing it. _

_This is a story about love, friendship, and society. Society is mean. You can choose to accept that, and let it bring you down to rock bottom, or you can fight it. _

_We are all fighters. _

October 13th, 2004.

"I don't know what I want,

So, don't ask me,

'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out," I sang. I looked out into the crowd. It wasn't many. There was just a few people here and there. I don't think even half were paying attention, but I was in my zone. I was doing what I loved to do. I was feeling rather emotional at the moment.

My family had moved to Nashville for my music career. I had gotten a development deal from one of the biggest record company's there. But it wasn't going anywhere, so I had walked out. Nashville was my home. It was where I had friends. We had only lived there for a few years, but it was where I belonged. I had planned on finding a new record company there, but then my dad got news that would change our family's lives. In August we had to move.

And now here I was on a rainy October Wednesday, singing in a cafe. Prado café had huge looming windows, and sat in a tight corner on Granville street. The air was warm, and rich with the scent of coffee. Where was I exactly? Vancouver.

I felt like there was no way I would be able to find a record deal out here. I mean, what famous singer is from Vancouver? Maybe I could be the first. But first I had to find someone. I had already found a great co-writer who in fact helped me write the song I was presently singing.

I finished my song and walked off the stage. I told the manager thanks for having me, and began to pack up.

"Uh, hey were you the girl who just sang up there?" A husky voice asked from behind me. I stood up to face him.

"Yes I am," I tried to say positively. The tall mysterious guy looked like he was a few years older than me. His dark ripped up clothes, and skinny frame suggested that he was a troubled teen. His shaggy hair covered most of his face, but his piercing blue eyes caught me off guard. They were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen before.

"Hi. My names Josh," he held out his hand. I shook it.

"Taylor."

"You have a great voice, and your really talented," he gushed, "were those your own songs?"

"Oh thank you, and yes they were."

"You have a knack for writing songs. And I think that your talent should be used. I'm guessing you're looking for a record deal?"

"Yes actually I um, have been for a while," no use telling him my life story.

"Well I just landed a deal."

"Oh, really?" Why was this guy telling me this?

"Yup. Oh, sorry im bad at first impressions, but um, I think that I should introduce you to my producer. He's a cool guy, and I think he'd like you."

Wait, what?

"You mean,"

"I want to hopefully get you signed to this little record company, called 604 Records."

I my jaw dropped.

"Oh my goodness! Yes, yes please," I exclaimed. He smiled.

"Great, well here's all the information," he handed me a piece of paper with some words on it. "By the way, I'm Josh Ramsay and I'm usually there all the time."

"Well thank you so much! I'm glad I met you today, and my names Taylor Swift."

"Alright, well see you around," and with that he left. I couldn't believe it. I might still have a shot at having a deal. This was great!

* * *

That night at dinner, I decided to tell my family what had happened.

"So today, I met this guy," I started.

"Ew, you have a boyfriend already?" Said my little brother Austin.

"No I do not!" I argued back. He stuck his toung out at me. "And I already have one stupid. Do you not remember Brandon?"

I had met Brandon on my first day of high school, and we had been dating ever since.

"Anyways?" My mom interrupted, before the argument got any bigger.

"Anyways, he introduced himself after I had finished my set for the day, and said that I was really talented. We started talking and I guess he just got a record deal, and for some reason really wanted me to join the company he got signed to! He gave me this paper with all the information."

"Oh that's wonderful!" My mom said.

"So when are you going to visit the place?" My dad asked.

"As soon as possible?" I asked the two people who had licenses in the family.

"We'll go tomorrow," my mom finalized.

* * *

"Hi, I'm Jonathan Simkin," the man reached out and shook my hand.

"I'm Taylor Swift," I greeted.

"So tell me Taylor, why did I get such a good word about you from one of my employees?"

"Well, just like every other girl out there, I want to be a musician. I want someone to listen to what I have to say. I have a dream. I had begun my dream in Nashville, and got a development deal with RCA Records, but, I felt like they didn't believe in me. They chose to keep me in development until i was eighteen, but I wanted to release songs that are going through my present life. Then my dads work moved my family to here, in Vancouver. I was playing in a café when Josh told me about this place."

"Well I see you brought a guitar, how about you play something for me."

I took my guitar out of its case and strummed it once.

"I wrote this song solely when I was twelve, I'm fourteen right now by the way, and this is one of the first songs I ever wrote, and it talks about the very reason I ever started to write songs. It was when I was twelve years old, and a complete outcast at school. I was a lot different than all the other kids, and I never really knew why. I was taller, and sang country music at karaoke bars and festivals on weekends while other girls went to sleepovers. Some days I woke up not knowing if anyone was going to talk to me that day.

"I think every person comes to a point in their life when you have a long string of bad days. You can choose to let it drag you down, or you can find ways to rise above it. I came to the conclusion that even though people hadn't always been there for me, music had. And this is called The Outside."

I began to play the guitar.

"I didn't know,

What I would find,

When I went lookin' for a reason

I know,

I didn't read,

Between the lines,

And baby I've got nowhere to go

I tried to take the road less traveled by

But nothing seems to work the first few times

Am I right?"

* * *

I finished the song with one last strum. I smiled. I hoped he liked it.

"Wow, you wrote that on your own when you were twelve?" He asked.

I nodded my head.

"Well, you don't have the strongest vocals, but we can work on that, so never mind. But, you are a really good song writer! There's something there. I can feel it. You know, I usually don't sign someone after only hearing from them once, but I feel something, and I'm scared that if I wait you'll get snatched right up. So, I want you. Would you like to join 604 Records?"

My jaw dropped and my eyes went wide.

"Yes please!" I accepted.

* * *

Josh's POV

She intrigued me the moment I heard her voice.

I had just gotten out of rehab and was starting to piece my life back together again. I still had the fears from when I was back in that hollow building. Or, perhaps they were different now. When I was in rehab, I had fears of _never_ seeing heroin again. However, now that I was out of my prison, I was scared that heroin and I _would_ meet again.

But, when I ducked into that small café to escape the torrential downpour, the fears melted away. Maybe it was the strong scent of coffee, smelling so much like my house did in the morning. But I was positive it had to do with _her_ voice.

She was just glowing with her guitar strapped over her shoulder. When she finished her set, and got ready to leave, something pulled me towards her. I was almost saddened when I couldn't hear her voice anymore. Maybe that's why she intrigued me so much.

I had been signed onto a little record company. My band and I, we were new there. We also didn't have much competition on the label. So don't ask me why I would bring another artist into the picture. I would never be able to answer that. Maybe it was because I wanted to get to know this girl better. Maybe, while she was singing her song, I understood something. Something I didn't before.

I understood I wasn't the only person trying to make it big in the music industry. I understood that I wasn't alone. Every great artist was at some point in their life, where I stood today.

All I knew was that as soon as I worked up the courage to talk to her, my life would never be the same. For some reason, it was like a sixth sense warning me. A voice in the back of my mind said I would one day play a great role in this girls life.

I had to know what that role was.

Maybe she was the cure for drug addictions. Because when she turned around and looked me in the eyes, every single memory of that sickening yet euphoric taste on my toung left.

* * *

That night, I had the strangest dreams ever. It was almost like a slide show.

There were flashes of me waking up in bed and seeing long blond hair tumbling along the pillow. Another one was me playing on a piano, singing to a girl with beautiful blue eyes in front of a crowd of thousands. I was sitting on a train while someone held a gun to my head. I layed in a hospital bed while a hand squeezed mine. I was sitting beside a fire staring at someone's bleeding wrists. I was comforting someone throwing up. Pulling their long hair out of their face. I was throwing away razor blades. Bandaging bloody—

I snapped awake. Perhaps maybe those dreams were telling me something. Maybe they were showing me how it felt to be someone who loved me, watching as I spiraled out of control. How I hit rock bottom and floundered there for a while.

I layed back down. I closed my eyes, but they forced themselves apart. Suddenly, like every other night, I was scared to fall asleep. I was scared I was gonna fall asleep and wake up back in that concrete room, on that rickety cot. I didn't want to leave my home. I didn't want to fall asleep and dream of what I was escaping from. I wanted it gone for good. I didn't want those dreadful flashbacks of rave parties, or rocky therapy sessions.

I wanted to be healthy. And happy. And home.

* * *

The next day, I was working in the small studio, when a visitor came in. I didn't expect her. Or at least, I didn't expect her actually taking my guidance and coming here. Especially the next day.

I watched her as she walked into Jonathan's office. The door was left open. I watched as they conversed, until finally she brought out her guitar. I was excited to hear her play again. When she walked in the building, she held her head with confidence. Like she had already gone through this before.

She played her guitar like a pro. I couldn't hear the lyrics very clearly, but I could hear enough to know that she knew what she was doing. It was as if she was born to perform. She was made specifically to create music. The song soon ended.

Suddenly, a rush of nerves came over me. I was suddenly scared what the verdict was going to be. I wanted her here. I wanted to make music with her. I wanted to be a part of her life.

I could see she knew her stuff. She knew how to play the guitar, in fact it looked like she had created the instrument, because she played so effortlessly. She knew how to create a song. That song she played in the café had been stuck in my head ever since. She knew how to perform infront of a crowd. She wasn't boring like so many others.

The only thing she didn't know was she already had her first fan. She never noticed the nineteen year old boy hiding in the shadows captivated by her every motion. She didn't notice me spying on the most crucial part of her journey, silently praying she would be signed.

_Taylor Swift and Josh Ramsay win song of the year at the Grammys. _

I could see it already. Our names up in lights, winning something every musician dreams about. The most prized possession in music history.

It may only be a dream, but one day, it would be real.


	2. Tied Together With A Smile

**Hey! So I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far. I was a bit hesitant to put it up, but I'm hoping that it will turn out great. And here is my pinky promise to you guys right now that I will stay till the end and complete it and publish every chapter. **

**If I ever stop updating, it's because I either died, or writers block, so just send in those reviews to keep me motivated! I'll try to update every other day... I don't know how that will go though. Because this semester coming up I have English science and French... FML. And I'm also heavy into competition season with one almost every weekend. But, I do have a whole bunch of chapters written already, just in parts. **

**Also, this story is in parts, but it's really messy and un proportionate. Oh well, that's just me attempting to be epic and awesome. So anyways, enjoy. **

**P.S. I felt absolutely horrible for insulting the songs at the very end of this chapter, but it's a very important part to this story, and it helps Taylor and Josh's friendship grow stronger. Don't hate on me please... I didn't mean to write those things. I've already slapped myself in the face for it, and I mean no disrespect what so ever. I am not trying to make fun of them. **

* * *

Josh's POV

"So one time I went to McDonalds with my mom, and they had one of those playground jungle gym thingys. And my mom specifically said not to go in it while she was getting the food. So I went in. And I was on one those merry-go-round things, and then I fell off. And my shoe got caught on it and then started dragging me around, and I was screaming and caused this huge scene. Yeah," I said.

"Oh my god!" Taylor laughed. "Honestly though, you're childhood sounds like it was so awesome. I just grew up on a Christmas tree farm, so like, Christmas was kind of cool. But I don't really have any of these hilarious stories you're telling me, to tell."

"Well, it was alright I guess." Though there were the haunting memories I didn't want to tell her about.

"Yeah you're lucky that you didn't get bullied. It sucked so much."

"It must have," I said sadly.

"Hey, you know what would be cool?" Taylor asked.

"What?"

"If you helped me write this song."

"Sure. Why not."

"So um, this friend of mine," she started strumming a guitar. "She. Ok hold on. Little back story, um she's like one of those girls who, like makes the guys stop and look at her. Uh, you know what I mean. Um she's really pretty, and just gorgeous and everything! But, I found out a while back, that she has bulimia. So I wanted to write a song about it."

My heart froze. She wanted to write a song about bulimia. Couldn't it have been a different topic?

"So far, I only have the chorus. It goes like this," she started to sing, "Hold on, baby, you're losing it

The water's high and you're jumping into it

And letting go

And no one knows,

That you cry,

But, you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile

But, you're coming undone."

I was shocked. Those words were so true and meaningful. I loved it. "Wow, that's beautiful Taylor."

"Thank you so much. So, maybe we could start the song with 'seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty,

Is the face in the mirror looking back at you.' How's that sound?"

"Really good. Maybe then you could go, 'You walk around here thinking you're not pretty,

But that's not true,"

"Cause I know you,' yeah! That could be the first verse, and then the chorus. Yeah, that sounds really good."

We began writing the second verse. I fed her a lot of ideas, and she took most of them. We incorporated them into a very beautiful song that would one day be an anthem for a lot of people struggling out there. Maybe even me included.

Taylor's POV

It had been a few months since I had gotten signed onto the label, and I was enjoying every moment of it. I had just recently written a song with Josh. I was honestly surprised at how good he was at writing. It was almost as if he had once gone through an eating disorder himself.

Right now I had a few songs on the upcoming album;

A Place In This World, was going to be on it because it explained how I felt with my music and where it had gotten me too.

The Outside, was going to be on it because that was the song that got me a deal. I also figured that other people would be able to relate to being bullied and always feeling like you were on the outside.

Some other songs, including Tied Together With A Smile, and Stay Beautiful would be on it too.

I walked into the studio. I was here to have a writing session with Liz Rose. It was hard to get time to work in the studio, since someone else would always book it.

"Oh hey Josh," I greeted as I walked in the room.

"Hi,"

I saw some papers sprawled all over the table.

"What you up too?"

"Oh, just reading over some songs I've written."

"Oh really," I quickly snatched one up. "Prime time. Is that going to be on your record?"

"Oh that was on our EP. I don't know."

I read some of the lyrics.

"This is the dying you are the disease

And I smile like Ritalin - the razor and me," I raised an eyebrow. "What's that about?"

He got up out of his chair and reached for the paper.

"That's nothing, now do you wanna give me the paper back?" He pleaded.

He seemed a bit embarassed. I decided to tease him.

"No," I read some more. "One more hit and you'll get better

Tin foil, cigarettes - you'll be okay. What's that supposed to mean?"

It couldn't mean…

"It means nothing, now give me it back!" He reached for it again, but I held it out of reach. I laughed.

"This is primetime, reload, and heroin." I stopped. He didn't… I looked up at him. "Seriously, Josh what's that supposed to mean?"

He sighed and snatched the paper out of my hand.

"It means nothing."

Well, if he wasn't going to tell me, then I would just keep at it until he did. I would make the most ridiculous untrue comments until he fessed up. I snatched another peice of paper. It read Skin and Bones.

"I lock the door, turn all the water on. Oooh, what's that mean?" I asked.

"Gimme!"

I laughed. But why wouldn't he want me knowing what his songs meant?

"Feeling so easy-"

"No!"

"Make me-"

"Stop it!"

"I'm always on my knees for you, hmm writing in quite the perspective now?" I joked. Inside I was really hoping that I wasn't going to far.

"Are you kidding me?" He asked dead serious.

"Yes obviously I'm kidding! Come on, can't you take a joke?"

He tried to snatch away the paper again.

"Thin, Where have you been?" I stopped. I looked up at him the grin gone in my face. He snatched the paper away. I folded my arms.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" He questioned.

"Because those are some pretty self explanatory lyrics, that sound nothing like you."

"Fine," he reluctantly sighed. "I'll tell you."

We sat down on the couch.

"I used to be a heroin addict. Before that I had bulimia. I never finished high school, and a lot of my songs are about my, problems."

I sat there stunned. I suddenly felt like a big jerk for teasing him and stealing his papers. Guilt flooded over me. I wrapped him up in a big hug.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize," I apologized.

"It's alright, you didn't know."

"Maybe, from now on we should just tell each other what our songs are about?"

"Sounds like a good idea."

From then on, Josh was still not as open about his songs, but every song I wrote I would play in front of him.

* * *

A few days later, we met up at Prado Café. We had been meeting every Friday at 4 pm. I enjoyed the time we spent together. Over the past few months, our friendship had grown stronger.

"So what have you been up to lately?" I asked.

"Not much, the same old same old, write, record, stuff like that," Josh replied.

"And how are things coming along with the band?"

"They're good. We've been working really hard. Hopefully by next year we'll both have albums out."

"Yeah, that'd be nice. It just seems like a big dream."

"Yeah," he agreed. "A long, hard, dream that you don't exactly know where it will take you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, no matter what. No matter how this crazy idea turns out, I just want to stay true to myself. Focus on music, not all the perks that come with it."

"You don't want fame to change you."

"Exactly."

I giggled. "Imagine if we become famous! That'd be crazy. We'd look all cool walking around town with a possy following us."

"And the media would be all over our backs," Josh chuckled.

"People would want our autographs!"

"And we could wear sunglasses whenever we want!"

I burst out laughing.

"You and your sunglasses. Do you think it's possible to have a sunglass fetish?" I asked.

Josh started choking on the drink he was sipping. "A what?"

"A sunglass fetish. You know, like some people have foot fetish's. If its real, I think you have one."

"Don't be ridiculous," he baffled.

I shrugged. "Well, when I'm rich and famous, I promise I'll buy you a $400 pair of sunglasses."

"I'll hold you to the grave on that one."

I smiled, as I took a sip of my drink. "Imagine being rich. We could be so rich, from the sold out tours, and sold out albums. It could happen," I dreamt.

"Well, me being rich would be equivalent to getting the band out of dept."

I laughed.

"So, being rich could be a cool thing. But we would have to work hard. It's funny, how most people really don't appreciate how much work really goes in to making music. And I mean good music," Josh said.

"Yeah, music that people can connect to," I agreed.

"Exactly. I feel like that sort of music is just slowly fading away. It's a bit scary, don't you think?"

"Well, like you said. Just stay true to yourself. No matter what. Stick to what your heart tells you. Then people will not only like your music, they'll also like who you are."

"A lanky douche. Gotcha," he stated.

"No!" I giggled. "Your a good person. You're sweet, and funny."

"Lies."

I rolled my eyes playfully. I looked out side the window.

"You know, I never imagined a place existed where it rained more than Nashville," I explained.

"Welcome to the humble abode of raincouver," Josh greeted.

I laughed.

"You know, it's always been a dream of mine, to own my own studio," Josh said.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Having a collection of guitars hanging all along the walls, you don't have to worry about fees, or schedules. You could hang out there whenever you want. It could just be your own. We could display all of our non existant awards everywhere. And we'd have a good recording system too. I wouldn't settle for something shitty. It would be good quality, and named Bertha. I just don't have the money to make that dream a reality."

"These dreams of ours though," I sighed. "They just seem so far away, and impossible."

"Well, if we can't reach them on our own, then we'll do it together," Josh said. "Promise to stay true to each other and help them if they slip?"

"I promise."

* * *

**Ugh, short and horrible. Fine way to start this story… I guess, just for you awesome readers I'll put up another chapter tonight. And it'll be double this size. **

**So please read and review. Tell me what you think of it so far! And also, send in any requests for songs that you want me to do a chapter for. **

**The way I'm writing this, I'm putting a theme to each chapter. Each chapter will tie in with the song, so of you really want me to put a song in here just let me know!**


	3. Cold As You

**Just as I promised... Here is chapter 3**

* * *

Taylor's POV

_You have a way of coming easily to me_

I walked through the cold hallway with Abigail by my side. I couldn't stop talking about Brian, my new boyfriend. We had been dating for about a week now, and he was just absolutely perfect. Well sort of. We just kind of had a thing. It wasn't official though because he still hadn't asked me out.

"So guess what Brian did for me the other day?" I said.

"What did he do?" Abigail asked.

"He brought me flowers!" I screeched.

"Aw that's so cute!"

"I know right? I'm so lucky I met him. He's everything I ever wanted."

_And when you take you take the very best of me_

We sat down in our seats in English. I got out my binder and flipped to the inside of the cover to look at a picture of us. He was really into photography. I smiled. We looked like one of those annoying cheesy couples that everyone hates but secretly envies.

"So do you think you're ever going to find a boyfriend again?" I asked Abigail.

She looked at me. It was like a sudden wash of grey covered her eyes. It might've happened several months ago, but I could tell she still hadn't gotten over her past boyfriend she went all through grade nine with.

"I don't know," she sighed.

I could tell she still didn't want to talk about it. It was one of those break ups that plagues you for a long time. Of course it doesn't help that he was her first boyfriend.

"Well you better find one soon because winter formal is coming up!" I joked, "girl, I can't let you go all alone."

"Hah well I'll be on vacation then actually."

"What! Abigail, I though that you were leaving the week after? I can't go all alone."

"Well, I'm kind of leaving in two days. At least you'll have Brian!"

"Aw but it won't be the same," I complained.

She shrugged apologetically.

Soon class ended and we had lunch block. I rushed to my locker to put my things away, and to find Brian. Abigail and I travelled down the hallways to our usual lunch spot. On the way we found Brian. He was hugging some random girl. I didn't think much of it, but Abigail did.

"Oh my god. Taylor look. Look at what he's doing. Red flag. I repeat, red flag."

"What? He's just hugging some girl. It's not that big of a deal." From my angle, it looked just like a casual hug.

"Uh ok, he's got his head facing hers, not facing away. He's held onto her for more than five seconds. And look where his hands are! Lower back. Bad! Red flag! Emergency alarm. Enc! Enc! Enc!"

"Abigail, you're being kinda ridiculous.

Maybe she just needs some comforting."

_So, I start a fight 'cause I need to feel something_

"No. Look! He's-"

"I don't want to hear it!" I interrupted. "It's fine. I honestly don't really care."

"Fine, but you'll regret it later."

_And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted_

I just rolled my eyes. We continued walking to our lunch spot. The day slowly rolled by, and finally I found myself home. I met my mom in the kitchen furiously cleaning. I could smell something cooking in the oven. This situation only happened when someone came to visit.

"Is someone coming for dinner?" I asked my mom.

"Yes the next door neighbors. Bob and Mary. Now go get ready they're coming in an hour," she replied.

I rushed to my bedroom and dropped my backpack on the ground. I had a quick shower and changed into some nicer clothes. I tied my hair back and did a quick layer of make up. I smiled at myself in the mirror. That's when the doorbell rang.

I rushed to the front door and opened it. I greeted them. They were an old couple who looked like they had been together since the begining of time. They came in and we all sat down at the table.

After we had finished our dinner, they began talking about the story of how they first met. They were honestly adorable together. One would stop talking, then the other one would start. I found it amazing how true love could last for so long. They talked about how they met when they were little kids, to growing up together through the teenage angst years. Then finally when they got married. It was fascinating.

"Now after hearing all of this, Taylor, you have to include our story on your album now," Mary joked.

"Yeah, I'll for sure try," I laughed.

_Oh, what a shame_

_What a rainy ending, _

_Given to a perfect day_

That night I imagined what it would be like if that was me and Brian one day. I could see it happening. We were already head over heals for each other. In fact, just before I had gone to bed, Brian had sent me a text saying just that. He was so perfect.

_Ain't no use defending words that you will never say_

The next day I walked to my first block alone. I was extremely exhausted and didn't have a patience for anything. But that all changed when my eyes met Brian's. I smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. I greeted him. He looked up from his phone and turned to me.

_You put up walls,_

_And paint them all a shade of grey_

"Hey babe, do you have any money I could borrow? My uh, friend has to take the bus after school and doesn't have any money," he said.

"Uh yeah of course. I think I have some in my backpack," I replied.

"Sweet," he said as he took the change from me. Then he walked away.

"Uh, you're welcome," I muttered under my breath.

_And I stood there loving you,_

_And wished them all away_

The day passed until finally, it was lunch. I was at my locker, when a pair of hands came up from behind and covered my eyes.

"Guess who?" The hands asked.

"Hi Brian," I laughed. I turned around to look at him. "What's up?"

"I have a surprise."

"Really? What is it!"

"Just wait and see. Come one I'll show you."

He grabbed my hand and led me to the back parking lot of the school.

"Why are we going to the parking lot?" I wondered.

"You'll see."

Finally we made it there, and he led me to a big truck.

"What's this?" I asked.

"It's my new baby!"

"You got a truck!"

"Yes! Isn't it beautiful."

"Yeah it is. So, can I like, drive it?"

He turned to look at me. The smile on his face was gone.

"That was a joke, right?"

"Oh well I just thought,"

"No. Ok you will never drive this truck because you're a girl. And girls can't drive. You'll hurt my baby." He reached over and hugged his truck.

I blinked. He was kidding right?

"Well then. I'll just go," I awkwardly said. He pretended not to hear me. I started walking away slowly. I opened the door to the school and began walking towards my locker.

"Hey, your names Taylor, right?" A girl came up to me and asked.

"Um yeah," I said.

"Hey, I'm Amanda. And word of advise, that guy you're smitten about. Don't even think about dating him," she explained.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah just don't. He's bad news. Trust me."

"Why should I trust you? I don't even know who you are."

"Well I'm just trying to be a friendly senior and help out her fellow sophomore."

"Huh?"

"What I'm sayin is, Brian, yeah that's my ex. He's just bad news. He's a player and a douche bag."

"What are you talking about? He's absolutely perfect. Sure he's a couple of years older than me, but he treats me right."

"Along with seven other girls. Look, that same thing happened to me. At first he seemed perfect then bam. Complete douche bag. Has he even asked you out yet?"

"Um, no." It was true. We still weren't officially dating, but we had a thing.

"Oh babe, the red flags are everywhere. Girl you need to get rid of him."

Just then, Brian came up the stairs, with two girls under his shoulder.

"What's up babes," he winked at us.

"Um Brian. What are you doing?" I asked.

"Hanging with my girls. What else would I do."

"But I thought that,"

"Thought what? Taylor your just a little baby still. Maybe in a few years, when you've matured, you can be one of my babes too."

_And you come away with a great little story,_

"But, but,"

"Look there's no buts, now I'm gonna go and hang with my favorite babes," he said as he walked away.

_Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you_

I stood there shocked. What just happened?

"I told you. I'm sorry I couldn't have warned you earlier," Amanda said. I looked back at her with tears in my eyes. "Aw, don't cry here. Not in the hallway. Come with me."

She led me to the nearest bathroom with me under her shoulder. When we got in, she made sure no one else was in there, and locked the door to keep others out. She then reached out and hugged me.

"I feel like a complete idiot now," I complained.

"Don't worry. I made the same mistake. But hey. The single life is fucking awesome. So don't worry about him. He's just another stupid boy. You gonna be alright?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Thanks for, helping me."

"Don't worry about it. Just trying to help out my fellow girl."

"Why did you help me though? We only met like ten minutes ago."

"I figured you could use a hand. And I learned that you're in the music industry, so I figured that when you're big and famous, you could get me Chad Kroeger's autograph."

I laughed. This girl was really sweet and funny.

"Thanks. And I promise I'll get you his autograph one day."

* * *

That evening I walked into the studio feeling more exhausted than I had in the morning. But I suddenly felt very angry about what had happened. I found myself sitting with my guitar ranting about Brian.

"I hate his stupid truck that he doesn't let me drive. He's such a redneck! Oh my Gosh!" I yelled.

"You ok there Taylor?" Josh asked looking up from his work.

"No!" I stated.

"What happened?"

"Ugh!" I fumed and left the room to go and write a song.

Finally I emerged from the writing room said good bye to Liz, and walked into the recording room, where I waited for Nathan to come produce it. I sat down in front of Josh with my guitar in my lap playing the new song for him. I specifically called it Picture to Burn because of how much Brian loved photography.

"I really, really hate that stupid old pickup truck

You never let me drive

You're a redneck, heartbreak

Who's really bad at lying,

So watch me strike a match

On all my wasted time

As far as I'm concerned,

You're just another picture to burn

Burn, burn, burn, baby burn

Just another picture to burn

Baby burn."

"So is that why you were so angry earlier today?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Hah, well I loved it. That was a really good song."

"Really? Thank you so much. You know at least I know one guy that's nice. All the others are complete jerks. You know what I mean? You know how to be nice. You're not a loser." I paused gathering my thoughts. "So, me and Liz wrote another song while we were in there. And, it's about that moment, where you realize someone isn't at all who you thought they were, and that you've been trying to make excuses for someone who doesn't deserve them. And, that some people, are just never, going to love you."

"What happened?" Josh asked.

"Oh just some guy who I thought was, 'the one', turned out to be a player and a jerk and a loser who didn't like me at all," I said through tears that were starting to form.

_You never did give a damn thing honey, but I cried, cried for you_

"Hey it's ok. Come here," Josh said motioning for me to hug him.

I set my guitar down and crawled over beside him. The hug was just what I needed from him.

"You know Josh. Nobody gets me like you do," I sighed. "I'm honestly so glad I met you."

"Me too."

_And I know you wouldn't have told nobody,_

_If I died, died for you_

"So I guess I'm just gonna skip out on my winter formal."

"What? You've been talking about it for ages now!"

"Well, I don't exactly have a date anymore," I reminded him.

_Died for you_

"Oh, well, I could be your date," he hesitantly said. I looked at him.

"Really? You wanna go to a high school dance with me?"

"Sure! why not?"

I thought about it. It'd be nice to dance with somebody, but wasn't Josh always talking about how he was a horrible dancer.

"Yeah, I guess so. Why not? But it's strictly as friends, right?" I said.

"Oh, uh yeah, of course."

I smiled at him.

_And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through,_

_I've never been anywhere cold as you_

* * *

**Bam. Chapter 3 done. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and please review!**


	4. Beautiful Soul

**Well fuck. **

**Slap me in the face and twiddle my nipples. After wrongfully believing that Taylor swift and jake gylinhaal dated in 2011, I was wrong. 8/. Tits. They apparently dated in 2010. This messes up everything... But don't worry my little kitten llamas. I shall figure it out. **

**Now, HONAY! WHERE'S MAH SUPASUIT?**

* * *

Taylor's POV

The days past by, until I found myself in my bathroom wearing a black dress, that flared past the chest. It had silver beads lined along the top, with spaghetti straps topping it off. I had my hair curled, and just finished my make up. I heard a car honk outside.

"Taylor, Josh is here!" My mom yelled.

I got my shoes on and walked out into the living room. There my mom stood at the door with Josh who looked rather dapper in black dress pants and shirt with a grey tie. I smiled at him.

"You look nice," I said.

"I could say the same, but that'd be an understatement," he replied.

I went over and hugged him.

"Aw, you guys look so cute together. Where's the camera?" My mom said.

"Is that really necessary?" I complained.

"Yes of course it is," Josh said. "I need to practice my poses before we get there."

I rolled my eyes.

Soon my mom returned with a camera and took a picture.

"Ok, can we go now?" I said a little agitated.

"Yes, yes, of course go have fun you kids," my mom said smiling.

We walked outside, and he led me into his car.

"You're moms pretty cool," Josh said after a while of driving.

"Yeah I guess so, but she can be pretty annoying sometimes."

"Nah, she's fine."

After a few more minutes, we arrived at my school.

"So, they will still let me in even though I don't go to your school, right?" Josh asked.

I looked over at him.

"You're asking me this now?"

"Well, I mean it wasn't a good time before-"

A knock on the window interrupted him.

"Taylor! Ooh, who's the new beau? Lets go, it's already started!" My friend Dianna shouted through the car window. I watched as she raced off to the gym, not being patient enough to wait for us.

"Well I guess we'll just have to sneak you in," I said to Josh as I opened the door.

We both got out and headed towards the gym. I tried not to blush when he held out his arm for me to take.

We managed to get in no problem, and we walked towards my group of friends. We gossiped and giggled. I felt a little bad that Josh looked so out of it, and I wanted to include him. But I didn't know how.

"So," Dianna started. "You haven't told us about this hunk yet."

She was pointing to Josh.

"Oh he's, were just friends," I said a little embarrassed.

"Uh huh. I'll believe that when pigs fly," she replied.

I rolled my eyes. I knew this was going to happen.

"Well anyways, my name is Dianna," she held her hand out for Josh to shake it.

"Nice to meet you," he replied.

"Girlfriend shot!" My friend Megan ran into the group holding a camera. She handed it to Josh for him to take a picture.

He stepped back so that he could fit us all in. All of us girls were wrapped up in a huge embrace. I smiled as he took the picture.

"Thanks!" Megan said as she took the camera back. "Hey, you're kinda cute."

She pinched his cheek. I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable.

"I'm Megan. What's your name?"

"Josh."

"You know what. We should get together sometime. How about that?"

"Um, no thanks," he awkwardly said.

"Oh," she looked taken aback. I'm sure she was surprised, because she usually gets all the guys. "Well why not?"

"Oh. Well I kind of came here with a date. And if you don't mind, I think I'll dance with her now," he said as he walked towards me. He grabbed my hand, and led me away from the group.

As soon as we got out of ear shot, I burst out laughing.

"Did you see her face?" I laughed. "You were so brutally honest and straight forward!"

"Well, I was just stating the truth. Besides. Last time I checked, I came here with a hot date. And that wasn't her," he announced.

I giggled. I could feel my face getting hot.

"So would you mind taking this dance?" He said in a classy fashion. He held his hand out.

"Well of course," I said in the same classy British accent. I took his hand.

Josh's POV

She was absolutely stunning.

She may have been wearing black, but she shined brighter than the sun. I pulled her closer to me, and began taking small steps.

"So, I hope you realize I can't dance," I said.

"Oh I'm sure I'm no better than you," she replied.

"No. Seriously, a paraplegic could dance better than me."

"Hah, I'm sure you're not that bad Josh."

I shrugged my shoulders. Suddenly I began to feel self conscious about my dancing. I didn't want to embarace her.

"So, you're beautiful. And I'm a lanky douche. Why did you choose me to be your date?" I asked.

"Well, why not?"

"I'm sure that if you asked, any guy would say yes. You would just swoon them over. Including me."

"Oh please," she couldn't stop the smile spreading across her face, "I'm no prettier than the next girl. Why'd you agree to dance with me?"

"Because I figured that dancing with you would at least make my dancing look half decent."

"Hey."

"Haha. I'm just kidding. Well, for starters, I'm really picky. And there are plenty of gorgeous girls here, but. I don't want another pretty face. And I don't want just anyone to hold. And I certainly don't want my love to go to waste. So I just want you and your beautiful soul."

She paused for a moment, and gazed into my eyes. She smiled and bit her bottom lip. Then she hit me in the arm.

"That would've been the most romantic thing ever, if I hadn't noticed that you were quoting the song they're playing," she said.

"Oh no. You caught me," I grimaced. She giggled.

_I know that you are something special _

_To you I'd be always faithful_

She was my best friend, that was a girl. I could always count on her. And I wanted to show her tonight, that all the boys in the world aren't worth crying over, because in reality...

_I want to be what you always needed _

_Then I hope you'll see the heart in me _

I may or may not have just a little bit of feelings for her. I wasn't certain, but I was certain on the pain in my heart that was caused everytime she would talk about someone that she liked, or was dating.

We continued to dance. I'm sure we were the most awkwardest looking pair. Neither of us could dance very well. Every so often, one of us would stumble. But it was fun.

_You're the one I wanna chase _

_You're the one I wanna hold_

I held her close to me. She smelled nice. Her hair, as usual, was absolutely perfect. And her make up, well she really didn't need to wear any because she was already so pretty. I took it all in.

_I wont let another minute go to waste _

_I want you and your beautiful soul_

"You know, besides the casual stumble, you aren't that bad at dancing," Taylor said.

"Haha, you're hilarious. You're still better than me."

"Oh please. Do you know hard it is to dance in high heels? I just know I'm going to break an ankle tonight."

"That wouldn't be good."

"No. So lets take a picture before I die." She took her phone out of her purse, and took a picture of us. I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Permission to break your ankle, granted," I said in a robot voice.

"Oh, that's great," she laughed.

I smiled. I loved that laugh. It made you want to laugh no matter how bad your day was. I noticed that our faces were just inches apart. She bit her bottom lip. I gazed into her eyes.

_Am I crazy for wanting you_

_Baby do you think you could want me too _

"I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE MORE THAN FRIENDS!" Dianna shouted.

Moment. Ruined.

We each took a step back from one another. I clasped my hands behind my back. I looked down at the ground in embarrassment.

"And we're leaving," Taylor started to push me towards the exit.

"Oooh, leaving to find a place more private?" Dianna teased.

I grabbed her hand, and tugged her out of the gym. We rushed to the doors, and made our way outside. A blast of cold air hit us.

I started, but got tugged back when Taylor didn't start walking with me.

"What's up?" I asked.

"It's my feet. I think I managed to get horrible blisters on them because of these stupid shoes," she complained.

She placed her hand on my shoulder for balance, and leaned down to take her shoes off.

"That's better," she sighed once they were off. She started walking, but I stopped her. "What?"

"Uh, Taylor I can't let you walk across the parking lot in bare feet. Isn't it cold?"

"Yeah so? It doesn't matter."

"Yeah it does. You could step on something sharp, and hurt your feet even more."

"Oh I'll be fine." She started walking again, but I pulled her back. "Don't worry abo-"

I scooped her up into my arms.

"Josh! What are you doing?" She screamed, laughing.

"I'm walking you to my car," I chuckled lightly.

_I don't wanna waste your time_

"Put me down. Josh, you don't need to carry me."

"Oh, but I do."

"Josh," she began to protest, but we were already at my car. I set her down.

"You can stop complaining now."

She rolled her eyes. She couldn't stop the smile from forming on her lips, and got in.

I waked to the other side, hopped in, and started the car. I drove her back to her house.

_Do you see things the way I do _

"Here we are," I said as I stopped in her driveway.

"Thanks for a beautiful night," she leaned in and hugged me.

"Anytime."

_I just wanna know if you feel it too_

She opened her door, and was about to get out, when I stopped her. She hadn't put her shoes back on.

"Hold on now, I can't let you walk to your door without your shoes on," I protested.

"Ugh Josh it's no big deal. It's just a short walk," she began.

But I was already outside of the car. I opened her door and scooped her up bridal style. I carried her up her front steps to her door. She opened it up and walked inside.

"Anyways, thanks for being such a nice guy," she said.

"Hey. Here to help anytime."

She hugged me one more time. "This night truly was awesome. I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Same."

And with that, she said bye and closed the door.

_I want you and your beautiful soul_

* * *

__**Thanks for reading! Please review so that I can know how I'm doing:) and sorry for not updating last night, I had a competition, and I got home late and was extremely exhausted. **


	5. Should've Said No

Taylors POV

"'Cause our song is a slamming screen doors, sneaking out late tapping on your window!" I sang obnoxiously.

"Haha now shut up. So, what do you want your first single to be?" Jonathan asked.

"Oh I don't know," I replied.

I had spent the whole day in the studio randomly playing my songs. I had finally finished my album. I had nine songs on there. Each one helped me tell my story. I had three months untill I had to release my first single. That would be my release to the world.

"Well, there's that one song that you just played that could introduce you to the world as Taylor Swift: the girl who's fallen madly in love with love. Or if you do Picture to burn, you could be Taylor Swift: the spunky teenage girl who breaks revenge."

"Yeah, my dad asked me about what I was gonna do the other day."

"What'd he say?"

I began strumming my guitar again.

"He said the way my blue eyes shined

Put those Georgia stars to shame that night

I said that's a lie." I began to sing Tim McGraw.

That was a song I wrote about a past relationship, about Brandon. I hadn't put it on my album.

He didn't stop me, instead he motioned for me to keep going. I sang the rest of the song and when I finished he started to clap.

"That will be your first single," he stated.

"Wait what? It's not even on my album."

"Well it is now. That song represented your writing style perfectly. It showcased some of your best lyrics and brought back some nostalgia from the old days. It's perfect."

"Really? Are you sure, because, are you sure?" I stumbled out of my mouth.

"Yes I'm sure. Trust me it'll work out. How much does this song mean to you?"

"It means a lot to me. I kinda just started listing things that would remind my ex boyfriend of me, and then Liz and I came up with that finished product."

"Perfect."

* * *

October 2006.

Ever since I had released my first single, people had started gushing to me about how it brought back old memories, or how it reminded them of their ex's, one person even told me over MySpace, that Tim McGraw was her and her boyfriends song. My life was perfect. I had everything that I ever wanted to happen, happen. I had everything I needed.

Almost.

I slammed the car door, and stormed into the studio. I had my guitar and pen in hand. My album was due in two days. Finished. But my life had other ideas.

I stormed into the studio and walked straight into the recording room. Not caring if anyone was in there.

"Jonathan I need this song on my album right now!" I demanded.

When I had barged in, he was busy with the person recording their song in the booth. Now he gawked at me. His face full of ridiculousness.

"You're joking right?" He asked. It almost sounded like a statement.

"No. I am not joking. I need this song on it right now."

"Uh Taylor, mastering is scheduled in two days, and same with the booklets. I highly doubt that you would be able to put a song on the record tonight. It's a cutthroat business girl. Sometimes you can't be picky. Especially when you're just starting out."

"I don't care. Something really crazy and dramatic and totally insane just happened, and if I don't put it into a form of music and onto my record, I will go insane."

"Well if that's the case, Taylor, you need a producer and I'm kind of busy right now. With the only system in this building."

That's when I looked and saw who it was inside the booth. Josh threw a small awkward wave at me. I felt a twinge of guilt for interrupting him, but I needed to get this song done.

"Have you even written the song yet?" He asked.

I hadn't.

"Can you be done in twenty minutes? I can have a song ready and written for you," I pleaded.

"Without a cowriter?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll write this song with my cat if I have to."

He paused for a moment, taking it all in. Slowly he started to nod his head. "Fine. You better be done in twenty minutes."

With that I quickly rushed to the writing room and began strumming my guitar. My now ex boyfriend cheated on me. He barely deserved to even be dateing me in the first place, but he decided to be a douche bag and cheat on me. The word about what he did with her, still echoed in my mind. He said yes, when he should've said no.

* * *

In no time I was done, and walked back in the recording room to play my song. Jonathan looked surprised at me. I had completed the task. Nathan Chapman, my producer, stood next to him. Now it was up to him to help me finish the rest.

"You're done?" He asked.

I casually nodded.

"Well then," he cleared his throat. "Let's hear it."

"Strange to think the songs we used to sing,

The smiles the flowers everything,

Is gone." I began. When I had finished, I waited to hear what he had to say.

"Ok. That's a really good song. Now you best be finished it by morning."

* * *

The night wore on, filled with angry fiddles, screaming guitar solos, and my rage singing. It was four in the morning by the time we finished.

"And there you have it Taylor. It's done."

"Yes!" I highfived Nathan. I gave Jonathan a quick call stateing that we were done. Half an hour later he walked into the room ready to hear the finished product.

"Ok. I'll let you have it on the record. I'll begin sending it over. Ill figure out where to put the lyrics in the booklet. But Taylor, what do you want the secret message to be?"

That was a no brainer.

"Sam written a whole bunch of times."

* * *

"So what's the deal with the secret messages?" Josh asked over his Mapel latté.

We were once again sitting at our table in Prado café. The air smelt heavily of coffee. It always did.

"What secret messages?" I replied.

"The ones about your songs. Something about the lyric booklet?"

"Oh right." He was talking about the secret messages that I had decided to put in the lyrics of each song. "Well, I decided to hide little messages that connect with each song in the lyrics."

I paused to take a sip of my Mapel Latté.

"So, in the lyric booklet, there will be random capitalized letters, and then if you read them from left to right, it will spell out a message," I explained.

"Oh that's a neat idea."

"Yeah, and then it sort of gives them an idea of what the song is about. Or how it connects to me."

"Cool. So have you got messages for all the songs?"

"Yup."

"What's the message in 'Tim McGraw'?" He asked. He seemed to be really intrigued.

"Can't tell me nothin. It's my favorite 'Tim McGraw' song. And, just another thing for Brandon to remember me by."

"What about 'Tied Together With A Smile'?"

"You are loved."

"Is your friend better?"

"Yeah. Thank goodness. I talked to her about it, and she found some help."

"That's good. How about 'Should've Said No'?"

"Sam. Written several times."

"Yeah, what happened there?"

I took a long sip of my drink before answering.

"Sam cheated on me," I sighed.

"I'm sorry about that," Josh consoled.

"Thanks. But, whatever. It's his fault. 'Should've Said No' is more of a moral statement. It's an I love you, we were awesome and great together, but you messed this up and I would still be with you kinda thing. You said yes, and you should've said no."

He nodded his head.

"He cheated on me. He can never take that back, and I will never forgive him. He should've known better. When you're in a relationship, it's only two people. Not three. You shouldn't have to cheat if you love the person you're with. You know what I mean? He cheated, and he shouldn't have. He's gone in my life now. I absolutely hate him. He's never coming back. I'll never let him."

"Makes sense," Josh replied. "It's good of you, to stay strong. You're right. It is his fault."

"Exactly."

* * *

Chapter 5! Hope somebody out there is enjoying this story... And please review.


	6. The Best Day

**For the sake of the story... Lets all pretend that Taylor Swift sort of had fine athletic skills and knows how to snowboard. **

* * *

Taylor's POV

I sat in Prado café, at our usual table right by the large windows. Tucked right in the corner. I sipped my Mapel latté. It was my favorite drink.

Our favorite drink.

I was waiting for Josh. I hoped he would arrive soon because I didn't want his drink going cold.

Finally, I heard the door open, and he walked in. I gave him a small wave.

Josh's record had been released a couple of weeks before mine. Marianas Trench was about to go on tour across Canada. I would be touring in the spring. Today was the last day that Josh and I would be able to get together.

"Hi," I greeted.

"Hey. what's up?" Josh asked.

"Not much, I got you a Mapel latté," I replied.

"Thanks. So I was thinking. How about we go skiing today?"

"Today?"

"Yeah. Maybe Seymour?"

"Yeah that sounds good. Would the guys be coming?"

"Um, I think that Mike is spending time with his family, and same with Ian, but I could see if Matt could make it."

"Sure. That sounds fun!"

* * *

I waited in the front room for Josh and Matt to come and pick me up. I had my gear waiting by the door, but I was wearing my snow pants and a sweater. I quickly braided my hair back. I made a checklist in my mind as I did my hair.

I had my snowboard, my boots, my gloves, winter jacket, and goggles. That was about it. I was wearing long socks, and figured that my mane of hair wouldn't fit under a toque plus helmet.

Oh right. Helmet. I went into the garage, and searched for it.

When I came back, I saw a car in the driveway. There was a knock on the door. I walked over and opened it.

"Hey, you ready to go?" Josh answered.

"Yup."

He helped me carry my things to his car. There I climbed into the backseat.

"Hi Matt!" he was sitting in the passenger seat.

"Hey, how's it going?" He asked.

"Pretty good, how bout you?"

"I'm good."

Josh got in the car. He started it up, and drove off.

"So you snowboard?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, sort of. I'm not very good though," I replied. "What about you?"

"I ski."

"What."

"I ski."

"Why?"

"Um, because I ski…?"

"But, skiings for noobs."

"What?"

"You nub skier!"

"How are skiers noobs?" Josh questioned.

"Because they are," Matt joined in.

"See? Everyone knows that. They think they're all cool, and better than snowboarders but they're not!" I said.

"Yeah, and snowboarding is way harder than skiing," Matt said.

"Well, you guys can go fuck yourselves because I'm still better," Josh defended.

I rolled my eyes. As we drove to the mountain, we began talking about music. Who's doing what, and who's touring when. Josh announced that he was going to do a duet with a girl who was new to the music business.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Carly Rae Jepsen. She was on Canadian Idol a while ago. Simkin asked if I could work with her, so I was like hey, why not?" He explained.

"Oh that's cool."

* * *

Eventually, we made it to the top of the mountain. We were in the lobby getting ready. I was busy strapping my boots on. I clicked the circle in, and started spinning it. I had my jacket, pants, and helmet on, along with one glove. I finished tightening my boot, pulled my glove on, and grabbed my snowboard. I walked over beside Matt. Josh was still getting ready.

"Noob," I muttered.

"Fucking skiers," he murmured.

Finally, Josh was ready, and we walked outside.

"So, where do we want to go first?" I asked as we walked along the trail.

"We could quickly go to Brockton while its still light out before it closes," Matt suggested.

"Hah. You're hilarious. I'm going to remind you that I am not very good, and I haven't snowboarded in a long time. I'm surprised all of this still fits," I said.

"So, where do you want to go instead?" He asked.

"I'm just saying, how about we warm up first. Get used to it. Try and remember how to do it," I rambled.

"Are you suggesting the bunny hill?" Josh piped in.

"Woah, hey, bro. Lets not jump to conclusions or anything. But hey, that's a good idea. We'll go down the bunny hill, and then we can cut across and then finish lodge. Hey that's a good idea. Yeah. Lets do that. Ok go," I said getting a bit anxious.

We walked the rest of the way to the bunny hill, and then Matt and I strapped in. Josh just stood there leaning against his poles. We finished strapping in, and we shuffled up to the edge.

"Ok, so are we meeting right before lodge? Or just at the bottom of the chairlift?" Josh asked.

"Um, yeah sure lets meet before lodge, because you usually have to strap out and skate to get over there," Matt said.

"Alright cool. But if I die, it's all your guys fault," I stated.

"Ok. Ready?" Matt checked. We all nodded. "Let's go."

I leaned forward with my left leg infront. I was thankful that we started out on the easy run. I was surprised that I didn't do horribly. Josh came up beside me.

"Hey, you're not that bad," he shouted.

I looked over at him.

"Yeah well, I'm surprised that I haven't fallen ye- ohmygodthere'sachild!" I looked forward and almost ran into a little kid that had skied right in front of me. There was no time to turn in a different direction, so I dove to the side. I slid down a few meters and then stopped.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I shouted.

Josh stopped beside me. He was trying to stifle his laugh. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, sure whatever," I replied. He held out his hand, and helped me up. "I told you. Stupid numb skull over there, he was a skier."

"And he was also four,"

"Well then he should be on a leash or something."

"Oh well, come on."

We continued all the way to the cut off, until I stopped because I had no more momentum.

"Ugh, this is the worst part about snowboarding. I hate having to unstrap my boot."

"Here, I'll just push you," Josh said. He came up behind me, grabbed my waist, and started pushing me.

"Oh thanks," I laughed. We eventually made it to where Matt was waiting.

"Jeez, what took you guys so long?" He asked.

"Some retard cut me off," I replied.

He laughed. "Ready to go?"

"Sure," Josh said.

This time I made sure that nobody cut me off, and made it to the bottom with no mistakes.

"Alright, so I'm not as rusty as I thought," I said.

"Yeah, you did pretty good," Matt said.

"So, how are we going to work out the chair lift?" I asked. "Because I am definately not going by myself."

"Why not?" Josh asked.

"Because that is absolutely terrifying! I could like fall off," I bent down and unstrapped the bindings on my back foot.

Matt laughed. "Well there is a reason that they put a safety bar on all of the chairs."

"That safety bar doesn't mean shit."

After enough complaining, I ended up sitting beside Matt.

"See, now this is why you don't usually go boarding in threes," he explained.

"Are you trying to say something?" I accused.

"Uh, I'm not saying anything. I'm just implying,"

"Do you want me to push you off? Is that what you're trying to say?"

We both laughed.

"Oh well, the nub skier can go by himself," I said. Soon enough we neared the top. "I should also mention, there's a reason that all the staff know me here."

"Why's that?"

"Well, I'm kinda horrible at getting off chairlifts. They usually know its me coming up by the sounds of my complaining, and then they slow it down."

He laughed.

"It's true!"

"Well, so far it hasn't slowed down yet…"

"Well, that's because this is the day I die."

We reached the end, and I made it a few seconds without falling, but then I spun out and tripped over my own board and fell face first at Matt's feet.

"Nice job Taylor," Josh announced as he slid to a stop beside us.

"Whatever," I muttered. "So where to now?"

"Well, Brockton is probably closed now, but we could go down mystery?" Matt asked.

"Yeah sounds good," I agreed as I took off my other binding.

We walked towards the chairlift. Matt and I shared a few jokes about Josh's skiing.

"I still don't get why you call skiers noobs. Like its still hard," Josh countered.

"Buddy, you just stand facing forward, snowboarders have to shift their weight, and they go down sideways," Matt said.

"Well you're a faggot," Josh finished.

We continued walking towards the chairlift. When we got there, we got in line and Matt and I each did up a binding.

"Alright well, this chairlift is fifteen minutes long, so," Josh started. He pushed Matt into a snow bank and grabbed my hand. "Come on!"

We hopped onto the next one together, leaving Matt behind. We were both laughing.

"Aw, poor Matt," I said sarcastically.

"Dumb fuck," Josh said.

I laughed.

"So what's new? I haven't talked to you much since we got in the car," Josh asked.

"Well, I wanted to write a song for my mom," I said.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, almost like a thank you for always being there for me. A love letter to her, but I want to keep it a surprise."

"That sounds cool. If you need help I'm happy to oblige."

"Thanks," I noticed something on the trees that we were passing by. I burst out laughing. "Look! There's bras on the tree."

There was a lacy green one, a bright red one, and a black one.

"Hah, how'd they get there?" Josh chuckled.

"Who would bring one of those just to throw in a tree?"

"Maybe a tree elf shot out and grabbed young innocent girls from the chairlift and those are the only remains of them."

"You're ridiculous," I laughed.

He started making the chair shake. "Aah, the tree elves are attacking!"

"Stop it Josh! Your going to make us fall!" I was terrified.

"Haha. Your face!"

"It's not funny!"

"Ok, ok. I'll stop. Are you scared of heights?" He asked.

"Well, yeah, but anyone would be terrified of falling from a chair lift."

"I highly doubt that would ever happen."

"And I don't want to be the first person to prove that wrong."

I looked back.

"The view sure is gorgeous." You could see the whole lower mainland. The little lights twinkled in the dark.

"Oh I know I'm gorgeous, but if you look behind you, you'll see all of North Vancouvers lights."

I rolled my eyes.

"Lets take a picture," I announced.

I took out my camera and held it infront of us. We had our arms around each others backs. The city lights were in the background. It flashed when I pressed the shutter button.

He laughed. "So how far away do you think Matt is?"

"That's a good question," I laughed lightly. "So why'd you push him into the snow bank?"

"Oh, uh, well because I knew you didn't want to ride alone, and I didn't. And sometimes Matt can be a bit of a thick head, and I wanted to ride with you."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"Aw, well if I ever want to ride with you, I'll push my best friend into a snow bank too."

"You mean you would push me into a snow bank to ride with me?" He accused.

"Huh?"

"I thought I was your best friend!" He exasperated.

"Oh," I started laughing. "You are my best friend."

I threw my arms around him. We were reaching the end. I could see the top of the mountain. Our chair was going over the highest drop point when it suddenly stopped. The chair bounced from the sudden loss of momentum.

"Oh my goodness we are going to die!" I squeezed him harder. I shut my eyes, but that made it worse.

"It's ok Taylor. The lift will start working again soon," Josh reassured.

The chair swayed in the wind.

"Ugh, this is terrifying. I wonder why it stopped?"

"A tree elf probably attacked someone."

I laughed. Only he could make me laugh when I was scared to death. The chair started working again.

"Ah, good it's working again. Too bad that means that we're nearing the end of the lift and that I have to somehow get off without dieing. Wish me luck."

"Good luck."

"See that's another thing that makes skiers noobs. They have it easy getting off."

"Yeah, but Mystery is especially hard to get off cause its so steep."

We lifted the bar, and got in position. As I got off the lift, I was chanting 'dont die' in my mind. I had almost made it the while way without falling, but then I put too much weight in the front, and tumbled over myself.

"Nice," Josh said sarcastically. I quickly crawled out of the way of other people coming off the lift.

"Well, it doesn't help that the snow is a bit powdery. It must've snowed recently," I complained. I skated over to him.

"So when's -" a snowball interrupted Josh from finishing his sentence.

"Asshole! Thanks for leaving me back there!" Matt slid to a stop beside us. He bent down and grabbed a handful of snow. He chucked it at Josh. They proceeded to have a mini snowball fight, while I bent down and did up my straps.

"So are you losers coming? Or am I going to have to go down by myself?" I called.

Matt skated over and gave me a face wash.

"Ack!" I fell over.

I heard him laughing.

"Excuse me, that was not nice," I said.

"Oh well," he replied. He bent down and did his bindings up as well.

"Wow. Snowboarders are slow," Josh complained. He started skiing down the hill, but almost instantly ran into a little kid. They both fell down. It started crying.

"Oh no," I muttered. I covered my eyes with my hand, but had to peek when I heard the mom come over.

"What the hell do you think you are doing to my child?" She yelled.

"I'm sorry. It got in my way," Josh apologized. He seemed scared. I would be too. The lady was at least twice his size.

"You better fucking apologize."

Josh stood up. "Oh, well you don't need to use that language on me."

"Do I hear an attitude? Listen punk. You're lucky I don't call authorities into this. The fuck you think you're doing trying to molest my child."

"I wasn't doing anything! She cut in front of me!"

She pushed him down. "Shut up you fat fuck!"

I had to get into this. She pushed him. It had become my business now. I slid down to them.

"You little asshole. You can't even apologize to my daughter! She is crying-"

"Excuse me," I interrupted. "You do not push my friend down. And you do not call him a 'fat fuck.' Now clearly, you need the exercise more, so I'll let you go first. You better get out of here now before I make things worse."

She didn't move.

"Go!" I demanded.

She slowly picked up her kid, and skied away. She kept her eyes on me the whole time, until she couldn't see me anymore.

I held my hand out to Josh. I pulled him up. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine. If I ever see her and that fetus again, I'm going to smash her brain to bits," he growled.

Matt came over. "Fuck yeah you gave her a run for her money!"

He high-fived me.

"So, lets continue?" I said.

They nodded in approval, and we started down. The familiar smooth sound of snow crunching beneath my board filled my ears, along with the rushing wind. I took a deep breath in. I was begining to feel more and more comfortable on my board. I was definately surprised in myself.

I noticed Matt speed up, and he went off a jump.

"Yeah Matt!" I cheered.

"You gonna go off one!" Josh asked.

"Oh hell no."

I could hear him laugh.

We made it to the bottom, without any crashes or encounters with that crazy lady.

"Woo! Where to now?" Matt asked.

"How about Lower Unicorn?" Josh suggested.

"Sounds good."

Matt and I took off our bindings, and picked up our boards.

"You know, I never really liked Lower Unicorn," I said.

"Why not?" Josh asked.

"Well, first of all, it's more for skiers, and it's narrow and not lit up very much, and I don't like how it goes up and down a whole bunch. And of course it's also scary."

"You find everything scary."

"It's not my fault."

We arrived at the bunny hill, and Matt and I strapped in. When we were ready, we all went down. I tried to go down really fast, so that I could get as much momentum as possible, to try and get up the hill that led to Lower Unicorn.

I made it about half way up, before I lost all my momentum and stopped.

"No!" I grunted.

I tried to shuffle up, but that took too much effort. I ended up doing some strange frog hop.

"Phew, I made it," I sighed.

"Alright lets go," Matt started going down. We followed.

Just as he reached the bottom of the hill, before it started going up, he tripped and fell.

"Good job Matt," I applauded as we rushed by him.

We continued on our way down. When we reached the end, we stopped and waited for Matt to catch up. We got in line for the Lodge chairlift. I got onto the same chair with Josh.

"So this isn't your first time here is it?" Josh asked.

"No, I came here a long time ago on a family trip with my aunts family," I replied.

"Oh that's cool."

We sat there for a few minutes in silence. I noticed that they were blasting the radio up at the top. You could hear it from a long ways away. It was Spice Girls.

Josh started singing.

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta hook up with my friends, but that would be awkward because you'd be cheating," he was singing obnoxiously loud, and was making up most of the lyrics. "If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give your virginity, because I have udder dominance!"

I burst out laughing. "Nice."

Soon the chair lift ended, and we got off. I didn't fall down!

"Hah. Hah. Hah. I didn't fall!" I cheered.

Josh high-fived me. Matt skated in beside us.

"Should we go down Lodge?" I asked.

"Yeah sure," Matt agreed.

We bent down and strapped in.

I was feeling more confident than ever now. I was falling less, and I was more comfortable going fast. I decided to go really fast down Lodge.

I hopped up to the edge, and started down with Josh in front of me.

I watched as he zig zagged from side to side. I did really long s-turns. A split was coming up, where you had to go around a small grove of trees. I may have over shot the turn a tad bit, because I was coming up really close to the trees.

Suddenly, Josh came up infront of me and cut me off.

I was startled and tried to turn around him, because the trees were on the other side. I couldn't stay behind him though, because he was going to slow.

"MOVE!" I yelled.

I shifted my weight back to go around him, but my board dug into the snow and I toppled into the ground. I continued to slide into the grove.

I squeezed my eyes closed. I was anticipating the pain that would come from my sliding into the large tree. I could feel the large rocks under me. I wouldn't be surprised if my jacket got ripped to shreds. I heard a snap. I prayed it wasn't one of my bones.

Finally, I slowed to a stop. I moaned. I hurt. Everywhere.

"Taylor are you ok?" A concerned Josh asked.

"Ow," was all I could think to say.

I rolled over onto my arms and knees.

"Are you alright man?"

"No."

My arm was going numb, and my hip felt like it was going to explode.

"I swear to god. If I broke anything, I am going to rip your face off," I threatened.

I heard another person come to a stop in front of us. I lifted my head. It was Matt.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Stupid noob over here cut me off," I complained.

I stayed there for a while, in the same position. It hurt like hell to move.

"Its getting late now. Maybe we should go home?" Matt suggested.

"Yeah sure, if I'm not paralyzed."

"Don't, worry. You'll be fine. I'm sure," Josh reassured.

I attempted to get up. It hurt.

"Oh, ok. Yeah that hurts. A lot," I growled.

I tried convincing myself to get up.

_Come on Taylor. You got this. You can do it. Just get up._

I forced myself to get up. It was difficult, and it hurt, but I did it. I threw my arms up in triumph.

"I'm still alive!" I cheered.

I shuffled to the nearest path out, and made my way down to the bottom of the hill.

* * *

Josh stopped the car in my driveway.

"Now you sure you're alright?" He asked for the umpteenth time that night.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied.

I got out, and grabbed my things from the trunk.

"Thanks for taking me you guys," I said in the window.

"Anytime," Matt replied.

I walked to my front door and opened it. I gave them one last wave before I walked inside.

I set my things down and rushed to my bedroom. The house seemed to be empty, so I took the opportunity to write the song for my mom. It had been stuck in my head ever since I had first mentioned it on the chair lift.

I sat down and started writing.

During the process, I kept on getting distracted by my hip and arm. They still hurt a lot. I decided to check for bruises.

I rolled down my sleeve, and discovered a red scuff. It was a bit swollen, and about the size of a golf ball. I was surprised that it had gotten scratched up through my jacket. I was reluctant to see my hip.

I pulled my pants down a little, so that I could get a full view. There sat a giant red and scratched mark. It was slightly purple on the outside.

"Oh I'm gonna kill you Ramsay."

* * *

The days past and turned into weeks, which soon turned into months. My life was really awesome. I missed my friends from high school, but I called them often whenever I wasn't busy.

I had tried to stay in touch with Josh. We had both been touring everywhere. Him and the rest of the band, Marianas Trench had been playing shows everywhere in Canada.

I had been opening for everybody. Most of them being my idols. I toured with Rascal Flatts, George Strait, Brad Paisley, and was to do some shows with Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in the summer.

On top of it all, I had never stopped writing.

My life was a dream.

I had also done a six month radio tour to help promote my album, played on lots of tv shows and the Grand Ol Oprey!

Today I had a break from the crazy whirl wind, and was spending the day with Josh.

I sat in my bathroom curling my hair. I was to release a delux edition of my album in the fall, and was contemplating what songs I should include. I had been writing songs mostly for my next album, but when it came down to choosing what song to put on the delux, but not on my second one, it was like a war going on in my head.

I got distracted by my thoughts, and ended up burning my finger. Making me drop the hot iron.

"Dammit," I muttered under my breath as I leaned down to pick it up.

Maybe Josh would help me decide.

The thought about seeing him again lit up my insides. My stomach rolled in anticipation. I found myself worrying if he had changed at all since the last time I saw him.

As I examined my work in progress self in the mirror, I wondered if he thought I was pretty. Did he think about me when he found himself unable to sleep at night?

Why was I thinking these wonders?

* * *

**Wow. That was a really long chapter... I guess it makes up for the really short one before it. I hope you enjoyed, and please read and review!**


	7. I'm Only Me When Im With You

**Hey guys! So I haven't updated in a few days... And I have a reason. I figured that updating every other day was ridiculously impossible considering my writing of chapters takes a few days. So, I'll probably update once or twice a week. Just to let you know. So I hope you enjoy chapter 7, Im Only Me When Im With You. **

I stood there in the bathroom examining myself in the mirror. I had to look absolutely flawless in front of him. If not, would he still notice me?

Why did I just ask myself that? Did it really matter what Josh thought of my appearance?

_No. It does not matter. You are just friends. Best friends. Buds. Nothing more. _

I loved him like a brother.

I emerged from my bathroom and into the living room. I sat in the chair where I wrote Our Song. I called it my lucky chair.

"So where are you and Josh going tonight?" My mother asked.

"Well, um we actually haven't really decided yet," I explained. "We'll probably go see a movie or something."

"I see, so is this like a date?" She teased.

"Mom!"

"What? I'm not stating anything. I'm just wondering. I could've ment anything there. Like, is this a lovey date? Or is this a friendly date? A mutual date? A civil relationship date?"

"Mom! We're just hanging out tonight. Nothing more." I said getting annoyed.

"So what is your relationship status then?"

"Um single," Why was she being so persistent?

"Ready to mingle?"

"What?"

Sometimes my mom went over the top cheesy. Unfortunately, my younger brother had to walk in during this embarrassing conversation.

"So, do you think he thought about you while he was away?" She continued.

"I don't know," I was getting fed up.

"Do you hope he did?"

"Well, yeah. Sure why not? I hope so."

She smiled.

"I mean as a friendly way. Not like, lusting over me…" Ugh where was this conversation going?

"Ew, I bet he was!" My brother Austin, shouted from the fridge. "He was probably laying in his hotel bed dreaming about you, making out with his pillow to the thought of you."

He started making kissy faces.

"EW AUSTIN YOU LITTLE CREEP GO AWAY!" I really needed to get out of here. This was a horrible way start to my Friday night.

"Excuse me, but there will be no guys 'lusting' about my daughter," my dad said walking into the conversation. That's when he noticed I was all dressed up. "Where are you going?"

I noticed Austin still making kissy-faces behind my dads back.

"I'm hanging out with Josh tonight. Mutually! Because that's what friends do. Mutually!" I half shouted.

"Oh really?" He replied.

"Yes really, believe it or not."

Finally my hope rised in the fact that this conversation would end soon, because just then I noticed a pair of headlights coming up the driveway.

"Oh look. My friend is here. I'm going to go and hang out with him. Mutually. Now bye!" I said as I walked out the door.

I barely let Josh walk two steps up to my door, when I made him walk back to his car. He opened the passenger side and I got in. He got in the other side and started the car.

"You seem flustered," he said. "What's wrong?"

"I, apparently, was born into the most embarrassing family ever."

"What happened?"

"Oh don't even get me started."

He chuckled lightly.

"So, where are we going?" I wondered.

"I was thinking the movies. They usually play something good on Fridays." He replied.

"Alright sounds good."

The car ride there, we talked about touring and fun experiences and what not. When we made it to the theater, he parked the car and we walked inside.

"See any movies that interest you?" I asked looking at the show line up.

"Um, how about Disturbia? That might be a good one," he replied scratching his elbow.

"Uh yeah no. That looks like a scary movie and I don't like scariness."

"Oh come on, I'm sure it won't be that bad."

"Uh ok, even the song scares me, so no we are most definately not watching that."

"Ok, what about Perfect Stranger? That looks like it could be good."

"Uh that sounds even more terrifying."

"Oh come on, I'll protect you from the movie," Josh begged.

"But," those puppy dog eyes he was giving me, was giving me a hard time saying no, "oh fine, but if it gets too scary we're leaving."

He seemed happy at that, and went and payed for our tickets.

After getting some popcorn, we sat down in the theater just as the previews were starting. We sat at the very top.

We weren't even ten minutes in, before we decided to leave. The movie was horrible.

The theater was dark, so Josh grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs. Not ten steps down, he tripped and spilt popcorn everywhere and all over everyone. I gasped and put my hand to my mouth to hold in my laughter. I quickly rushed down and tugged at his hand, pulling him with me. I looked behind at the stares we were getting. Apparently people don't appreciate getting popcorn thrown all over them. We continued out of the theater and into the parking lot.

We rushed into his car laughing. We got in and he started the car.

"Nice one Josh," I teased.

"Oh my god that was so awkward."

I laughed.

"Aw you should've seen their faces."

"Ugh I hope no one saw mine. But whatever. I'm just bringing new meaning to leaving with a bang."

We both laughed.

"So where to now?"

"Um, how about I show you something?"

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled up to the side of the road.

"Where are we?" I asked. It looked like the middle of nowhere.

"My old house." He said.

"Really? I don't see a house."

"Well, I mean near my old house. Or, where it used to be. There's a field behind my yard, and the night is clear, so I thought what the hell."

"Aw, yeah let's see this field," I laughed.

We got out of his car, and he led me into the forest. Sure enough after a short walk, there was a huge grassy field. We walked out into the middle of it and sat down. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out of it.

"Almost forgot. Skittles."

He handed me a bag. I ripped it open and threw a few into my mouth. The fruity flavours exploding in between bites.

"So how are you enjoying this late night picnic?" Josh asked.

"Picnic?" I laughed.

"Yeah."

"I'm really enjoying it." I said as I layed down. He layed down right beside me.

"So how's life?" He asked. I decided to tell him about my delux album coming up in the fall.

"Well, I've agreed to rerelease my album as a delux in the fall. But, I've kinda gotten myself into a predicament where I'm starting to second guess myself."

"How so?"

"Well, I'm trying to decide what songs I should add onto it. I guess I'm just scared that I'll make the wrong choice of song. Like, what if I add a song onto the delux that would've been a huge hit but no one noticed it because it was just an addition to my first album. Or if I add some songs on there that are complete gardbage, and then nobody will want to buy my second album."

"Well you don't have to worry about that because I'm going to buy your second album. Don't worry Taylor. You have so much talent. You'll be sure to get recognized no matter what. And face it Taylor. With the fan system supporting you, I'm sure someone else other than me will notice your talent as well."

I looked into his eyes. Our faces were inches away. I could smell his breath.

"Really?"

"Yes of course."

"Thanks Josh. You really know how to make a girl feel better," I noticed a bright flash of light and looked back up at the sky. "Look a shooting star. Make a wish."

I closed my eyes and wished really hard. I opened them and looked back at Josh.

"What'd you wish for?" He asked.

And then it hit me.

"I know what song to add on my delux album!"

"Really?"

"Well, I mean I haven't written it yet, but I've got this crazy idea."

"Is that what you wished for?" He asked.

"Well, sort of."

"Oh," he said. He almost sounded disappointed.

"What'd you wish for?"

"Um, that this night would be fricken awesome."

I smiled.

"And was it?"

"Of course!"

I found myself giggling.

But something else was still on my mind. My family's outburst of teasing earlier had really annoyed me.

"Hey Josh," I started. I realized that the question I was about to ask, literally had never been a topic of discussion for him.

"What's up?" He replied still looking at the sky.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I found myself blushing at the question, and prayed that it was dark enough that he couldn't see.

"Hah yeah right. I'm absolutely horrible with girls if you haven't already noticed."

"Really? You think so."

"Well isn't it obvious?"

"Isn't what obvious?"

He paused as if he was lost deep in thought.

"Nothing. So anyways, that idea you had?" He said quickly, changing the subject.

"Right. Um, well the idea I got was um. Well it's a surprise. You'll have to wait and see," I looked back at the sky. "Hey, that cluster of stars over there kinda looks like a heart."

He looked to where I was pointing.

"It looks more like a dick, but whatever you like."

"Oh my god Josh!" I playfully punched him on the arm. He laughed.

"That one over there looks more like a heart than the one you're pointing to."

I looked to where he was pointing.

"That's a tree!" I exclaimed.

"I'm just making a valid point…"

I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe you should get new contacts," he teased. I laughed.

* * *

It was about a week after the last time Josh and I had hung out, and I was meeting him in that same field. I had my guitar with me. I was going to play him the final song I had written for the delux. I leaned back against the tree I was sitting beside. He should be here any minute.

I watched as an eagle slowly flew across the sky. I imagined what it would be like to have the wind flowing over you like silk, to look down and be hundreds of feet above the world. Glancing down at the land, having everything beneath you. He was the king of the sky. Ruler of air. Predator to everything,

"BOO!"

"AGH!" I screamed and flailed. I ended up on my back looking strait into the eyes of Josh. "Josh you bastard! You scared the living day lights out of me."

He couldn't stop laughing. I rolled my eyes.

"Are you gonna stop so that I can play my song, or are you just gonna stand there looking like a retard all day?"

He eventually calmed down, and sat across from me.

"So, tell me. What is this song about? Do I need to beat the bastard who broke your heart?"

I laughed.

"No. I actually didn't get my heart broken."

I looked down at the ground.

"In fact, this song isn't about any boyfriend I've ever had. It's um, it's actually about a friendship between me and this guy," I found myself trying hard not to blush. I flicked my eyes up at him, but quickly returned them to my guitar. "And, it's about how no matter what crazy situation either of us have been through, when we see each other, we instantly know we can't hide it. We have to tell each other, and we're not afraid of our reactions. We aren't scared to tell each other our secrets. We aren't scared to cry in front of each other, and that friend, is you. This song is called Im Only Me When Im With You."

I started strumming my guitar.

"Friday night beneath the stars,

In a field behind your yard,

You and I are painting pictures in the sky

And sometimes we don't say a thing,

Just listen to the crickets sing

Everything I need is right here by my side," I sang about the day we went to the theater, but ended up in the middle of this field.

"And I know everything about you

I don't wanna live without you," I was grateful for everything he had helped me with for the past few years.

"I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time,

The other half I'm only trying to,

Let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you," sometimes that could be completely true. I'd be a little gremlin at school or something, and then when I walked into the doors of the studio and saw him, it was like all of my problems melted away. And for a while we could act like we were six years old together.

"Just a small town boy and girl,

Livin' in a crazy world

Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true

And I don't try to hide my tears

The secrets all my deepest fears

Through it all nobody gets me like you do

And you know everything about me

You say that you can't live without me," through the whole entire song, I kept my eyes adverted from his as much as possible. For some reason I felt embarrassed. Maybe it was because I was being so honest.

"When I'm with anybody else,

It's so hard to be myself,

Only you can tell," in many ways, this song was a thank you for being such a good friend. I had learnt a lot from him, and I owed him a huge thanks. And sometimes I almost felt like he knew me better than I knew myself.

"And I'm only me, who I wanna be

Well, I'm only me when I'm with you,

With you," I finished. I lifted my eyes up to his. I was scared of his reaction. I hoped he didn't find the song too strange, or insulting or something. I was surprised when I saw a smile on his face. "I hope you liked it."

"I love it," he said smiling.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and this story and what not. I promise you, the next one is epic. So please review and tell me how in doing and suggest any songs or what not. Thanks! And I have no idea why the font is a different colour...**


	8. Lover Dearest

**There you go. The chapter you've all been waiting for. I will promise to make it epic. **

* * *

Taylor's POV

I was walking down the dark and damp streets of Vancouver when I saw it. He was just lying there. Of course I had to help him.

But how exactly had I gotten there? Well let me take you back to when it first started;

It's funny you know. How sometimes, even the tiniest little thing can get people so riled up and mad at each other, that you forget how it even started.

It started with them having problems with each other. I didn't know the cause. Neither one would tell me, and when I reached out to their closest friends, they didn't know.

Maybe something had happened when they were touring, but ever since the begining of September, they were nothing like they were before. Not only were they angry at each other, but they were acting grumpy towards others as well.

2 weeks earlier.

"Wait, so you're telling me that you haven't written anything for your next album yet?" I asked.

"Heh, yeah nope," Josh replied.

"Well, Josh aren't you planning on releasing a second album next year?"

"I guess so," he replied.

"So why haven't you written anything? It's been like a year since you first released Fix Me. You should uh, probably start working on things."

"Well, I really just don't have anything good to write about."

"Why not?"

"I don't have a relationship with anyone, I don't have any strong emotions about anything. Or, well, there is one thing,"

"What?"

"But I don't want to do that right now."

"Why not?"

"Because well, it's just not a happy place."

I could tell something was wrong. The way his face fell. It was like he wanted to hide a big secret that could mean life or death.

"Well then tell me about it," I pushed.

He looked at me. His eyes had all of a sudden gone grey. His whole face was grey. It was as if someone had gone and vacuumed all of the happiness from him.

"Well, I've wanted, ever since I had started working on the first record, to change this poem I have, into a song. But back then, I just wasn't a strong enough writer. And I don't know if I'm strong enough now. I've tried a bunch of times, but I just don't know. Each time I try, it just doesn't sound right. It doesn't give off the effect I want. I've spent countless hours playing with different ways I could make the guitar sound. From electric, to acoustic, to, everything. It doesn't work."

"Well what kind of effect do you want to have?"

"Um. I'm not exactly sure."

"Oh, ok. Then tell me what the poem is about."

"Oh, well that doesn't matter right now. I'll tell you later."

I started to sense that it was a very sensitive topic. I made a small guess as to what it could be about, and went from there.

"Well have you tried using a piano?"

"A piano?"

"Yeah, I mean everything just sounds so much more delicate on it. You know?"

He pinched his lip and stared off into the distance. Maybe if I just left him alone, he would think of something. I decided to go for a walk.

"Well, I'm going to go for a walk. Let you have some time to yourself. To, think about things," I announced. He made no notion that he heard me. I walked out of the studio, into the dark damp streets of Vancouver.

On my way out, I bumped into Matt.

"Oh, hey what's up?" I greeted.

He just rolled his eyes and kept walking past me, into the studio. I just brushed it off. That wasn't like him though. Usually he would be all bubbly, and at least nod his head. Not make a rude gesture.

I kept walking until I bumped into Mike.

"Oh hey," I gave him a small wave.

I liked Mike. He was very mature about the business. He would think things over not twice, but three times. He usually had the most logical answers to everything. He gave every idea a go.

"Oh hi Taylor," he replied.

"I think Matt woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," I warned.

"Oh. Why's that?" He sighed.

"I don't know. I came out of the studio and bumped into him. I said hello, and all he did was roll his eyes. That's not like him."

"Well, great. I'm guessing Josh is in there?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe I should wait outside for a bit then."

"Why?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Is something going on?"

"Well that's just it," he sighed leaning up against his car. "Ian and I, we don't know. It was like, one day Matt and Josh woke up and just decided to hate each other. The tension between everyone in the band now is horrible. It's like everybody is accusing someone of something, because half of us have no idea what's going on."

"Have you tried talking to one of them?"

"Yeah, and that just ended in disaster."

"Well, do you want me to try and talk to them at all?"

"No, no, no. There ain't no use getting you hooked up in all of this. If I were you, I'd take a two week vacation in the Bahamas, and come back with a billion dollars and no dead lines," he suggested.

"Don't we all want that," I agreed.

A sudden crash interrupted our conversation. Mike started to the door. He opened it, but before he walked in, he turned around.

"Well, I best be checking that out," he said. I went to follow him, but he held out his hand. "No, I think it's best if you stay out of this. Take my advice! Take a little break. Come back, when, they aren't in the studio. Ok? I don't know the next time I'll see you though. Hopefully after all of this is settled. Might be at my funeral. Maybe one of theirs. I don't know. Wish me good luck, keep on praying, and good night."

And with that he walked into the studio. I was completely confused, but decided to take his advice and stay out of it. I turned and went home.

* * *

No one had seen him.

Josh had been missing for a week now. Technically, anyways.

He wouldn't reply to anyone's texts. He wouldn't answer his phone. He wouldn't answer the door to his apartment. We were all starting to worry.

Except Matt.

I think we all finally started to realize something was seriously wrong, when even his parents didn't know what was going on.

We were all gathered in the studio. Mike, Ian, Matt, and I.

"This is just like before," Matt complained. He was leaning against the sound board with his arms crossed.

"Well then we need to take initiative," I said. "We don't want the same problems as last time. We need to protect him. Have you tri-"

"It's a waste of time," he interrupted. "Fuck it. He'll show up eventually. Doesn't ma-"

"No Matt!" This time it was my turn to Interupt. "Maybe this time is different. Maybe he's missing for different reasons! Maybe he won't show up! Maybe he's seriously injured in a back alley or something. It does matter! And it is not a waste of time. Your friend is missing. And it might even be your fault!"

"Well my 'friend'," he put quotations around the word 'friend'. "Is a fucktard. It's not my fault. It's his! Who cares if he's missing. He can kiss my ass!"

"Matt," Mike warned. "Don't you think you're being a bit, ridiculous?"

"What. What do you want me to say?" He asked.

"How about nothing, because all you're saying right now is horrible," Ian stated.

Matt looked at him.

"If you took the time to think, before you speak, maybe you'd realize how much of an ass you sound like right now. Your–OUR, friend is missing. And if you don't want to help find him, fine. But if we find him hurt, it's all on you!" Ian finalized.

He was left speechless.

"Alright, how about Ian and I we'll go left, and you guys go right. Is that the sort of thing we want to do?" Mike suggested.

I gave a small laugh. But, somehow, it made sense.

"Yeah. You guys go out the doors and go left. Start searching that way. I'll take Matt and go the other way. Sound good?" I asked.

Mike and Ian nodded in approval, and left.

It was just Matt and I.

"Well, I guess we'd better go and help them," I suggested.

He huffed.

"Look, I don't know what's going on between you two, but whatever it is, you need to smarten up. His safety depends on us."

He kept his eyes on the ground.

"You don't want to be regretting something that you can never take back for the rest of youre life."

He finally snapped.

"Fuck!" He shouted.

He started walking out the door. I followed closely behind. When he got outside, he walked in a completely different direction.

"Matt! Where are you going?" I called.

"I need to forget about all of this. I'm going to drink away my problems. Care to join?" He responded harshly.

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"Nope."

He turned and walked away. I stood there stunned.

I couldn't believe it. His own best friend was in trouble, and he didn't care about it. I shook my head.

I took off on a quick pace in the right direction. I still had to find Josh. I guess I was just doing it alone. I walked through the dark streets. I stuffed my hands in my pockets to keep then warm. Every time I let out a breath, white plums of moisture escaped into the air. It made me feel like a dragon.

I kept on walking for what felt like a couple of hours.

Every so often, I would pass by a dark alley, and would timidly call out his name. There would be no reply.

I found myself staring down a particularly dark alley, when I heard a shattering of glass. I turned my head to the source of the noise.

And that's when I found him.

He was just lying there. He was dirty, like he had decided to role around in dirt and not wash his clothes. His face was bloody, like he had gotten punched or something. Glass lay around him. I figured he had been thrown through the window.

I rushed over to him. He was unconsious. I realized he was lying outside of a bar. I looked back through the window, and my heart dropped.

There stood Matt, with a look of shock on his face. He was breathing heavily, and his arms were raised by his chest. He was staring right at me.

"Oh no," I breathed.

* * *

Josh's POV

I sat at the piano, softly playing with the keys. Maybe she was right. Maybe I would get the right sound with the piano. Somehow, in the gray fog, my fingers had come up with a melody. My mind just wasn't concentrating very good. Or maybe I was just scared to carry on with the song.

I suddenly stopped playing. I wished for some support. Someone to help me.

Matt was against me. I didn't really know why. So scratch that support.

I wondered if I truly wanted to revisit that frame of mind again. Maybe that's what was holding me back. Maybe I was scared.

I reached over and grabbed the fragile piece of paper. I ran my fingers over the words. I could feel the grooves the pen made. I recited the words in my head. I didn't need to read them. I knew the poem by heart.

But now it was time to turn it into a song.

I put the words to the melody I had created on the piano.

"This place is a hole

but I don't wanna go

i wish we could stay here forever alone

this time that we waste

but I still love your taste

don't let him take my place

don't just sit there,"

By the time I was done creating the first verse, I could feel a lump forming in my throat. That would not help my singing. But, if I wanted to break this writers block, I had to push through.

I started what could only be the chorus. It had to be.

"Sometimes I wish you would leave me,"

For so long, that had been my life. The battle between what was right and what was wrong. To choose what side tasted better. I could feel tears slowly running down my cheeks.

"Woah, I'm not sick of you yet,"

Everytime I let myself escape to that frame of mind, it instantly hurt my heart. How could I have fallen into such a dark world? I was terrified that one day I would trip and end up there again.

"Is that as good as it gets?"

I tried to continue on with the song, but I began sobbing. It was so hard. It was like reliving every moment.

"Um, I can, come back later, if this, isn't a good time."

A voice ripped me from my thoughts. I looked up and noticed that Carly Rae Jepson was standing in the doorway.

Shit. That was right. I was supposed to do a writing session with her today. But in the midst of stressing out about my own writers block, I had totally forgotten about her.

I stood up and quickly wiped at my eyes in hopes that she didn't notice.

She did.

"Hey, what's wrong. Are you alright?" She asked, concerned.

I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded.

She came over to me and wrapped her arms around me in an embrace. She was tiny. I softly hugged her back.

"It'll be ok," she whispered.

I half smiled. Strange, that you could find comfort in a complete stranger. She led me towards the couch and sat us down.

"I know we just met, but. Do you wanna tell me what's going on?" She suggested.

"A lot of things," I huffed. "I'm Josh by the way."

"Carly."

"And, I don't know if you do, you probably don't. But I'm in a band. We released our first record last year, and it's almost been a year since the last time I wrote anything. And I guess you could say the guys are getting a bit antsy."

"Writers block is a bitch," she stated.

"You could say that again," I chuckled lightly. "But um. There's this one, poem, I had written a long time ago. And I've tried many times to write it into a song, but to no avail. It just, well if we're being completely honest, it tickles my emotions a bit."

She giggled. "That's one way to say that it makes you bawl your eyes out."

I let out a small laugh.

"Well. It just reminds me of a not so happy time in my life. I don't know. Maybe I'm just scared that by writing this song, I'll find my self going back to that place."

"I see. Well, don't think of it like that. Think of it as a final, closure to it all. By writing that song, you'd be kicking that time in your life's butt."

"Yeah. That is a good way of thinking." I smiled.

"Of course it is," she giggled.

"But. I don't want to alienate the poem, if I make it a song. I want it to sound like the emotions I was feeling. I want to make the listeners feel the pain," I explained.

"You want the words on the page to come alive. Like a story."

I nodded.

"But, in order to come alive you don't think singing them will be enough?"

"No. Well, yeah. Wait no. Now I'm confused. I just want to keep it my own. Give it an affect that only I know about. And I'm just not sure if I can try and communicate that feeling to others. Say for example a producer," I explained.

"Well then produce it yourself. If you want it to be yours, make it yours."

I looked at her. The gears were slowly starting to turn.

"Produce it," I murmured.

"Well, I'll leave you with your thoughts. Good luck. I don't want to interrupt you or anything. I'll see you around," she gave a small wave, got up and left. I noticed she bumped into somebody in the hallway.

I watched Matt walk in.

"Who was that?" He asked.

"Carly. I was supposed to write with her, but -"

"Oh. So you can write for other people but not your own band?" He snapped.

"I wasn't finished what I was saying."

"Oh. I'll let you speak then. Don't worry. Because you always get the last word."

"Uh, do you have a fucking problem man?" My voice was rising in anger. I stood up.

"No. But I think you do. And it's called slacking off."

"Do you wanna repeat that again?"

"Yeah I do! Fuck man. What the hell are you doing? We are supposed to be working on a new album, but we haven't done anything yet. And it's your fault!"

I got so mad that I flipped the chair that was next to me over. It made a loud crashing noise.

"The fuck you talking about it being my fault! I made this band. Without me you would be nowhere!"

"I highly doubt that. I would probably be farther along in my career!"

"Hey. You know what. You wanna make a second album, how about you write!"

"Oh, so I'm aloud to have an opinion now?"

Before I could react, Mike barged in.

"Hey! Cut it out. Shut up both of you!" He yelled.

"What do you want?" My patience was running thin.

"Oh I don't want anything. I just want you two to smarten up. Look. The tension in this band could be cut by a knife. We've got deadlines to make. Everybody does. That's just reality."

"Yeah and we would meet those deadlines if this lazy ass would work once in a while," Matt complained pointing at me.

"Oh shut the fuck up. You haven't done anything either. You've just complained the whole time. All you've done is get in my way. You're like an annoying flea that you just can't get rid of. You're as annoying as AIDS."

"Oh fuck you. All you've been doing is taking in all the glory. If you hadn't been so distracted by being the center of attention, maybe you would've gotten something done by now."

"Oh that's it." I lunged at him. We got tangled up, but Mike had stepped in the middle.

"Guys! Stop. You are being ridiculous!" He shouted.

"You know what. Fuck this. I'm done." I stormed out of the studio.

* * *

I walked through the dark and empty streets. The damp pavement glowed from the street lights. The bright full moon was the only other source of light.

It was only times like these where I could find myself in the studio. This was the only time where it was safest.

The only time I could be alone. Just me and the instruments.

Sure I had run into the guys a few times, but I definitely didn't act like I used to around them. Anyone for that matter. Especially Matt. I hadn't seen anyone in about a week.

Maybe it was because I was drowning in emotions. The song was really getting to me. I reached the small building.

I had been coming here at around midnight for a few nights now. It was an escape. I'm not really sure how though, because music was my life.

I walked inside, and grabbed my seat at the piano. I started pressing down the certain keys that gave me the certain sound I had found.

"I stayed for a while

and waited for words

seen but not heard

and struggled to try

my tongues turnin' black

but I'll take you back

your still the best more or less,"

It still broke my heart, how I messed up. It still haunted me from time to time. Sometimes I wished that I could go back and turn back time. Yet, I was also content with it in a way, because it shaped me up into who I am. It made me, me. The battles that I overcame made me a stronger person.

I could do this.

I could write this song. I could produce it.

I could do it.

I started recording myself.

* * *

I was done.

It was like a heavy weight was trying to force me down until I was barried. I already was, in stress.

I sat on a stool, in front of a bar. The cold drink I had in my mind made it all go away. It gave me a slight buzz behind my eyes that proved I wasn't dead yet.

While I was wallowing in my sorrows, I hadn't noticed a person sit down beside me.

I looked over.

"Matt?" I exclaimed.

He looked up from under his hood.

"Josh?"

"What are you doing here?" I spat.

"Same question goes for you. You've been missing. While the others were worrying about you, I was silently hoping that you were finding inspiration and writing up a storm. But here I find you in a smelly old bar drinking away your problems!" He exclaimed.

That hurt. He didn't feel the need to be worried about my loss of contact.

"Well how about you? Why are you here? You know. I thought you were my best friend. I thought that you would be the one leading a man hunt of some sort. Why weren't you worried about me?"

"Because I half expected to find you like this! Looks like I wasn't far from the truth at all. I'm surprised I didn't find you behind some building-"

He caught himself from saying anything further. But I quickly realized what he wanted to say.

That stung a lot. I couldn't believe him. Was he truly ever my best friend?

"Wow. I see. So I guess you were never my best friend then. I can't believe you would ever even think about me going back to that. I guess you never realized that I got better. In fact, I have been working my ass off writing about that very topic, and I realized that I can't do it by myself. I can't. I just can't. I need a support system. But apparently I never had one in the first place."

I hoped that made him feel bad, because he had made me feel a lot worse about myself than I had been earlier today.

"Look, everybody has their reasons. I'm sorry that I offended you, but it offends me that you never thought that I was here for you man. I'm your friend. I can help you."

"Well I don't need your help anymore. Just fuck off," I muttered. "You little fuck hole."

"Do you think you're smart, mouthing off at me like that? Huh. Do you? Well you're the fucktard. So you can go the fuck away, because apparently we aren't friends anymore," Matt stated.

Then he pushed me.

I got really mad, so I pushed him back. He backed up into the bar. He grabbed his drink and poured it over me. Then he grabbed a stool and smashed it against me.

"The fuck!" I shouted. As we traded insults, we somehow switched places, and I was the one leaning against the bar. He was punching me. As I blocked most of his punches, I managed to get a couple in and felt my knuckles connect with him.

Through the fighting, I could hear girls screaming, and the bartender calling for someone to break it up. I felt hands join in and try to pry us apart, but Matt got a good grip on my shirt and tugged me away. He spun and threw me across the room, and I crashed through the glass window.

Everything went dark.

* * *

**Woah. Hope you enjoyed that chapter. Please follow favorite and review :) **

**pretty please with a cherry on top?**


	9. White Horse

**Wahh why is this so hard to write? I mean like I'm basing this chapter off a real life event too… so this should be easy right? Ugh but as soon as I write this chapter, I feel like it'll be breeze for a while. So bare with me if this chapter seems really choppy. **

* * *

Josh's POV

I woke up on the couch in the studio. Everything ached. I groaned and stretched my limbs. Did I end up falling asleep here last night?

Then I remembered. I quickly shot up into a sitting position. I looked over, and saw Matt sitting there.

"Woah, easy," he cautioned. "How you feeling?"

I didn't reply. I didn't know how. I didn't know if I should.

"Look. I'm sorry about what happened. I over reacted big time, and I said a lot of bad things that I regret. So, I'm really sorry man. I should never have said the things I said. I feel awful."

I nodded my head.

"I guess I was just stressed out."

"We all were-are,"I replied.

"You still have that writers block?"

"Well, I seem to have written a song that I can't sing. How bout we get the rest of the guys here and try and produce it?"

"Sounds good."

* * *

Mike and Ian arrived soon after, and I played them what I had so far. They seemed to really like it and I was glad. Ian found that it reminded him of a movie, all in one song.

"Yeah, it could be like an epic battle seen between two people, and then in the end, one of them dies," he said. "And then everyone will just start crying because it was so epic and awesome."

"Well yeah that's basically what happened," I explained. "It was me and my need for the drug battling each other, and if I hadn't won, in the end I'd probably be dead by now."

"And we already get the pain feeling from the way you sing, we should just use some instruments to our advantage, and magnitude it even more," Matt suggested.

We organized the song so that it would just be me and the piano having an intimate moment with each other until the second verse. There would be where the rest of the guys started fading in, and then bam! The chorus would happen and it would be an explosion of instruments.

"What if, when the chorus roles around for the third time, and you say 'so leave me' what if you scream that?" Matt suggested.

"Scream it?" I asked.

"Yeah, so then it'll sound like you're then desperate for it to go. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, yeah for sure. I like that idea."

He smiled. "Then, in the last verse. You could slowly lead up to just screaming the words. Then the very last line, it's all calm and quiet, and it's just you and the piano again."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Lets do that then. Um, with the last verse, me slowly leading up to the screaming, how about we do that same thing with the rest of the instruments. Like, they'll slowly go from all quiet to loud again."

They nodded in approval.

It took us a while, but we eventually had it all recorded and figured out. I felt extremely proud of it, because I had produced it as well.

Mike and Ian had both left, and Matt was finishing packing up his stuff.

"Hey Matt," I said.

He looked up.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Um, I just want to say thanks."

"Thanks for what?"

"Just, for being there. Helping me out."

"Hey man. Anytime."

"And, you have supported me too. What I said back at the bar was pretty much not true at all. That was just the stress and alchohal speaking," I apologized.

"Well, I shouldn't have guessed too far ahead. I knew it was a pretty ridiculous thought. I guess I was just scared. Scared for you. Scared for the band. But, you're alright though?"

"Yeah man. I'm fine. So, we cool?"

"Yeah, of course man."

* * *

Taylor's POV

While Matt and Josh were busy making amends, I had found the time to hang out with my old friends from high school. They were in their graduating year.

"Wow. I can't believe that you guys are in your last year of high school," I exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's so crazy," Abigail said.

We were gathered in a bowling centre. We sat on the couches as a person went up and bowled. I smiled contently. It was a rare moment where I could be with all my friends. I longed for them everyday.

"Yeah, any suggestions for grad prank week?" A guy who was sitting beside me asked. His name was Martin. He had joined the group after I had begun home school. He had a few tattoos, but seemed nice.

"You should like get four pigs, and then number them 1, 2, 3, 5, and then set them loose in the school," I suggested. "And then when they capture all of the pigs, they'll still be looking for number four because they don't have a pig that has hat number even though they have all of the pigs."

"That's a good one, except wouldn't that be animal cruelty?"

"Yeah I guess so," I agreed.

"Hey Taylor, it's your turn up to bowl," Megan said as she sat down.

"Uh oh, I should mention I'm absolutely horrible at all things athletic," I warned.

"Here, I'll help you," Martin offered.

We got up together and headed to the lane. I picked up a ball.

"K, now just throw it underhand," he explained.

I swung back, and threw it. The ball got caught on my finger, and ended up being released at the very top, causing it to go high and slam onto the ground.

"It got caught on my finger! It got caught on my finger!" I yelled.

I looked back and saw all of my friends laughing at me.

"Told you I suck," I muttered.

He grabbed another ball and handed it to me.

"Here, this one has bigger finger holes."

I grabbed it, and inserted my fingers.

"Ok, now you swing back, and then let go but follow through."

He guided my arm back, and then swung it forward. I released the ball, and it sailed down the alley knocking down seven pins.

"Did you see that! I did it!" I celebrated.

"Yay!"

"Wow. Your hands are so tiny. You have like little tic tac hands!" I giggled. "You're my best buddy now. We're gonna be best buddy's for life."

* * *

It had been a week since I had gone bowling with my friends, and met Martin. Ever since then, Carrie, a person in my circle of friends that I didn't really like, but she was just there, had been teasing me ever since. It was extremely annoying.

So me and Martin became best friends, so what. She didn't need to text every two minutes asking me who I liked.

The sound of my phone buzzing interrupted my train of thought.

I looked down and saw a new message. It read: Hey best buddy!

"Martin?" I texted back.

"Yeah :D"

"How'd you get my number?"

I had one guess as to who gave it to him.

"Carrie gave it to me."

"Ugh figures," I replied and threw my phone across the room in frustration. If she was trying to mess up our friendship I would never talk to her again. It wasn't like I talked to her that much anyways.

* * *

A few days passed and I hadn't talked to Martin since. I was hanging out with some friends at Starbucks. Martin was here. He and Carrie had taken a quick bathroom brake though, and that's when Abigail found the opportunity.

"So, why haven't you and Martin been talking much?" She asked.

"I don't know," I replied shrugging my shoulders.

"When was your last conversation?"

"It was over text. It wasn't really a conversation though. He just texted me and them I was like how'd you get my number? And he said that Carrie gave it to him. So I got all mad because ever since we went bowling she's been annoying me about him and I. So I was like ugh figures and then I haven't talked to him since."

"Are you kidding me!" Her eyes were all wide.

"What?"

"You sent him 'ugh figures' without an explanation?"

"Yeah so,"

"Imagine how he must feel! He probably thinks you despise him. Go talk to him girl," she urged me out of my seat.

"Ugh fine," I walked over to Martin. He was standing in line to take our orders. "Hey Martin."

"Oh hey Taylor. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Cool, say why were you mad that I got your number?" He asked.

"Oh, well I was just mad on how you got it. Carrie has been well, lets say she's basically trying to hook us up, but we're just friends right?"

"Oh yeah! She's been trying to do the same thing with me."

"Yeah she's always like oh, you guys are so cute together, or she's always asking me who I like."

"Same!"

"Ugh, I think there's something wrong with her."

He laughed. "So we're still cool?"

"Yeah totally," I said with a smile.

* * *

"Oh my god. You guys are adorable together."

"What are you talking about? We're just friends."

"Yeah right whatever," Dianna replied. "You guys should totally date! It would be so cute."

"Yeah, do you like him?" Abigail asked.

"No!" I exclaimed. But was I telling the complete truth?

We still sat in the Starbucks. After we had gotten our drinks, Martin had left.

"You guys should definately date though, that would be adorable," she said.

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, he probably likes you," Carrie stated. I looked over at her.

"No he doesn't. I highly doubt that," I replied.

"Aw, but you guys are so adorable! Why don't you think so?" She asked.

"Because, we are just friends."

"Ok. Whatever you say," she said with a smirk.

I just rolled my eyes. She could be so annoying sometimes.

* * *

The next day, I hung out with Abigail and Martin. He had a guy friend with him. His name was Anthony. We were on a horse drawn ride around Stanley Park.

"So when's your next album coming out?" Martin asked.

"Um, I'm just in the process of writing it right now, so sometime next year, probably in the fall," I replied.

"Oh that's cool. Do you know what it's called?"

"Um, I migh call it Fearlesst. I don't know though. I'll have to figure out some more things on the album before I can decide that."

"Oh cool, cool."

I smiled. Martin was definately good looking. In my books anyways. I knew that if Abigail found out, she would laugh at me. My other friends though? They're just love struck doofuses. They made it seem that if Martin and I were to date, we would last forever.

Or was that just my stupid heart talking?

No. I couldn't let myself fall. I didn't want to get hurt. Or teased when people found out. And I'm sure he didn't feel the same about me either.

Soon the carriage stopped, and we got off.

"Who's up for Whitespot?" Anthony suggested.

"Oh, me. I need food right now or I'm going to die," I said over my grumbling stomach.

They laughed, and we walked across the park to the Whitespot.

He reached out and started tickling Abigail. It made her jump and fall on the ground. She screamed. We all laughed.

We got there and ordered our food, then went to sit down.

Martin placed his hand on my back and pushed me towards a table. I was surprised when I felt a shock for there. That totally surprise me. Was that supposed to mean anything?

Is that what it felt like to really like someone?

He insisted he sit between Abigail and I. It got to the point where he pushed me over to find his seat.

I blushed a little when I thought it must've meant that he wanted to sit beside me.

"So the Aquarium is just over there," Martin pointed out.

I looked over and saw that there was something fenced in. It must have been all of the zoo inhabitants.

"We should go there sometime," he suggested.

I turned my head around to see who he was talking about, but I didn't see.

"All of us," he quickly chimed in looking at the ground.

I smiled.

What if he liked me?

No. Snap out of it Taylor. Don't get yourself hurt.

* * *

The next night I had somehow found myself texting Carrie. Well, sort of.

"So who do you like?" She asked.

"No one!" I replied.

"Fine, fine. So how's Martin ;)"

"I don't know. Good I guess, why?"

"Oh just wondering. Btw you guys are honestly meant to be."

"What are you talking about?"

"Because, you two look so cute together!"

"Whatever. And we are just friends."

"Fine whatever you say ;)"

"Ugh!"

"But, lets be honest though. Do you like Martin?"

I wanted to reply no, but something about him made my heart flutter. And not to mention my reaction when he touched my back at the park the other day. I no longer found myself obsessing over my celebrity crushes. Instead, he had found his way in my head.

So maybe it was time to just fully admit I liked him. Yeah, that felt good in my brain. It didn't seem strange or weird. It was good. But, only because I still didn't want to get embarrassed or anything, and because Carrie wasn't my best friend. I replied with a different answer.

"No," I said.

I imagined us dating. I realized we would he cute together. His tiny little tic tac hands would be so comforting holding mine. My stomach did a little loop-de-loop. He could be my Prince Charming. I imagined all the little fairy tale adventures we would have together.

I had definately fallen for him. And by the sounds of all my friends, he had fallen for me too.

I thought I was done with Carrie, when my phone chimed off again. This time it was Abigail.

"TAYLOR!" She texted.

"ABIGAIL!" I replied.

"I need to talk to you now," she stated.

"Talking."

A few minutes later, she replied. "Do you like Martin?"

Yes. But I still ended up texting no. Even to my best friend.

"K good. Guess what."

"What?"

"Martin asked me out today after school."

My heart dropped. I couldn't believe what I was reading. That couldn't be possible. All the signs were there. How could he like her! He wanted to sit next to me!

And then it hit me. Abigail was always with me. He squeezed in between me and Abigail. He tickled her probably just to touch her.

I decided to be the good friend I was, and pretended to be happy for her.

"Aaawwww, that's cute," I replied.

"Ew no it's not," she stated almost immediately.

"What do you mean?"

"Ew I don't like him. At all he's gross."

I felt my spirits rise a bit. At least I didn't have to know that while I was crushing on him hard, he was dating my best friend.

"Haha," I replied, and left it at that.

I still felt crushed. I almost felt tears strike my eyes.

No. Come on Taylor. No boy is worth your tears.

That's when I grabbed my guitar. We might have known each other for a little while, but I had blindly fallen for him. And I fell hard. I felt like I was back to my first relationship, with Brandon. I was so naive about love.

I started writing.

"Say you're sorry, that face of an angel, comes out, just when you need it to

As I paced back and forth, all this time, 'cause I honestly believed in, you

Holdin' on, the days drag on

Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known,"

I stopped there. I couldn't continue. I needed aid. But my lovely co-writer that I usually use was on vacation for a week. I couldn't risk putting away these emotions for that long. I needed to put them into a song now. While I was still living in the moment.

I called the next best thing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Josh," I greeted.

"Oh hey Taylor. What's up?"

"Um, are you busy tonight?"

"No I think I'm free. Why what's up?"

"Um, I was wondering, if you could possibly help me with this song?"

"Yeah of course! I'll meet you at the studio?" He seemed eager.

"Yeah. Ok. Sounds great. I'll meet you there,"

"How about in half an hour?"

"Yeah sure."

* * *

When I arrived at the studio, his car was already parked in front. I walked in, and headed towards the back room. I found Josh there listening to music playing through his headphones. When he saw me, he quickly set them down.

"Hey Taylor!"

I game him a small wave.

"So, what's this song you've got here for me?"

I placed my guitar on my lap, and cleared my throat.

"Um, well. I wrote the first verse to this song, but then I hit a wall of no motivation. But, I really wanted to continue with it though, because I've been feeling some really strong emotions. And, well, what I want, the song to be about is, that crushing earth shattering moment when you realize that he doesn't love you. All of the fairy tale endings that you dreamt up, aren't going to happen. He's not your Prince Charming, and he isn't going to swipe you off your feet and ride out into the sunset with you on his white horse."

I played him what I had so far. His reaction seemed good.

"So you just need help to carry the song on?" He asked.

"Yeah, I guess. I don't have any structure really, just an idea."

"Do you have an idea of what you'd want to call it?"

"No," I shook my head.

"Well, like you said, he isn't going to ride off with you in the sunset on a white horse. He isn't your knight in shining armor, on his magestical steed. So, how do you like the line, 'Its too late for you and your white horse to catch me now?'"

"Yeah, I really like that."

"So, let call it white horse then."

"Oh, ok. But what do you mean, 'it's too late?'"

"Well, I think that a pretty girl like you shouldn't have to waste tears on people who never deserved you in the first place. He's missing out on something awesome. It's his loss. Not yours. You're better than him."

I smiled. Leave it to Josh to make me feel better.

"Thanks Josh. That was really nice."

"Anytime," he said with a smile. "So anyways, I like your idea of a fairy tale. And you are definately a princess,"

"Hey!" I interrupted smiling.

"And, you thought of him as your prince, but then reality came crashing in."

Soon enough, we had the chorus complete.

"You know, I feel like I was really naive. I fell way too hard, way too fast. I guess I just got lost in his eyes," I shrugged. "He had the prettiest eyes. They were like an ocean. They were these deep blue eyes, that had little speckles of pale blue in them. I guess I just have a soft spot for blue eyes."

"Oh, so you like my eyes?" He batted them.

"Oh, look who's the princess now. But, yeah. I do like your eyes. They're gorgeous. They're probably the most clearest crystal blue eyes I have ever seen."

In just fourty five minutes, we had completed writing the song.

"Great. It sounds really good. I'll get Nathan over as soon as possible I guess. Thanks for helping me," I said.

"Well hold on now, you know. I finally finished that song I was working on."

"Oh really? You did! What's it about? I wanna hear it."

"Um, well, I had this poem saved. From back when I was uh, in rehab. And I had been wanting to change it into a song for a long time, but it just never felt right. So finally, I wrote it and I even produced it! I'm really proud of how it turned out."

"You produced a song!"

"Yeah. It was my first time."

"Well then how about you produce this?"

"Really?" He seemed surprised.

"Yes! Please?"

"Um. Yeah, sure why not?"

I was really pleased about that, and even more pleased on how the song turned out. It was a very sparce and intimate song. I loved it. At this point, it was probably my favorite on the record.

"Wow, thanks Josh. That sounds amazing."

"Oh, thanks. You did most of the work though."

"Oh don't be ridiculous. Why don't we work together more? Because when we do, we produce amazing things like this."

He shrugged his shoulders. I leaned in and hugged him.

He was right. Martin didnt deserve my tears. He deserved a song that showed how he messed up.

"So, I've got my Christmas record coming out soon," I said.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Good luck on it."

"Thanks. I just love Christmas."

"Same. Hey, the employee Christmas party is coming up soon. You coming?"

"I think so yeah. Hopefully I'll have my N by then."

"Yeah, that'd be good. If you do happen to get it, do you wanna maybe drive me home?"

"Are you not driving?"

"No, Ian's driving me there, but I just don't have a ride home."

"Yeah, sure of course."

* * *

**Sigh. Well now that that train wreck of a chapter is over, lets hope for some way better chapters by me in the future. See ya next time. **


	10. The Other Side Of The Door

**So yeah. This chapter is a whole lot better than the last one. Enjoy :)**

* * *

Taylor's POV

Christmas found its way here, and the employee Christmas party was just around the corner. I found myself reminiscing of a promise I made a while back. Chad Kroeger was surely going to be there, and I could bring along a friend if I wanted. Abigail was away on vacation somewhere, so I had no best friend to bring. I decided to keep my promise, and messages the girl I had made acquaintances with.

"Hey gurl, are you free tomorrow? I could get you Chad Kroeger's autograph, but I figure meeting him in person would be much more enjoyable. Msg me if you want the deets."

I had left it with that. Maybe I could make a new friend over this Christmas, and not have a lonely one. My phone was buzzing away in a matter of seconds.

"OMG I would love to meet him! When and where and what time?"

I smiled at her eagerness.

"Staff party at the record label. Wear something nice, and I can pick you up at six."

"Sounds great :)"

* * *

And now here I sat. Idling in this girls driveway that I barely knew. I felt a bit awkward, but she seemed like the friendly type. And on the plus side, I had gotten my N just days ago. At least I had the freedom of driving by myself now.

I had my usual curly hair, and I was wearing a tight black dress. I watched as Amanda shot out of her door and rushed towards my car. I guess she was really excited. She looked gorgeous in a black high skirt and a pink flowy blouse. I smiled at her through the window shield. She smiled back. She opened the door and got in.

"You seem excited," I stated.

"Oh that would be an understatement," she exclaimed. I laughed. The drive there we made small talk, and got to know each other better. She really sweet and extremely funny. Finally, we arrived in the parking lot.

"Nervouse?" I asked.

"A little bit,"

"Aw, just act natural. I'm sure you got your hot girl disguise on tonight. Now all you need to do is work it."

We both laughed.

We got out of my car, and walked towards the door to the studio together. When we got inside, I could hear that the party had already started. Loud chatter was going on in the background, but above all of it I could hear Josh's voice. Shouting louder than the others.

I led her down the hallway, to the room where everyone had gathered. Josh was the first to notice us. He was wearing a hat with a mistletoe attached to it. I tried not to blush.

"Hey Josh," I hugged him. "Merry Christmas!"

I stepped back to introduce him to my friend that I had brought.

"Josh, this is… Amanda," I slowly stopped as I realized he wasn't paying attention to me. Neither was Amanda. They were just staring at each other. "Um… I'll just let you two, uh… have fun..."

I couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy about the way he looked at her. The way they looked at each other. It was like he completely forgot about me.

I stalked over to where Matt, Mike and Ian were having a conversation. I harrumphed.

"Do I need to beat the shit out of anybody?" Mike asked as I got close.

"You could say that," I sighed. I folded my arms.

"Where's the bastard? What'd he do?"

I turned to look at what Josh was doing. He seemed to have struck up a conversation with Amanda. Suddenly, I didn't like her as much as I did before.

"Nothing." And I was telling the complete truth.

* * *

Josh's POV

Have you ever believed in love at first sight? Well I didn't. Not until I had layed my eyes on her though. I watched the doorway, as I saw a beautiful angel appear. I had never seen her in my life, but suddenly I had all of these flash forwards of what we could become. I didn't know who she was, or where she came from, or why she was even here. All I knew, was that I needed to meet her. I needed her to know me before anyone else did, because I wanted her all to myself.

I found myself drifting towards her. I didn't even remember asking my legs to move. They just did it automatically. As if they wanted to meet her as well.

Maybe there was such thing as destiny, because up to this point I had no idea what I was going to put on the next album. And now, out of nowhere I wanted her to be on it. I could write everything about her, even though I knew nothing. I wanted my world to revolve around her.

Finally, her eyes met mine, and my whole entire world stopped spinning. I felt like an emptiness inside me was filled. Somewhere in the distance, I felt something hug me. But I didn't pay any attention to it. I was too lost in the mysterious girls eyes to notice. I could've been run over by a tractor and I wouldn't have felt it. After what felt like years of staring into those beautiful eyes, I finally remembered how to speak.

"I-I'm Josh," I greeted.

"Amanda," she replied.

"Uhm, uh," I struggled for words. I needed to impress this girl. I needed her to remember me for the rest of her life.

She smiled awkwardly. Uh oh. You're losing her Josh. Quick think.

"Merry Christmas!" I said, awkwardly holding out my arms for a hug.

"Merry Christmas," she said smiling.

I pulled her into a hug, and I breathed in her scent. She smelt like, pretty. There was only one word in my vast vocabulary that could describe her smell, and it was pretty. I didn't want to, but I eventually pulled away from the hug.

"So how come I haven't seen you around before?" I asked.

"Taylor invited me here because we made a promise," she said.

"And what was that?"

"Well, I'm kind of a big fan of Nickleback, and I heard that Chad Kroeger was going to be here."

I couldn't help but notice that when she smiled, it lit up her whole face. It made her look even more beautiful, if that was possible.

"Well hey, she's not the only one who knows him. I could introduce you," I said. I began walking in the direction of him. She grabbed my hand, and stopped me.

"Yeah, but that can wait," she said biting her lip. "I want to know more about you."

I felt the corners of my lips rise. She wanted to know more about me. I felt a warmth spread across my chest. Erupting from somewhere within.

We talked up a storm. We learned more about each other that night than any other person I knew. I felt butterfly's in my stomach everytime she uttered a word. Not just any butterfly's, they were the beautiful kind that took flight and lifted me off my feet.

Everytime she touched my skin, whether it was an accidental brush, or a playful push, I felt a shock of electricity fire through that place, and made my heart beat faster.

All I hoped in that moment was that she was single. I prayed that she found me interesting, and hopefully liked me as much as I liked her.

"You know," I said, "I don't know about you, but, I'd like to hang out with you for my whole entire life. And I hope you do to."

"Are you trying to say something?" She asked with a smirk.

"Maybe," I said grinning. "I think that we belong with each other because hey, why not?"

"Is that why you're wearing a mistletoe hat?"

I looked up completely forgetting about the hat I was wearing that had a mistletoe attached to it.

"Oh, would you look at that," I exclaimed as I returned my gaze back to her.

Before I knew what was happening, she had my face in her palms, and pulled my lips down to meet hers. Instantly, fireworks exploded. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. Her hands left my face, but I wrapped my arms around her keeping her close. Eventually, we pulled away, but kept our faces close. I couldn't help the goofy grin that spread across my face.

"That was absolutely amazing," I said.

* * *

Taylor's POV

Due to the deal I made with Josh, I couldn't just leave. I had agreed to drive him home that night, but now I was regretting it.

"So what do you mean this guy has done nothing?" Mike pressed. The other two had left the conversation a while ago, and I found myself sitting next to him on the couch.

"Well, I mean he has done nothing to help our relationship blossom into something more," I explained.

"And what do you mean by something more?"

"Well, I'm not sure. Because this guy is my friend, and when I saw him completely ignore me for some other girl I felt jealous. So what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, do you have feelings for him?"

"No," I quickly said.

"Are you sure?"

"Please, he's just, in a different league. You know what I mean? Like completely friend zoned. It would be weird if we dated. It just doesn't seem right."

"Ok, then, if you are absolutely positive, maybe you're just so close to him, that it feels weird to see him show affection towards someone else. I think you just need to distance yourself a little bit, and be like, 'hey, he's not mine, I can share him'."

"Well, I'll try. Thanks Mike."

"Hey, I'm always here to help you."

Just then, Josh walked up to us, with Amanda right beside him.

"Guess what?" He asked excitedly.

"What?" I asked.

"Amanda and I, we are completely in love with each other."

I heard Amanda giggle beside him. I blinked.

"You guys just met. How can you be in love?"

"Because it was destiny," Josh said dreamily. "I think I finally found the one. We're head over heels. Everytime I look at her, I can feel fire burning in my chest."

He bent down and kissed her.

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I think maybe he's had just a little bit too much to drink tonight," I muttered to Mike.

"Naw, he says he doesn't drink."

"Yeah, and how often is that true?" I got up from my seat. "Ok, I'm leaving now. Do you still want a ride or not? Take it or leave it. Because I'm not coming back."

Josh stopped kissing Amanda long enough to start complaining.

"Aw, but Taylor, the party's just getting started. Five more minutes?" He sounded like a little five year old.

I pursed my lips together and shook my head. I folded my arms.

"Fine," he huffed. "You coming Amanda?"

"Of course!" She replied.

* * *

The whole entire car ride to Amanda's house, consisted of the pair making out in the back seat. I rolled my eyes and got even more uncomfortable and annoyed, everytime I heard a moan or a giggle. Finally, I pulled into her driveway.

"We're at your house now. You can leave," I said.

"I'll walk you to your door," Josh said eagerly, as he followed Amanda out.

I rested my arm on the car door, and leaned my head on my hand. I shot daggers at them, as I watched them walk hand in hand slowly to her door. I felt my stomach turn as I saw how he looked at her. He definately wasn't lying when he said that he was head over heels. At least he was treating her properly. I rolled my eyes as they started kissing when they got to the door.

Eventually after what felt like forever, the passenger side door opened, and Josh hopped in.

I pulled out of the driveway, and onto the street. As I drove, Josh stayed silent. When I got close to the street my house was on, he finally spoke up.

"So how was your night?" He asked. He still sounded like he was in a trance.

I quickly jerked the steering wheel, and turned onto my street. I barreled down the road, and pulled into my driveway. I turned off the car, and undid my seatbelt.

"You can walk from here," I stated flatly.

I opened the door and got out. I slammed it shut behind me, and started marching towards my house. My parents were out at a dinner somewhere, and I really didn't care what Austin was up to. I heard another car door open and close.

"Was it something I said?" Josh shouted to me.

I kept walking.

"Please, Taylor. Answer me or something. Just tell me what's wrong!"

I spun around on my heel, and stormed back to him.

"You know what's the matter? You are blind! How could you just jump the gun like that and move onto her. Did you even say hi to me at all today? The only words you said to me, where about her. You acted like I was completely invisible!"

"Huh? I am so confused right now. Taylor what are you talking about? Ok, I'm sorry that I didn't say hi to you today. You know what, hi! There you go I said it. Now do you need anything else from me?"

I was shaking in rage.

"You know what, I have written so many songs about you. Maybe I need to tell it to your face for you to realize. And yes. You are horrible with girls."

He paused as if he was gathering his thoughts.

"A-are, you trying, to say you, have, feelings for me?" He said slowly.

"What? No! Of course not. Why, no. No. I-"

"You are aren't you."

"No!"

"Then why are you getting so worked up about me and Amanda?"

"Because, because you are a rude and obnoxious person who only thinks of himself! You can't see past your needs to see other people. This time I have had enough. I have tried so hard, and everytime it's you. Not me. You!"

He looked taken aback.

"Well I guess I'm sorry?" he said slowly.

"Yeah well, I've had enough of your stupidity. And your smart assness! Just leave." I stormed towards my house. I thrust open the door. Josh was right on my heels. I ignored everything he said.

"Taylor, listen. You aren't making any sense. I think that you need to calm down because you could be making a really big mistake right now. I love our friendship. I really do. And, I'm, sorry if I have been acting like a douche bag. I shouldn't take what we have for granted, because what we have is a really special friendship. And I really like it. And please just stay. I really like you! As a friend. No more than a friend. I uh, actually I don't know. You need me, I need you. Look, I am trying my hardest to say something to make this right. But-"

I stepped inside and turned around to face him.

"I need you," I breathed and I slammed the door shut. I wasn't even sure if he heard me. It was only a whisper. I stalked to my room and threw myself onto my bed. I began to feel tears threatening to spill. I stared at my window.

I quickly shot out of bed and raced to my window. I threw it open.

"I can't even look at you, I don't need you!" I screamed out the window. I watched as Josh turned towards my window, and started walking nearer. "See, there's nothing you can say to make right again!"

"You don't mean that!" He shouted back.

"I mean it, I mean it!"

He stumbled through the bushes as he got closer to my window. I shut him out and locked it.

I turned around, let myself fall to the floor.

I could feel my emotions brewing inside of me like a hurricane. I needed to let it all out. I heard my phone buzz. I looked down to see a text from Josh.

"Fine then. If you're so mad I'll just wait outside your door until you've calmed down."

In that moment I decided to write a letter of what I wanted to happen. What should've happened. I grabbed my pen and started writing things down on my notebook.

"I said "Leave" but all I really want is you

To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles,

Screaming: "I'm in love with you"

Wait there in the pourin' rain,

Come back for more!

And don't you leave,

'cause I know all I need is on

The other side of the door."

I soon found myself singing the words on the paper to a random tune. Before I knew it I was writing down everything that had happened that night, and before I knew it, it started turning into a song.

"I keep going back over

The things we both said.

And I remember the slammin' door,

And all the things that I misread."

I suddenly regretted getting mad at him. Maybe I just expected too much from love. I still didn't understand why I was getting so jealous. Because I didn't love him. I did not.

"With you and your beautiful face,

And your beautiful eyes,"

I mean he was gorgeous, but he was only my friend. Nothing more.

"And the conversation,

With the little white lies."

And yet, how many words in that conversation were true?

I looked at my phone. It had been going off for hours now. I couldn't count the amount of times Josh had called. Me and my stupid pride couldn't pick it up to apologize. I watched as it turned back to the home screen. It was a picture of me and Josh at my grade ten winter formal. I sighed.

"And the faded picture

Of a beautiful night

You carry me from your car

Up the stairs"

I messed this up. I shouldn't have gotten so mad. We had a good friendship.

"And I broke-down cryin'

Was it worth this mess?

After everything and that little black dress

After everything, I must confess,

I need you,"

* * *

**Oh snap. So, new character, she was introduced a while back. Can anyone guess as to who or should I say what she's doing in this story? Well my friends. We are getting closer and closer every chapter to the big shit storm. I'm trying to mow through all these so that I can get to a more present time. I just decided to write about their past and all because I felt like I needed to in order to show how close of friends they'd are. I hope someone's enjoying this. Please review :)**


	11. All To Myself

**All I can say is plot twist. Enjoy :)**

* * *

Josh's POV

_I don't patronize, I realize I'm losing_

_And this is my real life. _

I could not get her out of my head. No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't possible.

Ever since I had laid eyes on her, exactly two weeks and fourteen hours ago, my mind was focusing on her. I had tried texting her numerous times, I had called and left I don't know how many voicemails. But each time I reached out there was no reply.

I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating right. I couldn't focus on even the simplest things.

I was in the studio trying to write and get my mind on a different topic. I had suddenly developed an anxiety that she didn't really like me. She probably moved away to India to marry her husband that was some rich prince. All I wanted was her. I saw her face in every crowd. Heard her voice every morning.

I needed her.

The sound of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I quickly snatched it off the table hoping it was Amanda.

It was Taylor. Disapointed, I read the text message.

"Hey! Up for a Prado run?" It said.

"Sure. Be there in ten," I replied.

I huffed and got up.

_This habit is always so hard to break_

When I arrived in the café, Taylor was sitting at our usual table, looking out the window. I walked towards her. I hoped she wasn't still mad at me. I still didn't even know what I did.

"Hey Taylor," I greeted. She turned her head towards me.

"Oh hi," she said with a light smile.

I decided to cut right to the chase.

"So, you still mad at me?" I asked.

"Oh god. Don't remind me of that night," she rubbed her temple. "I'm sorry. I over reacted. I was probably just pmsing or something."

"Its fine. So we cool?" I chuckled.

"Yeah. We're cool as ice."

Just then, our drinks arrived.

"Ah, Mocha Lattes. How original," I remarked.

"Hey, you know it's our favorite drink."

I smiled.

"So, do you wanna explain to me why you were mad at me?" I asked.

"Ugh, how about we just forget everything that happened that night."

"Well, I would, but that's the thing. I can't."

"Well I don't mean literally, I just mean like..."

"Remember Amanda? The girl you brought to the party."

"Unfortunately," she muttered.

"Ever since I met her, I can't get her out of my head."

"Oh, I see."

"And everytime I reach out to her, there's no reply. I'm starting to freak out. Because I think I really like this girl."

She sighed.

"Well if you like this girl so much then go to her house. You know where she lives. God you can be stupid sometimes," she suggested.

"Ahah! That's what I'll do. That's such a good idea! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Cause you're stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing!" She quickly chimed in.

I laughed. Then a thought hit me.

"What if she's ignoring me because she has a boyfriend!" I questioned.

"Well this conversation escalated quickly," Taylor remarked.

"Ugh, that's probably true. Knowing someone absolutely gorgeous like her, she's obviously taken. Fuck!"

I rubbed my face.

"Well she kissed you though. Right?"

I shot my head up.

"That's right!"

Hope flooded through me. I got up.

"Im sorry Taylor, but I gotta go and win this girl over."

_I don't want to be the bad guy_

_I've been blaming myself_

_And I think you know why_

I parked my car on the side of the street with her house in view. Call me creepy, but I watched it. I watched it like a cop doing a stake out. The night was had settled in, so it was now or never.

I got out of my car, and walked towards the house. Trying my hardest not to look suspicious, I tried to walk with confidence. I crossed her driveway, and headed for the front door but stopped. Maybe she was mad at me. Maybe she wouldn't answer the door because she doesn't want to see me. I decided to walk around the house to see if I could find her bedroom.

I walked to the right, and continued past the corner. It was a small one story house. Although, by the look of the windows, there may be an underground basement. On the side of the house, I looked through a window and saw a rather girly looking bedroom. There were posters of clothes on the walls. Probably taken out of magazines. There was one poster of Nickleback, and another of Beyoncé. Then, there on the bed, she lay.

I let out a sigh of relief. The light in the room was off, and the door was closed. I guessed she was asleep. I lightly knocked on the window.

"Amanda," I whispered. Although I'm sure she didn't hear me.

I knocked again, except a little louder. I saw her stir. She was facing away from the window, and didnt show any signs of knowing I was there.

I racked my knuckles against the glass of the window once again. This time, she noticed. She opened her eyes and looked towards the window. I waved at her. She jumped back in surprise. I motioned for her to come closer and open the window so we could talk. She slowly walked over and opened the window.

"Josh what are you doing here? It's 11 o'clock on a weeknight." She asked quietly.

"I missed your face," I replied. I wasn't very good with my words in a, romantic sort of way. But when I was around her the words just flowed out of my mouth like silk. All I had to do was tell the truth.

She smiled.

"That's sweet, but you couldn't have come here earlier in the day? And greet me maybe at the front door like a normal person?" She questioned.

"Well maybe you could've replied to my texts and voicemails like a normal person," I countered.

"Yeah, I saw those. Sorry about that, I was on vacation in the states. My plan doesn't allow me to use my phone down there without getting a hefty bill," she explained.

"You don't need to worry about that. It's my fault, I could pay that bill. I may not be super rich, but I'd say I'm getting successful," I replied.

She gave me a sympathetic smile.

"And I'd be even more successful if you became my girlfriend."

Her eyebrows shot up. She couldn't help but blush.

"Josh," she giggled.

"Look, ever since that Christmas party, you have been on my mind. I finally found you, and I'm not leaving till I know you're mine. And mine only."

"Look, Josh. You're a musician. I've read the gossip magazines, musicians are away all the time."

"That's not true. I'm here right now," I said.

"What happened at the party was, wasn't like me. Yeah, I googled you when I got home. You're a shaggy looking freak. You're not, my type. I guess."

"Yeah, but I'm a sexy, shaggy looking freak."

"I don't know, you just seem like trouble. Maybe it's the filthy language you use, maybe you blab too much."

"Well, if I remember our conversation, you have a pretty dirty mouth yourself."

She looked taken aback. I had her like butter in my hands. I just needed her to say yes.

"Call me obsessive, but I don't think I'll ever be able to take you off my mind ever again. I wou-"

"Save it for some other girl Josh," she interrupted me. She shut the window, and closed the blinds.

I sighed, but this wasn't defeat yet.

_Please, just follow me_

_I thought you wanted me_

_Because I want you all to myself_

It was about six o'clock or so, and I walked towards her front door. 'Like a normal person.' I had my guitar in hand, and a mission in mind. The sun was setting fast.

I extended my arm out, and knocked. I was caught by surprised when her dad answered.

"Oh! Hi sir," I said nervously. "Is-"

"Amanda's in her bedroom. I'm gonna warn you, she doesn't want to see you," he said. With that he closed the door.

Well, a closed door wasn't going to stop me. I took one step to the right, when the door opened again. It was still her dad.

"By the way, I don't appreciate you sneaking in my daughters window at night. Good luck young man." He closed the door again.

I was a bit confused, on how he said he didn't like me going to her window but then said good luck. Maybe he was hinting at me to go there. I was well ahead of him.

I walked to her window. It was open. I peeked inside to see if she was there. She was on her bed reading a fashion magazine. I sat beside her window. Out of direct view. No use trying if she'll shove you right out. You gotta make her work too.

I started softly playing the song I wrote last night. It was unusual of me to write a song that sounded like it was right from out of my diary, but I would do anything to show her how much I wanted her.

Oh, and I also got a haircut this morning. Four hours of re-dying it would soon be worth it. She was right though, it had looked like a shaggy mess. The colours were fading, and the hair choked my face. It had almost looked like I was wearing a very dirty mop. Now it was shimmering in vibrant colours, and was definately shorter. I thought it looked rather good.

"Did you say, "Please, just follow me

I thought you wanted me

Because I want you all to myself"?

I can try and suck it up

I just can't suck it up

Make me feel like someone else," I softly sang.

"If your trying to say something, I think you're doing a pretty good job."

I got up and turned to the window.

"Amanda," I said pleasantly surprised.

"Please, I'm not stopping you. Continue with the song," she pushed.

"I would, but it's done."

"Well then you can have me all to yourself."

"Really?" I exclaimed.

One of my plans actually worked for once?

"Anyone who would take the time to get a haircut and write an amazing song," she was smiling from ear to ear, "nobody has ever done something like that for me. I may not be the smartest person alive, but I can see right now I may just be the luckiest girl alive."

"Well then make me the luckiest man alive and be my girlfriend?" I asked.

She leaned in and kissed me.

"Yes, of course," she said.

_Make me feel like someone else. _

* * *

**_so. What do you think of that? How's Taylor going to react? Tell me what you think in the reviews_**


	12. Change

**I know what you're thinking, that last chapter was ridiculously short, but that's because this chapter is a giant poo of words. It was rather fun to write, and I was having a major throwback of childhood memories in the end. And this story is going to move along quite faster now after the next one or so. I'm getting there, please hang on. And I love y'all. **

**ALSO... Updates may be a little slower than usual for a while.. Seems like I say this way too often in my fanfics, but a friend of mine just recently passed, and I will try to stay strong. Writing takes me out of reality and anywhere but there would be fine for me. ****After a long emotionaly draining day at his celebration of life, here's to the hope that we can change. Here's to the hope that one day, depression won't effect everybody.** Enjoy. 

* * *

Taylor's POV

_And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you  
Somebody else gets what you wanted again _

"Wow. Nice haircut," I acknowledged.

"Thanks, it's grown out a bit though, I cut it in January," Josh explained.

"Wow. I guess I haven't seen you for three months then," I replied.

We were sitting at our table in Prado. We never saw each other any more. The last time we had gone here together was, well I guess right before he cut his hair. Right when he fell for Amanda.

"So how are you and Amanda?" I asked hoping he wouldn't give me a good answer. I silently hoped the relationship hadn't worked out.

"We are amazing. You know, I guess I should thank you. If you never brought her there to that party, I probably never would have met her."

I forced out a small laugh and a smile. I prayed he hadn't just seen my eye twitch.

"I guess I'm the master of relationships," I said.

He laughed as if I had just said a joke.

"Yeah, how about your love life. Got a new boyfriend yet?" He asked.

It was hard to see nostrils flare out from anger at a distance... Right?

I shook my head.

"How come we never see each other anymore? I have no idea what you're up to," I remarked trying to change the subject.

"Oh, the usual. Trying to write an album. Trying to record an album, but never finding the time because the studio is so fucking busy," Josh complained.

"I know! It's ridiculous. I have so many songs that I need to record, but I can't get in," I agreed. "What's going on?"

"I guess everyone's just busy chasing their dreams. Hey, you remember that one dream I told you, a couple of years ago?"

"Well, we've told each other a lot of dreams. Which one?"

"Remember when I told you I always wanted to own my own studio?"

"Yeah, but then you also told me you would never find the money to do that. Have you finally found it?"

"No. I've researched around, and it costs a lot. Not just the building, but all of the equipment. The band has made a fair amount, but it's not enough. I know I could just take out a loan from the bank, and in the end we would be able to pay it off with the money we hopefully make faster from having our own studio. But I have a better plan."

He grinned at me.

I was taken aback.

"Wh-why are you looking at me like that? What are you planning on doing?" I demanded nervously.

He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Josh!" I said sternly. "This better not involve me. What are you thinking in that pea brain of yours?"

He took a long sip from his drink.

"Well, lets face it. The band could really use it's own studio, particularly me. We don't have the money."

"Hey, here's an idea. I could profit from a personal studio as well. How about I lend you money and then we can share it," I suggested.

"No. I am not taking any of your money. I refuse. But, like I said. I have a better idea. And it involves you."

"No. Whatever you are planning, no."

"Just, let me finish," he said. "Have you ever heard of the show Wipeout?"

"No, and I am not taking part of it. At all."

"Hold on now. Let me just explain. There's going to be a new reality game show series and its going to be called Whipeout. And basically, if you win, you get fifty grand. We could really benefit from that."

"And you want me to participate. Why can't you?"

"Because I'm not American."

"You have got to be kidding me," I hid my face in my hands. "And if I decide to go on that show, which is highly unlikely. What do I get?"

"We can share the studio," Josh replied.

"You are absolutely insane."

"Hey, you have to be insane if you want to go far in this business."

"Well, I am not doing this."

_But I believe in whatever you do  
And I'll do anything to see it through_

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I said.

"Don't worry about it, just remember. No money, no platinum record. Do you want a platinum record?" Josh asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"Well then you go out there, and you get to the other side as fast as possible. And try not to whipeout as much."

"Oh, you are so motivational," I said sarcastically.

"Just trying to help."

"Well I hope you realize you aren't."

We were somewhere in California, on set for the show Whipeout. Basically, if I crossed an obstacle course, and got the fastest time, I would win fifty thousand dollars. Only problem about that was I have zero athletic skills what so ever. I was sure I was going to break my neck today. Just then, a man called for me.

"Taylor Swift? You're up next."

I stood up out of my chair, and wiped my sweaty palms on my shorts.

"Break a leg," Josh cheered.

I walked towards the starting line. I looked over the course. It looked extremely hard and it terrified me.

"I'm going to die. Oh god. Why did I ever sign up for this?" I muttered to myself.

The horn blew, and I was off. I trotted down the ramp, and jumped to the platforms floating on the water. I sprinted to the first challenge, which were called Topple Towers. There were four stacks of blocks sitting on top of each other. They were all sitting in a pool of mud. I built up my courage, and jumped to the first one.

It toppled over into the second one, and I face planted into the mud. I felt my legs land somewhere near my head. I was quite certain that was not supposed to happen to someone's body. I stood up in the mud, and it came up to about my thighs. I quickly moved through the thick liquid as fast as possible. By the time I reached the next obstacle, The Sucker Punch, I was way out of breath.

"My hair," I complained. It was going to take forever to untangle the mud from it.

I stepped onto the wall. I grabbed the handles, and started making my way across. I tried my hardest to dodge the punches. One fist got me in the face four times in a row. I shimmied across the wall, before one caught me in the gut. I grunted loudly. I took another side step, and one punched me in the chest hard. I fell over into the mud. I got my footing on the ground, and scrambled to the platform.

When I got out, my legs were burning. I charged up the ramp to the giant red balls. I took a deep breath. I was sure I was going to die on this obstacle. I ran and torpedoed myself to the first one. I landed on my feet, but bounced up high, flipped over, and landed on my back on the second ball. I bounced off the side and landed on the side of the third ball. I bounced back into the second one, then bounced into the water.

I swam up, and broke the surface of the water. I quickly swam towards the next platform. I pulled myself up, and climbed the ladder. When I got to the top, I grabbed the rope, ready to swing into a board.

"This is absolutely ridiculous," I muttered.

I pushed off the platform and swung into the board. I landed on the finish point.

"Woah, I did it! Yeah!" I shouted breathlessly. "Now how do I get down?"

_So we've been outnumbered  
Raided and now cornered  
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair_

Round two of this dumb game. I would rather have been anywhere but there. Although I have to admit it was kind of fun. This round consisted of us twelve contestants standing on tall towers while we jumped over a rotating sweeper arm.

I was terrified.

Some of the other contestants had more of a backbone than me, and were shouting at each other.

"Yeah let's do this!" A giant guy hollered. He looked about eight feet tall, and five hundred pounds.

Suddenly, the arm started rotating. I watched as person after person jumped over it. They made it look so easy. I was determined not to be the first person to fall. The person in front of me jumped, and then it was my turn. I bent down, and straitened out my legs. I swung my arms up, and lept into the air. I bent my legs at the top, as the arm passed underneath me. I landed somewhat gracefully, back on the platform. This continued on with no one falling off for the next few rotations.

"God. Somebody fall already!" Some lady behind me yelled.

And then someone did. Which caused a chain reaction of three more to fall. Including the lady that called out. I tried to hide my smirk. Didn't want karma kicking me in the butt at a time like this.

Once again the arm came around, and I leaped over it. Was it just me, or was it getting faster and higher? I was getting frustrated.

"Ok. Two more. Lets go. Y'all just need to fall so I can move on," yeah, sometimes when I got competitive my southerness would come out in me.

Thankfully, in that same sweep, two more guys fell of. I cheered. Now we were competing for a thousand dollar bonus. I at least needed to walk out with some sort of change in my pocket.

"Why am I the only girl left?" I questioned outloud. "Y'all shoulda been raised on a Christmas tree farm. Then you'd learn how to jump. Me and my brother would jump over the haystacks."

"Oh shut up already!" The guy in front of me yelled. "Y'all can't handle this shit, cause y'all ain't black. You white boys all gonna getch yo asses kicked."

I bundled up all my strength, and leaped over the arm again.

"Ugh, just fall already," I demanded. And that's what happened. The giant guy leaped over the bar, but then his feet got caught and he got dragged overboard. The second person wasn't paying attention, and he got pushed right off. The third person tried jumping, but didnt jump high enough, and he fell too.

"Oh my god why is everybody falling!" I yelled.

In my panick, I hadn't jumped fast enough, and the sweeper arm took me out. Screaming, I fell head first into the water.

The ghetto boy won that round. I decided right then and there that I didn't like him.

_You can walk away, say we don't need this  
But there's something in your eyes  
Says we can beat this_

I did not want to do this next round at all. You had to get spun around, and then either walk across a tippy platform, or jump across slanted pedestals.

"I can't believe I am about to do this," I muttered to myself as I stepped on board the 'Dizzy Dummy.'

As everyone settled in, the contraption started to spin. Suddenly I regretted eating lunch that day. The thing soon stopped, and I attempted to hop off. The hard ground hit my face. How did that get there?

I stood up, and taking drunken steps, I managed my way to the tipsy tables. I took a deep breath and ran across the first one. I couldn't see strait. I was too dizzy to even know if I was walking strait. Suddenly, a coldness rushed over me. I had somehow ended up in the water. Yup. I was in fact, too dizzy to walk strait.

I imagined Josh laughing his ass off right now. A new fury and adrenaline surged through me, and I swam to the begining. Just as I climbed out, a horn blew. I looked back and saw that someone had reached the end. It was Ghetto Boy. I growled. That money was mine.

We span again, and I tried a strategy to make myself less dizzy. I tried looking forwards the whole time. It sort of worked, but when I leapt off, I stumbled around a bit. But I was determined to win. I walked off most of the nausea, as I arrived at the hopping blocks.

I watched as one guy started off, but quickly fell over. I mustered up my courage, and leaped from each block to the next, until I made it to the first platform. One more set to go before I'm in. I certainly did not want to get spun around again.

I looked over to my side and saw Ghetto Boy rolling around on the floor laughing. Rage surged through me, and I leaped to the blocks. These ones were spaced out more, but I used my long legs to my advantage, and leaped in a zig zag formation. I reached the end, and threw my arms up in victory.

"Yay!" I cheered.

Thank God I was done with all that spinning.

_This revolution, the time will come  
For us to finally win_

The final round. I was absolutely terrified. Josh was here giving me another one of his stupid pep talks.

"Look! You've almost made it. Just one more round to complete. Take deep breaths, and use everything you got. Get to that finish line as fast as possible. Remember, fifty grand towards a new studio. You want platinum records? Well you aren't going to produce any unless you have more time in a studio. You got this." He leaned in and hugged me. I held him tight. Sure this was the day I died.

"Josh, I am going to die. Look at how high up that ramp is. I have to slide down. I can't do this," I worried.

"Yes you can. Just remember, fate of the band. Studio. Platinum records," he chanted.

One of the crew members called me up.

"Taylor? It's your turn."

I gulped and followed him. The only thing carrying me forward was the thought of being able to strangle Josh once I was done this. I couldn't accept utter failure.

I waited at the top of the slide, on a blown up tube. I could feel my heart in my throat. I was so high. A robotic voice counted down, and then I heard a beep. I pushed off and slid down the ramp. I was screaming so loudly I was sure my vocal chords would be ripped to shreds. I flew off the ramp, and landed in the water a long ways away.

I swam to the next ramp, and started climbing up. It was wet and slippery and cold. On top of it all, I had to jump over these large barrels. I grunted from exertion in each high leap. Twice I landed on my hands and knees. I reached the top and started climbing across a very narrow wall. I was so scared of falling.

The only thing keeping me going was the money. And the look on Ghetto Boys face when I beat him. I made it to a platform. I stared at the next thing in my way. The Spinner. It was rotating at a horrifying pace, and had padded barricades to make landing harder. My legs and lungs were burning.

A new thought entered my mind that made me jump and land with ease.

If I got Josh that money, he would most likely like me more than Amanda. I smirked at the image of her face when I won and she did nothing.

After spinning around a few times, I found a good spot, and leaped to the platform. I almost slid off, but held on for dear life. I got back up on my feet, and leaped to one of four trampolines.

I overshot it, and ended up bouncing right off.

"No!" I screamed as I fell into the water. I charged through the liquid towards the platform. I quickly climbed the ladder and tried again.

I leapt off and landed on my hands and knees, but instantly leaped to my feet. I bounced a few times until I got enough air, reached for the second and taller trampoline. My upper body made it, but my legs didnt. I used all upper body strength I had to pull myself up. I leaped onto the third smaller trampoline and double bounced to the fourth.

I took a deep breath and leaped to the finish platform. I landed, and quickly got to my feet. I was absolutely exhausted. I threw my arms up into the air. I had beat the time of the other two contestants before me. I was in the lead.

"Wooh!" I cheered. Now hopefully Ghetto Boy wouldn't beat my time of two minutes and fourty seconds.

When I arrived on dry land, I was instantly wrapped up in a jacket. The interviewer, Jill Wagner was there.

"So how do you think you did there?" She asked placing her microphone near my mouth.

"I think I had a pretty good run. Two fourty is pretty good, but that one fall cost me preciouse time," I said in between pants.

It took a few minutes, but soon Ghetto boy was racing through the track. He flew from the slide right to the barrels. He passed that with no trouble, and instantly crawled across the wall to the other side. He leaped onto The Spinner, and made it to the platform in less than one turn.

He was charging through way faster than me. I was so nervous that he was going to beat me. He was a minute ahead. I prayed that he fell.

And that's exactly what happened.

"Yes!" I cheered as I watched him bounce off the first trampoline and fall into the water.

By the time he swam over and climbed up the ladder to the platform, his time was two ten. He had a very small chance of beating me. Butterflies danced around in my stomach. He landed on the last trampoline at two thirty-five.

"Come on, don't make it. Don't make it," I muttered.

He leapt, but before he landed the clock struck two fourty-one. I beat him.

I leapt up in the air and cheered.

"Yeah!" I screamed.

_Tonight we stand, get off our knees  
Fight for what we've worked for all these years_

Four months later.

I watched as Josh walked towards us with his hands in his pockets.

Mike, Matt, Ian, and I were all standing infront of the new building. With a little money donated from the all of us. Me chipping in a little more than the guys, and the money I won from Whipeout, we had purchased the building for the new studio. We also bought a few other necessities to go with it.

While I was recuperating from wiping out, the boys and a couple others went on a show called Silent Library. At least I wasn't the only one who got beat up. Ian had to drink Chinese food that had been in the blender, and Josh got kicked in the nuts many, many times. They had won ten thousand from it.

Josh arrived, and unlocked the studio. The guys rushed in, leaving Josh and I alone.

"Well Josh. Finally achieved your dream?" I asked.

"Yes. Yes I did. Thanks to you though. Without you we would not have been able to pay for this," he thanked.

I smiled.

"By the way, you didn't have to do it."

"Hey, I'm your guys' friend. I'm here to help."

"No, like seriously. You didn't have to go on Whipeout. I Have dual citizenship. I could have competed instead."

My jaw dropped.

"You are so close to being a dead man Josh. Oh well, at least I didn't have to go through what you guys did on Silent Library. I had more fun."

"That's for sure. I got beat up by some old lady and her newspaper!"

i laughed.

"But still. Thank you so much. This study will be a blessing," he said.

"I can't wait to use it, but I'll be gone in New York for a few days," I explained.

"When are you leaving?" Josh questioned. For a second there I thought I heard a tad bit of disappointment in his voice.

"I'll land there late Monday, do an interview on Tuesday, then leave early in the morning on Wednesday. So I won't be gone for too long," I told him. "You gonna miss me?"

"Mmm, maybe just a little bit," he said ruffling my hair.

I thought for a moment, wondering how much he would truly miss me. Did he think about me as much as I thought about him? Why was I getting so jealous about him and Amanda? It wasn't like I had feelings for him. We were just really good friends.

"Oh! I almost forgot," I reached into my purse and pulled out a pair of sunglasses. "These, are for you."

I held them out, and passed them to him. He examined the expensive accessory.

"Are these Oakly?" He shouted in an excited voice.

"Oakly Limited to be exact."

"Oh my god. Taylor, you shouldn't have. These things cost like, four hundred dollars!"

"Hey, we made a deal. Remember?"

He reached over and hugged me.

"God, I love you Taylor. You're the best friend a guy could ask for."

Friend. Nothing more. Just. Friend. I sighed. He eventually broke the hug, and stepped back. He opened the door and motioned for me to go in.

"Ladies first," he greeted.

I put on a big smile and complied. I walked through the door. It was cold, and it was empty, but it felt like home. I could feel the walls vibrating many stories of what was to come. I could sense great things, both good and bad, would happen in this building. Our future would soon be built. Our mysterious future, that I had no idea where it was going.

All I knew in that moment, was that the next time we met, things would be very different. Oh well. I had nothing to lose.

_And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives  
But we'll stand up champions tonight_

"Quick! Taylor! In here," my body gaurd yelled.

My team and I had been running around all over the place in New York. The paparazzi here,compared to Vancouver was ridiculous. I couldn't imagine living here. It was insane.

Yet, I loved it.

I followed him through a back door into a random hotel. It wasn't the fanciest thing ever, which was probably good because it didn't stand out. We walked into the lobby. There was quite a few people there. It almost looked like a production team.

And then I saw him.

He was standing there with his hands in his pockets. I was really surprised to see him here. His dark hair fell over one eye. His eyes were staring right into mine.

My heart skipped a beat.

Suddenly I felt myself writing a whole bunch of songs about him. About this moment. I could stay in this moment forever. I instantly knew I had fallen hard all over again. It was just me and him in this world. I finally realized it.

I was in love.

And I think he was too, because we didn't need any words. He was everything I ever wanted. He took four big steps towards me, and cradled my face in his. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tippy toes. Our lips met, and they stayed there. Hey, you can skip the conversation when you already know you were made for each other.

A show of fireworks went off, and I felt all tingly everywhere.

You could say our relationship took off faster than a green light.

After the paparazzi faded, we went to a café and conversed for hours. We made tons of jokes. He was absolutely hilarious. When it was dark, most likely past midnight, he walked me back to my hotel. A cool summer breeze blew by making the heat more comfortable. We were standing there at the entrance of my room, hand in hand.

He leaned in and kissed me. Just as I was about to take flight in a fury of sparks, he broke the kiss.

"I love you Taylor," he said.

"I love you too," I said with a smile.

He left me to go back to his own hotel room. He told me where it was located back at the café. I tossed and turned in bed. Unable to get his face out of my mind. Sudden worries crowded my head. How will he ever get back to me? What if he doesn't think I love him?

I shot out of bed and grabbed a note. I scrawled a joke we made, and my phone number on it. I ran down the stairs, to his room. I slid the note underneath his door, praying he would see it in the morning. I sighed. I was in absolute love with him.

And that, was the very first day of our romantic, tumultuous relationship.

_It was the night things changed_

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed that chapter, and I don't know about you, but I am super excited for what's to come now. And as always, please review. Someone give me the courage to carry on in this dark world. **


	13. Good To You

****AUTHORS NOTE - I just want to remind you all that you are loved. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you. Anyone is here for you. You just need to ask. You just need to take twenty seconds of courage, then you'll have an army behind you for eternity. Don't take your life and leave others with a hole in their heart. Take moments. Enjoy life. Be grateful for everything. It'll be ok. Things will get better eventually. I love you. **

* * *

Taylor's POV

For the first time, I had something to lose.

He may live on the other side of the continent, but he was all mine. He was perfect in everyway. The freckles on his face, his shaggy dark hair. His voice carried the best tune. Same with the other members of his band.

He made a point to call me right when he woke up. Of course, New York was on eastern time, so I would get the call in the morning, where it would be noon there.

I picked up my ringing phone.

"Hi Joe!" I greeted.

"Hey Taylor!" He greeted back.

"How are you?" I asked the Jonas Brother.

"I am excellent. Guess what."

"What?"

"I, have a surprise for you."

"Oh really? What is it!"

"I can't tell you. It'll ruin the surprise."

"Why not? Come on. Tell me!"

"Mmm, no. But, I'll give you a hint."

"What is your hint?" I asked.

"If you go to your studio at three pm, your surprise will be there," he explained.

"That's your hint? Give me more details!" I begged.

"Calm down, don't get to excited," he laughed. "I don't want to give it away."

"Ugh, you are so frustrating."

* * *

Josh's POV

Well you could say I was certainly 'surprised' when I saw Taylor's surprise in the studio. I guess you could also say I was a little jealous. Her 'surprise' was quite the deal in the music industry. When I heard the front door open, I stepped into the hallway to see if it was Taylor.

"I can tell you right now, you're probably going to really enjoy your surprise," I told her.

"What is it?" She asked as she hung her jacket on the rack. The late September air making it brisk outside.

"I'll let you figure that out on your own."

"Where is it?"

"The recording room," I stated.

I walked down the hallway, back to where I had perched myself before the surprise had arrived. Taylor was a few steps behind.

I watched her reaction as she stepped through the door. Her jaw dropped, and eyes went wide.

"Joe!" She shrieked. She had a wide grin on her face, that matched that of Joes. She ran and leaped into his arms.

Suddenly, I felt rather uncomfortable. My girlfriend never reacted like that to me, of course I didn't live a few plane rides away. Or maybe I was uncomfortable with seeing Taylor in love. I'd rather see her in love with me than anyone else. Woah, back up. My heart belonged to my girlfriend.

"Oh my god. This is the best surprise ever!" Taylor said. Pure excitement ringing through her voice. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," Joe replied.

"I bet you I missed you more," Taylor countered.

"I highly doubt that. I missed you more than a fat cats neck hurts."

She giggled.

I rolled my eyes. People being obnoxiously in love was so annoying to watch. Like get a life. I didn't care if I was being a hypocrite, but at least Amanda wasn't the only thing I ever talked about... Right?

Finally, Taylor got back on the ground.

"So I guess you met Josh?" She asked him.

"Yeah, we met briefly," he replied.

Well, actually, after causing a huge scene outside, he got his brothers to divert the attention, and hopped in here. He was more surprised to see me than I was to have a Jonas Brother in my studio. Especially when he told me he wasn't here to make music.

"Well, Joe, this is Josh and he's the lead singer of his band Marianas Trench. He introduced me to my record label, and we've been best friends ever since," she explained. "And Josh, this is Joe. My new boyfriend. Yeah, he's a Jonas Brother, and we met in New York."

We shook hands.

"So, Taylor. Any ideas as for what we should do today?" Joe asked.

"Oh, I don't know. As long as I'm with you we can do anything," Taylor bit her lip.

Hold on. They wanted to go on a date together. Alone. Yeah, not on my watch.

"Hey," I quickly spoke up. "Me and Amanda are going to this Chinese restraunt in Burnaby. How about you guys come along."

"Oh," Taylor said. "That's sweet but-"

"Yeah that'd be great!" Joe interrupted.

"But," Taylor defended.

"Shh, Taylor. Come on. It'll be fun," Joe advertised.

"Exactly! We'll pick you up at five," I concluded.

* * *

"So, tell me again why you invited them?" Amanda asked. I knew she was trying hard not to sound too annoyed.

"Don't worry about it-"

"Don't you dare blow me off like that," she interrupted. "I thought, that, this was going to be our little special day."

"Well, you know, Taylor's always having trouble finding a guy. I just don't want her to be alone because she's a good person. And after what happened with the last guy, I hope this one will last," I lied. "After all, they seem to be really in love. She's played me a few songs she's written about him. I just want him to feel welcome. And I want to show my support."

"Well, seems a little early to be playing the guessing game 'is he the one'," she sighed. "When did they start dating?"

"July. Three and a half months is pretty good. You can see Taylor really likes him. Now I can just use today to guilt him into staying."

Or leaving. But I kept that to myself.

"Didn't you say they had special news?"

"Yeah. I didn't get any details though," I replied.

Just then, the door to Taylor's house opened, and out they came. They rushed hand in hand to the back doors of my car.

"Hey guys!" Amanda welcomed.

"Oh hi," Joe said. "I don't think I've met you yet. I'm Joe."

Amanda looked surprised as she found herself shaking hands with a Jonas Brother. "Uh-um I, I'm Amanda," she struggled for words to say. She shook his hand.

* * *

After sitting at a booth, and ordering our food, we began to make small talk.

"So. Joe, what's your story?" I asked a bit harshly.

"Well, it was originally my brother Nick who wanted to get into the music business. But when the president of Columbia Records heard a song by all of us, he decided to sign us. Eventually they dropped us, but then we got signed to Hollywood Records, and we've been making music ever since," he explained. "How about you?"

"Well, I was in a few bands in high school, and then Marianas Trench was eventually formed. And we got signed by 604 Records," I told him.

He nodded his head.

After a few awkward moments of silence, Taylor cleared her throat.

"So, I guess we should order," she suggested. "Joe, see anything on the menu baby?"

She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, and placed her other hand on his chest near his shoulder, rubbing circles.

I felt my lips purse. I looked over to Amanda. Two can play at this game.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer. I rested my chin on her shoulder, and together we looked at the menu.

"See any grub?" I asked softly.

I smiled inwardly as I noticed Taylor watching us out of the corner of my eye. I spontaneously gave Amanda a kiss on the cheek. She giggled quietly. I loved it when she did that.

"Well, of course we're going to have to get the pot stickers," Amanda said. Those were her favorite.

"Oh, the sweet and sour pork. That too," Joe suggested.

Taylor looked up at him.

"Yum," she said.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on her lips. My nostrils flared.

"How about the beans. Whatever they're called. Lets get that," I said. Trying to divert their attention from each other.

"You mean the uh," Taylor flipped a page on her menu. "The stir fry green beans with ginger and black bean sauce?"

"Yeah that one," I replied.

"Of course the black bean sauce chow mein is being ordered," Taylor implied.

"Is that your favorite dish?" Joe asked.

She nodded.

I knew it was her favorite. He obviously didn't know it because he barely knew her.

"Alright, so do you think that's enough?" I asked taking a sip of my tea.

"Oh the curry dish! That's another favorite," Amanda said looking at me.

"You know me so well," I said smiling. I leaned in, and kissed her on the lips. I silently hoped that I was making Taylor very jealous.

The waitress came by, and I told her our order. She madly scribbled down our food on her pad, then left.

A few minutes later, our steaming food arrived. I stirred around the chow mein, and everyone else dished some food onto their plates. I grabbed some food, and we all dug in.

"Is it good?" I asked Amanda.

"Absolutely," she said inbetween bites.

I noticed Taylor's giggles, and looked up.

"How are the beans?" Taylor asked Joe.

"Really good, here have one," he replied. He took his fork, and fed Taylor a green bean. They were looking lovingly at each other.

I clenched my teeth.

"So, Taylor. You told us you had news," I interrupted. "What is it?"

She gave me a look that might have said, 'you couldn't have picked a different time to ask?'

"Well, I've been working really hard lately, and the album is officially written and recorded," she explained.

"All of it?" I asked excitedly.

"Yup! All eleven songs. I think anyways. Theres always a possibility that I might add more, but for now it's set with eleven songs. We just need to finish the album and booklet design now," she sounded excited.

"What's it called?" Amanda asked.

I did a little drum role on the table with my hands. Taylor giggled.

"It's called Fearless!" She exclaimed.

I was about to talk, when Joe took the words right out of my mouth.

"I'm so proud of you Taylor," he exclaimed. My heart sank as I watched him lean down and kiss her.

I looked back down at my plate. I inwardly sighed, and stuffed some pork into my mouth. Then I had a thought. I quickly swallowed what I had in my mouth, and began my plan of action.

Operation scare away Joe Jonas.

"Hey Taylor, remember that one time you gave yourself a mild concussion getting out of your car?" I asked bringing up the embarrassing topic.

I could've sworn I saw her blush a bit.

"What?" She tried to giggle it off, but it was clear she was desperately trying to hide her embarrassment.

"Yeah. You drove me home from the studio because I was getting my car fixed. But we decided to stop for a bite to eat. Then when you got out, you were so tall that you knocked your head on the roof."

I noticed Joe chuckling.

"You know, I don't remember that ever happening. I think it was probably you who did that. You just don't remember that night because _you_ got a concussion from it," Taylor denied.

"No, because you were so dizzy that I had to drive you home," I replied. "Hey Joe. If you're thinking of keeping this one, you'll have to get extra high ceilings and put foam pads on the top of all the doorways.

Joe laughed really hard. I could see her grinding her teeth. I'm sure that if she had a chance, she would choke me. Eventually, she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, if we're bringing up embarrassing stories, how about that one time we went to the movies. You tripped going down the stairs and got popcorn everywhere. You remember that?" She countered.

Dammit.

I heard Amanda having a laughing fit beside me. I looked down and saw that everybody was pretty much done with their food now.

"How about some dessert?" I suggested trying to change the conversation.

"Looks like they have ice cream here," Amanda noticed. "How about that?"

"Yeah sure," Taylor said. "Do they have -"

"Chocolate caramel?" I said finishing Taylor's sentence.

Amanda nodded.

Taylor blushed. Chocolate caramel was her favorite.

"Is chocolate marshmallow on the menu?" Joe asked.

"I don't see it," Amanda said looking through the pages.

"Hmm, how about bubblegum?"

"Yup right here," she said. "Are you going to have any Josh?"

"Oh, I -"

"Ice cream makes him sick," Taylor interrupted. I looked over and noticed she was leaning back with her arms folded across her chest.

"Really?" Joe asked.

I nodded.

"That must suck. Ice cream is like frozen heaven in a bowl, mixed with a little bit of Morgan Freeman's voice," he explained.

I felt the corners of my mouth rise. Unexpectedly, I chuckled a little.

After everyone finished, I opted to pay, but Taylor insisted that she should. We ended up splitting the bill, then walked back to my car. I drove them all home, and finally arrived at my own place.

I opened the door, greeting my cats. I walked past the kitchen table, and threw my things down. I slung my jacket over the chair, and plopped down on my couch. I sighed a deep breath, while cuddling with my cat. I was exhausted by the long day. I couldn't remember when, but I eventually fell into a cloudy slumber.

* * *

I woke up, I don't know how long later, to the sound of my phone ringing. I groaned. I looked to the clock to see that it was two in the morning. I stumbled off my couch, and shuffled towards my phone on the kitchen.

I was almost glad I had been awakened. Passing out on that couch always gave me strange dreams. I had a dream that Taylor and I had gotten trapped in a run down ice cream factory. It almost looked like it was post-zombie apocalypse.

Then Amanda had arrived in zombie form, and turned Joe into one. I had dragged Taylor around the dark corridors, but I eventually witnessed, to her demise, Joe eat her. I then had to burn the building down, and bash all the zombies brains out. But before I could kill Amanda, I had woken up.

It was quite the coincidence when I saw who was calling.

"Hello?" I answered my phone.

"Josh?" It was Amanda. She sounded hysterical.

"Amanda? Are you alright. What's wrong?"

"I-I-it's. It's my dad," she started sobbing.

"Amanda where are you? I'm coming to help."

She shakily told me, and I snatched my keys and left the apartment.

* * *

A mere ten minutes later, I found myself at the Vancouver General Hospital. I rushed inside, and found Amanda waiting for me. I wrapped her up in a big hug. She was sobbing.

"Shh, it's ok. It's going to be alright," I comforted her. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

She pulled away, and hastily wiped at her eyes. "He was at work, doing the graveyard shift, and then he fell. And he hit his head."

She broke down again.

I hugged her again, and rubbed her back.

"They say he might not make it," she sobbed. "I'm scared. He's, the only one, I have left. What if, what if he doesn't make it?"

I gulped. Moments like this, made it hard to speak. To try and say the right thing. In fact, there really wasn't a right thing to say.

"I'll be alone. I'll have no one," she whispered.

I pulled her down to the chair. I sat beside her.

"Hey. That's not true. You won't be alone. You'll have me. I'll be there for you."

"Could you sing to me?" She asked in her shaky voice.

I couldn't refuse. But I had no idea what to sing. I eventually found myself singing random words I made up on the spot.

"Everyone's around

No words are coming out.

And I can't find my breath,

Can we just say the rest with no sound?"

I held her hands, and looked into her eyes.

"And I know this isn't enough,

I still don't measure up

And I'm not prepared;

Sorry is never there when you need it,"

This song was nothing, compared to the grief that she might have to endure soon. I realized that I wasn't the best boyfriend, I had spent all day using her to make my friend jealous, but I would do anything to protect her. Anything to make her feel safe.

I broke my eye contact for a moment, when I saw the doctor emerge from the room. He had a grim look on his face, and I knew that what he was going to say wasn't going to be good. I wasn't prepared. Nobody is prepared for that moment. There was nothing you could say to make it right.

"What's happening?" Amanda asked as she got up from her seat. She faced the doctor.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "He didn't make it."

I saw her start to shake. I heard a small sob escape.

"No. No, no, no," she cried. She turned around, and burried her face in my chest. I carefully wrapped my arms around her. She was so fragile. She could break at any moment.

"I'm so sorry Amanda. This shouldn't be happening. But I promise, I will stay right by your side. You don't have to be afraid. Because I will treat you with care," I whispered into her ear.

I continued to sing.

"And I do want you to know

I'll hold you up above everyone

And I do want you to know

I think you'd be good to me

And I'd be so good to you,"

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed that chapter. I know it doesn't have the best flow, but my mind has been distracted lately. I was hoping to get this in before I go to California for five days, (WOOP WOOP)! I'm leaving on Thursday, which is the day I usually update, and coming back on the Tuesday, so the next update may be late. Anyways, please read and review. Tell me what you think of the story so far, and thanks for the review! I saw it and I was so excited, thank you so much!**


	14. Beside You

**Ok, I've got a few important things to say here. So read this authors note. **

**First of all, California was amazing and I'm actually tan for once, but that's not important. **

**Second of all, and this makes me really mad, but I don't know if you noticed that one of the reviews on this story is explaining how I "broke the rules" and used real people. I understand that and all, but it makes me mad that people go to the trouble to search up stories just to remove them from this site. Now if and when this story gets removed (don't worry I'm not giving up on this baby) I am in the process of backing it up onto . I'm also thinking of putting up on what I believe is called or something like that.. Also, I think I'll post it up on tumblr, I'll just have to set up a writing account or whatever. **

**I will post the links on my profile and at the bottom of this chapter. I'll keep updating this until it gets removed (crossing my fingers that it doesn't) **

**Oh and hey, ever since I left on Thursday and was without Internet until last night, this story got so many views, so I hope that you are all enjoying it as much as I am writing it. **

* * *

Taylor's POV

The previous night played back in my head. Joe had left to go back home to New York. I missed him. I had lots of fun when he was here with me.

Memories of the dinner struck through my mind. I hated seeing Josh with his girlfriend. I didn't know why though. But throughout that whole dinner, I had my mind set on making Josh extremely jealous. I cuddled with Joe, more than I would do in public. I kissed him, purposefully doing it when Josh was watching. I even told an embarrassing story in hopes of creeping Amanda away.

But one thing that caught my attention, was when we were ordering our ice cream. Amanda didnt know that ice cream made Josh sick. I knew. And when she asked what I wanted, he immediately knew what I wanted.

I guess that was just us being friends. Right?

I parked my car outside the studio, and got out. I looked up at the building. Josh had decided to name it The Umbrella Factory. Not too sure why, but he gave it that name. I opened the door, and walked inside.

I stepped through the door to the recording room, and saw Josh on the phone.

"Who is it?" I mouthed.

"Amanda," he replied silently.

I bit my lip and sat down on the couch.

Sometimes the studio was a nice escape. I was surrounded by everything I loved in here. Here was where reality could take a vacation for a while. But the fact that Josh brought that girl into the picture here did not make me pleased.

I sat and listened to the conversation. It sounded like she was upset. I rolled my eyes. Needy girlfriends.

"No, baby... I had to get off the phone really quickly... I tried to call you right back... Of course I love you. More than anything! Baby, I'm so sorry," Josh said into the phone.

I could hear Amanda screaming back at home in the phone. God, I felt so bad for Josh. He didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Finally, he hung up.

"Is everything alright?" I asked. I silently hoped that she had broken up with him.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. She's just a little stressed out right now. That's all," he replied. "In fact, I should probably visit her right now. See how she's doing. I'll text you later."

"Bye."

I watched him leave the room.

In that moment, something clicked, and I knew that there would be twelve songs on the record. I phoned up Liz Rose and asked if she could get here to do a writing session. She said she'd be here in ten.

When she arrived, I greeted her, and we sat down at the table.

"What are we writing about today?" She asked.

"So, my friend was on the phone with his girlfriend and she was just being one of those, needy girlfriends. And he was all like, I don't know how to say it. Like as if he was being ordered by her," I explained.

"So you're gonna write a song about a guy and his needy girlfriend?" She chuckled.

"Well, no not exactly. I was just thinking. What if we liked each other?"

"Like a love triangle sort of thing?" She asked.

"Not exactly. Basically you want someone who is with this girl who doesn't appreciate him at all. Basically like 'girl-next-door-itis.' You like this guy who you have for your whole life, and you know him better than she does but somehow the popular girl gets the guy every time."

"Ok. I get it. So you are in love with a guy who has a girlfriend that doesn't appreciate him at all."

I nodded.

"Got any lyrics?" She asked.

"Well, while he was on the phone, this line popped into my head: you're on the phone with your girlfriend she's upset," I sang.

And the song painted itself from there. We edited it a bit so that high schoolers could relate more to it. It kind of referred to a very stereo typical setting.

In the end, we came up with the song, You Belong With Me.

* * *

"Hey Josh! You busy tonight?" I asked him on the phone.

"Um, probably not. Why, what's up?" He replied.

"Well, I was just wondering if we could hang out tonight."

"Ah, lonely since Joe left?"

I paused to gather my thoughts. I was rather lonely. In fact, ever since he left, Joe had stopped calling me. I figured he was just busy. They had released their album a couple of months back, so they were probably rehearsing for their tour.

"Sort of," I simply replied.

"Aw, well hey! Fright Night at the PNE opened last night. Do you want to go there? Take your mind off things?" He suggested.

"Hah. You've got to be kidding. I scare so easily!"

"Don't worry. I'll protect you."

"What about Amanda?" I questioned.

I was sure that if she, or rather, _when_ she came, they would be all over each other, and I would be the awkward third wheel.

"Oh, um," he struggled for words. "I don't think she can come."

"Is everything alright between you two?" I asked.

He seemed more distant than usual. Usually if you mentioned Amanda in a conversation, he would go on and on about some story of her.

"Yeah, yeah. We're fine," he replied.

I could sense he was holding back, but didnt push him.

"So how about I pick you up at seven, and then we can at least go on some rides there?" He suggested.

"I guess so," I sighed. "But as soon as I get scared, I'm leaving."

* * *

"I can't believe you dragged me into doing this," I complained through clenched teeth.

"What. Are you not having fun?" Josh asked as we made our way to the wooden roller coaster.

"We've been in here maybe fifteen minutes, and I've already been scared at least three times!" I exclaimed.

"Ok well that third one was your fault. In fact, he wasn't even an actor!" Josh reasoned.

"I don't care. Anyone who looks like he did, or can make that weird sound, will be terrifying in my books."

"He was ten!"

i shrugged my shoulders.

"You're ridiculous," Josh chuckled.

We got in line for the ride. There were lots of people, so the line was slow going. I decided to ask Josh the question that had been lingering in my mind. Maybe he would finally give me a straight answer in person.

"So Josh," I began.

"What's up?"

"What's really going on?"

"With what?" He questioned.

"You and Amanda. If you're not in the studio, you're with her. Why didn't you bring her here? And what was with that fight on the phone?" I asked. I knew I was prodding a bit deep, but we were best friends. We told each other everything.

He sighed.

"At least tell me why she's not here."

"Her dad passed away a couple of weeks ago," he replied solemnly.

I was taken aback. I was not expecting that answer. I would've been less surprised if she had taken the job as some UFC fighter in Brazil. Not this.

"Is she alright?"

"She's managing. I think it'll take a long time before she gets better."

"How's her mom?" I asked. I couldn't imagine her grief right now. If my dad passed, my mom would never be able to live again.

"Dead," he simply replied.

"I'm sorry what!" I exclaimed. "What happened?"

"Her dad died by hitting his head. Her mom has been gone for a while. I guess she died of cancer when Amanda was only fifteen."

My heart sunk. That was just something you never wanted to hear. I had a sudden soft spot for Amanda now. She was so strong. If my mom died I would probably soon as well be dead.

"Well. Tell her I'm terribly sorry. If she needs anything, tell her I'm here for her. Is she living on her own?"

"She's staying with her grandparents right now. But they live all the way out in Abbotsford. I haven't seen her all week. It's quite the hassle to get there. Almost two hours. So I've been thinking."

"What about?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, we all know how hard it is to lose someone. And the worst thing you can do at a time like this, is to isolate yourself. It's going to take a long time for her to heal. So I was thinking, maybe it'd be better if she stayed with me," he explained.

"Like, temporary?" I hoped.

"No. Permanently. I'm going to ask her if she wants to live with me."

My heart stopped beating. Reality sunk in. I guess that proved just how much he loved her. Maybe I could talk him out of it.

"But, do you think she'll agree?"

"I hope so."

"Well there's so many things to think about though. I think you're moving it a bit too fast."

"What do you mean? We've been dating for almost a year now," he said.

"Yeah, but have you factored in your job? What happens three months from now when you leave her to go on tour? She'll still be settling in. Still grieving, and then bam. You're gone."

"I've thought about that."

"Right. But what happens when you guys get in a fight and break up? There won't be any running from her when she lives in the same tiny apartment as you."

"Oh please. When will we ever break up?"

"Well, lets flash back to Matt's birthday when you guys got in a fight and broke up. You were supposed to take Matt out to dinner that night too."

"Yeah, but if you still remember, we got back together and still took him out to dinner," he countered.

"Well, what are you going to do for four hours before you two make up and it's all better again? Gonna go and get a corn dog?"

"Well who says we'd ever break up again?"

"In the summer you guys didn't speak to each other for three days," I reminded him.

"Ok," he hesitated. "But did we officially break up?"

"Oh, so you're just going to pretend like you guys don't exist, even though you live in the same little apartment?"

"Look. I know we sometimes have a bit of a rocky relationship, but I know she's the one. And I want to be there for her. I want to stay by her side through thick and thin."

I sighed. I guess he wasn't going to give up on her.

"How about Joe? What's he up too?" Josh asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, and looked down.

"Is everything ok?" He questioned.

"I guess so. He hasn't been calling me, and when I try to call him, there's no answer. I don't know. I guess he's just busy."

I was thankful that he left it at that.

"So, about your new album! When is it going to be released?" He asked.

"November eleventh!" I replied, thankful for the subject change. "You gonna buy it?"

"Yes. Of course. Still eleven songs?"

"Twelve actually. I wrote one the other day with Liz."

"What inspired that?"

"Oh, you know. Just a friend. I made up this little plot line in my head. I was thinking, what if I loved him, but he had this girlfriend that just treated him horribly. And then Liz and I created this fun song from there," I explained.

"Well, you'll have to play it for me sometime. Still got those secret messages?" He asked.

"Oh yeah. I like them. They're fun little notes that give more of an inside to what inspired the song."

"Oh really. So is Stephan's name all written cursive?"

"Haha. No, but the secret message for Hey Stephan, is the name of his band. Love and Theft."

"How about Love Story?"

"Someday I'll find this," I said. "And maybe I have. I'm just not sure yet."

"How about Change? I like that one."

"You made things change for me."

"Who's that directed to?"

"Everybody who helped me really. John, Nathan, Chad, you."

"Me?" He questioned in disbelief.

"Yeah. If you hadn't found me in that café, I never would have gotten to where I am today. So thank you," I reached out and hugged him.

"Aw. Anytime. How about the song that I worked on with you. White Horse."

"All I ever wanted was the truth. You know, I can't believe I ever thought he was a good guy. Apparently he's some dumb player now," I exasperated.

"Well, it's his loss now. He missed out on a beautiful great girl," Josh comforted.

I looked up at him and smiled. It was that moment, that I realized how lucky I was. If it weren't for him, I would be nowhere. And if it had been any other person, I would be missing out on a great guy.

* * *

Josh's POV

We were cuddled up on the couch. I had her in my arms, holding her protectively. She was crying again.

"Shh. It's ok Amanda. It'll get better," I whispered.

"I'm so scared though Josh!" She sobbed. "I have no one left. I don't have any parents anymore. I'm not even old yet. What am I going to do? I can't live with my grandparents for forever. What am I going to do about the house? I'm alone now."

I pressed my finger to her lips, and shushed her.

"Amanda, you are not alone. Don't you dare think that. Ever. You have me. I promise to you, no. I cross my heart, that no matter what happens, I will be right by your side. I will be right beside you every step of the way. I love you Amanda. I won't let anything break you."

"But," she sniffled.

"No buts. I am here for you. I will support you. I will love you," I reassured her. "In fact, just to prove to you that I will always be here for you, I wrote a song. Just for you."

I got up and grabbed my guitar. I sat down across from her. She was sitting up, but was curled into a little ball. I began plucking the strings.

"It's called Beside You," I cleared my throat.

"When your tears are spent

On your last pretense

And your tired eyes refuse to close

And sleep in your defence," I softly sang. All those nights we spent up together. Her crying till there were no tears left, then crying even more. Me, right there, holding her. "And the only thing you want is just to be still, for a while."

This was my message to her. If she ever had any doubts about our relationship, I would have proof on the record. This song would be her anthem to help her stay strong.

"And if your heart wears thin

I will hold you up

And I will hide you

When it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

I'll be right beside you," if I hadn't already said it enough, I was singing it to her now. Which made it better, right?

"When you're overwhelmed

And you've lost your breath

And the space between the things you know is blurring nonetheless," she may not know it now, but things would get better. Things didnt have to be so confusing. Her mind just wasn't thinking straight.

"Trust in me

Trust in me

Don't pull away," I wished she realized just how much she meant to me. She was the only thing that kept me grounded. My whole world spun around her.

"Just trust in me

Trust in me

I'm just trying to keep this together

Because I could do worse and you could do better," out of everybody in the world, she chose me. She had no idea how lucky I was. I was just some greasy singer. She was beautiful, and funny, and my everything. She was way out of my league. I was trying so hard, but I really needed to learn how to be a better boyfriend.

"And if your heart wears thin

I will hold you up

And I will hide you

When it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

Nobody will break you," I finished the song. I prayed she liked it. I looked up and tears were streaming down her cheeks. "You're crying. I hope it's not because this song made your ears bleed."

She shook her head. She gained enough composure to utter out a few words.

"No, it's not that," she sniffled. "That song was so beautiful, and meaningful. I still can't believe someone would write a song for me. You have no idea how much that means to me. I love you so much Josh."

She began sobbing. I quickly placed my guitar on the ground, and scooped her up in my arms. She sobbed into my neck. I could feel her shaking. I felt so bad for the grief she must be going through right now, but my mind was a bit distracted.

She liked my song. No, she loved it, and she loved me. I smiled. I didn't know what I would do without this girl.

* * *

Taylor's POV

"Please, please, please. Jonathan I beg of you. Look! I am on my knees begging," I pleaded.

I sat on my knees, with my hands clasped up by my chin. I was begging him to let me put this song on my album. I had written it last night, and it had, to go on the record.

"Look, Taylor. You already have twelve songs on your album. Why do you need another?" He questioned.

"Look, something happened that I really need to address. If I don't get it on this record, I will explode," I reasoned.

"Fine," he sighed.

"Thank you thank you thank you!"

"But! Today is the last day for you to get any songs on the record. I heard Nathan is on vacation, so you'll have to find some other producer," he finalized.

I zipped out of his office, and got into my car. I pulled out my cell phone, while I began driving to the Umbrella Factory.

"Josh, meet me at the studio right now!" I demanded.

I hung up, and soon arrived. Josh's car was already parked in front. I stopped my car, and rushed into the building.

"Whats up?" He asked as I ran into the recording room.

"Look, I need to get this song done by today, and I need a producer," I explained.

"I'm guessing you want me to produce it?" He realized.

"Yes please," I begged.

A few hours later, we were done. Josh was busy doing some finishing touches on the computer. I sank to the ground, and curled my knees up to my chest.

My life was so perfect. But in less than a minute, it was all ruined. He left me. He was gone. I didn't even get a real reason. He just broke up with me. My heart was split in half and it would never heal. Finally, the udder sadness was sinking in. There was no light at the end of this tunnel. I was destroyed.

Before I realized it, Josh was kneeling in front of me, whiping a tear from my eye.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

I took a deep breath.

"Joe, he broke up with me. Over the phone. In twenty seven seconds," I stated.

He sat beside me.

"I'm sorry to hear about that. You gonna be ok?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I guess I need to be. I mean, my albums dropping soon. I can't let this drag me down. But, I guess this just needs to run its course. Hopefully I'll be better in a few days."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"You know. In a moment like this, where you're so sad and vulnerable, you should record a song."

"But-"

"Not saying it needs to be on this album, but with all of these sad emotions breaking out right now, you should go grab that piano, and start singing. I feel like if you let your emotions out, you could have a very delicate and beautiful song. It would help you heal," he suggested.

At that moment in time, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. It wouldn't take a sad song for me to heal, it would take years. He was my first celebrity love. I should've known better. Everything in Hollywood ends.

"If it helps, I guess I'll do it," I finalized.

* * *

Two months later

I was standing in the intersection, on set of the music video for Cross My Heart. It was coming together real good. I think it was a great idea for the boys to get the fans involved. There was so much great talent out there.

My heart was healed, but a small hole still remained.

They had blocked off a few streets, so they could film everything without having to worry about the traffic.

Colin was trying to get me to do a cameo appearance. Thank god I decided to put make up on today.

"Taylor, just walk across the intersection or something," he called to me.

"I don't understand!" I called back. "What does walking across a street have to do with this music video?"

"It'll make sense! Don't worry about it," he replied.

I huffed, and walked from the sidewalk, across the road, to the other sidewalk. I looked back at Colin.

"Was that good enough for you?" I asked.

I heard him discussing things, and moved closer for a better listen. I kept my distance though, because I didn't feel like walking all the way. I'm sure he would just have me walk back once again. I stopped at my original perch, in the middle of the intersection.

I examined the set. There were people in the distance, wearing outrageous costumes. Matt, Mike, and Ian, were crowded around the heater eating all of the food. The crew was discussing something about paneling I think. The playback started blasting away again. Was someone yelling about technical difficulties? Behind them stood Josh and Amanda.

I figured she was probably living with him now. Who wouldn't give up that invite? It hurt my heart a little to see her with him, but she was smiling though, so she must be feeling better. I made eye contact with Josh, and made a funny face.

He smiled back, but it quickly diminished. I saw something in his eye, that I couldn't quite distinguish. It was like his face suddenly went blank and pale. His blue eyes went wide.

Before I could see anything else happen, excruciating pain exploded from the side of my chest.

* * *

**Here are the links for fictionpress and wattpad, for some reason it kept on deleting the blah blah blah... So just make sure that you add that and the website name before. I hope it works. I'm still trying to figure out tumblr... I want to to post on there in an organized fashion. Like, you click on a link and it'll have the story with a list of all the chapters, so hey. If anyone knows how to do that, you're welcome to tell me. And I hope you enjoyed that chapter!**

(fictionpress) /s/3112401/1/A-Place-In-This-World

(Wattpad) /14214144-a-place-in-this-world


	15. Cross My Heart

**You know, I expected this to come a lot easier to me... But anyways, after this GIANT plot twist, the story is going to take off. Also, at California Adventure Park they had Cars Land and oh my god. I couldn't I was freaking out so much you guys have no idea. **

**AND I got a picture with Frozone. Guys. **

**Also, because of the CU noobs, this story is probably going to get removed soon, so make sure that you check the links on my profile. I'll keep updating on the fiction press, mostly because I like the writing format. I'll be updating on Wattpad as well, I'm stil trying to figure out the writing format on that. It's not as nice as the fics, but I like how you can set up profiles for your stories. **

**And, the updates may be coming faster because I have a whole bunch of already written chapters. Yaaay!**

* * *

Josh's POV

I stood smiling on the set for the Cross My Heart music video. A few of my friends came out to support. Amanda was standing next to me, as we watched Taylor.

Taylor came to show some support, and we thought it may be funny if she had a random cameo in the video. Who knows if it would ever make the cut.

I couldn't help but notice my heart do a little flutter everytime she looked at me. I didn't understand though. Those feelings had left me as soon as I set eyes on Amanda. Although, I didn't feel the same fireworks I used to with Amanda.

Lets face it. I had a secret. I had secret emotions towards someone who I shouldn't have. Were my feelings starting to change?

But there she was.

She stood in the middle of the intersection, with her hip popped, and her arms folded across her chest.

"I still don't understand what you want me to do," she complained. "Why am I here? And why the hell is it so damn cold?"

I chuckled. It was as if this was the last place she wanted to be, and yet, she volunteered to come here. She made eye contact with me and made a funny face. I smiled at her, but it quickly faded. My face changed from confusion, to shock, to disbelief, to fear.

A dark car came zooming from the side street. It wasn't supposed to be there. The roads were closed. Before I had time to call a warning, it hit Taylor on her left side.

I watched as Taylor went flying to the side, just out of the way as the car continued on. She landed on her right arm, and rolled a few times. She stopped a few metres away. She lay on her back with one arm bent at an awkward angle, the other above her head.

Her eyes were closed.

"NOO!" I screamed.

I ran full sprint towards her. I slid to my knees, right by her side. I cupped her beautiful, lifeless, face in my shaking hands. Before I knew it, the paramedics were pushing me out of the way.

"Oh god no. No, no, no," I sobbed. My body was shaking. I sat on the ground, everything around me going numb.

I heard snipets coming from the paramedics.

" Weak pulse!"

"Irregular breathing!"

"She needs to be taken to the hospital immediately!"

"Probable pneumothorax, we need to get her in the ambulance. Now!"

I watched through my numb eyes, as they lifted her into the stretcher. They rushed her to the ambulance, then took her away.

I felt hands on my shoulders. My name was being repeated several times, but I couldn't focus in on it. It was muffled. As if I was hearing it under water.

"Josh, Josh baby. Are you alright?"

My head cleared and I focused in on the voice. My head turned towards Amanda.

"Come on Josh. Lets get up. They'll save her," Amanda reassured. "She's in good hands now."

I let her pull me to my feet. She wrapped me up in a hug. I saw Colin walk towards me.

"Hey man," he greeted softly. "I know, this is probably the last thing on your mind that you want to do, but you gotta go on man. The fans, everyone is counting on you. We can't re-schedule."

I took a shaky breath, and nodded.

As the day progressed, I became more anxious than ever to see Taylor. I prayed that she was going to make it. We were best friends. What would I do without her?

As soon as filming ended, I rushed to the hospital. Amanda dropped me off and headed back to the apartment.

I only remember fragments from there.

I remember sitting outside of the surgery room. I could see through the window, at the tragic scene.

I could barely see Taylor. There were so many doctors in the room. Many monitors were connected to her body. I couldn't understand what each one was portraying. She may have stopped breathing a few times. Or possibly it was her heart that paused. All I knew was that I didn't know anything.

And I didn't like that.

I stood in the dark hallway. The smell of bleach filled my nostrils. The fluorescent lights threw an eerie blue glow to the walls. The shiny floors warped the reflection of the bulbs. My knees gave up on supporting me, and I fell into the chair across from the window.

I was on the verge of tipping. If I let go any further, I would crash and break.

Soon enough, exhaustion took over, and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

Eventually, I got woken up by a doctor coming through the door. I immediately stood up.

"Is she alright? What's wrong? Is she going to be ok? What happened? Did she make it?" So many questions flooded through my mouth at once, the doctor didnt have time to answer. I soon realized that, and paused to take a breath.

" , please, calm down," he ushered. "She made it, but she is still in a critical condition. What should've been a three hour surgery, happened to be an eight hour surgery. She arrived a mess. Her left rib cage looked like a jig saw puzzle. We had to peice together each and every bone to assure proper healing."

"Her ribs will get better though, right? Because she is a singer and she needs to have good lungs," I said.

"Her ribs will be fine in a week or two. However, a bone fragment had pierced her lung, and caused it to collapse."

I gulped. Did that mean she only had one working lung now?

"We inserted a tube, and within a little less than a day, it will be as good as new. Now just make sure that she doesn't exert herself for a couple of weeks, and that she stays in clean air for a while. She also dislocated her shoulder, had some internal bleeding, and a concussion. We have her on oxogyn at the moment."

It was all a shock to me. She had so many injuries. And if it hadn't been for me existing, she would still be ok. I felt extreme guilt flood through me.

"Would you like to see her?" The doctor asked.

I nodded my head. I couldn't trust my voice at this moment. It was probably around three in the morning, and my throat was raw to the core. He led me around corridors, until he made a final stop at her room. He gestured to the door. I walked in and it was like I got hit by a cement truck.

There she lay. Her blond curls sprawled around her head like a halo, but that's when the beauty stopped. An oxogyn mask covered most of her face. The rest of her body had tubes sticking out from every which way.

I had somehow made it to the chair beside her bed, before I collapsed into it. I started to shake, and I grabbed her hand for comfort.

This could be the last chance I would ever have to tell her the truth. And with her eyes closed, it would make things a lot more easier. I had to tell her everything.

"God Taylor I'm so sorry that this happened," and then I started bawling. Yeah, bad place to start on my part. "I have so many things to say. I just don't know where to start."

Sobs racked my body. After a few minutes, I regained my composure and started talking again.

"I wish this didn't happen. I, I want you to know that you are such a good person. Without you I'd be nowhere. You mean so much to me, and if I were to be the last person on earth, I'd want to be with you. I would run across the earth until I collapsed.

"You mean more than just a friend to me Taylor. If I hadn't met you, I probably would've relapsed and died from an overdose years back. You're the only thing that holds me together. And, between me and you, I, I," I took a deep breath before continuing. "I think I may love you. And I will love you until the day I die."

There. I said it.

But, there was more.

"And, I want you to know, I don't want you going on tour at all. I don't want you to leave me. If anything, I want you to take me with you, because I'm missing you already. Lets face it. If I had had the balls to do it, I would've asked you out a long time ago.

"But of course you are so out of my league it isn't even funny. When I see you with other guys it breaks my heart. I miss the old days. When all we had were each other. Now I somehow managed to get a girlfriend, but, I think I've realized, that, she's just a distraction from you."

I saw her move, and instantly shut my mouth. She soon resumed her deep slumber.

"I will always love you Taylor. And, I promise that one day we will end up together. I dont know how, but somehow I'll do it. I promise. I cross my heart and hope to die. You may not have the same feelings, but life is complicated. I guess, we'll just have to see where the road takes us," I finished.

I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

* * *

Three months later.

The band and I were touring around Canada with Carly. I made a point to check up on Taylor as often as possible. I could tell she was getting irritated by my constant nagging on her health, but I didn't care. She meant everything to me, and I had to make sure that she was going to be ok.

She had woken up in the hospital a day after my confession. I realized it was probably a smart decision that I had told her everything when she was knocked out. I highly doubted she felt the same way, and on top of it all, I had a girlfriend that I still loved.

I think.

My emotions were so conflicted I didn't know where I was. I was in a somewhat stable relationship with Amanda, but I had, out of the blue, invited Taylor to a show because I just had to see her face. I knew that she was no farther than a call away, but talking to her in person was way better.

The heat of the spring sun shined down on our set. The venue was outside and it looked like a promising crowd tonight.

I looked down at my phones home screen. As soon as I left, I had changed the picture from being Amanda and I, to me and Taylor on the Cross My Heart set.

I would get to see her again soon. Everyday was a closer day to being with her again. I wanted to do so many things with her, but I couldn't because I was tied down with someone else. I wanted her to be with me and nobody else. But first, I had to get my priorities strait.

* * *

**There was chapter 15. I guess I'll see y'all on wattpad or fiction press. Please read and review. **


	16. Superstar

**Ah, this is much better than the other crap I've been writing recently. And, on top of all this reporting crap, I've been getting all these really nice reviews. You guys make me want to bake cookie for you! I really appreciate them guys, so keep them coming. Also, I can't help people reporting me because I broke the rules, so I am officially switching to . I have this story backed up, and will continue updating on that website. I'm sorry for all the hastle, but rules are rules. I'm not letting this baby go to waste.**

**Oh and, check out the rad cover photo I designed for this story! I don't really know where it how to see it, but you will definately see it on Wattpad**

* * *

Taylor's POV

I was in the process of moving out while touring the world, which proved rather interesting. I had a collection of things from all around the world. Things from Japan, to stuff from Saskatchewan. I was feeling rather flustered.

I guess it didn't help that I was so distracted by Josh. He was constantly phoning me no matter what corner of the world I was in. I couldn't imagine his phone bill.

My ribs still hurt if I slept on them, or put lots of pressure, but other than that they were fine. Just bruised.

Josh had invited me to his concert. I was ecstatic that he finally invited me. That familiar tingly feeling in my stomach returned as I thought about being with him again. I was starting to come to terms with myself, and I didn't like that. I was starting to realize that one of my biggest fears was starting to come true. I was starting to fall in love with one of my best friends.

I was terrified.

Maybe tonight when I saw him, things would click back in place and it would be like the old days. Maybe there was such thing as over-missing, and I just missed him too much. Maybe someone had spiked my plumbing and I wasn't thinking clear. Perhaps I was just too lonely.

Or maybe I had fallen in love with someone who was so far out of reach.

I looked down at the markings I had scribbled on a napkin.

_"This is wrong but_

_I can't help but feel like_

_There ain't nothing more right babe_

_Misty morning comes again and I can't_

_Help but wish I could see your face,"_

It was obviously a song. However, when I wrote it, it kind of just came to me without much thought. I didn't need to think about who I was writing about, or what the idea was. Now, looking at it, I realized there could only be one good suitor for it.

* * *

"Josh!" I called as I ran towards him.

He turned around to the sound of my voice. His crooked smile immediately enlightening on his face.

"Taylor!" He wrapped me up in a big hug.

Too soon, he let me go. I twirled in a circle, examining the venue. The spring prairie breeze, filled my nostrils. We were in Edmonton in an outdoors venue.

"Wow, I haven't seen you in forever. I've missed you so much!" I pulled him into another hug. I hugged people often, so this wouldn't be turning into creepy for him. Right? Plus, he radiated heat, and it was freezing.

"Aw, I missed you too," he replied. "You look cold, do you want to maybe catch up in the bus?"

"I'd love to," I said examining his crooked smile.

Our foot steps crunched on the gravel.

"Now, why exactly are you performing outside when it's so cold?" I asked.

"Well, it's not that cold. Maybe like, 12 degrees? That's gotta be a high for Edmonton. It's warmer in the sun as well. And well, it helps when you have meat on your body," he said, referring to how thin I was.

I rolled my eyes playfully. When we reached the bus, he unlocked the door and let me go up first. Instantly, I was tackled into a big bear hug from Matt.

"Taylor!" He roared.

I tried to hide my wince as the hug tightened.

"Matt. Let her go before you turn her into a pancake," Josh warned.

He let go, and I gave a bashful smile. He brought out some drinks from the mini fridge, and sat down at the table, motioning us to join him.

"Sorry about that," Josh muttered into my ear. "Matt isn't always the most cautious. How are your ribs?"

"They're fine. Just a little bruised still," I replied, rolling my eyes, again. There goes Josh, being .

I plopped down across from Matt. Josh slid in beside me.

"So, is this concert going to be the best concert I will ever go to in my life?" I asked, sparking a conversation.

"Probably the best shit concert out there if that's what you're asking," Josh said.

I giggled at his humbleness. Matt however, had a different answer.

"It's gonna make you shit your pants four times because you were so amazed," he said.

"I'll hold you to that," I laughed.

A silence flooded over us. I saw Matt and Josh making eye contact. Were they having a silent, telepathic conversation in their minds?

Matt suddenly stood up.

"Well, I gotta go and set up now. Can never be too ready. See you two around," he said before walking out the door.

Another silence washed over us. That's when I noticed I was alone with Josh sitting right beside me.

"So," he said.

"So," I repeated, not really knowing what to say.

"How've you been?" He asked choppily.

"Pretty good," I replied. I quickly added, "missing you."

"That's good - about being good. The missing part. Well, I guess it's good that you missed me, because I missed you too."

"All right," I replied. This conversation was quickly going downhill, and falling into the depths of awkward hell.

"Seen any good movies recently?" He asked.

"Um, hey Josh," I had to get this conversation to other places. "It's kind of cold. Mind going on a walk with me to see if there's a Decent café around, with warm drinks?"

"Oh," he almost looked surprised. "Yeah. That sounds like a great idea. Here, wear my toque. It'll keep your tiny head warm."

He pulled it off his head, and pulled it on top of mine, way over my eyes.

"Hey. I do not have a tiny head!" I protested.

"Yes you do," he replied chuckling.

I rolled my eyes, and placed the toque on properly. I followed him out the door.

"You know, for the middle of April, it is pretty cold. I don't understand how these Edmonteers do it," Josh said.

"Edmonteers?" I questioned.

"Well, what do you call a person who lives in Edmonton?"

"I don't know, an Eskimo?" I suggested.

He laughed.

"Or how about an Oiler?" I said. I had to admit. That one was pretty clever of me.

He gave me a funny look.

"What the hell is an Oiler?" He asked.

I paused giving him a funny look. Then I remembered. He didn't like hockey. At all. Some Canadian he was.

"Only Hockey fans would understand that," I replied.

"Oh," he simply said. "But, like, really. What's the big deal with hockey? I know it's our national sport and all, but why? Why is it so important to us?"

"Well, for starters, hockey was invented by a Canadian," I explained. "And, I don't know. I guess it finally gave you guys something to do when all the lakes froze over in the winter from the cold."

"Oh. That explains why Vancouver sucks so much then, right? We hardly get winters. Although, this past winter was pretty rough."

"Ha ha, but that wouldn't explain Toronto's problem," I laughed.

He chuckled.

"Are they really that bad?" He asked.

"They haven't won the Stanley Cup since both of our ages put together," I stated.

"Oh, well Vancouver hasn't won the cup either. Right?"

"No, but they've won division champions a few times."

"Why do you know so much about hockey?" Josh asked.

"I don't know. I guess you learn things. It is probably my favorite sport," I replied.

"Really?" He asked bewildered.

"Well why not?"

"I mean, what's there to like?"

"Josh, have you ever been to a game?" I asked. Already knowing the question.

"No," he replied.

"Well, when you go to a game, you'll know why. Until then,"

"What happens at a game?" He interrupted.

"Um, I don't know. A game? The playoffs are even better though. That's when the crowd gets really rowdy. Ugh, back in Nashville, the fan system was insane. Everybody would be wearing their jerseys, and cheering everytime something happened. And towel power!" I exclaimed. My eyes lighting up.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your fantasizing, but what the fuck is towel power?" Josh interrogated.

"God Josh. Your home city started it," I paused for him to get it, but I realized he truly knew nothing. "It was a playoff game against Boston I think. The refs were being absolutely brutal, so the Canuck coach took a skate towel, tied it to the end of a stick, and waved it up in the air like he was surrendering. Since then, people have been waving towels to show support."

"Well, I'll tell you what," Josh said putting an arm around my shoulders. "Once day, I'll take you to a hockey game, and you can try to get me to like the sport then. You can even use your special towel voodoo on me, I don't care."

I laughed.

"Ok. You better cross your heart, other wise, if you break that promise, I will be one unhappy camper."

He did just that, drawing an X over his heart with his finger.

* * *

I watched in aw, as the boys performed on stage. They were singing, and dancing, keeping the whole thing entertaining. I couldn't help but notice the passion on each of the guys faces as they performed. They all got so lost in the music. Especially Josh, but I guess it helped that he wrote the songs, and could connect with every word.

I looked around at the crowd surrounding me. Sweaty, teenage, and a little older, girls stood star struck. I didn't know how you could be so sweaty in this weather. Perhaps their pores were crying from excitement?

_And I knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all my rules to see you_

My mind wandered back to Josh and I's conversation. The familiar falling-in-love-butterflies were definately present during our talk.

I couldn't help but play back the first day we met, then the first time I heard him sing. I should've let my feelings known there, because whatever I had felt in that moment, was quickly returning. But this time, it wasn't going away.

_You smile that beautiful smile_

_And all the girls in the front row scream your name_

I tried to bring my focus back on Josh and his performance. Front row certainly brought you close to the show. I could almost feel their sweat flying on me. They finished their song, and the crowd cheered. Josh pulled his familiar grin you only saw, when he was either making fun of someone, or living in the moment. It was quite charming.

All the girls in the front row screamed his name, as they fell for him. They were so in love with someone they could never get. I felt a pange of jealousy. And then I realized something.

_So dim that spotlight, tell me things like_

_I can't take my eyes off of you_

I was just like them.

_I'm no one special, just another wild-eyed girl_

_Who's desperately in love with you_

_Give me a photograph to hang on my wall_

I had fallen for someone who was so out of reach.

_Superstar_

* * *

I woke up in my bed. A few days had passed since the show.

The show.

The show where everything had changed. When I finally found out I loved him. I saw it coming way before, but didn't want it to come true. I had tried my best to avoid these feelings, but it didn't work.

I was in love with my best friend that had a girlfriend.

Where had I seen this before? I know. Probably in every single romantic movie in the world.

_Good morning loneliness_

_Comes around when I'm not dreaming about you_

I was lonely until I thought about him. And when I did, I missed him.

_When my world wakes up today you'll be in another town_

The one thing that seriously sucked about being in the music business was being away for so long. By the time he got back from touring, I would already be on my own headlining tour.

_And I knew when I saw your face I'd be_

_Counting down the ways to see you_

He had one of those faces you could never forget. Maybe it was the eyes. Those two beautiful shining crystals that lit up his whole face. Or perhaps it was his crooked smile. That strange smile that displayed compassion and a bit of mischievousness. Whatever it was, he couldn't be forgotten.

_You played in bars, you play guitar_

I was there from the begining. So why didn't he need me the way I needed him? Did I mean nothing to him? Was I truly just another girl lost in the crowd of fans? Everyone knew who he was, so why didn't he know me?

_And I'm invisible and everyone knows who you are_

He was the light shining down on me, and to him I was invisible. I didn't have the confidence other fans had. I couldn't be strait forward like them. Throwing myself into his arms screaming 'I love you' while bawling my eyes out? Forget it.

_And you'll never see, you sing me to sleep_

_Every night from the radio_

He would never notice me. Never notice that he was constantly on my mind, day in and day out.

But I wouldn't let him either. He will never know that I love him.

Never.

He will _never_ know.

* * *

Josh's POV

I couldn't get to sleep that night. I couldn't put my mind to rest. Tonight's concert was different than the others. Usually, I would either be singing to the crowd, or with Amanda in mind.

But not tonight.

Tonight, I played to only one person the crowd of thousands. I played for Taylor. And to Taylor only.

I wanted to impress her with my talent. I made sure I hit every note perfectly, and bellowed every scream. I even tried to pull a few dance moves, knowing it would make her laugh.

But in the end, did I know why I was doing all of this for her?

Maybe it was because only on the stage would I ever get her attention. I was so lucky. A girl with her stardom would never pay attention to a puny little band trying to make it big.

Seeing her again made me miss her more. By the time this tour ended, she would be gone. Probably in London or something.

I thought of all the fans that cried from seeing me. They were so starstruck. I was still trying to soak it in that people actually knew who I was. We weren't some band that people decided to see cause they had nothing better to do. No, they chose to come and I couldn't be more grateful.

But sometimes, it got in the way. The long line of fans waiting for pictures and autographs got in the way of Taylor and I.

There were certain feelings inside of me that stirred when I saw her face. But I couldn't let those develop into anything. I had Amanda. I was supposed to be in love with Amanda. Not Taylor.

Especially not Taylor. We were best friends. She was a superstar. I was a puny little bug.

She would never notice me. Never notice the douche bag sitting in the corner dreaming about her. Just like the rest of the country. I was one, in a fan base of millions. Just another person who was in love with her.

But I didn't want her to notice that. She could never know that. She will never know that I love her. Never in a million years.

Never.

She will _never_ know.

* * *

**Once again, if you head over to my profile, you will find the links to get to this story on different sites. Love ya. **


	17. Speak Now

Well I have to say. I'm surprised this story hasn't been removed yet. Strange. I guess I'll just continue to update on here because I love the format so much, until it gets removed. Don't forget to check this story out on Wattpad!

* * *

Taylor's POV

I felt so lonely. I had no boyfriend. No one to love. No one to cuddle with. I was alone in this big new empty house. It was times like these where I wish I had never grown up. Where I wished I could've stayed little for forever.

I regretted all the moments of my childhood where I hated being a kid. When all I wanted to do was grow up and be an adult. Sure, there were some perks to it, but it was absolutely terrifying getting a bill and having no idea what to do with it.

I had written part of a song to voice my emotions, but I hadn't quite finished it. I didn't have a begining to it, and it needed more. I was tempted to go to a co-writer, but I was now more determined than ever to write this album on my own.

I was sitting in my kitchen, in my new duplex penthouse, sipping at a smoothie I had made. Suddenly, a furious knocking at my door snapped me out of my bliss.

I set my drink down, and walked down the stairs to my door. The knocking hadn't stopped. I wondered who it could be. I opened the door.

"Taylor!" She shouted. My friend Dianna was there, looking more flustered than ever. She rushed into my house, and began taking off her shoes.

"Um. Come in," I awkwardly said as I closed the door.

"Oh, I have so much to tell you right now. I can't even, like, holy," her words were rushed in an urgent tone.

I led her up the stairs to my kitchen. I offered her a drink.

"Just water please," she said.

When I came and sat down beside her, she took a long sip from her glass before putting it down.

"So what's wrong?" I asked.

"Ok, well you know that guy I dated all through high school?"

"Rory?" I asked as I raised my smoothie to my lips and took a sip.

"Yeah. He's getting married in two weeks."

I spat my drink out all over the table.

"What!"

"I know! I got the invitation in the mail yesterday."

"But, I thought, wait what? How is that possible! You guys were perfect for each other. I know you took a break when he went to Boston for university, but I thought you guys were still together!"

"Well, it's complicated." She spun her drink around in her hand. "We had this horrible fight right before he left, and for months after that, he always tried to reach out to me. But, I never responded. And eventually, when I took his call, we had another giant fight. And it ended with us calling it off for good."

"Aw. But hold on. Rorys still alive? He kind of disapeared off the planet when he moved to Boston."

"Well, he met this girl there. And long story short she is a two faced stuck up needy little bitch!"

My eyes went wide.

"She made him stop talking to his friends, cut off his family ties, and made him so isolated. In fact, she made him move in with her in Boston, and neither of them live there! She's from Kentucky. Like, this is just horrible. I can't let it happen. I just can't. She'll ruin his life!"

"Oh, well then are you going to speak now?"

"Huh?"

I didn't know where it came from. But I was suddenly thinking about that one crucial point at a wedding, where the preacher says "speak now or forever hold your peace" and everyone flashes back to old ghosts from past relationships. Wondering if they'll stop it.

"Yeah. At the wedding. We'll go there together, and when the preacher says, 'speak now or forever hold your peace,' we will, speak now. You can't let it happen. I'm sure he misses you."

"You mean you want to crash the wedding?" She whisper shouted.

"Yeah. I'll bring my guitar and everything."

"Really?"

"Well, I mean it's not like it's illegal or anything. If she's as horrible as you're saying she is, somebody has to break them up. Why not you?"

She paused for a moment taking it all in.

"Well, I don't know. Would you ever do that for someone?" She asked.

"Yeah, if the situation is right and if I love the person enough. I mean, I'd rather stop it as soon as possible, than having to go through life forever regretting the moments I didn't speak up."

"Yeah. Well I'm taking my sister, so if worse comes to worse she can make me stand up and speak now. Then we'll really have a story to tell our children."

"Yeah for sure," I laughed.

Soon the hours passed by, and she eventually left. I wished her good luck before she drove off. Her headlights lit up the evening sky. Soon enough I found myself in bed, pondering.

I wondered how it must feel to know the guy you love, is marrying someone who isn't you. You only have one chance to stop it. The chance that has all odds against. It was fascinating, yet terrifying. I hoped that never happened to me. Eventually, I drifted to sleep.

* * *

I was awoken by my phone buzzing on my night stand. I reached over and answered it.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey, Taylor. I know it's early in the morning, but you need to come with me to the wedding in Boston. And we're leaving in one hour," Dianna said.

"Oh, alright," I found myself agreeing.

We were in Boston before we knew it. We were wearing our dresses, and were in line to get a seat in the church.

Dianna was wearing a pink dress, with spaghetti straps and a thin blue belt that went across the waist. It flowed down to her knees. I was wearing a blue dress, that was very light and flowy because it was made entirely of a crinoline like material. It had a strap that wrapped around my neck.

We were sitting in one of the benches.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," the preacher said.

Suddenly, I had this burning desire to stop the wedding. It had to stop. I heard music start to play.

I found myself standing in an area that incorporated the ribbon from my dress, that flowed from the ceiling. It must have been very windy in here because they were swaying around the room.

_I am not the kind of girl_

_Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion_

_But you are not the kind of boy_

_Who should be marrying the wrong girl_

I was singing, and dancing around the ribbons.

"Hey Taylor," Dianna said. We were still outside. "By the way. I was never invited."

"What! What do you mean?"

"Well I sort of was. He messaged me saying that he was getting married but his fiancé didn't want to invite me."

"Well, then we are going to have to sneak in. Come on."

We were dressed all in black. We had combat boots, and black toques on. The tight pants and tight shirt, were accessorized with a grey green belt that held a whole bunch of items.

We were in the back of the church, looking through the window. It was a high window, so I had to stand on Diannas shoulders. I saw the bride getting ready. I couldn't see who it was. She had her back to me, and was yelling at one of her bridesmaids. Her dress looked vaguely similar to a pastry. Before I could get a real good look at who it was, Dianna stumbled, and I fell off.

_I sneak in and see your friends_

_And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel_

_And she is yelling at a bridesmaid_

_Somewhere back inside a room_

_Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry_

"Wow is she ever crabby," I said.

"Exactly! I can't believe he wants to marry her."

We sneak around to the front. I looked through one of the windows, and saw her family. They were all wearing pastel. They had taken up more than half the church.

_This is surely not what you thought it would be_

We sneaked inside. We stayed in the shadows so we wouldn't get caught. Soon the music started. We dove into the corner so that nobody could see us.

_Fond gestures are exchanged_

_And the organ starts to play_

_A song that sounds like a death march_

_And I am hiding in the curtains_

_It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride to be_

She walks down the aisle slower than ever. We were hiding under one of the benches, so all I could see was the bottom half of her dress. It was huge and ridiculous.

_She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen_

_But I know you wish it was me,_

With the little I had seen of her, she couldn't be a very nice person. He would be better off with anyone.

_Don't wait, or say a single vow_

_Your time is running out_

_And they said speak now_

We crawled under the benches, until we found a spot to sit. We were wearing our dresses again.

As we sit there, I finally see the bride and groom.

The familiar black and blue hair is the first thing I register.

It was Josh and Amanda.

I was shocked. I could not believe this was happening.

_I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace_

It was silent. It was horrible.

_There's the silence, there's my last chance_

_I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me_

I stood up. The silence was broken by shocked gasps from the crowd. I stepped into the aisle, my heels making click noises on the ground.

_Horrified looks from everyone in the room_

_But I'm only looking at you_

I took a deep breath. "I am not the kind of girl

Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion

But you are not the kind of boy

Who should be marrying the wrong girl."

Oops. Did I just stop this marriage? Haha. Yeah. I did.

_So don't say yes, run away now_

_I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door_

_Don't wait, or say a single vow_

_You need to hear me out_

_And they said speak now_

The crucial moment happened. They weren't going to get married.

_And you'll say let's run away now_

_I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door_

_Baby, I didn't say my vows_

_So glad you were around_

_When they said speak now_

He was glad I stopped the marriage. I was glad. the side of the church his family was sitting on was cheering and dancing in glee. He ran to me with his arms out. Reaching to embrace me. To sweep me off my feet and kiss me.

And then I awoke.

* * *

Josh's POV

"So, we're going on tour again soon," I told Amanda.

She sighed. I sat across from her on the couch in our apartment.

"You know, we've had some great reception from our album. I think that these shows are going to be really fun," I explained.

"Wonderful," she stated in a monotonous voice.

I clenched my teeth. She wasn't even making eye contact with me. She kept her eyes focused in on the tv show she was watching. America's next top model. Something like that.

"Is something wrong?" I accused.

"No. Everything is fine," she replied. Still not making eye contact.

"Lies. Something is obviously wrong. Tell me. I'm your boyfriend. We tell each other everything," I said softly.

"Barely. I can barely call you my boyfriend," now she was looking at me. Although, I'd almost prefer if she was still looking away. The anger in her eyes was evident.

"What do you mean?"

"I swear you've been gone longer than you've been here, with me. I'm sick and tired of this, so called relationship. In relationships you're supposed to be together. Not on different sides of the country!"

"Well I'm sorry my job doesn't allow me to be with you all the time. I have to make a living somehow. No better way than to do something you love," I tried to keep my voice calm, but it was slowly rising.

"So you're saying you love music more than you love me?" She exclaimed.

"What? No! Look. Ever since I was a kid. Even younger, music was my life. I grew up with it. I didn't know any different. Music is all I've ever known!"

"So you know nothing about me."

"No! Where are you getting this from? Look. Just let me explain-"

"No Josh! I'm tired of this!" She interrupted. "I can't handle this anymore."

I finally snapped.

"You can't handle this anymore?" I exclaimed. "How about me. Have you ever thought about that? Yeah, it hurts me too, being away from you so much, but now I'm starting to think its a good thing!"

Finally, she didn't have some ridiculous come back.

"Maybe, you don't deserve me! Maybe, maybe," I struggled for words. There was just too many coming to my mind at once. "Fuck this! I'm done. I shouldn't have to run after some girl who doesn't appreciate what I want in life. I can't handle you anymore. It's just not worth it."

I stood up.

"Oh hold on," Amanda snapped. "You think you don't deserve me? Buddy listen up. You came begging for me. Without me, you'd be nowhere. You wouldn't have anyone to write about, no one to inspire you. You'd be nothing without me."

I had one other in mind who could've inspired me to write those songs, but I kept that to myself.

"So you, can leave. I've spent more time in this apartment than you. I'm done with this so called relationship," Amanda finalized.

"Fine," I huffed. "I'll be nice and let you keep the apartment. I'll even change the bills for your lazy ass. I'm leaving, because we are over. I'll find some other girl who appreciates me and what I do. I'm breaking up with you. And this is the final time."

I walked to the door, not looking back. I opened the door and only turned my head slightly to talk to her.

"I'll be back later to collect my things," I stated coldly. Without looking back, I slamed the door and walked away.

* * *

"Amanda and I broke up," I said glumly.

"Again?" Taylor exclaimed.

"What do you mean again?" I countered.

"Uh, I think you know what I mean by again. You guys have this crazy on again, off again relationship. Don't you ever get tired of it?"

"It's not that bad, we've just taken a couple of breaks. That's all. Not even!" I denied. "She's just gotten mad at me a few times. No big deal."

"Yeah. Says the guy who's slept on my couch seven times in the past year."

"You're keeping count!" I cried.

She raised her eyebrow. "I've almost lost count."

"Ok look. Whatever. Anyways, back to me," I started.

"Oh this conversation has been purely about you the whole time," she interrupted.

I rolled my eyes.

"Look," I sighed. "Can I just. Can you at least let me in?"

"I don't know. It's pretty fun watching you try to deny everything I throw at you, while you stand in the pouring rain."

"Fuck Taylor. You can be so annoying sometimes."

She smiled mischievously.

"Come on in," she laughed.

Once I got inside and took my shoes and wet jacket off, I followed her up the stairs where she started making some tea. I thanked her when she handed me a cup. We sat at her table. Her new house looked great.

"So, what makes this time different than the others?" She asked.

"Well, long story short, instead of her breaking up with me, or even just saying that we should take a break, I broke up with her."

Taylor choked on her tea.

"You what!" She sputtered.

"I left her. For good," I reassured. "We are done."

"Like for real?"

"Yeah. I'm over her. I don't care about her anymore. She wasn't good for me. I'll find someone better."

I was surprised that I was trashing Amanda so much, but I guess it really didnt matter anymore. She was out of my life for good.

"So what are you going to do?" Taylor asked. "What's your plans now?"

"Well, I'll collect my things from her eventually, but I guess I need to find a new apartment first."

"Why don't you just stay there, and kick her out? I mean it is your apartment," Taylor reminded me.

"Yeah, but I figured I'd let her keep it. After all, I do have the higher paying job. But enough about me. Thank god you're on break from your tour so that I could see you. And, congratulations on the VMA nomination!"

She giggled.

"Aw, thank you. You know, I happen to have an extra ticket. I was wondering, maybe you could be my good luck charm and come?"

She was inviting me to the VMA's. That was an award show I only dreamed about going to. And here I was getting invited by the next biggest thing in music. On top of it all, she asked me to be her good luck charm. I couldn't help the smile that was forming on my face.

"I would love to come."

And hey, on top of all that, wouldn't it be a nice place to ask her out? Confess my feelings towards her? A man could only dream.

* * *

Ok, sorry if that dream part was kind of confusing, but that's sort of how I imagined the music video for the song would have been if she had made it a single. I hope you enjoyed, and see you all on wattpad.


	18. You're Not Sorry

**Well I guess my brain can't stay focused on one subject at a time. While writing this story in random places, I've also been working on the sequel, and the third story. Yeah, the next two are going to make your insides explode. My brain also keeps spluttering random ideas into my head for other stories, which I am writing down so don't worry because they seem pretty good. But all that's a long way away. Anyways, enjoy. **

* * *

Taylor's POV

This was my first time ever, going to the VMA's. It was also my first time performing at them. I was super excited.

I sat in the airport beside Josh, waiting to board the plane. I was also very excited about that.

_All this time I was wasting_

_Hoping you would come around_

Now, don't get me wrong, Amanda was a nice, funny, pretty girl and all, but I just did not like her. Maybe it was the fact that she was in love with my best friend. Maybe it was because I was in love with said best friend. Now that she was out of the picture, I could definately enjoy my time with Josh more.

There was nothing holding me back from being a flirtatious freak now. Except for perhaps that he was still my best friend.

It was about seven in the morning, and Josh was fighting hard to stay awake. Mornings never agreed with him. In his books, they were the definition of lighting yourself on fire.

On the other hand, my band in the morning was a completely different story. They went crazy. Except maybe my back up singer, Liz Huet. She was a tiny little sloth. Just being awake in general wasn't in her books. I imagined that if it weren't for the giant height difference, about a foot, her and Josh would make a really cute couple.

I watched as Amos, and Caitlin, came skipping back to us, with my mom in tow. Yes, I said skipping. My mom, well she was like any regular person in the morning. She needed her daily coffee to stay alive.

"So, we just had a small flash mob in Starbucks. No big deal," Caitlin explained.

"A flash mob with two people? Seems pretty epic," I replied.

"You should've been there," Amos said.

"No thanks. I'm like a regular person. I don't get up and go all hyper in the mornings," I countered. Beside me, Josh moaned.

"Why are you guys so loud? You're making my sleep not work," Josh complained.

Curled up beside him, Liz mumbled something along the same lines.

"Come on man! Get up a little. Move around, do something!" Grant chimed in.

"I'd rather get run over by a plane," he muttered. Suddenly, he shot up. "My spidey-senses are tingling."

He sniffed the air for extra effect. I rolled my eyes at the goofball. Slowly, he turned his head towards a family walking towards our gate. He gasped.

"Well fuck," he muttered.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Do you not see what those devil parents have in their hands?" He asked.

"A breakfast sandwich?" I replied innocently.

"Not that, they control the fate of happy Josh, or mad Josh."

"What are you talking about? Is the morning getting to you?" I placed my hand on his forehead like I was checking for a fever.

"They have small children with them," he complained through clenched teeth.

"You have officially gone insane," I stated. "I'm surprised I've found someone who's worse than Liz in the morning."

My band laughed, surrounding the conversation. My mom sat across from me.

"I'm begining to question your choice of friends," she cautioned.

_I've been giving out chances everytime_

_And all you do is let me down_

"Well, it's not my fault we're all headed for our doom," Josh replied.

"Josh!" I chided quietly. "You can't say things like that in an airport. It makes you look, bad."

"Yeah well, if a child of satan sits behind you, I'll be the one pointing my finger laughing.

"I think you're a bit paranoid. Say, do you have a fear of small children?"I asked.

"You can shush now."

I giggled.

Soon, the attendant called for the boarding passes

"That's us. Time for the grumpy paranoid bear to do something," I announced.

"Ew, walking," Liz commented.

We all got up and boarded the plane, then sat in our seats. I sat beside Josh, in the window seat. Soon, everyone had boarded the plane, and the flight attendants were doing their safety demonstration.

_And it's taken me this long_

_Baby but I've figured you out_

* * *

Josh's POV

"So, you excited to perform?" I asked Taylor.

We were about twenty minutes into our flight, and no evil children had begun crying yet. Yet.

"Yes! Excited, nervous," Taylor replied.

"Nervous? What for? You'll do so great. Everybody loves you Taylor. You have so much talent that deserves to be recognized. I bet you'll win the Best Female Video award."

"Oh, please. I'll get squashed like a bug."

"Unlikely."

"Have you not seen who I'm up against? Beyoncé's gonna beat me by a mile. Plus, I'm country," Taylor fretted.

"Well, you can believe what you want, but I bet you are going to win it," I finalized.

_And you thinking we'll be fine again_

_But not this time around_

"You're crazy," she laughed.

"Not as crazy as that woman up there with her baby," I noted.

"Will you stop it?" Taylor warned, hitting me in the gut.

"Oomf. Stop what? Observing what I see?" I asked.

"You're being pretty rude," Taylor said.

"Not as rude as the crying satan child's."

"You are ridiculous," Taylor stated.

I watched as she plugged in her headphones, tuning out the rest of the plane. Being in the middle gave me a great excuse.

_Looking so innocent_

_I might believe you_

_If I didn't know_

I slightly shifted in my seat, and leaned my head on Taylor's shoulder. I took a deep breath of her scent. She smelled like lavender. I closed my eyes, and attempted to fall back asleep. I felt Taylor shift. I opened one eye.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Trying to fall back asleep?" I said.

"Oh," she replied. Why are you leaning on my shoulder?"

"Well, look at who's being rude now," I exasperated. "Can't I lean on my friends shoulder? Or are you more awkward than Matt?"

"No I'm fine. It's just, whatever."

"Whatever what?" I prodded.

"Nothing," she replied putting her headphones back on.

I closed my eyes again. I let out a breath. If only she knew. If only she knew the only reason I wasn't broken from my break up with Amanda, was because of her. If I didn't have feelings for Taylor, I'd be sleeping in a hole in the ground.

_Could have loved you all my life_

_If you hadn't left me waiting _

_In the cold_

I felt a funny feeling in my stomach going to this awards show. Like one of those sixth sense sort of things. A strange tingling in my stomach. Whatever sort of warning it was, I pushed it aside and relaxed into Taylor.

* * *

We were at the hotel waiting for the limo to come and pick up Taylor. We were standing on the roof of the building. The hotel was grand, but we could still clearly see the streets. There was a slight breeze that was begining to turn more into a small wind.

"What if I mess up?" Taylor sighed.

"Mess up? I highly doubt you'll do that," I replied.

"But still. What if I do? All of these famous artists are going to be there judging my every move. It's my first time here. I need to be perfect."

"Taylor, you already are perfect. There are so many girls that look up to you who are half as beautiful as you. They are your army. They wouldn't care if you messed up. They would love you even more."

"But this isn't one of my concerts," She reminded me.

"So what? All of the artists here tonight were once in your position. Now it's time for you to join their party."

I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She was either cold or nervous, because I noticed she was shaking. I took my jacket off, and placed it on her shoulders. Partly for comfort, partly for warmth. She pulled it closer around herself.

"And you don't need to worry about them because you are you," I comforted. "You are yourself. You are the leader of many young girls. Perform for your fans. Perform for me. Even if you can't see me, just know that I will always be right beside you."

She half smiled.

"Thanks Josh. You truly are the best," she said pulling me into a hug.

"Anytime. And hey," She pulled away a bit so I could look her in the eyes. "I, I."

Come on Josh, grow a pair and spit it out. I swallowed down my fears. I had her like butter in my arms.

"I-"

The sound of a door opening and someone calling Taylor's name interrupted us.

"Taylor?" A security gaurd called out. "The limo's here for you."

She quickly pulled away from me and started walking towards the door. We all shuffled into the elevator, and the gaurd pressed the lobby button.

"So what were you going to say back there?" Taylor asked once the cart started moving.

I eyed the security gaurd before looking back at Taylor. I faked a smile.

_And you've got your share of secrets_

_And I'm tired of being last to know_

"Just kill it out there."

* * *

Taylor's POV

I sat in the arena next to Caitlin, my fiddle player. She looked gorgeous. Her red hair was strait and flowing down her shoulders like a waterfall. They were about to announce the winner for Best Female Video. I was involuntarily shaking.

Everytime they read a nomination, it just got closer to the reveal. I saw Taylor Lautner standing up on the stage. Him and I had a little thing when we were filming Valentines Day, but it didn't amount to much. I called him Tay. I wondered if he thought about me the way I thought about him? I missed him. He was a sweet and sensitive guy.

They finished announcing the nominations, and he opened up the envelope.

"And the award for Best Female Video goes to," Tay read. "Taylor Swift!"

"What!" I screamed. My voice was drowned out in the cheering of the crowd.

I stood up and pulled Caitlin into a bear hug. I couldn't believe this was happening. I was so happy.

"Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed as I walked to the stage in a daze.

There was Tay, glowing like always. And the little Moon Man that the girl was holding.

I climbed up and stage, and instantly ran to Tay, pulling him into a hug. I accepted the trophy and mic.

The crowd was still cheering loudly, and the blinding lights made it hard to see them.

When I started speaking, my voice came out a little shaky. Not only was I still very nervous, but I was so happy I was almost crying.

"Thank you so much!" I cried. "I've always dreamed about winning this but I never thought it would actually happen! I sing country so thank you so much for giving me this chance to win a VMA award. I-"

I was blown away. The crowd was electric. I looked over and saw Tay smiling at me with his perfect smile. I felt my heart do a flip flop.

Suddenly, my mic was being ripped from my hand. I saw Kanye West in front of me. What was he doing on the stage? What was he doing in my moment?

"Yo Taylor!" He exasperated. He almost sounded annoyed. "I-I'm, I'm really happy for you and Ima let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of ALL TIME!"

Oh. Figures. I knew something was going to happen. I should've known I'd be crushed by all the superstars in the building tonight.

"ALL TIME!" Kanye shouted. He shrugged before shoving the mic back in my hand. He presumed to walk off the stage without looking back.

For a second, I though the crowd was booing, but if anything, it sounded like they were cheering louder. I could've just waved off his interruption, but my time of glory was up.

"Thanks to the fans and MTV. Thank you so much," I said, trying to sound up beat. I faked a smile then turned to leave. I couldn't break down on stage. I at least had to make it to my dressing room before I let it all out.

I turned around and shuffled backstage, keeping my head down. When I arrived at my door, I pushed it open and fell into the couch. I set the forgotten trophy on the table. My light was burned out. I was all alone with a trophy I didn't deserve. I'm sure my mom was somewhere inside the building giving Kanye a piece of her mind. That was just the way she did things.

I heard the door open, and I expected Josh to be there. Instead, it was Tay.

"Tay," I said shakily.

"Taylor I'm so sorry," he said before wrapping me up in his arms.

That's when the tears came. When everything sank in. I was really happy that I won a VMA. I acted like a little kid from my excitement just to be brought down by someone bigger than me. I was made fun of, in front of millions of people. I won an award I didn't deserve. And most of all, Josh wasn't here.

_You had me crawling for you honey_

_And it never would have gone away, no_

Instead, I was in Tay's arms. I was glad for him though. I was glad I could cry on someone's shoulder without being ashamed. I was glad that he wasn't scared to comfort me. To hold me.

"Taylor, you are so talented, don't ever forget that," he reassured. "You deserve this one hundred percent. You are perfect Taylor."

I lifted my head to look in his eyes.

"Don't feel bad. You reacted to his outburst like a champ. Don't let that fool bring you down. You so deserve it," he whispered.

We were so close. My tears had calmed down to little sniffles now.

"I will be here for you Taylor, every step of the way. Right beside you," he breathed. Those words felt familiar, but before I could figure out who they belonged to, Tay's lips came crashing into mine, and I melted.

A thousand fireworks went off. He was the one. The one I could trust. The one who would always be there for me. He would make me feel loved.

_You used to shine so bright_

_But I watched all of it fade_

* * *

Josh's POV

Everything was going great, up until a couple minutes after Taylor won her award.

_So you don't have to call anymore_

_I won't pick up the phone_

In a flash, I was rushing through the hallways of the building to her dressing room. I'm sure she felt crushed right about now. Anybody would if they were interrupted during their moment of glory.

I ran as fast as I could to her room. It didn't help that this building was a giant maze and that my seat was in the nosebleed section. Every second that passed made me grow more anxious.

Finally, I saw her door approach. The light was on, and the door was open. I assumed her mom was in there with Taylor and didn't close the door behind her.

It would be even better if she was alone. This could be the perfect opportunity for me to finally confess my feelings to her. I almost felt confident she would say yes. I was sure she felt something towards me. I just hoped I wouldn't mess up when I asked her out. Why hadn't I done it sooner?

_This is the last straw_

_There's nothing left to beg for_

I walked up to her doorway then halted. Where I should've seen a crying Taylor alone, I saw two of them. They were wrapped in each others arms kissing.

I left before I could see anymore. And not just the hallway, but the whole building. I searched for a cab that would take me back to the hotel.

_And you can tell me that you're sorry_

_But I don't believe you baby _

_Like I did before_

She didn't love me. She was in love with someone else. I couldn't believe how stupid I was. Who would fall in love with some lanky douche bag like me? Especially a beautiful superstar like Taylor.

_You're not sorry_

My hopes and dreams were crushed. But I would never give up on her. If I ever saw another chance, I would take it without hesitation.

_No, no, oh..._

That's what you do when you're in love.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed that chapter. Be prepared for the next one :) It will blow you're mind to pieces. Or really, the next few. And hey, the more you review, the faster I update. As always, please leave a review!


	19. Never Grow Up

Taylor's POV

He saw me dancing. And that's when I lost myself. He turned my world dark for a while. Made me see things unclearly. I should've run when it first happened, but something kept me with him.

Maybe I was desperate for attention, for love, no. Not love. Not from him. He didn't give out the right kind of love. His was darkened in all the wrong ways.

Maybe I fell in love too hard, and too fast. I didn't see clearly. I fell in head first, and blinded. Naive and careless. I should've seen him coming.

He poisoned my mind. Made me believe things that were never true. He turned me away from someone who loved me. Someone who loved and cared for me more than I did. He made my world go dark.

His name was John Mayer, and he poisoned me into falling for him.

* * *

I sat at the cafe table. Waiting for John. He was in Vancouver for about two months. I was looking forward to all the time we would be able to spend together. My parents had flown back to Pennsylvania to visit family for Christmas with Austin, my little brother. I was to go to, If my schedule didn't get too busy. You don't have much time when you're writing an album.

I sighed and looked out the window. Where was he? Then a pair of gloved hands covered my eyes. And a low voice whispered in my ear.

"Boo!"

I jumped out of my skin and turned around. It was John.

"John! You scared me half to death!" I complained.

He smiled at me, wrapped his arm around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. He sat across from me.

"So, what's new?" He asked. "Are you ready for our date night?"

"Hahah. Definately but why won't you tell me where we're going?"

"Because its a surprise!"

I scoffed at him. The waitress came by and ordered our coffees. A few minutes later she came back with two steaming mugs.

As we made small talk around our drinks, my mind couldn't help it's self from wandering to Tay. I wondered how he was. No! Snap out of it.

We finished our coffees and got up and walked outside. We walked around Stanley Park.

"Aren't the trees just beautiful? The bare branches just makes it look so, pretty." I said.

"Half the trees aren't as pretty as you are," he said as he landed his lips on mine. I giggled.

"You're only saying that."

"No, it's true!"

I laughed again and wrapped my arms around him. Taking in his warmth. The air was brisk out, and I could see our breaths.

"Ooh, it's chilly out," I said.

"Hm, how about we go back to your place?"

* * *

We were wrapped in each others arms in a blanket in front of the tv. Christmas cartoons played on the screen. Neither of us were paying attention though. We were paying attention on the soft movement of each others lips. Sadly his beeping phone had to interrupt the intimate moment.

"Oh, I have a writing session to go to. I'm sorry Taylor, I'll make it as fast as possible."

I understood that these sessions were important, and that they don't always go very fast.

"Aw, I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." He said as he landed one more kiss before he walked out the door.

* * *

I checked the clock on my nightstand. 12:38. Well, guess he's not coming back. I slumped in my bed, wishing I could cuddle with him.

I heard the door shut. I shot up out of bed. Was that him?

"John?" I called. "Is that you?"

I walked out into the hallway and into the living room. There he was stumbling to get his coat off.

"Hey babe, you look hot." He slurred.

He came up to me and slapped me on the butt. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Are you drunk?" I accused him.

"I duno. Are you drunk?" He looked at me. "Of course I'm drunk you idiot."

He slapped me across the face. I gasped and fell back.

"John what are you doing?" I cried.

"What are you doing? You cheating on me? Is that why you're questioning me?" He slapped me again. In the same spot.

"John stop it!"

"John stop it!" He mocked. He reached out and grabbed my upper arms and shook me. "Why do you want me to stop huh? Is it because you want to look good for your boyfriend? Huh? Why are you cheating on me!"

His grip on my arms was too tight. It hurt a lot.

"I don't have another boyfriend! I'm not cheating. I have you. Ow! John stop your hurting me!"

"Suck it up!" He slapped me again in the same spot. He grabbed my neck and began to choke me. He lifted me up off the ground. "You tell anyone and you're dead. You hear me!"

I managed out a "yes" and he let me go. I fell to the ground in a crumpled mess. John picked up his jacket and left.

I began to cry. That was so scary. I was tempted to call someone. For help. But then I remembered he'd kill me if I told. I just laid there, for the rest of the night. In a cold sweat.

* * *

The next day, I was in the studio. I had covered myself in layers of coverup. I was wearing a turtle neck with long sleeves. I had wrapped myself up in a blanket, and was resting on the couch, with a notepad and pen in my hands. I had been attempting to right a song about the VMA incident for a while now, but everything just turned into a mess.

I heard the door open and Josh walked in.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Not much really, still trying to write that damn song," I replied. My throat hurt after what had happened last night.

"Hmm. You sure you don't want a co-writer?"

"Yes, I'm positive. I'm already like, halfway through the album. And I want to continue with having this all solely written."

"Well then don't put the song on the album. Save it for some telethon or whatever."

I looked up at him.

"Really? Come on Josh, I need this on the album!"

"You know what you should write about instead? Chicken fingers. Because you really seem to like those…"

I reached over and punched him on the arm. He laughed.

"K seriously, I need to concentrate."

He fell silent. I got back to my work. Maybe something like, an accepting song would be good. Yeah, like he's still alright, after his mistake. Maybe something - A finger poked me in the cheek, disrupting my train of thought.

"You know what, I am going to kill you!" I threw a cushion at him.

"Hey!" He laughed, ducking.

I rolled my eyes. Now, where was I? Something about accepting. Right. Well, does he really deserve to get an acceptance song? I mean, he didn't let me get an acceptance speech… honestly though, am I making a big deal out of this? Cause is it really that big of a deal?

I threw the paper on the table, and took out my laptop. The other day, I had watched an interview on YouTube. Jay Leno had practically made him cry. I re-watched it and that brought me into a good state of emotion. I set down the laptop and grabbed my notebook. I started to write.

"I guess you really did it this time.

Left yourself in your warpath.

Lost your balance on a tightrope.

Lost your-"

A piece of paper hit me in the face. A quick flashback of last night flashed across my eyes and I winced. I looked up at Josh. He was stifling a laugh. I put on a fake smile, and tried not to bring up last nights events.

I heard the door open. John was there. What was he doing here?

"Taylor, can I grab you for a second?"

I got up out of my seat and followed him outside. The cold snow crunched underneath my shoes. We walked to the side of the building.

"What's up?" I asked, being a little more cautious.

"I don't like you with him." He stated.

"With who?"

"Him."

"You mean Josh?"

"Yeah. I don't like you being with him. He's constantly touching you and interacting with you and I don't like it."

"Ah, is someone getting a little jealous?" I poked him in the stomach. I could instantly tell he didn't like that. I dropped the smirk on my face. "Well what do you want me to do then? He shares the studio too."

"I don't want you talking to him. I don't want you interacting with each other, I don't even want you to make eye contact."

"That's a little ridiculous don't you think?" I asked innocently.

He grabbed my upper arms hard.

"Yeah? Do you really think so?" He barely had his voice under control. I was silent. I couldn't speak. He slapped me across the face. "Do you really think that it's ridiculous to see you with him? I don't like seeing you guys together, because I want to be with you!"

I didn't know what to think. In fact I didn't.

"John! If you're going to be that jealous, then why would I want to stay with you?" This earned me a good hard smack.

"What did you say?" His voice dangerously calm. I could feel tears prick my eyes.

"Nothing."

"Yeah, that's right. You said nothing because you can't say anything, because you don't have a will of your own. I control you. You're just a girl in a dress."

The tears slid down my face. Why was this happening?

"And for the record, you will not say anything about what just happened."

He shoved me into the wall and walked away. He must've been in his car, spying on me through the window. I curled up into a ball, with my back against the wall. What was going on with my life?It was so scary. I wiped the tears from my eyes, got up and walked back to the studio, grabbed my things and left without a word.

I heard Josh call to me, but I kept walking away. I got in my car and left. I didn't really know where to go, but I just kept driving.

* * *

Hours later, I had made it back to my house. I dropped my things on the floor, and climbed in the shower. I got out, dried myself off and looked in the mirror.

With my bare arms showing, and the make up washed off, my bruises weren't covered. The black and blue marks looked worse than before. The ones on my arms had taken less of a finger looking mark, and looked more like splotches.

The one on my face, had gotten company from today's events. The dark shadows crept up my cheek and surrounded the outside of my eye. I was a mess.

I walked out to the living room and turned on Netflix. I wrapped myself up in a blanket, barely paying attention to the movie. I was focused more on reality. On how poorly it was treating me. The phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Oh hey Taylor! It's Josh. Just phoning in to tell you, that the heating system in the studio has broken down, so it'll be boiling in there for a few days."

"Oh ok thanks Josh." I hung up. Great. I'll have to wear summer clothes to work in the winter. A thought occurred to me. How will I hide the bruises on my arms?The door creaked open. It was late, and I was sure that John had just walked in drunk.

"Hello?" I called timidly. There was no answer. Suddenly the lights flicked on.

"Who was that on the phone?" He demanded. Oh crap. I wasn't supposed to talk to Josh.

"Um. Nobody."

"Don't you dare lie to me you bitch!" I winced at the sound of him raising his voice.

"I'm sorry!"

"No! Sorry isn't gonna cut!" He back handed me across the face. My right cheek stung.

"Then what do you want me to say?"

"Don't you dare be rude with me!" The crack of his hand on my face again. "I thought I told you not to talk to him! Why won't you listen to me? Do you love him more than you love me?"

He hit me every time he said a sentence.

"No baby, I do love you! I'm just so sorry. Please love me too," I just wanted the hitting to stop. But it didn't. He grabbed my wrist tightly, and pulled me closer.

Ow that really hurt. I tried not to let him see me in pain. He continued to beat me. More harder this time. He hit me all over. Leaving many painful bruises to remind me. He shoved me into the wall.

"I can't even look at you right now. How can you love me when you don't even listen to me!" More beatings came followed by hurtful insults. Finally he finished and with one more painful shove, he stormed out of the house.

I collapsed on the ground and let my tears come. I silently hoped that he would be so impaired that he would get in a car crash and die.

* * *

Morning came all too fast and I found myself still lying on the ground, with tears flowing down my stinging cheeks. John had looked so nice in the begining. He was so kind, and caring, and gentle. But all the words he had said, the hateful, cruel words ripped through me like nothing else ever had before. I could hear the ringing and beating noises clearly in my head. I slowly got up.

Every move I made, made me wince. I found myself in the bathroom. I had stripped down to reveal last nights wounds. Many, many dark shadows of bruises covered my skin. From my torso, all the way up to my face.

My arms also had dark finger shaped marks, but my face had taken the worst of it. It was splotched with dark, browning bruises. My swollen bottom lip was a deep dark red. I took a pain reliever from the cabinet, but sadly that could not take away the worst pains that were hidden in the chambers of my heart.

I turned the hot water on, and stepped into the shower. I felt the water ease the pain in my muscles. Sadly, no matter how much I cleaned my body, I still felt dirty.

Johns horrible words had left deep marks. His dirty words made me feel scared. I realized that I was no longer that innocent.

Who was I now?

He had cut me like a knife. His words had been disgusting. No one should ever be called things like what he had said. Those words would've made his mother stick a bar of soap in his mouth.

Finally I crawled out of the steaming shower, and wrapped myself up in a towel. I applied my make up. Trying my hardest to cover the bruises. When I finished I could still see them. They were faded but there. I would have to have my hair down, covering my face.

I walked to my room to get changed. I pulled out a T-shirt realizing that the studio would be very warm today. I pulled on some leggings and collapsed onto the bed. I wanted to cry again, but I couldn't. It would ruin my make up, and I couldn't look at myself in the mirror again.

I got up and walked to my car. I knew I was going to be late today, at least later than I usually arrived at the studio, and that would bring the attention of Josh. I sighed heavily and pulled out of the driveway.

* * *

I arrived at the studio and fortunately Josh was running late as well, and hadn't arrived yet. I passed the window that everyone always forgot was there, and entered through the glass doors. I was instantly hit by a wave of heat. I guess it was a good thing after all that I didn't wear a long sleeve shirt. I sat in my usual spot on the couch, with a notebook in my hands.

I looked outside the window, at a mom and her little girl holding hands while crossing the road. That little girl was lucky. She didn't have to worry about work, or relationships. Or how it feels to be abused.

She was so small, and so innocent. Her hand could only fit around her mothers finger. I remembered that was once me. I placed my pen on the paper and began to write.

"Your little hands wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light,"

I remembered when I was younger, how I always thought it was weird hearing how there were bad relationships out there. How every relationship didn't work like my parents relationship.

"To you everything's funny

You've got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have honey

If you could stay like that"

There was too many things that I regretted at this moment. Way too many things.

"Oh darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple"

I remember when life was simple. Why couldn't it stay simple forever?

"I won't let nobody hurt you..."

You are too young and to little to be hurt. I will never let you be crushed. I won't ever let you go through the things I've gone through. No body will ever hurt you…

"Hey Taylor!" I heard Josh's voice. Oh no. John said we can't interact otherwise he'll hurt me. Or worse, what if he hurts Josh? I guaranteed he was watching right now. I can't let that happen.

"What's up?" He asked. I pretended to be so caught up in my work that I didn't hear him. "Ah, song writing I see, I see."

Oh Josh. You're so oblivious.


	20. Dear John

Josh's POV

I was sitting across from Taylor. Admiring her work. She was so calm. But for some reason something seemed off today. I looked over her shoulder at her work. The song was a lullaby. Written to a young inoccent girl.

I stared at the last line. "Won't let nobody hurt you…" Aw was Taylor hurt badly? Did she and John break up? I silently cursed at the excitement in my stomach when I thought about that option. I read over the work again. Oh yeah. She's definately hurting over him and how she's single again.

"Hey what's this song you're writing about?" I asked. She didn't reply. "Uh hello, earth to Taylor!"

She wouldn't even look up at me. Something was seriously up.

"Are you alright?" I cautiously asked. Finally I got a response. She shook her head ever so slowly. "Aw, it's ok. Did you and John break up?"

She slowly shook her head.

"Then what's wrong?" I placed my hand on her shoulder and she jumped back. She stared at me in terror. I was completely confused. The door opened, and in came John Mayer. The devil himself.

"Don't you fucking touch my girlfriend," he pointedly told me. He grabbed Taylor's wrist and dragged her out if the studio. Oh I see. He was one of those jealous types. I started tapping my leg.

I heard shouting outside. Oops. I hope I didn't cause anything. They walked right in front of the window and stopped. We've seen so many things happen infront of that window. It was the forgotten window. No one ever noticed it was there, untill it was too late.

I watched them argue. John seemed to be leading this one. They were in a shouting war, it looked like. I looked down to grab the papers that Taylor had spilt everywhere when she left.

I saw the line "won't let nobody hurt you," again. That was a good line. Nice and powerful. I looked up again at the couple fighting, and saw something I would regret ever not speaking up about.

I saw Johns hand meet with Taylor's face. Very harshly. I sat there in utter shock. What the hell did I just see.

Taylor had her face turned away from the window so I couldn't see what her reaction was. From her body posture, it didn't look like this was the first time. I saw what looked like an apology from him, a kiss, and they walked away.

* * *

Taylor's POV

He hit me across the face. This just made my mood worse. But no more hits came. I looked up at him. Suddenly he looked very surprised and shocked at his actions.

"Oh Taylor. I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you! I just got really angry. Baby, it pains me to see what I've done to you. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I can't live knowing I'm the one who put you in pain and is the cause of that look on your face. I don't know what I was thinking, no. I wasn't thinking at all. Please don't leave me. I can't bare to see the best thing that ever happened to me run away in fear. I love you Taylor. You're my everything." He met his lips with mine.

His sorry was perfect. Suddenly I didn't feel so bad about what he did to me, because he now knew. Now he was going to make things better. I felt safer now knowing that the old John was back.

"Do you accept my apology?" He asked.

"Yes, I accept it," I replied.

* * *

Josh's POV

The next day I was in the studio. I was sitting in a chair playing with the recording system, when Taylor came in. She was late. She was never late.

"Hi," I said. She didn't even acknowledge me. She just sat down on the couch huddled up in her blanket, staring at her paper.

I was supposed to produce her song, and since I had nothing better to do, I decided to just hang out here. The band was coming in today as well, to work on something we were planning. I heard the door open, and Matt had arrived.

"What's up?" I asked as he sat down in the chair next to me.

"Oh not much, found a new guacamole recipe. What about you?"

"Nothing. The single life is boring. Your all alone. I just don't know what to do with myself,"

We talked about music and guitars and what not for a while longer, when we both eventually just got bored of each other. By this time, the sun had already set.

Matt got up to go to the bathroom. I stared at Taylor. She seemed to be trying to write something, but it looked like a lot was being crossed out on her paper. Meanwhile, I was dieing from the heat in this building. Apparently it was supposed to get fixed today.

Taylor was wearing a t-shirt, so I could see the new bruises on her arms. It just wasn't right. I had to confront her.

I got up and squatted down to her level, gently laying my hand on her wrist.

"Hey, do you wanna tell me what's wrong?" I gently asked her. As soon as I had touched her I felt her tense up. She gulped, but no reply came. "Look Taylor, you might as well tell me. No use in hiding what will soon come up."

She still didn't reply.

"Does he hit you?" Her eyes widened. I could feel her start to shake. She quickly shook her head.

"No he doesn't. He's nice and he treats me wonderfully," she replied with a waver in her voice.

"Well, the bruises on your arms,"I gently touched them. As lightly as a butterfly's wings. "And the ones on your face," I tucked her hair behind her ear, "tell me something different then that."

"Josh go away," she quietly said. I didn't budge. "Please Josh, before he hurts you."

She sounded like she was about to cry. I looked out the window at the darkening horizon.

"Don't worry about that. I'm worried about you."

"No Josh please go away. I don't want you to feel what I'm feeling."

It broke my heart to see her like this. I bit my lip. The door slammed open.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!" I looked up at him. It was John. The fuck did he think he was doing in my studio? I stood up.

"Better question is, what the fuck do you think you're doing in here?"

"To get my girlfriend you bitch."

"Oh please, she doesn't deserve someone like you. She deserves someone who treats her right."

"And you think you can do better?" He pushed me. That made me mad. He thinks he can come into my studio and act like he's the boss? Oh I don't think so. I pushed him back.

"Guys! Stop!" I heard Taylor's voice yell. But I didn't listen. And neither did he.

"Don't you fucking dare touch me!" He yelled at me.

"Fuck you!" And I pushed him again.

* * *

Taylor's POV

I was petrified when Josh told me he knew. Now he's gonna think badly of me. He's gonna think I'm some street walker trying to provide for my abusive boyfriend. But then John barged in and things just got worse.

I watched them argue with each other. This wasn't going to end well. They started pushing and shoving each other. I got up.

"Guys! Stop!" But they didn't hear me. They continued to argue and push. But eventually John reared back and punched Josh. I gasped.

"John! What are you doing?" I shouted.

"Oh you asshole!" Josh yelled. They both reared back to punch.

I quickly stepped in between them, put my hands on both their chests and went to yell stop. But not quickly enough. They both hit me on either side of my face. I gasped and took a step back. My eyes widened in disbelief. I looked at John.

"You promised," I said tearfully.

"Taylor," he began but I quickly cut in.

"No. Shut up. We are over. Don't ever come near me again!"

I looked over at Josh. Tears were begining to slide down my face. My jaw quivered.

"How could you?" I asked. It was barely audible.

He opened his mouth to talk, but I shook my head. I took another step back. I looked at their shocked faces. I couldn't believe them. I was two seconds from breaking down completely. I couldn't do that in front of them.

"Boys are so unbelievable," I said and ran.

I took off out of the building. I ran down the side walk, my boots crunching in the snow. I had no idea where I would go, I just kept running. Though, I couldn't see much through my crying eyes. I ran and ran down streets and alleyways before my legs eventually crumpled underneath me. I sat in the snow crying, leaning against a concrete building.

I'm not sure how much time passed, but eventually I heard the sound of footsteps, and looked up. It was both, John and Josh. I stood up, sliding my back against the wall.

"Get away from me," I stated. I bit my lip. None of them stopped.

"Taylor I," John began when he was close to me. He put his hand on my arm.

"No! Don't touch me. Get away!" I screamed at him.

"But,"

"No! I never want to see your face again. I said we're done! So just get out of my way," I cried. More hot tears streamed down my face. He looked defeated.

"Please, before I leave. Just tell me one thing. Did you, ever love me?" He asked. I stood there silently.

"Go away," I said. Deadly calm.

Finally, he walked away in defeat. I slid down the wall, sobbing.

"Taylor,"Josh crouched down to my level and touched my arm.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled.

"Please Taylor,"

"Go!"

"At least let me explain!"

I waited.

"Look. I am so sorry. I feel sick at what I did to you. That punch was never meant to hit you. I was just so mad that some evil person would hurt you. I feel terrible. I'm so, so, so, sorry."

"Sorry's not gonna cut it," I wouldn't look at him.

"And I realize that. All I'm asking, is that you don't hate me. I know that I'll need to build trust with you now, and I, I just need you to trust me. Even if you hate me for the rest of your life, and never trust me again. I promise I will never ever lay a finger on you unless I have permission."

I was sobbing uncontrollably. I just wanted this night to end. Pretend that it never happened and get on with life.

"The evil is gone now. I promise to be good to you," He let out his hand. "Do you want to go back to the studio?"

I clenched my jaw. What do I do?

"You promise to never hurt me again?" I said in between sobs.

"Yes. I promise. I swear on my life."

"I don't trust you. I'll never trust you the same. If I ever do trust you again."

"Understandable."

I nodded my head. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and grabbed his hand. He yanked me up. I imediatly took a step away from him. He looked pained. I didn't care. He's lucky that I've even trusted him this much. No. There was zero trust between us.

He began to slowly walk back to the studio. I took one cautious step and toppled into the wall. I hurt everywhere. I had no energy or will power to move. Josh held out his hand.

"Come on. I can help you," he softly said. I hesitated. "I promise."

A promise wasn't saying much, but I took hold of his hand and he guided me up. He wrapped his arm around me and we began to walk again. I was leaning into him a lot. He was practically carrying me.

The heavy snow fall made it easy to get lost, but he knew the exact way back to the studio. I was chilled to the bone, and wasn't just shaking from the cold.

I never ever wanted to make music ever again. I wanted to quit it right there, but somehow, when he opened the door for me and led me into the cold building, it felt like my home and I knew I could never leave this place. How had it suddenly gotten so cold in here?

He led me back to the couch and we sat down. I pulled my feet up and rested my head on his shoulder. I looked at the clock. 2:20am. I sighed.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" He asked. I shrugged.

He got up and popped in a DVD. He came back to the couch and I laid my head on his lap. He stroked my hair, while the flickering lights of Finding Nemo lulled me to sleep.

* * *

I had a horrible dream that night. I was walking home when I had to cross the street. The cars stopped and I started to cross. Before I could make it all the way, my body met the hard ground. I was yelling and screaming for help, but no one came. There was someone on my back pinning me down. I looked up to see it was John. Just as his fist was barreling down to meet my face, my eyes snapped open. I immediately tensed up. I was breathing heavily.

"It's ok. It's ok," Josh calmly said.

"I had a horrible dream Josh," I sobbed into his shirt.

"Shh, don't worry. It wasn't real. Everything will be ok."

I looked out the window. It was light out, and it was still snowing.

I sighed into his chest. It was a fact. All love ever does is break and burn and end.

* * *

For the next few days, I continued to have bad dreams. In the middle of the night I would wake up thrashing in my bed. I wouldn't be able to calm down after, so I would call up Josh and he would come over and calm me down.

I had just woken up from one of the worst dreams yet. John had ended up killing Josh right in front of me and had moved to me. His fist had reared back right when I snapped awake. I snatched my phone up and shakily dialed his phone number.

"Josh! Josh I had another dream. Please I need you," I exclaimed.

"I'm on my way," he replied.

The next few minutes were agonizing. Why isn't he here yet? I was on the verge of an anxiety attack, when I finally saw his glowing headlights outside. I ran to the door and yanked it open. He swept me into a big hug.

"It's alright Taylor. I'm here now," he said over the noise of my crying and the rain pounding down outside.

He closed the door and carried me up to the couch. He held me in his arms as I cried.

"I just can't keep him out of my mind!" I sobbed. "How do I take my mind off of him? How do I get him to stop haunting me?"

"Hey, I think I know of something that can take your mind off of things," he said.

"What?" I sniffled.

"My family is going to some telethon charity event, and I've got an extra ticket. Do you want to come?"

I looked at him. If I go, I'd be in public where John could be hiding. What if I was to cross paths with him?

"What if I see John?"

"I will use all my power to protect you from him. And plus it'll be in public, so everyone will see if he try's to, target you."

After a few minutes, I made my decision.

"Alright. I'll come."

I layed my head down on his chest and fell back asleep.

* * *

Morning came and I had to get ready to go out. I cried off all of my make up about three times. No matter how much I put on I still felt like I could see the bruises. I finished my mascara and walked to my closet.

What to wear? I found this black dress with lace sleeves that would cover my bruises. If flowed down to just above my knees. I put on my heels. John hated when I wore heels. He though that it would make other guys stare.

I stood infront of the mirror. Evaluating my look. Finally I heard a knock on the door. I walked over and opened it to see Josh standing there. He looked rather dapper in his nice clothes.

"You ready?" He asked.

"Be totally honest. Can you see any bruises?"

"No I can't see any."

"Guess the marks will just be completely imprinted in my mind," I sighed.

"No they won't. They're already fading. As soon as they disappear, I guarantee you won't be able to recognize where they were."

"I hope so," I mumbled.

We got into his car, and he drove off. It was a small theater, but it was big enough to be a televised event. There was going to be many guests there. I hoped I didn't know any.

We got out and walked towards the theater. We entered and sat down at our table. I said hello to his family and got settled. I saw the photographer making his rounds and hoped he didn't come to our table. Ugh. My publicist was gonna kill me when she finds out I was here with a date other than John Mayer.

The event began, and the first guest began to sing. I didn't pay any attention. I just moped and stared at my plate. The singer finished and it was a commercial break. The waiters brought out the food and served it onto the tables. Shrimp and rolls. Random. I didn't have much of an appetite, but I put some on my plate anyways.

The on air sign lit up, and everyone applauded. The host said his monologue, and then introduced the next performer.

"And now it gives me great honor to introduce the next guest. Put your hands together, and your hands on your phone, for John Mayer!"

I froze. All I could here was my heart beat. "John Mayer" echoed inside my head. He was here? Oh just my luck. The applause ended and I heard his voice.

"Me and all my friends

We're all misunderstood

They say we stand for nothing

And there's no way we ever could."

I looked up at him standing on the stage. Please don't see me. Please don't see me. I looked over at Josh. I gave him a please help me look. He reached over and took my hand. I tried to sit there. It would've looked horrible if I was to get up and leave during his performance. I couldn't stand it. Every word he said, felt like a beating to me.

"We keep on waiting,

Waiting on the world to change,"

That was it. I was done. I stood up and quickly walked to the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it. I looked into the mirror and started crying. I was positive Josh was lying about my bruises not showing. I saw them perfectly. Or was it just my imagination? There was a knock at the door.

"Busy!" I yelled. I sighed. Can't people give me my privacy?

"It's Josh. Taylor, open up please," Josh said.

I unlocked it. The door swung open and he rushed to gather me in an embrace. I heard it shut.

"Don't worry. It's ok," he comforted me.

"I'm so scared. I'm so scared."

"Yes, I know it's scary, but you're better than this. Last time I checked you were a tough girl. If you can get through everything else in your life, I think you can get through this."

"Thanks Josh," I sniffled.

"You know what might make things better?"

"What?"

"If you write a song."

"But -"

"Trust me. He's not gonna hurt you anymore. You have your own free will to write whatever you want about him."

I leaned back a bit and looked into his eyes.

"Ok," I said in my shaky voice.

We decided to ditch the telethon during the next commercial break. We drove to the studio and I sat down with my guitar to write a song. I swear it literally took 10 minutes to write it. Everything was just so true in it.

"I think I'm done," I told Josh.

"That was fast. I'll produce it for you," he said.

I nodded and picked up my guitar. I started strumming next to a mic, as it was being recorded. Soon we finished the instrumentals, and I walked into the recording booth to sing. I gulped.

You got this girl, just keep going.

The music started playing, and I began. Pouring my heart and soul and all of my emotions into it.

"Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you."


	21. Back To December

Taylor's POV

New Years Eve had come and gone. My friends had all invited me to parties, but I was to empty to function. I was miserable. Fine way to end a really good year. And an even more horrible way to start a new, fresh, year. Maybe, if I tried hard enough, I could make the best if this year.

I still had to finish my first headlining tour, and release an album. But, before I could do all that, I had to release some old ghosts. I needed to apologize. I only knew of one way to make it happen in the most sincere way.

I found myself at home in the dark, sitting in front of my piano. Tears were streaming down my face as I played a melody. I felt horrible for everything I had done. For what John had done. Yet, I blamed it all on me.

It was my fault for letting my guard down. Not saying no even after I had seen all the signs. I should've left the moment he touched me. But I didn't. I should've stayed with Taylor.

Tay.

I felt horrible for what I had done to him. I shouldn't have left him for John. He was so much better than him. On top of it all, he loved me. And he showed that he loved me.

He took me on little dates everywhere. I could see how much he was in love with me. I felt so bad for breaking his heart, then moving into a new relationship so fast. Without looking back once.

Perhaps he didn't deserve me, but he did deserve an apology.

The dreams had stopped, but the flashbacks were hitting me harder than ever. However, they weren't even about John. They were about Tay.

That last day hit me harder than before.

'_Cause the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind_

* * *

_I am sitting on the bench in the park. The December air is cold and my breath is showing in the air. I watch as Tay walks up and sits beside me. He has a rose in his hand._

_"Hey Taylor," he greets as he leans in for a kiss._

_My eyes are wide open. I feel nothing in the kiss. In fact, I feel no emotion._

_I fake a smile as he pulls away._

_"How are you?" He asks innocently, handing me the flower._

_I can't bear it anymore. I have to get straight to the point._

_"Look, T-," I stop myself. I can't even say his name. "We need to talk."_

_After a brief pause, he speaks._

_"It's because of him, isn't it. There's another man involved."_

_I quickly look up before shooting my guilty gaze back to the rose I am twirling in my fingers. I don't know how to respond. I was hoping to just get it over quickly and straight forward, but now he's bringing up him._

_"Look, I'm sorry," I sigh. "I just, there's just no more fireworks anymore."_

_"I see, so you feel more fireworks when you're with J-"_

_"Don't. Don't say his name," I interrupt. I can't bear the guilt of Tay knowing about him. "He just, he makes me feel more alive. I don't think I'm in love with you anymore. I'm sorry."_

_I stand up, and hand him the rose._

_"Keep it," he whispers._

_He's crushed. I know it._

_I sigh walking away before my heart crumbles to nothing. I drop the rose on the ground and don't look back._

* * *

_You gave me roses and I left them there to die_

I was so cold-hearted that day. I crushed him. I didn't even know if the words I said were mine, or Johns. I usually never apologized to past ex's. I guess I was just too proud. But tonight was different.

"So this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December all the time," I sang.

I wished I could go back to December. If I could, I would change everything.

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

I wished John had never come around and poisoned me. I would never have left someone who had loved me so dearly.

I could still be happy.

_I go back to December all the time_

I didn't know which ones hurt more. The dreams about John, or the flashbacks about Taylor. They kept me up at night. Distracted me from my everyday chores.

The flashback from when I ignored him on his birthday. The times we had together in the summer, all ruined by John and my stupidness.

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind_

_You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye_

I missed everything about him. His dark skin, his perfect and sweet smile. Even that magical moment when he first saw me cry.

But he wasn't the only one on my mind that day.

I wondered what Josh was up to. I wondered if he would hate me if I told him everything.

I regretted everything. I wished I had a way to change the horrible things I'd done.

_I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't_

_So if the chain is on your door, I understand_

But now, with this apology written and finished, I realized that Tay would never want me. Not after how badly I treated him. The pain hit me again, and I let out a sob.

"Still having nightmares?" A voice from behind me asked.

I screamed out in surprise and turned around.

There Josh stood, leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets. He must have let himself in with the spare key I gave him a while back.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked.

"Since, 'And realized I loved you in the fall' I believe," he replied. "And I take it you're still having dreams?"

"Worse. Flashbacks. And they aren't even about him. They're about Tay," I replied.

He walked closer until he was sitting on the bench next to me. Once again, our faces inches away.

"Taylor, are you alright?" He asked.

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Are you sure? I care about you a lot and I don't want you to hurt yourself."

I found my gaze had fallen to his lips. He was so kind. Every touch sent sparks racing through my veins.

"The healing process is hard, and takes a long time," he continued. "But I don't think holing yourself up all alone is going to help. You need to get out. Breath some fresh air. I have a friend's wedding coming up. I'm allowed to bring a date. Care to join me?"

A date? What did I just hear? Whatever it was, it sent tingles up my spine.

"So what do you say Taylor?" He asked.

I hesitated, but then quickly nodded my head.

"Ok," I replied. "I'll come with you."

"Great."

I felt a tug towards those lips. They suddenly looked so inviting. But I had to stop myself.

This wasn't right. I didn't deserve to fall into another relationship. It wouldn't be right. And who knows. Maybe behind those crystal blue eyes, were icicles pointed at my heart. Waiting to shatter it into a million pieces.

I had to stay cautious.

* * *

**I know what you're going to say, it's extremely short and a horrible filler. But, it's worth the set up for the next chapter. I promise. I hope you enjoyed, and keep those reviews coming!**


	22. Fearless

**Ok, welcome to the last chapter of the first part of the first story in this trilogy that I'm writing. Woah, that made no sense. But you know what does make sense? Reviewing this story. **

**Enjoy. **

* * *

Taylor's POV

I stared at myself in the mirror. I was wearing my best dress. Josh would arrive any minute now from the shoe store, and we'd take a taxi to the wedding. Even though he knew about it weeks in advance, he still wasn't ready for the wedding.

I had my long curly hair tied to the side, in a low ponytail with my side bangs twirling into were staying together in hotel. Somewhere, well. Somewhere. Somewhere outside of Vancouver, courtesy of the bride and groom.

I heard a knock at the door. That must be him. I checked in the mirror one more time to make there weren't any bruises showing, and went to open it. Josh appeared in a purple dress shirt, and black pants. His black tie matched his black dress shoes. I smiled. He looked, well, hot.

"Well don't you look handsome," I said.

"You look absolutely stunning!" His eyes wide, "you might just give the bride a run for her money."

I teasingly slapped him on the arm.

"Oh please, you're just saying that."

I prayed he couldn't see me blushing. I looked into his eyes. But I slowly dropped to his lips.

I wanted those… no snap out of it! He'll see you staring.

"So, ready to go?" He asked.

"Of course!" I replied. I closed the hotel door behind me and walked down the hallway beside him. We got to the elevator and he pushed the lobby button. I caught myself staring at him again and forced myself to look away.

As we walked out of the elevator, out of the lobby and to his car I looked up at the sky. Anyone from Vancouver would know that those were rain clouds. Rain. Something that I found so romantic. We hailed the taxi and climbed in. Josh insisted he'd pay. Often, though not often enough, he could be quite the gentleman.

After the fifteen minute drive, we arrived at the church. The wedding would take place here, then the reception at a hall they rented out somewhere in downtown Vancouver. We got seated and made small talk to other guests.

Josh was busy talking to some girl, while I had a rather um, interesting conversation with some old guy about how dentures work.

Finally, the ceremony began.

The bridesmaids walked down the aisle, then the bride accompanied by her dad. I couldn't wait till I got married. It'd be so romantic. I caught myself staring at Josh again. I got butterflies in my stomach thinking about dancing, and hopefully, with him.

Finally the ceremony ended and the bride and groom walked down the aisle together. They looked so in love. Something I didn't know yet. The pair looked inseparable.

The crowd made their way to the reception hall and the dancing began. First the bride and groom. Ok I'll admit it, I did get a little misty eyed at them. Then the bride and her dad danced. And the groom with his mother. It was like a fairy tale.

Then the real dancing began. I looked over my side at Josh, but he wasn't there. Crap.

How could he leave me here? I knew absolutely no one and he just left me?

No don't panick Taylor. He doesn't need to be right by your side. You are not an item. Just friends… but what if he's too far away to protect me?

I felt my heart beat faster. My palms grew sweaty. What if John was behind me? I whipped around. It was just the old denture guy.

Okay Taylor come on, why would John be here? You're just overreacting.

I began looking for Josh again. I swept my eyes over the crowd. How hard could it be to spot some tall gorgeous guy with blue hair? Then I saw him.

Of course he would be dancing. I wasn't much of a dancer, but Josh was certainly the life of the party. Then I realized he was slow dancing with some skank.

No, that should be me! Ugh ok calm down. You can share the boy right? I mean he's not yours, so calm it.

I watched them dancing. Peering at them with my evil eyes. Trying to burn that skank to pieces.

Someone tapped my shoulder. I was too full of anger to worry if it was John or not, so I turned without a worry. It was denture guy.

"Mind if I have this dance?" He asked. Oh, how, sweet.

"Of course," I replied trying to sound enthusiastic.

I let him grab my hand and led me to the dance floor. He was a full head shorter than me. He smiled into my eyes and I couldn't resist one either. The song ended and I thanked him, then moved to the food table.

Well, might as well stuff my face with unhealthy things since I couldn't even get a guy my age.

I felt a hand at my back and turned my head to see Josh.

"Stuffing your face already?" He said with a laugh.

I couldn't help but laugh back.

"Well, I couldn't help it. I saw the chocolate fountain and bam. So, who was that girl you were dancing with over there?" I asked trying to sound as innocent as possible.

"Oh just a friend. Why? Are you jealous?"

I punched him in the arm

"In your dreams."

He laughed.

"Oh hey recognize this song?" He asked. I listened in. Of all songs they were playing, it was my song. It was Fearless. He held his hand out to me. My heart skipped a beat. "May I?"

Just as I was about to reply, a girl came up to him. A different skank this time. God what's with all of his friends being skanks?

"Hey Joshy," she said in a high-pitched nasily voice. Oh god. "Want to dance?"

"Oh um," he stumbled on words.

"Hell yeah you do," she said as she pulled him to the dance floor.

I watched in horror as she pulled him close and then slow danced to my song. MY SONG. my jaw dropped. I felt really angry.

I pursed my lips together and continued to glare at them. They were chest to chest. She was smiling up at him. It was a snake of a smile. As the chorus came again for the second time, she rested her head on his chest. Eyes closed.

Oh my god that bitch. We were supposed to dance. Me and Josh. Not the skanky lady who can't keep her boobs from falling out of her dress, and Josh. I felt like I got smacked in the face.

As the bridge started. I saw her whisper into his ear. He laughed. God if she wasn't already close enough to him, they were practically on top of each other.

Just as the bridge neared its end I saw her reach up and kiss him. A peck on his cheek. Practically on his lips. My jaw dropped. Again.

When the song said "It's a first kiss its flawless really something," I saw her whisper in his ear again.

She pulled back and kissed him right on the lips.

"Its fearless."

Yeah it's damn right fearless to kiss him right in front of me.

I didn't stay to watch the rest.

* * *

Josh's POV

The girl didn't let me answer in time before she was pulling me onto the dance floor. I looked back at Taylor. The look on her face was unmistakable. I was in so much trouble when we got back to the hotel.

Of all the songs to pick woman, it had to be during one of her songs? I felt double the guilt.

The random girl had herself pressed right up against me, staring right into my eyes. Maybe if she could keep her chest from spilling out of her dress it wouldn't have been so awkward. I looked up at Taylor. She had her eyes squinted and her lips pursed together. Nope I take that back it'd be just as awkward.

She rested her head on my chest.

Did I even know who this girl was? I didn't even know her name.

She whispered in my ear. Oh no. Taylor was gonna hate this.

"You're absolutely gorgeous. I'd do anything to get into those pants of yours," she purred.

I pulled back. Was this girl serious? Or maybe she was just drunk. I looked at her. Nope definitely not. I laughed awkwardly.

Oh god when did this song end? I had to stop dancing with her. Maybe I could fake a leg cramp? Pretend I only have one day left to live and that I don't want to live it with her? No that probably wouldn't end well. Then she reached up again and kissed me. Right beside my mouth. I was too stunned to react.

"Oh you taste wonderful!" She whispered in my ear again.

Then she crashed her lips into mine.

I made the mistake of closing my eyes. When I opened them again, she was gone. Taylor was gone. Where did she go?

I looked down at the girl, she gazed up into my eyes as if we were the ones getting married. I pushed her away. Oh no. Where had Taylor gone?

I pushed the girl off of me, and ran out of the hall, down the stairs. I saw her get into a cab outside.

"Taylor!" I yelled. "Just, wait! I'm so sorry!"

But that didn't stop her. The taxi sped away before I even reached the last step.

Dammit. I blew every last chance of ever dating her. I had led her on for a while now and all that was for nothing. I sat down hard on the step.

Why did I always have to mess up love? I felt tears sting my eyes. She'd never want me again after this. Why was I such a douche bag?

It began to rain.

I looked up at the sky. Squinting my eyes to try to protect them from the water.

Rain.

It was Taylor's favorite.

Then I had an idea.

I bolted off the steps and ran in the direction of the hotel. Our room was only on the second floor, so my idea was bound to work, right? Probably not, but I had to be optimistic.

Finally after a rather long run, I arrived at the hotel. I stood in the empty parking lot. It wasn't a very big lot. It could only hold a few cars. It didn't even have any street lamps. Just the ones on the side of the road.

Then the plan came into action.

* * *

Taylor's POV

I sat in the middle of the floor, crying my eyes out. Why did love always have to burn and crash and fail? There. In the end I was destined to become a forty-year old cat lady. No one loved me. Just smelly old guys who had dentures.

I should've remembered to stay cautious. I shouldn't have let myself fall in love.

_Tap_

What was that? Was that the rain?

_Tap_

No it couldn't have been.

_Tap_

It sounded more like,

_Tap_

I turned to the window just in time to see another pebble hit. I heard my name faintly. Was somebody calling to me?

_There's something bout the way, a street looks when it's just rained._

I walked over to the window and opened it. The smell of wet pavement hit me and I calmed down.

_There's a glow off the pavement._

"Taylor!" It was Josh.

"Josh? What are you doing?" I shouted down at him.

"Look, Taylor I'm so sorry! But please will you come down here?"

"What, come down? But it's raining!"

"Please Taylor it's all I ask. I just need you to come down here please!"

"But Josh I'll get soaked! You're soaked!"

"Please Taylor. Hate me all you want, but I just need you to come down here please!"

Oh. That's what this was about.

"Oh. Don't, don't worry about that. I'm not mad at you."

"Please, I don't care. I need you down here!"

I sat on the windowsill. Was Josh crazy? I wasn't mad at him. I was just. Mad at myself basically. I closed the window, before I heard one more "please."

I stood in the middle of the room biting my bottom lip. Why did he want me down there? If it was just for some stupid apology, forget it. I didn't need one.

I paused and looked in the mirror. My body decided before my mind did.

_You walk me to the car_

I opened the door and ran down the stairs to the front door of the lobby. I opened it and ran outside. It was pouring.

"Taylor!" He wrapped me up in a big hug. "I'm so sorry Taylor! I'm so, so sorry."

He sounded hysterical.

"It's ok Josh. It's ok," I said patting his back.

"No, no it's not ok. Look. I seem to always end up messing up love. But not this time. I won't let myself make it a disaster. Because this time, I want it more than anything."

I looked up into his crystal blue eyes. What was he saying? He couldn't possibly, could he?

_And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there_

_In the middle of the parking lot yeah_

"Look, Taylor. I just have one question I need to ask you."

I nodded my head.

_I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now_

"Will you, will you take this dance?"

I smiled into his eyes.

"Yes of course Josh."

_Absent-mindedly making me want you_

He grabbed my hand in his and put his other hand on my waste. We began dancing in a slow circle. The street lamp acted as our spotlight.

_And I don't know how it gets better than this_

_You take my hand and drag me head first fearless._

I didn't dare rest my head on his chest. I didn't want to break eye contact with him. He smiled. I smiled back. If people saw us they would think we were insane. We were both soaked, and in our best dress clothes.

_And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress fearless._

But I didn't care. I was just glad that I finally got my dance with him. Something I had waited for all night. I was feeling a little nervous. Something I'd never felt around Josh before.

_My hands shake, I'm not usually this way_

I found myself staring at his lips again. Once again wishing that I could kiss those.

_You pull me in and I'm a little more brave_

And finally, my wish came true.

He pressed his lips to mine.

_It's the first kiss its flawless really something_

_It's fearless._

* * *

**Alright, well I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter, and the rest of part one. **

**I'm going to take a break for a little while now, catch up on sleep, on writing, on school. It's exhausting work and takes up a lot of time. I won't be gone for too long, maybe till the end of the school year, just because of all the tests then. But come summer, this story will be getting updated much more frequently for sure. **

**Also, in part two, you may see some way longer chapters. It will be full of lots of drama, and of course, many plot twists. Down below is a little preview of what you can expect :)**

**_He placed his head in his palms. When he lifted it, I noticed he was blushing very hard. His cheeks were bright red. _**

**_"Oh, and here's a picture of him when he was about four, and we decided to put him in t-ball. I think he lasted about one practice, before he tripped and came home crying with four stitches. He didn't make the team."_**

**_I burst out laughing again. _**

**_"Aw, you pore thing," I said to Josh, pinching his cheek. He glared at me and his mother. _**

**_She flipped to another. Josh was in his early teens wearing Harry Potter glasses while in bed. I giggled at his sassy face. _**

**_she flipped the page, and a picture of him with an annoyed face popped up. I could see he was about six, and was missing his front teeth. _**

**_"Aw, look at your missing teeth," I exclaimed. _**

**_"Ugh, I hated when I lost those teeth. The stupid gap made me look like a nerd," he complained. _**

**_"You were six."_**

**_"So. I still looked ugly. Teeth gaps are gross."_**

**_She turned to another, and he was about mid teens, but very skinny for his size. _**

**_"Oh my gosh, look at how skinny you are there!" I gasped without thinking. _**

**_"Yeah, that was right in the middle of it all," he sighed. I could tell it was a touchy subject. Not just from past run ins with his childhood stories, but the look on his face. "But, that's all behind me now. It's in the past and I'll push it out of the way, and focus on the present and the future with you." _**

**_He smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I smiled back at him. I touched his chin, and leaned in and kissed him. _**

**_"Oh get a room," Sara exclaimed. _**

**_"And we will," he sassed to her. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to our room. I giggled at his charming goofiness._**

**I hope you are liking this story and please review because it means the world and I love to hear feed back. And dont forget, more reviews make faster updates!**

**Now let me work I this story getting a good education and the sequels. I might add a little preview of the sequels in later chapters, but only if I get a certain amount of reviews ;)**


	23. Without You

_'Speak now or forever hold your peace', the words said by preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone's heart race, and a moment I've always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens. _

_Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've began to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything. _

_I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you'. When we should've said 'I'm sorry'. When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help. _

_To the beautiful boy whose heart I broke in December. To my first love who I never thought would be my first heartbreak. To my band. To a mean man I used to be afraid of. To someone who made my world very dark for a while. To a girl who stole something of mine. To someone I forgive for what he said in front of the whole world. _

_Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone. _

_What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest. _

_So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.' _

_There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. _

_I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now. _

**Part two**

* * *

Taylor's POV

_I loved you since the very first day_

_When I caught you looking my way_

_I smiled and just knew it_

I took a deep breath in the mirror. My eyes analyzed every bit of my body. I was wearing black skinny jeans, with a white long sleeve shirt. I was wearing my heels. I gulped. _He_ never liked when I wore them. The bruises were gone, but I still felt them. It was like the pain of them would radiate under my skin for forever.

I grabbed my coat and zipped it up. I opened my door and walked out. I turned the lock. I put my headphones in and tuned out the world. The brisk winter air hit my face. I stuffed my hands in my pockets. I walked to Prado café where I was meeting Josh.

I was nervous. Was this the beginning of a new relationship?

The Wednesday bus rushed by me. My life used to be a big rush. But now it felt like it had stopped. My footsteps were slow. I was almost positive that he would be late. Aren't all boys careless and reckless?

I walked into the café, and was surprised. When my eyes did a quick scan of the room, Josh was there. He had arrived early and sat in our usual spot. He stood up and waved. I walked to him. He wrapped me up in a hug, and kissed my cheek. He pulled my chair out and helped me in. I smiled. That gesture alone was so nice. _He_ would have never of done that.

The waitress came over and asked for our orders.

"You choose," Josh asked.

"Maple Lattes," I instantly said. It was my favorite drink. In fact, the café kept that seasonal drink in reserve all year round just for me.

"It'll be a few minutes," she said, and left.

"I'll pay. Don't worry about it," Josh said.

I gawked at him. That was another nice thing. _He _would have never suggest to pay.

"Thank you," I quietly said, I timidly tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

We began some small talk. First we talked about marshmallows and camping, when our drinks came. We each took a sip. A little moustache was left on his upper lip. A small smile escaped on my lips. His quirky goofiness was adorable.

He wiped his lips, and started talking about cats. I made a small joke, and he surprised me when he threw his head back laughing. It reminded me of the little kid inside of him. It was strange that he thought I was funny, because _he_ never did.

"You know, I don't think I have ever met one person who has as many James Taylor records as you," he remarked.

"Yeah, well I was actually named after him," I said shyly. I then told him the story. He kept intrigued the whole time.

"You know, I remember when I first met you," he said. "You said your childhood wasn't very interesting. Well, I'm telling you right now that you are wrong. It sounds very interesting. I wasn't named after anybody famous."

I smiled. I didn't want to bring it up, but I had to.

"So, I'm going back on tour again soon," I said. "I'll be gone for a while."

"I'll miss you a lot," Josh replied.

I found myself blushing at the comment, but pushed it aside. This was no time for childish butterflies.

"And I'll miss you too, but," I sighed, regretting the feelings I had popping into my brain. "Look, what I'm trying to get at here is, I'm going to be gone for a long time. And a lot of things can happen, in a long time."

"What are you trying to get at here?" Josh asked.

"Well, I just, I just don't feel ready. I don't know if I can run head first into another relationship right now. I'm busy with the tour, and I don't know when I would fit you into my life. I'll be leaving to Australia in February for two weeks, then a little break here before I leave for three and a half months."

Josh looked down at his drink, obviously disappointed.

"And even if we tried one of those fabled long distance relationships, how, how could—"

"I didn't try extra hard to get you for no reason," Josh said, interrupting me. He looked back up, his icy blue eyes freezing me in place. "I, I really, really like you Taylor. And, although I'm bad at relationships, I know, for a fact, I am not going to mess this one up. You mean too much to me. I want you to stay. And that doesn't necessarily mean, here, what I mean is that I want you to stay in my heart, and me in yours."

I looked down and twiddled my thumbs, pondering what he just said. It seemed true, but I was scared that his words would just end up being poison.

"I'm, not going to abuse you Taylor," he whispered.

My eyes shot up to meet his. I studied his gaze.

"Not like John."

"Don't say his name," I shot.

He paused before he continued.

"Look, I told you. I'm going to be good to you. I'll never hurt you. I'm not going to be unfaithful. I'll be thinking about you when you're gone, not cheating. I would never do that to you," he explained.

I wanted him so badly. I wanted to trust him and believe that this relationship wouldn't turn sour.

"I want to be with you for forever. I want you, and you're not going to be something I just throw away when I get bored of it."

"I want to believe you so badly," I confessed.

"Then do it. You're my precious," he said in a voice similar to Gollum, a character from The Lord of The Rings.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"I know, you've been burned. But, I want to heal those wounds. Now stop being an idiot, and be my fucking girlfriend. Please."

_It's nice to have someone so honestly devoted _

I smiled and leaned across the table, planting a kiss on his lips.

"Ok, fine. But on one condition, you work on your flirting," I finalized.

That, was when I saw the biggest smile I had ever seen on Josh's face.

"Will do. Anyways, I guess because of you, I've been listening to country a bit more than usual. And, I found this song by Keith Urban. It's called Without You. And when I listened to it, I couldn't help but think of you."

I thought for a minute, recalling the song. I smiled when I remembered the first lyric.

"Did you love me from the very first day?" I asked.

"The first day I met you, I knew I couldn't live without you."

My insides went all tingly.

I looked down, trying to hide my smile. I usually wasn't this shy, but I didn't want to fall for someone who wasn't what I thought he was.

Soon we both finished our drinks, and left. We walked down the block with our arms in each others. I almost brought _Him_ up, but Josh caught me off guard when he started to talk about Christmas, and all the movies his family watched together.

"Speaking of my family, my sister wants us to come over. I think she wants to meet you," Josh said.

"Who, Sara?" I asked.

"Yeah, what do you think?"

"Sounds great. When would this happen?"

"Whenever's good."

"Great. How about today?"

"Sounds good."

* * *

"So, your sister has kids, right?" I asked trying to learn his family.

"Yeah, but they aren't here right now," he replied.

I noticed Josh's face tighten up, and decided to drop the question of where they were. I loosened the scarf around my neck. He sure liked keeping his car warm.

"You think she'll like me?" Or maybe I was getting hot from my nerves.

"Oh yeah, for sure. She likes everyone. She's a bit crazy though, and really loud. So watch out," Josh explained.

I laughed.

"I'm sure if I can handle you, I can handle her," I replied.

"Whatever you say," Josh chuckled.

I sighed. So many thoughts were swirling around in my head. It was as if my brain was being choked by my caution.

"You know, she may be my sister, but she's really fun. It'll be good. A good way to spend our day together," he explained.

It was as if he voiced my thoughts. I wasn't sure going to his sisters was the best way to spend our last days together, but he tried to sell it as a good idea. I had to trust that he was right.

Eventually, we pulled into her driveway. I got out of the car, and was hit by the cold. Suddenly, I was glad to have my scarf again. Josh grabbed my hand, and walked me to the door. He made sure I didn't slip on any ice. Knowing how clumsy I was, I was glad to have him supporting me.

Josh barely knocked twice, when the door swung open.

"Baby bro!" She yelled pulling Josh into a bear hug.

I stood to the side as Josh's sister smothered him to death. A few awkward moments later, she jumped to me and swept me into a giant hug.

"Oh, hello," I grunted before all the air in my lungs was squeezed out.

Eventually she set me on the ground.

"You must be Taylor, I'm Sara, Josh's older sister," she introduced.

I gave her a warm smile, not really knowing what else to do.

"Oh, and this," she stepped aside to show a smaller girl standing behind her, "is Camille. We're old friends."

She gave us a small wave.

"Come inside! It's freezing," Sara invited.

We stepped inside, and I was instantly hit by a wall of warmth. I almost preferred the cold to this. Apparently all the Ramsay's enjoyed Africa heat?

Josh helped me take my jacket off, and hung it up on the wall. We followed Sara and Camille to the kitchen. She had some tea already brewed, and offered us some.

I accepted the tea, and sat next to Josh on a chair at the island. Sara set the kettle back on the stove, and sat next to Camille across from us.

We began to talk about our pasts. I told them how I grew up on a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania, and how I ended up meeting Josh. Sara told me a little about herself as well. She had three kids, and spent her weekend nights playing acoustic sets at bars and cafés. She told me a bit of her past, which soon led to embarrassing childhood stories about Josh.

"And that, was how I figured out Josh could not dance," she finished.

I burst out laughing. "That's hilarious. Funny thing is though, I've walked in on him doing somewhat of the same thing as well."

"I guess old habits are hard to break," Sara chuckled.

Somewhere along the story, Josh had given up and had started exploring the house. I watched as he walked back in through the kitchen door, with a red board game in his arms.

"Whatcha got there?" Camille asked.

"Do you remember Scategories?" Josh asked.

"The game we used to play on the weekends?" Sara questioned. "If I do recall, I used to kick your ass in that game."

"Not true," he denied.

"I love that game!" I exclaimed. "I haven't played it in years."

Josh came over and plopped it on the island. He started picking out the pieces.

"Hey, we should do teams," Camille suggested. "That would make it more fun!"

"Yeah," I agreed.

"In that case, I call Taylor," Josh said.

I blushed.

"I'll go with Camille then," Sara said.

We got the game set up, and rolled the dice. The letter was P. Sara started the timer. We got set to work.

The first word we had to do was: a boy's name.

"Penis," Josh stated quietly.

I let out a laugh.

"Why would you name your child that?" I asked.

"Hey, who said I'm having kids?" He answered.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I was gonna go with something simple like Peter," I whispered. "Or wait! Peter Pettigrew. From Harry Potter. Haha. Two points for that."

"Oh yeah," Josh muttered writing it down. "I guess that's more socially acceptable. U.S. cities?"

I thought for a moment. "Um," I couldn't think of any.

"Come on, you lived there for over half your life. Think of one."

"Oh! Palm Springs," I murmured.

He wrote that down.

"Things that are cold?" I asked thinking of the next one.

"People?" He suggested.

"Uh, last time I checked humans were warm-blooded.

"No, like the cold-hearted people."

"Woah, getting a little deep there mister English teacher?" I mocked.

"Fine," I sighed. "Penguins."

"Wait, Pittsburgh Penguins," I quickly suggested.

He gave me a quizzical look.

"What? They're a hockey team."

"Paper is a good school supply," he whispered. "Sports personality?"

I shook my head not knowing any.

"Oh wait!" I whispered harshly, remembering. "Um, there's a hockey player. Ugh what's his name now?"

Josh waited patiently as I thought hard.

"He plays for the Nashville Predators too," I stated.

I thumped my palm against my head trying to remember.

While I was thinking, I took my scarf off and hung it on the back of my chair. Maybe the heat was making my mind muddy.

"Ahah!"I finally realized. I placed my hand on Josh's cheek, and the other on the back of his head. I pulled him in to whisper the answer. "Pekka Rinne."

"That is the weirdest name I have ever heard in my life," Josh said as he wrote it down.

"It's Finnish," I replied.

We went on to complete the round with a score of, eight points. We would've gotten nine, but they didn't accept poo for 'things found in the ocean.'

We progressed through the game. I had quite the laugh about Josh's answer in round five. The letter was B, and the category was 'excuse for being late.' He answered, 'beat up' without hesitating. We joked if he was speaking from personal experiences. In the end, we won by about ten points.

However our celebration was short-lived, because I realized the time and suggested we go home.

I grabbed my jacket, but Josh snatched it out of my hands. He held it open and helped me put it on. I smiled at his act of kindness.

The whole drive home I couldn't help thinking. I was thinking of many things. Josh introduced me to his sister. Did that mean he already thought we were really serious? I didn't know if I was ready for another serious relationship after, _Him_. What if Josh was hiding who he really was all along? Was there a monster behind his kind gaze?

No. I should know better than to think those thoughts. Josh would never do what _He_ did to me.

Or at least, the way _he_ did it.

There was still a possibility that Josh could easily just break my heart. I dreaded the day that had to happen. But did it have to happen?

What if I was in love with Josh, but he didn't love me back? I was desperately trying not to fall head over heels. I needed to take this slowly. But how was I supposed to take it slowly when I wouldn't even be in the same country as him for two weeks? Could you even call us having a relationship then? Things would just get awkward when I returned and life would never be the same. Josh would just be another one of my mistakes.

But, we could take this really fast, and when I came back it could be like one of those scenes from a sappy love movie. I would love to see that happen. But who says Josh wanted that to happen? Who says Josh really wants me? Maybe he's just dating me because he feels bad for me. Maybe when we were dancing, I kissed him and he only kissed back because he didn't want me to be embarrassed.

Or maybe I was thinking too much.

But maybe I should be thinking this much. With _Him_, I didn't think at all. That's what made my world dark for a while. That's what led me to _Him_. It was my actions that caused everything.

Lets just say, when we arrived at my house, I had over thought everything, and worked myself up into a fit.

I got out of the car, and walked to my door. Josh got out as well, and rushed to my side, enveloping my hand in his.

I smiled at the comfort that came from just that move, but quickly pushed it away. I couldn't. Not again. Not after _Him_.

I unlocked my door, and walked in. I expected Josh to wait outside and say goodbye, but he invited himself in. He closed the door behind him, so I had no way of kicking him out anytime soon.

I set my keys down, and hung my jacket on the wall. That's when it hit me.

"Oh! I forgot my scarf at your sister's house," I realized. "Damn."

"Oh well," Josh sighed. "It'll come back eventually. Untill then, I'll get you a new one."

I lifted the corner of my mouth. Maybe he could take my half-ass smile as my disappointment for losing my scarf. But really, there was just too much floating around in my mind.

He followed me up the stairs and into my kitchen. I let out a small sigh. I turned to him.

"Well, thanks for the fun night," I said hopefully sounding up beat. I was just so confused. Maybe I could blame it on how late it was.

"Anytime. You have fun?"

"Yeah, it was great."

He looked at me strangely. I couldn't quite define his face.

"Something on your mind?" He asked.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just tired," I partly lied.

"What's wrong?" He asked taking a step closer.

"Just, a lot on my mind. That's all."

"Like what?" He prodded.

I shrugged my shoulders. Hoping he would give up there. But he didn't.

"Come on. You can tell me," he said tucking a hair behind my ear. "You can trust me."

I looked up into his eyes. Could I really? After _Him_, how was I supposed to trust anyone?

"I don't know," I said looking at the ground again. "I guess I'm just scared."

"Scared of what?" He asked softly.

"Scared of you I guess."

I looked up to see his reaction. He looked a little hurt. I didn't blame him. But then I realized what I said. How could I be scared of someone who was my best friend for almost six years?

"Er—I don't mean it like that. I mean, I guess I'm just scared—"

"Of us?" He guessed.

I just nodded. I couldn't speak. I felt a lump forming in my throat.

"Why?" He asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess I'm just scared of, commitment. Scared of the future. Scared of what could happen to us."

"Well don't be. I mean, Taylor, if you're not ready, we don't have to do this. We can stop now and stay friends, or we can be something more. Because I mean lets face it. We've liked each other a little more than just friends for some time now, right?"

I nodded.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I could never do that."

I looked into his eyes to make sure he wasn't lying.

I looked at the clock. It glowed 1:58. It was late. How much of this conversation was just nonsense?

"How? How can I know for sure?" I asked.

"Because," he placed his hand on my cheek. My skin tingled where he touched. He never took his eyes away from my baby blue ones. I could feel his breath on mine. "Because I love you."

Before I could process what he said, he kissed me. The familiar fireworks went off, and I never wanted it to end. But his lips soon left mine.

"Now, if you felt anything of what I felt there, you're not going to run away from me. I hope," he said.

I couldn't help but smile.

I was floating on cloud nine. Why couldn't this have happened about six years ago? Oh right. Because life puts you on the hardest most confusing road.

"I love you too Josh," and I leaned in and gave him another kiss.

I could get used to this feeling.

This feeling of protectiveness. This feeling of carelessness. This thrill. The tingling in my stomach. This feeling of safe. This comfort.

And then for the first time since _Him_, I realized what's past, is past.

* * *

We were standing hand in hand, waiting for my private jet to be ready. I didn't want to leave him. Josh was everything I needed. I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder. Finally, a good reason for being so tall.

"I'm going to miss you," I said.

"I'm going to miss you more," he replied.

My heart melted. I was such a lucky girl to have him say that to me and know he meant it.

But I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable. What if something happened while I was gone? A month was a long time. A long time to allow change, tragedy.

I swear to god Josh read my mind though, because he started singing.

_"The traveling, the singing, it don't mean nothing without you_

_The fast cars, the guitars, they are all just second to_

_This life, this love that you and I've been building up so high_

_It's never gonna touch the sky without you," _he sang.

I started to feel a little emotional. I really did not want to leave this amazing man.

"Can I trust you?" I asked. "Can I trust that you're going to stay faithful to me?"

"Taylor, you've done enough trusting. You should now that I'm not going to cheat on you," he reassured. "Just think. It'd break my heart just as much as yours if I couldn't have you. You do wonders to me."

I smiled. Why was I so lucky to be a part of his life?

I was spoilt with the butterflies in my stomach every time I thought of Josh, knowing he felt the same. Since when was I such a lucky girl?

"Hey Taylor! You coming?" A band mate called.

"I guess this is goodbye," I sighed.

He leaned in and kissed me. I never wanted it to stop. It made me feel tingly everywhere, and his arms around my waist made me feel reassured.

Yeah, I'd like to stay with this guy for a long time.

* * *

I'm back! Sorry for the really long wait, but I pretty much have part two of this story written, so updates should be fast. The song is called "Without you" by Keith Urban. I felt that the song really fit how these two are always miles away, but their love could never be closer. So, tell me what you think and I hope you enjoyed! And oh my god taylor swift was at the mmvas and she arrived right after mtrench and i was like freaking out because now theyre gonna be friends and then life will be awesome.


	24. Sweet Thing

Taylor's POV

It felt good to be in a familiar bed again. It was even better that the bed wasn't moving, and it was absolutely glorious to wake up next to Josh.

Since my plane had arrived so late, I decided to just let him sleep over. He seemed happy to oblige.

I slowly moved out of his protective hold, into the bathroom.

I looked like a mess. I hadn't taken my make up off from last night, and my hair was just one big knot. I decided to take a shower.

I reached in, and turned the tap on full blast. I let the water heat up as I undressed. I threw my pajamas into the laundry hamper. They needed to be washed. I hated sleeping in hotel beds, then wearing the same pajamas in your own. Who knows what kind of things your pajamas could find in unfamiliar beds?

I hopped into the shower.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. I lost my balance, and fell over. I scrambled out of the tub as fast as possible. I quickly grabbed my towel, and wrapped it around myself.

I heard thumping, and the bathroom door burst open.

"Taylor! Are you alright what's wrong?" He asked with concern in his voice.

I was huddled up in a ball on the ground shivering.

"That water was ice cold!" I exclaimed.

"What?" Josh reached into the shower, to let the water run over his hand. He quickly pulled it out. "You're right. That is cold. It like burns it's so cold. Did you put it on the warm water?"

"Yeah, all the way."

"Is you're heater on?" He asked.

"Yeah, otherwise the house would be freezing."

"That doesn't make sense. If the heat is working, than your hot water tank must be fine. I think. I'll go check it out."

"I'll come too," I quickly said.

He reached out a hand and pulled me up.

"Do you wanna get changed first?" He asked.

"No, I'll be fine."

I followed him down the stairs, and to the room that held the heater. He opened the door, and water was everywhere. It was coming from a pipe.

"Well I'm gonna guess that you have a broken pipe," he stated.

"No, really?" I said sarcastically. "Ugh. What am I gonna do?"

"I'll call a plumber," Josh offered, as he ran up the stairs to the phone.

By the time I had shut off the water, and walked back up stairs, Josh had finished his conversation with the plumber.

"He says that he'll be over here in about a half hour. Did you shut the water off?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Good, hopefully there wasn't too much damage."

"Yeah, I'll get changed before he arrives."

* * *

"Basically, you're main pipe burst, and flooded your basement. It looks like it was connected to your hot water tank, so you'd be without hot water for a few days untill I get this fixed," the plumber explained.

"A few days!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah. This sort of job isn't an easy fix. Plus, you'll need to call your insurance and get them to clear the water."

I brought my hands to my head and started massaging my temples. "This is already turning into a nightmare and you've only been here for two minutes."

"I'm only doing my job," he apologized. "The insurance company could set you up in a hotel untill they dehumidify everything."

"No, no, that won't be necessary. She can stay with me," Josh said.

I looked over at him. "Really?"

"Of course. When I signed up to be your boyfriend, I also signed up to protect you."

He put his arm around my waste. I smiled.

* * *

I set my suitcase down on his bed. I zipped it open, and examined what I had brought. Extra clothes, toiletries. Stuff.

"Here," Josh opened a drawer. "This ones for you. You can put your stuff in there."

"Thanks." I smiled.

He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waste.

"After all, I do hope that you'd be staying here from time to time. You know what I mean?"

I ran my hands up his arms to his neck. I clasped them behind.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I said, and kissed him.

"So, up for going to a family picnic?"

"What?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I have some relatives in town. My dads brother Douglas, and his wife Mette. They're all gathering at rocky point for a picnic. I don't know why though because its February and its freezing. Like cant we just go to McDonalds or something?"

"No. They need the full Canadian experience. They're probably wanting to see Canadian Geese in action," Josh joked.

"So are you up for it?"

"Of course."

We got ready and took the elevator down. I leaned against the corner, and stared at the door waiting for it to open. Finally, it dinged and the doors opened. I rushed out.

As we walked to his vehicle, Josh clasped his hand in mine. We jumped in and started driving down the busy street.

"Why do you always do that?" He asked.

"Do what?"

"In the elevator. Whenever I've been in an elevator with you, you always stand in the corner looking expectantly at the doors."

"Oh, well, I'm kind of claustrophobic."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I hate really closed spaces where I can't see the exit. It's more horrible if its dark. If I get too hot in my clothes, I get extremely uncomfortable and will, like, rip my clothes off until I'm cool. Just thinking about that makes me shiver. And if I really want to move, and I can't, I will have a panic attack. If I'm hot it will be worse."

"Wow. Have you ever had a panic attack before?"

"Once. My brother and I were wrestling and I got stuck under a blanket, and I started hyperventilating. Apparently I was scratching my arms furiously to the point where they were bleeding."

He chuckled. "That must have been a sight to see."

"Yeah probably."

After a few minutes of silence, Josh brought up another round of conversation.

"So like, are these people cool family members or are they really boring?" He asked.

"Well, I don't know if they do it anymore, but every New Year's Day, they would host this huge party at their house. My dads side of the family is kind of boring, so they would invite my moms side, and then it just became this huge gongshow," I explained.

"That's pretty cool. Oh, are we supposed to bring something to this picnic?"

"Um, yeah I guess we should. Uh, do you have any suggestions?" I couldn't believe we forgot.

"We could stop by the grocery store and get a fruit platter?"

"Good enough," I finalized.

He made a few turns, and then slowed to a stop in the parking lot.

"You can just wait here, I'll be back in a few minutes," he leaned in and kissed me.

He had left the keys, so I turned on the radio to drown out the silence. The radio talk show filled my ears. It sounded like they were talking about cafés. Best place in Vancouver to take your date maybe?

"Well, I can tell you where not to go. Don't go anywhere on Hastings street," the lady's voice said. Laughter came up. "No seriously. Just avoid there at all costs. It's the dicey part of town! In fact, apparently it's also the most dangerous street in North America, not including Mexico."

"Huh, get out!" A different voice said.

"Yeah. Can you believe that?"

"Ok, lets not talk about that. We are trying to promote Van City in a good way because of the Olympics," the voice replied.

"Anyways, lets get a caller in. Hello," the hostess said. I think her name was Red?

"Hello," a shrill voice answered back.

"Ok, where do you think would be the best place in Vancouver to go on a date?"

"Oh, I don't know. There's so many places to go. It's like Vancouver is split up into two different sections. There's the winter activities, and then the summer activities. For summer, I'd say the Aquarium would be a fun place to go," the caller explained.

"Yeah, even that whole Stanley Park area," Red said.

"Yeah, and then in the winter, well a hockey game would be good. Or maybe just a café?"

"Wow. Those are some great suggestions. Guys, you should be jotting this down. Speaking of cafés, Taylor Swift and the lead singer of Marianas Trench," she started.

I rolled my eyes at the sound of my name. I could tell where this was going. The media just wants as much gossip as possible.

"Oh, I think his name is Josh Ramsay. The weird emo guy with blue hair?" The other host stated.

I laughed at her description of him. Although, I always got annoyed when they called him that.

"Yeah, apparently, the two were spotted at a café together. A source says, 'they go there all the time. They are just friends and it would be normal to see them there,' but, they were spotted holding hands on their way out. Are they possibly dating? Tell us what you think on our Facebook and Twitter pages."

It turned to a commercial. There was just no escaping the paparazzi.

Josh came back and climbed into the car. I grabbed the platter and put it on my lap. We drove some more, until we finally reached the park. We found a parking spot, and walked the rest of the way, hand in hand.

"So, looking back, have you ever really met my family? I mean there was when you came to my winter formal, but that was just my mom. You've never really legit met them," I realized.

"No, I'm sure I met them sometime. Or, no. I've met your mom. I just haven't really met your dad," he explained.

"Oh, oh dear. Well this should be interesting. Um, why do you have the sleeves of your hoodie rolled up? Aren't you cold?"

"Well, that's just how I like wearing this hoodie?"

"Oh, I see."

"Why. Is there a problem with me having my sleeves rolled up?" He seemed confused.

"Well, I don't have a problem."

"Meaning?"

Before I could answer, I heard my name get called. I looked to the source and found my family. I waved at them.

I skipped over with Josh in tow, and hugged my aunt. I hadn't seen them in forever.

"Taylor!" She greeted.

"Aunty!" I exclaimed.

I hugged every family member. It was strange not seeing them everyday, since moving into my new apartment. I introduced Josh.

"Guys, this is Josh," I started. "And Josh this is my Aunty Mette, and my Uncle Douglas."

He shook their hands, and we all sat down.

"So how'd you two meet?" My aunt asked looking intrigued.

"Um, in a café," I said.

"Five years ago," Josh chimed in.

"You've been dating for that long?" She asked.

"No. We've been dating since the middle of January," I explained.

"I'm Scott," my dad held his hand out. "I don't believe we've formally met yet."

Josh shook it. My dad didn't let go.

"Oh, I see you have a tattoo there," my dad stated.

"Yeah, I have two," Josh replied.

I cringed. I knew my dad was against tattoos. He thought it marked you as a rebel.

"So, why'd you decide to get them?" My dad demanded.

"Um. Well," Josh seemed uncomfortable. I didn't blame him.

"I'm a, recovering heroin addict and-"

"Oh, you did drugs," Dad interrupted.

"Um, yes. Sir."

"You still do them now?" He interrogated.

"No. Sir. I don't. And I hope I never will do them again."

I made eye contact with my aunt. She was trying to hide a smirk. I huffed. My dad was waiting for more of an explanation.

"Um. When I was a kid, I got depressed, and ended up with eating disorders and such, so eventually when I was, 16 I think, I experimented with drugs. And then I was hooked. It was just to hide the pain, but eventually my parents found out, sent me to rehab, and that's when I had an epiphany," Josh explained.

I rubbed his upper back. I knew this was an uncomfortable subject.

"In rehab," he continued, "they made us draw circles representing all the drugs you ever did. The larger the circle, the more it meant to you. Then on the other side you drew circles for everything else, and music ended up being more important. So a lot of my music has involved putting those past experiences to words."

"Why'd you get tattoos?"

"Well, I have one on my shoulder that represents being clean for one year. The other one on my forearms represents two years clean. So they mean a lot more than just ink on my body."

"I see." My dad didn't seem impressed.

I rolled my eyes. My dad could be ridiculous sometimes.

"You realize that those are there forever?" Dad asked.

"Yes, but I'm proud of them. I mulled it over for a long time before getting them, and I'm glad I got them. They mean a lot to me," Josh replied.

I smiled. That was a tough answer for my dad to put down.

"You realize you can never give blood now?"

"Yes."

"Well. I see."

I looked behind him and saw my brother snickering. I rolled my eyes.

"So, should we dig in?" My mom suggested breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Aunty Mette, did you bring your famous potato salad?" I asked.

"Sure did sweetheart. Made it just for you," she replied.

"Yay!" I cheered.

We handed out plates and food, and lunch went by fairly well. Save perhaps the looks for my dad to Josh. Occasionally he would make a snide remark about his tattoos, and I would protest. I hoped Josh didn't feel too uncomfortable.

When we were done, I found an opportunity for Josh and I to escape.

"You wanna go for a walk along the shore?" I asked him quietly.

"Of course," he replied almost instantly.

I got up.

"Josh and I are going for a walk," I announced. "Um. Would anyone like to join?"

I asked politely but hoped no one would agree. Fortunately they all turned down the offer. I noticed my dad had a skeptical face, and I pulled Josh away before he noticed.

We walked in the direction of the beach. I grabbed his hand to steady myself as I took off my shoes. I kept his hand in mine as we continued to walk.

"So your dad," Josh started.

"Ugh. I'm so sorry about him. He doesn't like tattoos. He thinks it makes you look like a rebel or something. Not, classy," I replied.

"I see."

We walked down the stairs leading to the shore line. I felt the sand on my toes.

"Oh well, he'll grow on to liking you. I'm sure. If I did it he can too," I reached up and kissed him.

His hand moved from my hand, to around my waist. He pulled me closer.

"Well, it will never matter, because I am never leaving you." He kissed my forehead.

I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace. I took a deep breath and smelled him. I sighed contently.

* * *

We walked through the door to his apartment. One of the cats came up to greet me. I scratched behind its ear. I continued on to the kitchen. I noticed the dishwasher needed to be emptied, so I set to doing that. I noticed something out of the corner of my eye and turned to see what it was.

"AAAH!" I screamed.

There, on the counter, was an earwig. Josh came thumping in.

"Taylor! What's wrong. Are you alright? What's happening!" He shouted.

"Earwig!" I shrieked, pointing at the counter.

Josh imediatly relaxed.

"An earwig?" He complained. "That's what you were screaming about? I thought that there was some murderer in here or something."

"Make it go away. Throw it out the window!" I demanded.

Josh stared at me for a few moments, before a small smirk appeared on his face.

"What's that face?" I questioned.

"Oh, nothing. Here let me use this paper plate to grab it."

He grabbed the plate from on the counter, and walked towards the earwig. I cowarded behind him, using him as a human shield.

"Did ya get it? Did ya get it? Did ya get it?" I worried.

"No, not yet. Calm down," he said calmly. "AHAH! I got it!"

He quickly spun on his heel and reached towards me with the hand that held the dreaded creature. I shrieked and ran away from him.

He followed me around the apartment.

"Josh! Put that thing away," I demanded.

"Or else what?" He asked.

"I'll, I'll, ACK!"

He chased me some more. I ran out of the living room, when I noticed that he wasn't following me any more. I peeked around the corner. He wasn't there.

"Josh?"I called.

There was no reply. Maybe he was finally throwing the damn bug away.

I slowly walked from the bedroom to his living room. I examined the room. It didn't look like he had been there. The blanket on the couch was all tossed around, some cat toys were in the same position as they had been before. The closet beside me doors were open. I wondered where he was.

I heard a flush coming from the bathroom. I turned around, and Josh emerged.

"Is it gone?" I asked.

"Yes. I flushed it. Now it's swimming with the fish's," he replied.

"That wasn't nice chasing me around with that," I complained.

He walked closer to me.

"Aw, I'm sorry," he leaned in to kiss me, when he suddenly pushed me into the closet, and closed the door.

"JOSH! GET. ME. OUT!" I screamed.

I could hear him laughing on the other side.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" I yelled.

I tried pushing the doors open. They wouldn't budge.

My breathing started to quicken. I was in a very cramped space, where I couldn't see. It was also rather warm. I started to panick.

"NO LET ME OUT!" I begged. "PLEASE!"

I sank to the floor. I started to hyperventilate. My breathing was fast, but my heartbeat was faster. I started bawling my eyes out. Fear overwhelmed me. It was like I couldn't breath. A horrible dread washe over me. I couldn't escape. I couldn't escape.

I had my knees curled up to my chest, and was rocking back and forth. I couldn't think strait. I was absolutely terrified. Without knowing it, I started scratching my arms.

Suddenly, light flooded back into the cramped space.

"Ok. I'll let you-oh my god are you alright!" Josh announced.

I stayed in my little ball.

"Hey, stop it." He pried my hands from my arms. Then he cradled me, and pulled me out into his arms.

Sobs racked my body.

"Shh, it's ok Taylor. You're ok. It's over now," Josh comforted. He couldn't help but chuckle lightly at the end of his sentence. He kissed my tears away. "Teheh you gotta admit. This is kind of funny."

I looked at him. I gave him my dirtiest face ever. I got up off the ground, out of his arms, and walked to the bedroom. I folded my arms across my chest. I stared into the mirror.

I looked like a mess. My make up was everywhere, my face was bright red.

I was absolutely furious with Josh. I watched him walk in.

His arms wrapped around my body from the back. He pulled me in close to him. He leaned his head into the crook of my neck, and started placing little kisses all up to my cheek.

I kept my arms folded, and looked straight into the mirror.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

I stayed silent.

"Are you going to talk to me?"

I didn't reply.

"Please talk to me Taylor. I hate seeing you mad like this."

He was going to have to make it up big for this. He would have to take me to Japan or something for me to accept his apology.

"Taylor, please," he begged. He began kissing my neck again. "I love you."

I pulled away from him.

"You know what? I'm leaving. You can have fun here by yourself, but I'm not talking to you," I said.

With that, I walked away. I left his apartment, and started walking to my duplex, when I remembered I couldn't stay there. I silently cursed at myself. I began walking to Prado instead. On the way, I thought of ways Josh could make it up to me. Then, I wondered if I could just get him back.

I arrived at the café, ordered my Maple latté, and sat down at the table in the corner. I quickly brought out my phone, and texted Matt.

While I was waiting for him, I checked Twitter. I read Josh's most recent tweet.

"Note to self: do not lock people in closets or chase them with an earwig. They will get mad."

Damn right they will get mad. Finally, Matt arrived and sat across from me.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Oh, I'm just furious at Josh. How about you?" I replied.

"I'm good. What'd Josh do this time?"

"He chased me around with an earwig then locked me in a closet."

"I'm guessing you don't like earwigs."

"And I'm claustrophobic."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, and on top of it all, I have to live with him for a few days because my house flooded."

"Oh man, you can sleep over at my place if you want," he suggested.

"Thanks, but I don't think Josh would appreciate that," I turned down the offer.

"Then what are you going to do?" He asked.

"Well, I was thinking. You still have that paintball gun. Right?"

"Oh dear lord Taylor what in hell are you thinking of doing?"

"You'll see," I hinted.

* * *

I slowly crept into the apartment with Matt behind me. I heard the rushing sound of water. I softly closed the door behind us.

"Good, he's in the shower," I whispered. "That means that we-"

I stopped my words when the shower had stopped.

"Dammit," I muttered.

"What do we do now?" Matt asked. "Because I would rather not have a naked Josh run into us. Particularly me."

"Well, lets check out the bedroom then. He's probably changing."

We tiptoed over to the bedroom, and I peeked inside. Josh was in there changing. He had only just put some pants on.

"Ok. On my mark," I whispered. "One. Two. Three!"

We barged through the door, and started shooting Josh with our paintball guns. He screamed out in surprise and probable pain, as he tried to dodge and block the paintballs.

"Haha! Teaches you to lock me in a closet!" I shouted.

"AGH! STOP IT! OW THAT FUCKING HURTS!" He yelled.

"Say you're sorry!"

"I'm sorry! I'm ow, sorry that I ow. Fuck would you stop that?" He pleaded.

I laughed. Matt seized fire, and I stopped as well.

"Hah! I got you!"

"Fuck! That fucking hurt. Why would you fucking do that?" He was rolling around on the ground in pain.

"Why would you lock me in a closet?" I countered.

He looked at me, and sat up.

"Fine. I'm sorry I chased you with an earwig, and I'm sorry I locked you in a closet," he apologized. "We even now?"

"Yes," I accepted. He held out his hand and I helped pull him up.

"Why'd you bring Matt here?" He asked.

"Remember that one time you pushed me into a snow bank?" Matt questioned.

"That was like three years ago! And you got me back. Or at least karma did," he remembered.

"Yeah. That bitchy mom got you. Not me," Matt finalized.

"Well, you can go fuck yourself."

"Yeah, I would. But I got other plans. I have a date."

With that, Matt left the building with his paintball guns.

Josh pulled me in close.

"Well, I must admit. That was a pretty good come back," he said.

I wrapped my arms around him.

"I guess I'm just that awesome," I replied with a smile.

I leaned my head against his chest, and closed my eyes. I breathed in his scent. He smelled like shampoo.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," he sighed.

"Me neither," I admitted.

I looked back into his gorgeous eyes. I could get lost in them for forever. They were just captivating. And I had to admit, the blue hair really made his eyes pop. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally leaned in and kissed him.

I still couldn't get enough of the butterflies I felt when I was with him.

Josh pulled back to utter seven words I would never forget.

"I love you to infinity and beyond."


	25. The Story Of Us

Taylor's POV

The month of June in Vancouver was amazing. It didn't get much better than this. There may have been a few cool days here and there, but it was a great start to summer. At night it chilled right down though.

I sat next to Josh in his apartment. His birthday was coming up soon, and I was very conflicted. It was the night of the CMT awards. I thought about inviting him and that being his present or something, but how much did he really enjoy country?

The TV provided no entertainment tonight. I had lost interest long ago, and was curled up in a ball leaning on Josh. I had Anenomie in my lap. I sighed hoping Josh would take the hint to do something better. Anything would work.

He looked over and stared in my eyes. God were those piercing eyes captivating. It took a while, but he eventually spoke up.

"Hey, I wanna show you something," he announced.

I shot up and followed him out of the room. He turned and looked at me.

"But, you have to keep your eyes closed," he said.

"Josh," I started to complain. I was not up for these games tonight.

He stepped closer, wrapping me in his arms. He kept his hypnotizing gaze on my eyes.

"Just trust me," he stated.

Before I knew what was going on, he spun me around, and clamped his hands over my eyes. He led me through what felt like the mall during Christmas time. Either his apartment needed cleaning, or he was horrible at leading.

Eventually, I found myself in an environment that was fresher, had a breeze, and the sound of the city. Josh slowly removed his hands.

We were on his roof. I looked around in aw, definately not expecting what I saw. It was mostly concrete, with a few potted plants here and there. There was a hot tub in one corner, a small patio set sat next to it, and a few lawn chairs were strewn about.

"Wow," was all I could say. "This is so cool."

"Yeah, the best part is the view."

He led me over to the edge and I gasped. The Vancouver Convention Centre, and Pan Pacific hotel glowed in the near distance. Their lights flickered off the ocean, but the brightest light I saw on the coast, was the moon.

I tilted my head back to look at the glowing orb.

"Wow," I breathed. "It's beautiful."

Josh wrapped his arms around me from behind, and leaned his head against mine.

"You know when you were on tour?" Josh asked. It was more of a rhetorical question, but I still nodded my head. "Well, I came up here a lot."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, just to think, admire the view," he explained. "But mostly, I would come here at night, especially when it was clear, and talk to the moon."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "What would you say?"

"Well, I would talk about you. In fact, I would talk to you through the moon. I did that because I knew, that somewhere, wherever you were, you could see the same moon. You maybe couldn't hear me, but I took comfort in feeling like you weren't so far away, and that you were here. Right beside me, and I wouldn't feel as lonely."

"Wow."

I was blown away. Those words. This man. God did I love him.

I turned around so that I could look him in the eye, and wrap my arms around his neck.

"I will definately have to remember that for next time," I leaned in and pecked his lips. "I love you," I whispered, and this time the kiss lasted longer.

Josh pulled away to take a breath.

"I love you too," he breathed.

Maybe this was a good time to bring up his birthday.

"So, speaking of next time," I started.

Was that a flicker of disapointment in his eyes already?

"The CMT awards are coming up," I said.

"Oh that sounds like fun."

"Would you ever want to go to a country award show?" I asked. I knew Josh had worked on country music before. Just look at me for example. But I never really saw him as a country kind of guy.

"Well, it's not like it would be torture going to one," he explained, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well it's in Las Vegas next week. I have a few nominations."

"Congratulations," Josh said, interrupting me.

"Oh thanks," I let out a soft laugh. "But, there's a catch."

"What kind of catch?"

"Well, the show is kind of on your birthday," I sighed.

There was a few minutes of pause. I was scared I disapointed him even further.

"Does that mean I'll have to spend my birthday away from you?" He complained.

I sighed in relief. He wasn't mad yet.

"Well you could always be my date," I said. "I was thinking, that we could have a big birthday week. We can spend the week in Vegas doing whatever you want, go to the CMT's, then the after party where you can learn all of Toby Keith's drinking games. I know it's not the best, but—"

Josh shushed me by putting his finger to my lips.

"That sounds sick, and I wouldn't have it any other way." He kissed me on the lips. "This is going to be the coolest birthday ever."

* * *

Josh's POV

Ok. Lets face it. The coolest thing about Taylor was her private airplane. No sweaty obese guys to sit next to. No old ladies that told all of their stories to you. No children kicking your seat. You could recline all the way.

And the best part?

No screaming babies.

The plane set down about four o'clock, in the hot desert sun. Instantly, my shades were on.

Yes. The four hundred dollar ones.

"Wow. It is hot," I commented after we got out of the airport. There was already a shaded SUV there to pick us up.

"Thank goodness for air conditioning," Taylor agreed.

Taylor's body gaurd shuffled us over to the vehicle, and quickly ushered us inside. He took our bags and put them in the back.

"Well he's hasty," I muttered in Taylor's ear.

"He gets the job done," she shrugged.

It was about a fifteen minute drive to the hotel and when I looked up at it, I was amazed. I don't think I had ever seen such a grand hotel in my life. I'm guessing this was where everyone was staying, because there was already paparazzi at the doors.

Her body gaurd led us in. The inside was even more grand. There was a waterfall in the middle, that had a bar at the bottom. There were two large escalators on either side that led up to a floor with what looked like a restraunt.

After checking in, we took the elevator up to the top floor. The room wasn't as grand as I expected, but it was still really nice. After setting my bags down, I fell onto the bed.

"So, what are we doing today?" I sighed, pulling Taylor down with me.

"Well, there's the sun deck, but I'm sure it's crowded with people. I'm not old enough to go like gambling with you."

I sighed. The troubles of having a late birthday.

"Oh, hey that reminds me," Taylor got up off the bed and went to her suitcase. "My mom thought that this would be appropriate for us to wear."

She pulled out two plaid shirts. "You know. Since its Country."

I chuckled.

"I know. My mom is so cheesy."

"No. Not at all," I paused. "Ok, maybe a little bit, but still." I pulled her back down to me. "It's cute."

I rolled ontop of her, and kissed her.

"How about we go exploring?" I suggested.

"Like, in the hotel?" She asked.

"No. On the strip. We are in Vegas after all."

"Well, maybe when it gets darker, but for now, we must watch TV because Greys Anatomy is on."

"Well you can do that, but I have other things on my mind," I said as I planted another kiss on her lips.

* * *

By the time evening struck, the temperature outside had dropped about two degrees. I suggested to Taylor that we should wear our plaid shirts. She kept on saying no, but I finally got her in one. I led her down to the lobby, with our hands clasped tight.

"So, what about the paparazzi? You know they'll follow us, right?" She asked.

"I've got an idea. Just follow my lead," I said.

They were taking pictures of us before I even opened the door. We walked through, and I took about four steps before I stopped. I could feel the tug in my hand, as Taylor had kept walking. She abruptly stopped and walked back beside me.

I was looking up.

"What are you doing?" Taylor whispered.

"Just follow what I'm doing," I muttered.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her hesitantly tilt her head back.

I reached up and pointed my finger up at the sky.

"Look at that," I announced in awe.

Slowly, the flicker of lights from the camera flashes began to slow. The paparazzi were looking up at the sky, trying to figure out what we were looking at. The noise of the crowd began to die down, and soon enough, everyone was looking up at the sky.

That's when I bolted.

I tugged on Taylor's hand, and ran. We took off down the street, and through a maze of alleys before we stopped to take a breath.

I was chuckling, and Taylor was giggling.

"That was amazing!" She breathed.

"Only the works of a master mind could've pulled that trick off," I said proudly.

I pulle her in, and kissed her. I could feel her running her hand through my hair, and it gave me shivers. I pulled away when I finally ran out of breath.

As we were lost in each others gazes, I couldn't help but notice the glow of the moonlight in her blue eyes. I glanced up and was amazed. The night was clear, and the moon was full. You could see a few twinkling stars, but that was about it.

"Look at the moon," I said.

Taylor looked up, and gasped. After a few moments, she started talking.

"You're right. It is the same moon no matter where you are," she said.

"And just remember. If we're ever apart, you only need to look up at the moon, and I will be right there, on the other side."

* * *

"Josh! Are you ready yet? We're going to be late!" Taylor yelled at me.

I was in the bathroom doing the final touches to my hair.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," I called.

I walked out and into the room. Taylor was standing by the door with her arms crossed, and her foot tapping. My jaw dropped. She was absolutely stunning.

I don't think I had ever seen her hair straight in my entire life. It flowed down one shoulder like a waterfall. Her dress was a rusty colour, and flowed down to her knees.

"You look amazing," I gawked.

She let out a half smile.

"Figured I'd change up the style a bit," she replied bashfully.

"Well, I'll have to stay close to you. Don't want any losers hitting on my girl."

That's right she was mine. Wow. It felt amazing to say that.

She smiled. "Come on, the limo is waiting."

* * *

Now, unfortunately her publicist said I couldn't walk the carpet with her, which was fine I guess. So I chatted with other country stars while I waited for Taylor.

I had struck up quite the conversation with the lead singer of the Zac Brown Band. He never introduced himself, so I kind of assumed that his name was Zac Brown. I would have to ask Taylor.

His story about how him and his buddies whent hunting for a chicken while drunk, kept me amused, but I was missing Taylor.

After the guy had left, I sat quietly in my chair. I noticed a few things. Firstly, I realized how chill this award show was. Then again, this was Vegas, and country artists, so everyone was probably buzzed from alchohal. The next thing I noticed, made me clench my fists so hard, my knuckles turned white.

Sitting about five or six seats to the right of me, was none other than the devil himself.

John Mayer.

The man who had broken and beat my girlfriend. He'd be lucky if he saw the end of tonight.

Finally, Taylor sat down beside me.

"Well that took forever," I exasperated.

"Sorry, the camera loves me," she said jokingly.

My laugh came out more forcefully than I wanted it to.

Taylor gave me a funny look.

"You alright there?" She asked.

"Of course!" I said a little too fast.

Before she could dig any deeper, the show started.

Ok, lets face it. I was feeling more out of place than ever, and had no idea who anyone was. So when the two co-hosts came up on stage, I gave them nicknames. Tall Scruffy Guy, and Pretty Dress Girl.

I didn't really pay attention to their monologue. I was keeping my eye on John, to make sure he didn't do anything drastic. I made sure to laugh when everyone else did to not make myself look so suspicious.

My main goal of tonight was to make sure Taylor never saw John.

I was relieved greatly when I saw him get up out of his seat and leave.

Of course all of my hopes and wishes were struck, when he got up on the stage and started performing.

I looked over at Taylor, and saw her clenching her jaw. She was desperately trying to hide her fear and anger.

As the show dragged on, I hoped that Taylor winning an award would brighten things up, but no such luck.

We got back to the hotel, empty handed. I opened the door for Taylor, and she walked in, letting out a sigh. I followed her.

I quickly grabbed her shoulders, and spun her around. Her eyes held a mixture of emotions. I couldn't quite read them.

"Look Taylor. I'm so sorry that tonight didn't turn out the way we hoped," I explained. "And I am so, sorry that John was there."

"Josh, don't worry about it," Taylor said trying to push me away.

"No. I am worrying about it, because that man did things to you. Things that should give him a one way ticket to hell. In the beginning, I, tried to hide him from you, but, it was kind of hard when he got up on stage."

"I know, I know, but—"

I shushed her before she could continue. She had her eyebrows knitted together.

"And just for the record. No matter what. No matter what scenario we may face. Alone or together, I will protect you. I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. I'll even fight an army."

Suddenly, all concern melted from her face. A small smile started to spread.

"You are the best," she said.

I shrugged.

"I try," I joked.

"You know, I'm actually kind of glad I didn't win anything," she confessed.

"What. Why!" I questioned.

"Because. I got to leave earlier."

She leaned in and kissed me. I felt her place something into my hand. She pulled back.

"Happy birthday," she whispered.

I looked down in my hand, and saw two tickets to a Foo Fighters concert.

My jaw dropped, and my eyes went wide.

"It starts in half an hour, so we gotta go!" Taylor said.

"This is the best birthday present ever," I said as I pulled her into another hug.

* * *

Today was the MMVA's. It was our first time performing, and I was nervous as hell. The only thing that kept me grounded was Taylor.

"Knock 'em dead," she said before I walked on stage.

We waited for us to be announced before we started playing.

I heard the drum beat, and then I was lost. Lost in the insanity that I loved.

I felt like this was the moment that I had been waiting for my entire life. This was proof we had finally made it. We were playing at one of the biggest music award shows in Canada. Most of the people in the crowd weren't even our fans, yet they were still screaming at the tops of their lungs.

This was the moment I had been working towards my whole life.

Of course, we had to put a Marianas Trench spin to the performance. When I had a little break in the vocals, I put on my flaming bra, and introduced who we really were.

When we were done our performance, the guys shared high-fives.

"That was insane!" Matt cheered.

I took off my bra as a chorus of cheers filled the room. Then I ran straight into Taylor's arms.

"Oh my god you did so good!" She congratulated.

"Only thanks to your support," I said.

"Oh please, all I did was watch from backstage."

"Yeah, but just knowing you were there supporting me," I finished my sentence with a kiss.

"I liked the flaming bra. It really completed the performance," she complemented.

"Really? Cause on my way here Perez Hilton gave me the dirtiest look imaginable."

"Well, Gaga and him are pretty tight," she laughed.

"Yeah, I guess the karma came when I burnt my cheek."

Suddenly, a look of concern washed over Taylor's face.

"Oh no! Let me kiss it better." She leaned in, and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. "Better?"

"Of course."

In this moment I was so grateful for everything. From my music career to my cats. I was loving life. But the thing I was most grateful for, was here, wrapped in my arms. I couldn't wait to spend the rest of lay life with her. Perhaps our story started rough and a long time ago, but this was a big turning point. This was the start of a new chapter. A new part; and the ending was nowhere in sight.

* * *

Alright, so the ending was kings off sudden and sucked, but it's a good lead into the next chapter which I hope you all find funny because I tried. So be grateful. Just kidding hahUgh this probably doesn't even make sense whatever late night updating yuck yuck anyways, hope you enjoyed!


	26. 3 AM

**Josh's POV**

_She says it's cold outside and she hands me my raincoat_

I was lazing around in my living room, still trying to work off the MMVA hangover. Taylor and I had gotten back late last night, and slept in my apartment. I was surprised I woke before Taylor.

"JOSH!"

A scream interrupted the TV show. Instinctively, I ran towards the source. Fear rushed through my veins as I made it to the bedroom. I barged through the door, and saw Taylor curled up in a tiny ball on the bed, cradling her head.

"Taylor what's wrong?" I asked concerned. I walked over towards her and sat on the edge of the bed. I noticed she was sobbing.

"My head," she moaned.

"What happened? What's wrong," I questioned.

"I don't know. I woke up with this horrible, horrible headache, and it won't go away," she said, wincing.

"It's ok," I comforted. "It's ok. Here, uh, let me grab you some Advil."

_She says it's all gonna end and it might as well be my fault_

I rushed into the kitchen, and opened one of the many cabinets. I grabbed the Advil, along with a glass, and filled it with water. I came back into the room, but Taylor wasn't there anymore. Gagging noises came from the bathroom. I set my things down on the bedside table, and walked across the room.

I looked in the door, and saw Taylor bent over the toilet, throwing up. I walked over, placed my hand on her back, and rubbed it.

"It's ok, Taylor. It's ok," I soothed.

After she finished throwing up, I cleaned her up and set her back in bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked after giving her the Advil.

"I don't know," she replied hoarsely. "I woke up with the worst headache in the world. Like, imagine slamming your head through a wall and multiply that by twenty."

I was gently rubbing her head in comfort, when I realized just how warm it was.

"You feel kind of hot. You probably have a fever," I guessed. "Um." I wasn't very good at playing doctor. "I'll go get the thermometer, I think."

_And she only sleeps when it's raining_

Sure enough she had a screaming fever of 105 degrees. Fahrenheit of course.

"Should I call the doctor?" I asked Taylor.

"No, no. I'll be fine. I think," she replied breathlessly. "Really. Go get the McDonald's. You said you'd get hungry when you ate."

I knit my eyebrows in confusion. I had never said anything like that. Nor, did that sentence even make sense.

"Are you sure you're ok Taylor? You're not making any sense."

"Of course I'm grape juice. Just get me some it's fine."

She was starting to worry me, but I guessed it was the fever talking.

"Just get some sleep Taylor. I'll check on you in a while," I said.

I got up, and walked out. I turned the lights off, and closed the door.

I bit my lip. Well this sucked. I had a free day, and I couldn't do anything because Taylor was sick.

_And she screams and her voice is straining_

I decided to text Matt. "Need help. Taylor's sick. Abso-fucking-lutley have no idea what to do!"

Almost instantly Matt texted back. LThat sounds like a code red bro. Don't ask me what to do. Ask someone with a maternal instinct."

I sighed. I should've known Matt would be zero help.

So here I was. All alone in my apartment with no idea what to do. Then I thought, what would my mom do?

Well, she'd probably sing me to sleep. But before that, she would, put a cold cloth on my head to cool down my fever!

I ran to the kitchen and found a wash cloth. I ran it under some cold water, then walked over to my bedroom.

_She says baby_

_It's 3 am I must be lonely_

I slowly opened the door, and walked in. She was laying on her back, and her eyes were closed. I crept over, and slowly sat on the edge. She never moved.

I decided to try and play the romantic card — something that I really needed to work on.

I leaned down and kissed her while placing the cool cloth on her head. I felt Taylor kiss back.

Good. That meant she was still alive. I broke the kiss, but kept my face close to hers. I could almost feel the heat radiating from her.

"How are you doing?" I whispered.

"Ok. Are you my doctor?" She whispered back.

I half smiled. "For now," I softly replied, adjusting her cloth.

"You're so cute when you're scared," her voice sounded weak.

"What are you talking about? I'm not scared."

"Yes you are. I've seen that face before. Your eyebrows scrunch together and you bight your bottom lip."

I quickly relaxed my face, and let go of my bottom lip.

"Ok, you got me," I chuckled.

"Don't worry about me Josh," she complained. "If anything, I should be the one worrying. I probably look like crap right now."

I examined her face. It was ghostly pale, and a sheen of sweat layered it, making her face look shiny. Her cheeks were a little flushed, probably from how hot her fever was. But above all, her baby blue eyes still shined brightly.

She reminded me of something from my childhood. My sister had this doll that was made of porcelain, and I was apparently in love with it. I deny all rumors from my mom, but that doll was something special. It's face was shiny and pale, with rosy red cheeks. But the blue eyes were the most striking. It reminded me of a sick person, but somehow, it still looked beautiful. It still looked perfect.

"You don't look crappy at all," I said. "You look like a porcelain doll. Beautiful like the doll, and perfect and indestructible like the material. A perfect, porcelain, you."

I watched as Taylor's frown turned into a smile.

"I love you so much," she gushed.

I kissed her.

"To infinity and beyond," I finished.

However big she smiled, I was still worried. She didn't look any better, in fact she looked worse.

I lifted the cloth, and felt her forehead. It was even more hot.

"You are still burning hot. What do I do?" I said, almost to myself.

"Don't worry," she reassured me. Just let it run its course. You look worried."

I stared into her eyes. Suddenly I remembered my mom singing to me when I was worried or sick.

I don't know where it came from, but I guess you could say I kind of panicked.

"You are perfect porcelain," I softly sang.

Taylor's smile gleamed.

"Josh, are you trying to serenade me while I'm sick?"

"Shush, perfect porcelain," I sang, making it up as I went.

"I'm only sick. I'll —"

I crashed my lips into hers to shut her up.

"Shut up Taylor. I am comforting you."

"Josh, I just have a fever, nothing more."

"But you puked earlier today!" I countered.

"Yeah well, who cares but—"

I kissed her again.

"—but if you keep up with those cute, but annoying interruptions I am going to puke all over you."

"So you just admitted that you have more than just a fever."

Her jaw dropped. "You can be so annoying sometimes. Did you know that?"

"Yes," I pecked her lips once more. "I'll do anything for you Taylor. I'll fight an army for you, but I can't magically make you feel good again. You'll have to help me. Now get better."

I flipped the cloth on her forehead to the cooler side, and got up and left.

_And in her color portrait world she believes that she's got it all_

This continued on for the rest of the week.

I stayed with her everyday, considering I did live here. But I crashed on the couch so I wouldn't disturb Taylor's resting.

With me being left alone on my couch, the only thing that kept me company were my thoughts. And let me tell you right now they were not pleasant.

Taylor's had the same symptoms for a week now. Nausea, headaches. Flues didn't last that long at that extreme. I couldn't conjure up any reasonable explanation for her to get a stomach bug.

That only left one thing.

I snatched my phone from my pocket and dialed Matt's number. This couldn't be discussed over text. I swear the kid left it till the last ring to pick up.

"Good lord Matt. Couldn't answer any faster?" I complained.

"Well for your information I was busy," he replied flatly.

"Yeah well I've been busy too," I stated quickly. This was no time for beating around the bush.

"Oh. Does that mean that Taylor's better?" He asked innocently.

"What? Where did you, no Matt! In fact she still has the same symptoms as day one."

"Ok. Um, well have you taken her to a doctor or whatever?"

"God Matt! That's not what I'm trying to get at here you ass-wipe!" I exclaimed.

"Jesus, calm down."

"I can't! I am freaking out over here right now."

"What do you mean?" He almost sounded as annoyed as me right now.

"Ok look. It started off as a headache and throwing up and stuff an usually that goes away but it kept on going and going and yes I've watched chick flicks don't judge me and she's fuckig pregnant I know it and oh my god fuck I am screwed," that almost felt good to get off my chest. "Fuck man what do I do?"

"Holy brown cows, ok slow down. You're pregnant? You, you're not. Josh you're not under the influence of anything right now. Are you?" He questioned.

"You think I'm!" I cut myself off. This was no time for silly accusation. I had a serious problem. "Not me dimwit."

It took a few seconds for it to finally click for Matt.

"Shit man! You are fucked! You think you got Taylor knocked up?" He exclaimed.

"There's nothing else to explain her sickness!"

"Jesus Christ dude. Fuck what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know. I don't know. Oh god." I was visibly shaking now. "If she is, she'll want to keep it obviously. She loves children. But I, fuck. I'm only 25! I'm not prepared!"

By this time I was pacing the room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my cats watching my every move. They probably thought I had gone insane.

"Well, you can't be completely sure," Matt tried reasuring me.

I didn't know what was worse. This situation that I now had to face, or the fact I called Matt. Calling him at a time like this was almost as big of a mistake I had put myself in now.

"And I'm almost not completely sure it's not shitting bricks outside."

"Ok. Now you're not making sense. I think you need to calm down. Take a break. Distract yourself. You may not realize it, but your mind can be a very destructive place."

Wow. I was pretty sure that was the most meaningful thing Matt had ever said to me. I couldn't imagine what he would say once this devil spawn was born. If it was anything like me, I was in for a whole lot of shit.

"Yeah. Alright fine. Maybe you're right. I just need to cool my jets," I sighed rubbing my forehead.

"That's the spirit! And hey, if you do end up having a kid, can I have input on naming it?"

"God Matt you are no fucking help!" I abruptly hung up, and slammed the phone down.

Matt was a hopeless cause, but I felt even more hopeless. I couldn't have a kid. I just couldn't.

I walked towards my chair that sat by the window. It was a good place to just sit and think, write songs.

This was probably the biggest shit I had ever gotten myself into. I had a tiny little human living inside Taylor now.

It wasn't me that I had to take care of anymore. It was a small fetus.

No more partying. No more traveling. No more living. I would never be able to expand my career, because I had my stupid spawn to take care of.

I looked out of the window at the big city. The torrential downpour gave the view a grey and dull look.

Was this what life was? You overcome the biggest of challenges and build your life to the top. Just before you're on the road to the legends, one small mistake ruins it all, and everything comes crashing down.

I heard a door click open, and small footsteps followed.

I looked up and saw Taylor watching me from the wall.

"Hey, feeling better?" I asked softly.

"Better than you think," she replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked as she made her way over to me.

She sat on my lap, and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I heard your conversation with Matt," she said.

Suddenly I felt extremely guilty. I should've talked to Taylor before I started spreading rumors. I looked down and avoided eye contact.

"Sorry, I—"

She placed a finger on my lips and shushed me. I looked back up into her eyes.

"I don't blame you. I was very sick, and you were freaking out. But I'm fine now."

"You mean you're not," I stopped myself before I finished my sentence. I've learned to never get my hopes up until you knew for sure.

"I have no idea where your silly little mind conjured up that idea, but no. I am definately one hundred percent, not pregnant."

I let out a sigh of relief. My life wasn't over after all.

"Are you sure?"

"I am positive. Trust me. I know for sure."

I placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Well thank god you're feeling better. You had me worried."

"Yeah, I can tell. You jumped to the strangest conclusion. Anyway, I have a plane to catch next week to Dallas. But I'll be home like the next day, which I'm pretty sure is July ninth. Will you be there to welcome me home?" She asked.

"Of course. I'll do anything for you."

_Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes_

* * *

**Taylor's POV **

You could say this was the most terrifying experience of my life.

I had never experienced this much turbulence on a plane ride ever. Every single little bump made a new wave of terror rush through my veins.

The only thing pulling me through was the thought of Josh waiting for me.

Thankfully the plane soon landed, and I ran off. The smell of the rain on the wet pavement was intoxicating. It smelt just like Vancouver. Just like home. I ran into Josh's arms. He caught me in a giant embrace, twirling around.

I could feel the warmth emanating from his body. His heart beating through his shirt.

"I missed you so much!" I said.

"You were only gone a day!" Josh chuckled.

"I know, but I missed doing everything with you."

"Same here," he said softly, pulling me in closer.

I looked up into his eyes. Glowing brighter than any star in the sky.

"But I did exactly what you said. At night when I was feeling extra lonely and couldn't fall asleep in your arms, I talked to the moon. Then, it was as if I could feel your presence and then I fell asleep and dreamed about you."

"I talked to the moon as well. Even if I was crowded by my cats, I still felt lonely. But, you're back now and that's all I need," he said before kissing me.

_And the rain's gonna wash away I believe this_

* * *

**Oh my god. So yesterday I went to te Taylor Swift concert and ugh it was so amazing! I saw her mom and Austin mahone did a cover of Beautiful Soul and I died a little but during that and also when Joel Crous (don't remember if that's how you spell his last name) did Someone Like You I almost started crying and Ed Sheeran was so good! And when Taylor did Long Live as her surprise song! Anywaus. If you were there, you may have seen me. My cousin and I were holding up a pink T and S with small LED lights on it. **

**Ebough gushing now... I hope you enjoyed this chapter I found it very amusing to write. And please tell me what you think!**


	27. Teenage Dream

**Taylor's POV**

_You think I'm pretty_  
_Without any makeup on_

I woke up. I was laying next to Josh. His soft snores breaking the silence. I stared at him sleeping. He looked so peaceful. It didn't happen often, but when I woke up earlier than him in the same bed, I savored the precious moment.

Today we were leaving to his parents cabin to stay for a few nights. The rest of his family would be there as well. It was like a little family get together. I woke him up with a good morning kiss.

"Mmf, good morning beautiful," he said looking into my eyes. I smiled. "How are you today?"

"Oh I'm good. Amazing. Wonderful," I replied.

"Oh really. Why's that?"

"Because I have an awesome boyfriend."

Our lips met again.

"So, excited to see your family today?" I asked. He groaned.

"Ugh, we're leaving today?"

"Haha, yes."

He groaned some more.

"Oh come on. Aren't you excited? When's the last time your family's been together?"

"Well, as long as I'm with you I'll be excited about anything." I smiled and he brought his lips to mine again.

"Aw, well then I hope you're excited to brush your teeth because your breath smells really bad."

He laughed and I attempted to push the slug out of bed.

After what seemed like forever, we had finally gotten all ready, and were in his fancy vehicle with our bags in the back. We quickly stopped at Prado to get two Maple Lattes. Yes that's right. Maple lattes in the summer. The café had gotten so used to me ordering that drink, that they kept it year round just for me.

We made small talk as we drove. The drive was a few hours long, but it would pass by entertainingly.

"Hey, so is my scarf still at your sister's house?" I asked over the radio softly playing.

"Uh, heh yeah probably," he replied. I rolled my eyes. That scarf had been there for months now. I tuned back to the radio.

"Hey all you Taylor Swift fans, if you're a boy don't get excited, because earlier today she was spotted at a café with Josh Ramsay, lead singer of Marianas Trench. Still lots of controversy about the odd pairing. Sources are saying that he's too rebel for her. Is this another relationship gone wrong after a few months? We'll find out soon."

I huffed. It was like nobody in the world agreed with us being together. I quickly switched the radio station. It was getting dark, when I realized we had been driving for way too long now.

"So um," I cleared my throat, "you have no idea where you're going do you."

"Uh, what are you talking about? I know the way perfectly," he said. I might have caught a bit of sarcasm in his voice. My eyes went wide.

"Oh great! We're lost in the middle of nowhere. We're gonna die and get lost and kidnapped and raped—"

"No we're not!" He laughed, "We're just taking the long, and, scary way…"

I laughed. I loved his sweet disposition that sometimes shined through his tough skin.

"Hey! I love this song," I turned the radio up louder.

_"You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream! The way you turn me on, I can't sleep,_" I began obnoxiously singing loud. Josh joined in.

"_Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back!_"

I rolled down the window so that all the bears and deer that live in no mans land could hear us. I felt the wind whipping at my hair. I looked over at Josh and laughed. We were so ridiculous together. Here we were getting lost upstate, singing at the top of our lungs.

Josh did some ridiculous loud note and then apologized. "Oh sorry, the black girl inside of me escaped for a bit there."

We both laughed. We got caught up in each others gazes. I looked back at the road. I still felt his eyes on me. I saw that we were barreling towards a red light. He wasn't showing any signs of stopping.

"Josh!" I yelled.

He slammed on the brakes and we stopped at the last second.

"It's alright my ninja reflexes are still working," Josh explained.

"Oh God. I hope your ninja skills can help whiplash," I remarked.

Finally, we managed to get to the destination. It was a nice looking two-story cabin, looking out over some lake that I forget the name of. We grabbed our things and walked towards the door. After greeting everybody, the night got late, and we settled down for bed.

I cuddled up next to him, trying to forget about the summer heat. He wrapped an arm around me and kissed me on the temple.

_I finally found you_  
_My missing puzzle piece_  
_I'm complete_

We awoke the next day, to the bright and early sun. I looked up at the clock on the wall. It read 8:45. Only in the summer, when I'm away on some vacation, would I ever be okay with waking up at that time. Then the heat hit me, and it would only rise from there. I attempted to push Josh off me, but his gangly arms held on tight.

"No! Your too hot," I complained.

"Babe, you know I'm hot. I'm so hot that I make my sexiness sizzle," he said.

"What? That doesn't even make sense."

He shrugged.

"Whatever. But let's go make some breakfast, I'm starving." I laughed.

We walked down the stairs, and turned into the kitchen. Breakfast was already being made. Hallelujah.

"So, ready to go wake boarding?" Josh's dad, Miles asked.

"What? I hope you realize that I have no athletic skills whatsoever," I replied.

"Ah heck, you don't need skills, you just need to be better than Josh."

"Uh, I heard that," Josh said sitting in the shade with a deck of cards in his hand.

"Oh, in that case, I challenge you!" I told Josh.

"Challenge accepted."

I floated in the water with my feet attached to the purple board while I was holding the rope. Waiting for the boat to start at any moment. I saw a thumbs up, and the roar of the motor filled my ears. I felt myself being tugged up, and I engaged what leg muscles I had.

The wind in my hair, and the spray of water in my face, I was pulled around the lake. Since I was so light, I just stayed on the wake, but I wanted to try to move around. I leaned to one side, and my board began moving left. When my board left the wake, I took a bad stumble, and face planted. Ow, I got water up my nose.

I heard the boat coming near and looked up. All I heard was Josh laughing. Obnoxiously.

"Oh shut up! Like you could do better," I complained. He lifted me up into the boat, and I began un-strapping my boots, while Josh strapped his up.

He finished and jumped into the water. I sat there watching, as he grabbed the rope and waited. I pushed my hair off of my face. A thumbs up and the boat started to go faster. A few seconds later he fell. We all laughed.

"Oh! Oh! Look who's laughing now!" I shouted at him.

"Shut up! I'm just getting warmed up," he replied.

"Well, it might just take him a few hundred tries for him to warm up," Sara said, sitting next to me. We laughed some more.

The boat started, and he made it a few more seconds before falling. Again. And again. And again. Finally, after a few more tries, he lasted staying up for more than a few seconds.

"Woah! The faggot lasted more than ten seconds," Sara shouted. I smiled.

We watched as his dad guided the boat around the lake, twisting and turning here and there.

Then I saw something in the water. Actually, a few things. It was a whole bunch of logs floating, and he was headed straight for them.

I barely had enough time to call a warning, when his board hit the first log, sending him toppling straight down into the next one. Head first. I gasped and stood up. The boat stopped.

"Josh! Are you ok?" I called out, worry building in my stomach. He didn't reply.

_No regrets, just love_

After an amateur rescue attempt, four hours in the emergency room, and five stitches later, we were on our way home. The whole time, I was trying not to laugh. I mean, it was serious, right? It's not nice to laugh at someone else's pain, right? When the hospitals involved, it automatically becomes serious and not funny at all. Right? Oh who am I kidding. I began laughing. I saw Josh look over at me from the passenger's seat.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh, it's just really funny," I laughed.

"Shut up," he complained. I laughed some more.

"Don't worry about it. Just think, one day you'll look back and laugh at it. I mean you knocked yourself unconscious while wakeboarding. That's so funny!"

"It's not my fault, I wasn't the one steering,"

"Bahah, so you're saying that your dad knocked you unconscious? That's even funnier!"

I slowed to a stop as we made it back to the cabin.

He sighed.

"Aw, I'm sorry for making fun of you," I said.

He didn't reply. He was so cute when he was angry. I stifled my laugh.

"Will a get better kiss make it stop hurting?"

He nodded his head. I leaned over and kissed his temple. Right beside the stitches.

"Although, it's not the stitches that hurt, it's more my ego," he said as he got out of the car.

_I'm a get your heart racing_  
_In my skin-tight jeans_  
_Be your teenage dream tonight_

The next morning we awoke to the smell of breakfast. I stretched out my limbs.

"Good morning," I said to Josh.

"Mmf, five more minutes," he groaned. He was sprawled all over the bed. He had one leg hanging off, and the other was bent with the knee pressing into my gut. His arms were above his head.

"Yeah, my stomach can only wait so long to eat bacon."

"Bacon!" He sat up straight.

I laughed. We walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Josh hun, would you mind watching the bacon?" His mom asked.

"Sure," he walked over to the stove.

"Did you have a nice sleep?" She asked.

"Pretty good. Little hot, and this kid likes taking up all the room," I pointed at Josh. "But it was pretty good yeah."

"Ah, that reminds me. I have something to show you." She walked away into her bedroom.

I sat down on one of the stools at the counter. The counter top was exactly the same as the one I had in my house. Soon Corlynn came back with a photo album in her hands. She dropped it down onto the counter, and sat beside me.

"I like this counter, I have the same top in my apartment," I complemented.

"Oh really? Well then you have nice taste."

I giggled.

"So anyways, I kind of feel like its tradition that when you have kids, and they bring over a new girlfriend, you show her embarrassing childhood pictures."

"Oh yes please!" I laughed eager to see how goofy Josh was when he was younger.

"Wait, now hold on," Josh complained, still working with the bacon.

She sat down beside me and flipped it open to the first page. There were many pictures of him in onesies and drooling. I giggled at how adorable he was.

"Oh my gosh he's so tiny!" I gushed.

"Yeah, that was him five feet ago."

She turned to the next page. She described each picture very intently. Some were from birthday party's, others were Christmas. I couldn't help but smile at them all. It was strange that I knew so much about him, yet I had never been a part of anything that she was showing me.

As the book went on, he slowly aged. There were ones from his first day of school, I laughed at his Batman shirt. She was in the midst of explaining the story of him spilling pudding all over it and forever ruining the shirt, when Sara came in.

"Hey Sara, you're on this now. I have some important business matters to protect," Josh said pointing to the stove.

"Ah, Mom got the dreaded photo album out again?" She asked. He nodded. He walked over and sat on the other side of me.

As Corlynn showed me more pictures of him, she turned to one of him about early teens doing a sassy pose. I burst out laughing.

"Oh dear, what is he doing?" I laughed.

"You know, for a while there his dad and I, we were questioning how light in his loafers he really was," she joked.

"Well, if we're all being honest here," I began. Josh clamped his hand down on my mouth before I could get into any more detail.

"Yeah let's skip that part, but you and dad thought I was gay!" He accused his mom.

"Well, honey, we were still going to accept you either way," she explained.

He placed his head in his palms. When he lifted it, I noticed he was blushing very hard. His cheeks were bright red.

"Oh, and here's a picture of him when he was about four, and we decided to put him in t-ball. I think he lasted about one practice, before he tripped and came home crying with four stitches. He didn't make the team."

I burst out laughing again.

"Aw, you poor thing," I said to Josh, pinching his cheek. He glared at me and his mother.

She flipped to another. Josh was in his early teens wearing Harry Potter glasses while in bed. I giggled at his sassy face.

She flipped the page, and a picture of him with an annoyed face popped up. I could see he was about six, and was missing his front teeth.

"Aw, look at your missing teeth," I exclaimed.

"Ugh, I hated when I lost them. The stupid gap made me look like a nerd," he complained.

"You were six."

"So. I still looked ugly. Teeth gaps are gross."

She turned to another, and he was about mid teens, but very skinny for his size.

"Oh my gosh, look at how skinny you are there!" I gasped.

"Yeah, that was right in the middle of it all," he sighed. "But, that's all behind me now. It's in the past and I'll push it out of the way, and focus on the present and the future with you."

He smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I smiled back at him. I touched his chin, and leaned in and kissed him.

"Oh get a room," Sara exclaimed.

"And we will," he sassed to her. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to our room. I giggled at his charming goofiness.

_Be your teenage dream tonight_

* * *

I hope you enjoyed that chapter because I enjoyed writing it! I know it's pretty late, but I want to give a big shout out and thanks to Beautifulasterpiece and Bornintheeraofhumility for following and favoriting and sticking with this story, reading and staying from the beginning... I love you! And same with all the other nameless readers, and the reviewers you guys are real awesome!

And sorry for the abrupt ending... this and the next chapter were originally one big one, but it was so huge I had to split it up. I hope its not too annoying, and I'll try to update quick!


	28. O Children

**Hey guys! Here's the continuation (not sure if that's how you spell it...) of the last chapter. Sorry I updated a bit later than usual, it's summer so I really have no idea what day it is ever. If I ever miss an update day let me know! I've been aiming for every Sunday and Thursday. However, that may slow down a bit because I've caught up with myself now. the next two chapters may come along slower, sorry but I'm having a real difficult time writing them. But after that most of my chapters are at least half done. **

**Anyways. Enough pointless chatter, here is chapter 28. The song is O Children by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. (The song that plays in Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part one where Harry and Hermione are dancing in the tent. If you have no idea what I'm talking about than I'm sorry but you need to discontinue what your are doing until you know.)**

* * *

**Taylor's POV **

"Hey you know what's really funny?" Sara began.

"What?" I asked. I was sitting next to Josh cuddling in his arms.

"When you get your boyfriend to do your makeup."

"Oh really?" I could believe that.

"Yeah, there's a whole bunch of those videos on YouTube. You guys should do one."

"Yeah, we should," I said pointedly to Josh.

"Um, what?" He said.

"Ok. We're doing it," I stated.

* * *

A few minutes later, we had my laptop set up, and all of my make up was strewn on the table. "This is going to be so cute."

"Um, I'm still not wholly agreeing with this," Josh said.

"Too bad."

I pressed record on the laptop.

"Hey everybody! It's me, and Josh. And his sister suggested we do this, and it sounds like fun, so basically Josh is going to do my makeup, while I don't tell him anything," I showed my truckload of makeup I had. "And for those of you wondering about the title of this video, yes Josh is my boyfriend."

I highfived him.

"Um, so lets get this started I guess," I said.

First Josh grabbed some eyeshadows and described them to the camera. Then he took some liner and described that, along with a few other things in there.

"You know, you don't have to describe absolutely everything in the bag," I interrupted him as he was describing some sparkly eyeliner I had.

"Excuse me, I am doing what I want to do. Thank you very much."

I rolled my eyes.

This went on for a while until he finally picked up a very pale foundation. He also described that.

"Now, watch my awesomeness as I apply this on," he opened the case. "Um, well, it's empty so uh."

I flipped the panel over for him.

"Oh! Never mind. It was hiding, that's all."

"I don't know why I thought this was going to be fun," I sighed.

"Alright, now relax your facial muscles. Do it with me." He began moving his eyebrows, and I followed suit. Then he moved his nose, and his mouth. I mirrored him. He filled his cheeks with air, blew it out his relaxably closed lips, making a horse noise. I copied.

"Alright, I think we're ready."

He grabbed the sponge that came with it, and began roughly rubbing it in the powder. I winced. It was like he was trying to rip all the powder out of the case.

"Could you do that any more rougher!" I said.

He stopped and looked at me innocently.

"Oh. Well you know, I just had to make sure that I had the thingy completely covered in the stuff."

I sighed again. He brought the sponge to my face and began roughly rubbing it into my cheek.

"Are you trying to imprint this into my face forever?"

"Look, you have your way of doing this, I have my way of doing this."

I grunted. Soon a splotchy layer was covering most of my face, but the area around my eyes were left untouched and clearly a few shades darker. I looked into the laptop to see the final results. I burst out laughing.

"Could you get any closer to my skin colour? It's summer! I don't want to be pale and pasty like you," I said.

"Hey, pale and pasty is the new black."

"I, I am just not ok with this. This is just insulting. Like, I look like some very sick person who made sure that her face was never in the sun, but the rest of her skin was. Like this is just hard to look at." I explained sarcastically.

"Ok, fine. I'll fix it."

He rummaged through the supplies, and brought out a very dark, cream foundation. I closed my eyes. That was almost even worse. Then he explained what that foundation was. He opened the lid and squirted some on to his hands. I face palmed myself.

"What!" He exclaimed.

"Oh, you, why, oh I'm not even gonna say anything."

He rubbed the cream onto both of his hands. He brought them up to my face and began smearing it on like lotion. I let out a few laughs.

"Do you not know what a brush is?" I exclaimed.

"What are you talking about? This is cream. Why would you use a fluffy brush on wet cream? That would make the brush all hard and unusable."

"All of these music videos you have done, and you don't know when to use a brush? Do you not pay attention to when they put on your make up!"

"Hey, I am doing this the new and improved way. So just calm down."

He continued smearing my face with his hands.

"Do I really rub my face with peanut butter in the morning? Like what is this? It's so dark it could pass for Nutella! Why do I even own this?"

"Well maybe you kept it because you're still trying to work on your goal of being tanned."

He finished rubbing my face, and wiped his hands on a towel. Of course it was white. He was going to have a fun time trying to get that by his mom.

"This still doesn't look anything like my skin colour. Are you colour blind or something?" I asked.

"Do you think I'm done yet? Patience Taylor."

"Well, you still have yet to pick up a brush."

"Honestly, what is with you and brushes?"

I looked at him. He looked at me.

"Oh, yeah that is pretty bad actually," he admitted.

"Oh Jesus," I muttered, putting my face in between my hands.

"Um, let me gook you."

My head shot up. "Gook me? You want to do what! What does gook me mean?"

He grabbed the same towel, and slowly but roughly rubbed it down my face. I sat there. Staring at the screen. My mouth agape.

"I don't know why I agreed to do this. You should just be arrested for being so horrible with make up."

He chuckled. I shook my head in shame.

"Ok. Moving on. Lets um do some eye shadow."

He began searching through the bag for the shadow he liked. He finally came up with a black colour.

"So folks, today we will be doing a smokey eye. And this is how it is done," he told the laptop. Oh dear.

He picked up a small eyeshadow brush.

"Oh look everybody! He finally picks up a brush! This should go down in the history books or something."

This time, he rolled his eyes. I closed mine, and I felt him brush it onto my lid. I felt him go all the way up to my eyebrows. I quickly jerked my head away.

"You know, there is a limit to how much you should put on a persons eye."

He let out a little laugh. He completed both of my eyes. One of them I had a very thick layer on, all the way to my eyebrow, and the other one was splotchy and went outside of the area a bit.

"Alright, so now I'm going to - you have sparkles!"

Oh crap.

"Uh… do you really think that's a good-"

He covered my mouth before I could say anything else.

"Shh young padawan. You will learn the ways of the sparkles eventually."

I blinked. Oh this was not going to end well. He grabbed a case of silver sparkles and unscrewed the lid. He brought it close to my face. I closed my eyes.

"Now, what I am going to do is — oh crap!"

My eyes shot open.

"What did you do? What happened!"

"Uh, nothing. Just keep your eyes closed." He quickly covered my eyes with his hand before I could see anything. "You know what, instead we are going to use black sparkles! Yeah black sparkles everywhere."

I pushed his hand off my face.

"Why are you," I looked down. My jaw dropped and eyes went wide. Down my shirt, on my shirt, on my lap and everywhere else were silver sparkles. I looked up at him. "JOSH!"

"Kay, baby, it it it it uh, it it it's not," I folded my arms, which were also covered in sparkles. "Uh, I love you?"

I pursed my lips and looked at the screen. My chest neck and face also had sparkle remains there.

"Did you dump the whole entire case?"

"Maybe," he murmured.

I huffed loudly.

"Just, don't worry about it! I'll fix it. Later."

He continued with the sparkles. This time, the consistency of them was gooey and not powdery. At least this wouldn't go everywhere. He finished up with a gloppy mess of sparkles on my lids.

He had decided to use a few colours, and had found a green and a blue, in the same consistency. I giggled lightly. It looked so horrible. I was scared that if I closed my eyes, they would be glued forever.

"Ok, so now let's get some eyeliner happening," he began sifting through everything. He pulled out a black liquid eyeliner. I winced. Another mess waiting to happen. Great. "Ok um. Just close your eyes."

I obeyed him. I felt him pull on my eye, stretching it out. I smiled. I felt him line what probably looked like a goopy, messy line. He lifted his hand away. I thought he stopped, so I opened my eyes to see the result. I did that just in time for him to poke me right in the eyeball with the liner. It hurt. A lot.

"Ow!" I covered my eye with my hand and leaned down. "Ooh that really hurt."

My eye started to tear up. I tried to open my eye and blink it away, but it hurt too much and I ran to the bathroom.

* * *

A few minutes later I emerged with a tear streaked cheek, and a blurry vision in one eye. I silently sat down beside Josh. I looked over at him. He gave me an 'I'm so sorry I'll make it up to you later' look. I gave him a 'you better' look back.

"Let's all just hope that the vision in my eye will soon turn back to normal. But anyways, carry on."

This time he pulled out a pencil liner and did an alright job.

"That's actually not that bad," I muttered.

"See, I told you I'm good at this."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Right that reminds me. I have to do your eyebrows!" He exclaimed.

He brought out a sharpie eyeliner.

"Josh, do you really think I sharpie on my eyebrows?" I asked.

"Uh," I raised my eyebrows. "Plan b."

He put back the liner and brought out, well I'm really not sure. It certainly wasn't a pencil, or shadow. It was like a gel kind. Why would I ever buy that?"

I closed my eyes. I felt him brush on the cool liquid. It honestly did not feel like he followed my eyebrow shape. He finished with the other one. I opened my eyes and burst out laughing.

"It looks like the sides of my face are like melting," I choked out through my laughs.

He had basically drawn on black lines that dropped down on the ends, making them look like they were tilting down on the outside. I looked back at them and burst out laughing again.

Eventually I calmed down, and Josh brought out the reddest blush I have ever seen in my life.

"So now I am going to add some rouge."

I smiled so that he could find my cheekbones. It didn't matter though, because he just did two giant circles on either cheek.

"Aw, you little doll face," he squeezed my cheeks together with his hand. "Alright so finally, lets get some lipstick on."

He brought out a cherry flavored lipbalm. He smeared it on my lips. I rubbed them together, getting a taste of it.

"Ooh that tastes really good," I said.

"Oh really? I'll have to taste that."

I smiled. That was kinda cute. But then he did the complete opposite of what I thought he was going to do, and my smiled dropped. Instead he put the lipbalm in his mouth and started eating it.

"Are you kidding me?" I exclaimed.

"Aw this tastes like, elephant butthole. This doesn't taste good at all."

"Are you done now?" I sighed.

"Uh, oh wait eyelashes!"

He brought out my cover girl mascara, and unscrewed the lid. I looked down as he brought the wand to my face.

"If you get this in my eye I swear I will punch you so hard your face will come out your butthole," I warned.

"Don't worry about it."

I turned towards him and gave him a warning look.

"You know what, on second thought I won't do this. I'll just use fake eyelashes instead."

"Aw, that was your smartest decision of the night!" I cheered.

He brought out the fake lashes and glue. He unscrewed the lid and put a huge amount on the one lash. I pursed my lips again, this was just going to be one big mess. I closed my eye and felt him put it on. He pressed hard, and I almost fell over.

"If you pressed any harder Josh, my eyeball would've popped," I exaggerated a bit.

"Oh, sorry."

He put the other one on, and this time didn't push as hard. I opened my eyes and started laughing. They matched the shape of my eyebrows.

"Seriously, what's with you and melting people's faces!" I laughed. "Well everybody, this is Josh's masterpiece... Theatre. You better screenshot it."

"Well I think you look kinda cute," he said. "You look like a porcelain doll."

"Buddy, I am fabulous. There is only one word to describe this look. Gooky."

We both started to laugh. I stopped recording and turned off the laptop. I would edit it and put it on YouTube later. His sister walked in. She burst out laughing.

"You look like a gremlin! Nice job Josh," she said sarcastically.

"Shut up Sara!" He yelled.

* * *

That night we lay in bed. I had washed all of the make up off. I watched Josh's chest slowly rise and fall. He wasn't asleep. I knew he was awake. We were wrapped in each others arms. It was late, but the summer heat kept us from getting comfortable enough to sleep. Just then, my stomach gurgled in hunger.

"Are you hungry?" Josh laughed.

"Oh when am I not," I laughed back.

"Well then let's go get a little midnight snack."

Josh dragged me out of the bed, and down the stairs towards the kitchen. I noticed some soft music playing in the background. I guess somebody left the radio on. I recognized the song. O children by Nick Cave.

I went and opened the fridge door. Suddenly, hands grabbed me from behind and spun me around. I yelped and a hand quickly covered my mouth. I slapped it away.

"Josh? What are you doing. You almost gave me a heart attack!" I whisper shouted at him.

He stayed silent. A smirk was plastered on his face. My eyebrows were knit in confusion. He grabbed my hands in his and pulled me back from the fridge a little bit. He began turning his body from side to side in rhythm to the music. I felt the corners of my lips pull up into a smile.

_O children_

_Lift up your voice, lift up your voice_

_Children_

_Rejoice, rejoice_

He wanted to dance. Now, he might be the life of a party, but he certainly couldn't dance. I rolled my eyes and he pulled me in. I wasn't much for dancing, but for him I did.

He started to walk in a small circle, still swaying to the music. He let go of one of my hands, and twirled me with the other. He quickly pulled me close into a quick kiss.

He clasped one of my hands, as he placed his other on the small of my back. I used my free arm to hug him as close as possible to me. I rested my head on his chest, as we continued to spin around the room.

_We're older now, the light is dim_

_And you are only just beginning_

_O children_

I lifted my head off his chest, stood up on my tippy toes and kissed him. I stared into his gorgeous eyes as our bodies swayed. I stepped back and this time I spun him. I brought him into a kiss, and I felt his lips form a smile against mine. I couldn't resist one either.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and we continued to step with the rhythm. He wrapped his long protective arms around my lower back. The glow of the refrigerator lit up his face. I could see his goofy smile in the dim light. I giggled lightly.

_Hey little train! We are all jumping on_

_The train that goes to the Kingdom_

_We're happy, Ma, we're having fun_

_And the train ain't even left the station_

He spun me again, and this time I was leaned back. My leg kicked up in the air, then I was raised back upright. I couldn't stop giggling. One of our hands was clasped in the others, while our other arm was around each others backs. I leaned my head on his shoulder, and he leaned his on mine. We wouldn't stop spinning around the kitchen.

_Hey little train! Wait for me!_

_I was held in chains but now I'm free_

_I'm hanging in there, don't you see_

Eventually he stopped spinning us. I stayed there with my head resting on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. My forehead was pressed against his warm neck. I lifted my head up and rested my forehead on his. My hands caressed his soft cheeks.

I kissed him again, one last time. This time it was longer and I felt an amazing show of fireworks.

_We're happy, Ma, we're having fun_

_It's beyond my wildest expectation_


	29. Mine

_You were in college working part-time waiting tables_

"Why are you still not ready for the video shoot Josh!" Taylor yelled at me from across the hotel room.

"Hold on. Hold on," I complained. "I needed to figure out my outfit. But it's all good now."

I reached for her waist, and led her out the building. We got in the truck, and headed to the first film destination. The whole way, Taylor could not stop gushing about how much she loved Kennebunkport, Main.

The first scene they were shooting today was the café where Taylor first lays her eyes on Toby. I couldn't help but compare that to our first meeting.

I decided I didn't need to be there to watch that scene, so I went exploring. Although I had never been to Kennebunkport before, it reminded me a lot of Nanaimo. The old curio shops that lined the streets, the smell of the salty ocean in the air. It may have been a different city in a different country, but it was the same place.

The first shop that caught my eye was an old shoe shop. I walked up the stairs, and opened the door. The white paint was peeling, but it gave the shop character.

"Hello sir," an older lady greeted me from the cash register.

I smiled kindly at her.

Although there was a small fan blowing air in the corner of the room, the air was still hot. I walked towards the back of the shop where the sneakers were located. I almost instantly spotted a pair I liked, and went to try them on.

I noticed an old lady with a walker behind me, but didn't think much of her. I grabbed the shoes, took them out of the box, and bent down to try them on. As I put my foot into the new shoe, I felt a hard smack on my ass.

I shrieked in surprise and fell forward, tumbling onto the ground. I flipped over to see it was the old lady with the walker.

"Nice tushie mister," she said with a wink as she continued on her way.

I sat in shock as I played back what happened in my mind. I tore off the shoe, grabbed my old one and ran out of the building.

I ran through the streets rushing by people. I heard a few grunts of complaint from people I bumped into, but payed them no attention. I saw the crew up ahead, and gave a final burst of speed before I rammed into Taylor.

"Oomf," she complained into my chest.

"Sorry," I panted.

"Are you ok Josh? What's wrong, you seem flustered."

I stooped over to regain my breath before telling my story.

"I was in an old shop trying on shoes, and then this old lady with a walker came up from behind, smacked my butt and said 'nice tushie mister' with a wink," I explained.

Taylor gave me a knowing smile.

"What's that face supposed to mean?" I questioned.

"Well, I mean you do have a nice 'tushie'," she laughed. "But did that lady happen to be wearing a pink top with white pants?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Sorry, that was my grandma," she confessed.

I stood up straight, a look of horror on my face. "Your grandma!" I exclaimed.

"Shh! Look, my grandma is a bit of a cougar," she explained trying not to laugh. "But, I mean you gotta love the girl. We've tried to get her to stop that, but, well, I mean old people never really agree with young people these days."

"And you thought my family was crazy? You have a fucking ass-slapping grandma!" I exclaimed.

"Josh! Don't yell," Taylor chided. "I think you need to go for a walk."

"And what, get raped in the butt by your grandpa?"

Taylor gave me a look of warning and I instantly shut up.

"Sorry. I think I'll go simmer down," I said as I walked away.

I walked into a small music store about a block away. Thank god it was air conditioned. Perhaps the heat was getting to me today. The radio was playing loudly in the background, and I couldn't help but listen when the dj said my name.

"Singers Taylor Swift and Josh Ramsay were spotted walking hand in hand today. Rumors about the couple dating have been reported true by an anonymous source. Phone in and tell us what you think about the odd couple," he said.

I raised my eyebrows. Even in Main there were paparazzi?

"I think the couple won't last. Soon Taylor will move on to someone better and greater than whoever that nobody is," a caller said.

I'm a nobody? Does Taylor not think that I'm good enough for her?

"Josh Ramsay is so talented and totally hot and can do way better than Taylor. All she does is use men to write songs about. I think that Josh is way too good for her and will hopefully soon realize that she's just using him to gain more popularity," another caller said.

It was cool that I had fans in Kennebunkport, but the cool factor stopped there. Taylor using me to gain fame? That was so ridiculous I'm sure no one would believe that girl. Taylor had about a hundred million more fans than me at least. Maybe even more. There was no way she was using me to gain popularity.

"Personally, I think that the relationship is hurting the both of them. They have two completely different fan bases, and Josh is just too immature and not pure enough for Taylor. His bad reputation is hurting her good one. He swears and is inappropriate. Taylor's fan base involves children. I'm sure their mothers wouldn't want them to be influenced by him. I think they should break up before they hurt each other," a caller explained.

I walked out of the shop. How could people be so mean? Just support two people who were madly in love.

But what if Taylor wasn't truly in love with me? What if she never was in love, and wanted to break up but didn't want to make me feel bad?

I slapped myself to clear the doubts in my mind, which caused a few stares. I just ignored them and carried on my way back to the set.

I noticed everyone packing up, and walked over to Taylor.

"Hey babe," I said as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Hey Josh!" She said excitedly.

I gave her a peck on the lips.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Everyone's packing up and moving to the new location," she explaine.

"Where's that?"

"Um. Some house somewhere."

"Nice explanation," I said as we walked towards the van.

_I was a flight risk, with a fear of falling  
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts_

The whole ride to the house I couldn't take my mind off those stupid radio calls. I wanted Taylor. I wanted to stay with her my whole life. I was excited to see how this relationship evolved. It seemed there was always a surprise around the corner, but they just made us closer.

The scene they were doing involved Taylor and the lead role, Toby Hemingway, in the same bed.

I wasn't jealous at all... I mean, this was professional. This scene meant nothing. Thoughts of absolute hate towards Toby was just from the heat, right?

I silently watched behind the camera, as Taylor explained to the kids what they were to do. I couldn't help but admire how good and comfortable she was with the kids. It was as if she was born to be a mom.

Woah. Hold up Josh. The only way that could ever happen would be by your doing.

I shook my head to get those crazy thoughts out of my head.

Taylor and Toby got in their positions, and the director called action.

The two kids came running in and hopped onto the bed.

"Get up! Wake up!" They yelled as they jumped all over.

I watched as Taylor sat up with a surprised look on her face, and wrapped one of them up in a hug. Toby got up a little slower, and smiled at the sight.

The director cut the take, and got prepared for a new one.

I imagined that as me. Waking up next to Taylor, seeing her cuddle with our kid.

Holy shit Josh. You are not having a kid anytime soon.

I rubbed my hands down my face, and looked down at the ground. My mind was going insane. Since when did I ever think about having children? Baby's were little devil spawns!

And just to prove my point, the baby on set started to cry. My eyes went wide, and my muscles tensed. I didn't want to show disrespect, but I was so close to covering my ears.

I kept my eyes on the ground, silently cursing the damn baby.

Suddenly, the terrible noise stopped. I looked up in wonder.

Taylor had handed the baby back to its mother, and it was acting as if it had never been crying. Beside the mother, the director, Roman White, was holding a little troll doll in front of its face.

Roman was a definition of a goof. The whole time I had been on set, I had seen him making strange noises, cracking bad jokes, and acting like a little kid. He seemed like my kind of person.

Roman handed Taylor the doll, and she began singing, if you could call it, a song.

"Don't you ever dye your hair this colour," she sang, "or else people will make fun of you. And, nobody will hang out with you, and you will have nothing to do on your Friday nights. Don't you ever, ever, ever dye your hair this colour, because you will have to touch it up a lot. And bleach isn't good for your hair. And hotels will start calling you the towel monster, and then you and Josh will go to towel jail together."

I chuckled. It was true. Everytime I re-dyed my hair, it would ruin any towels I used for about a week.

The mother left after Taylor was done and went outside.

"Bravo, Taylor. Bravo!" I cheered sarcastically.

"You sure you write award winning songs?" Roman asked.

There was a chorus of laughter.

"Ugh, I was so nervous! I was just making everything up, and praying that she would never make that awful sound again!" She explained.

"Alright, so lets take the baby, and get a few more shots in cuddling it and what not," Roman said as he set things up with the crew.

The mother returned with the baby, and set it in Toby's arms. Taylor and I left the room, to watch the playback in another.

She couldn't stop adoring the scene.

"Aw, look at that!" She stage whispered. "That's so precious."

She wrapped her arms around me.

I started smiling, but then it instantly dropped.

Did she expect that to be me one day! Sure I wanted our relationship to blossom, but did that mean that we would have to have kids? How would this relationship last if Taylor wanted them and I didn't?

They filmed Taylor cradling the baby. She was fine for about thirty seconds, then started to cry again. Roman cut the scene.

"Ugh here take her Josh I gotta watch playback," Taylor said.

She handed me the baby and walked away before I could protest.

I stood there terrified with a baby in my arms. I looked at her. It had stopped crying, and was looking up at me. It was almost as if she was expecting something from me.

Her big blue eyes looked into mine, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Um. Hey, baby Libby. You don't know it yet, but one day you're going to grow up to produce another spawn of yourself!" I awkwardly said.

Everyone was quiet. I looked up and saw them staring at me.

"Aw Josh your so good with kids!" Taylor gushed.

"Uh, yeah no I'm not," I defended.

"Yeah the baby just likes him more than you," Roman said. "That's why she stopped crying."

I forced somewhat of a smile, before handing the baby back to its mother.

I had it with these children. I was done.

_Flash forward and we're taking on the world together_

Unfortunately, I spoke to soon.

I found myself sitting on a beach, watching Taylor and Toby coo with each other, while I was apprehended by kids.

The child's were attacking me. What was this beach? The coast of hell? They wouldn't get away.

There were millions of them. They were like little ants at a picnic. No matter how hard you tried to get them away, other ones would just replace them.

A kid threw sand at me.

Oh hell no.

"Hey! Stop that," I ordered.

He laughed sinisterly.

"I don't think your mom would approve of this Gage," I threatened.

He threw more sand at me.

The stupid child was getting my favorite jeans dirty.

"I am not in the mood for this. Go away!" I ordered.

He ran up and attached himself to my leg.

"Never!" He screamed.

I rolled my eyes, and caught a glimps of Taylor snickering.

"Make it stop," I mouthed to her.

That made her laugh harder.

"Alright you little butt-head. Run along now. Go annoy someone else. I have things to do," I ordered.

"No!" He yelled.

Then his little brother came up and joined in the shenanigans. He took fistfuls of sand and threw them at my shirt, while roaring. Gage was giggling like a maniac.

I tried stepping away from them, but with Gage still on my leg, I ended up toppling over.

They took the opportunity to crawl all over me, pouring sand on my everywhere.

These devil spawns were annoying the fuck out of me, and now I desperately needed a smoke. I was cutting down on the cigs, but children were just too stressful to deal with.

Hey, just be glad I wasn't going through multiple packs like a normal person would be if they were in my position at the moment.

I somehow managed to wrestle myself back to my feet, and pried the younger boy off. I threw Gage towards the water, hearing him scream in excitement. I pulled the other one off, and sent him flying in the same direction.

I stomped off toward the van to get a few items.

_You saw me start to believe for the first time_

When I returned to the beach with paper and a pencil, I tried my best to ignore Taylor and Toby making out in front of the camera.

I sat away, off to the side. I stretched out my blanket, and plopped myself on top. I unfolded the piece of paper. It already had some words on it, but it was only a sentence.

You are perfect porcelain.

I had the idea about a month ago. When Taylor had gotten really sick. That was one of the times where I really had to pull the boyfriend card and comfort and care for her. Another one of those times had happened recently.

Although it was doing great on the charts, it technically shouldn't even be released yet. The song 'Mine' had been leaked. I remember Taylor was so terrified she was reduced to tears.

"You thought by now

You'd have it figured out," I wrote.

Perhaps this was the beginning of her third album, but she still had plenty of learning to do, and lots to experience.

I looked over at the filming. I knew it was all staged and professional, but I couldn't help wanting to beat the living shit out of Toby. I had seen them kiss, hold hands, sleep in the same bed. All that stuff was supposed to be reserved for Taylor and I only.

And even if I was watching our relationship from the outside, I couldn't help but get freaked out with the kids. Where were Taylor and I going to be in ten years? Fifteen? Twenty?

What if one day that'll be us, playing at the beach with two kids? What if one day we'll get married? What if one day I'll wake up in bed, and the spot beside me will be empty. Empty because I had to attend her funeral?

But what if all of my crazy day dreams will never happen because the other people will get in the way, and our relationship will fallout?

"You know for someone who started their career as some punk rock singer you're really quite the teddy bear."

I quickly folded up the piece of paper I had and stuffed it in my pocket.

I looked up and saw Taylor staring down at me with a smirk. I looked over and saw the crew packing up.

I hadn't realized it, but the sun was now dipping below the horizon.

"Come and sit," I invited.

She sat down, and leaned on my chest. I automatically had my arms around her.

"So how's your day been?" She asked. I couldn't see her face, but I knew she was smirking.

"It's been fabulous," I said sarcastically.

Taylor laughed her magical laugh, and my insides went all fuzzy.

I took in the setting. The sun was sinking behind us, so the sky over the ocean was dimming to a purple. However the sky over us, was as golden as the wedding ring that hopefully, will one day sit around Taylor's finger.

Far out at sea, there were islands. Above one of them, angry storm clouds sat. I couldn't imagine, how it could be crystal clear skies here, but about fifteen minutes out to sea it was storming.

Taylor and I sat there in silence, admiring the view. I absent-mindedly twirled a strand of golden hair around my finger. Every so often, I placed a kiss upon her head.

I listened to the waves crash on the shore. There was something relaxing about that. It was as if it lulled you into some hypnotized state. No wonder kids drowned so easily at beaches.

Kids. I looked around, and noticed the beach was mostly empty. Nothing but the crickets being our company.

I looked up in time to see a bright flash in the distance.

"What was that?" I murmured.

"Did you see that!" Taylor gasped. "It was lightning. Over there on that island."

I watched as another streak of light forked down to the ground. All I could think to say was, "wow."

"That's so cool!" Taylor exclaimed. I loved her excitability at things. "I've never enjoyed this point of view for a storm. Amazing how beautiful it looks from a far, but once your in it, it's hell."

We watched in silence for a few minutes as more lightning shot down to the ground. I noticed a few sounds of aw, and saw there was a sparse crowd on the beach watching.

"So Josh," Taylor began. "Tell me why you seemed so uncomfortable today."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hoping she didn't hear the doubt in my voice.

"Just, around the sets. It looked like you felt really out of place."

Maybe it was the radio. Maybe it was Toby. Maybe it was the kids. Not to mention the almost-rape from her grandma at the shoe store. I wondered if I should tell Taylor about what I heard on the radio.

"Oh you know, babies and stuff. Plus I didn't really know anyone," I lied. Or rather, vaguely said the truth. I hoped she took the bait.

"You're horrible at lying Josh."

God dammit.

"What do you mean?" I asked again.

"Baby Libby wasn't there the whole time, and you are the most outgoing person I know," she explained. "Not knowing anyone is hardly an excuse for you."

I sighed. Perhaps I should get Taylor's point of view on the whole nobody in love with the idea of us being in love. But then she'd probably laugh at all my doubts. I had to get some concrete information first.

"What is 'Mine' about anyways?" I asked. "You've never told me."

She took a few moment before replying.

"Um, well I guess it's about my tendency to run from love," she explained. "It's been sort of a recent tendency, and I think it's because, for me, every really direct example of love that I've had in front of me has ended in goodbye and ended in break-ups and things like that."

She paused before continuing. I hoped that she wasn't going to run away from this relationship.

"So I think I've developed this pattern of running away when it comes time to fall in love and stay in a relationship. The song is sort of about finding the exception to that and finding someone who would make you believe in love and realize that it could work out, because I'm never ever going to go past hoping that love works out."

"So am I the exception?" I asked hopefully.

Taylor giggled. "I hope so."

I kissed her head. I guessed this would be a good time to bring up my doubts today.

"I have something to say," I sighed. "Earlier today, I was in this little record store, and they had the radio on. They were talking about us. They had people call in and tell their opinions about our relationship. One girl said that you were too famous for me and would soon move on to someone better. Another one said that you were just using me to write another song. And one said that this relationship can't last because its hurting our reputations."

Taylor turned around and placed a finger on my lips, shushing me.

"Josh. Don't you worry your pretty little mind. I highly doubt there is anyone in the world who can treat me better than you. I am most certainly not using you to write songs. And if I do end up writing songs about you, it'll be about how much I love you. And I don't care about stupid reputations. I'll love who I love." She leaned in and kissed me. "Any other silly things bugging you?"

I looked down, almost feeling ashamed. The kids really freaked me out. It was horrible to say, but even worse to lie.

"Well, the children did," I said.

Taylor giggled and turned back around. "You know, for someone who hates baby's, you're really good with them."

"Well, that's not really what I mean." I paused to watch an amazing round of lightning before continuing. "I mean the whole thing. The baby, the children, marraige, us," I continued weakly.

"What was wrong with that?"

"Well, it all kind of made me freak out. Like. It made me think, where are we going to be in the future?"

"Touring world wide together?" Taylor hypothesized hopefully.

"That'd be great but—"

"But no buts," she interrupted. "Josh. We both still have yet to peak in our music careers. We are a long way from being anything more than boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't sweat it."

"But, you love kids, and I, I don't know."

"Josh. No one is pressuring you to do anything. Slow down. You're jumping ahead of yourself." She reached up, and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I like where we're at right now. No need to change anything. It's perfect."

"You're perfect," I sighed, embracing her tighter.

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_

* * *

**Hope you are enjoying this! Sorry if its getting kind of boring with the mushy fluffy stuff, but this story is soon going to take a big turn :)**


	30. Ours

**Woah. So we're basically at the half way point now in this story, and holy tits I really only have like eighteen more chapters to write! Of course there are much more to come than that, but holy I didn't realize how close I was to the finish! I'm planning to hopefully get this all done before summer ends, because I know I'm going to have a tough year ahead. And I've already planned out the second story in this trilogy, so hopefully I can get that up as soon as I'm done this, and update it quite frequently!**

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

The autumn leaves fell from the trees, landing on the ground and filling in another place like puzzle pieces. Just like this crazy relationship I had with Josh. Although it may not be perfect - sometimes going weeks with out seeing each other, to having crazy doubts, - I loved it. Every day was another piece to the puzzle that painted our love.

The September air was heavy, but had a strong breeze. I clasped Josh's hand, and leaned into him to hide from the cool wind.

Stanley Park never failed to be beautiful. As I took in the magnificent scenery, Josh rambled on and on, — I think he was talking about some mongoose thing, — whatever it was, I didn't really pay attention.

Once again we were being forced apart. Except, not by planes. Not only were fans, and blogs disagreeing with us being us, — our friends and even my own mother were to blame as well.

I don't know why the sudden chorus of disapproval started up, worse than before, but it hurt. I couldn't help but flashback to the conversation I had with my mom several days ago when Josh was out of town.

* * *

It started off as a decent how've you been, but obviously my mom had more on her mind.

"So your album is coming out next month! Are you excited?" She asks over the phone.

"Yeah, I'm nervous, but excited. I'm trying to cram in as much down time as possible right now to prepare for when it gets released," I reply.

Release week is crazy. There's really no time to sleep. Your up at four, and end your day well past midnight. Your on a million different shows a day, and it doesn't stop.

"I hear that Josh is going away on tour soon as well," my mom mentions.

At the beginning of October, Marianas Trench will be leaving for tour. It won't end till sometime in December.

"Yeah, it'll be the last time they do anything for Masterpiece Theatre, before working on their next album."

"So you won't be seeing each other for a long time," she reminds me.

"Yeah. We're both going to be busy for a while. Maybe I'll get a chance to fly to one of their shows."

"Strange that you two are dating."

"What do you mean?" I ask, suddenly feeling defensive.

We were friends for years, before Josh finally beat up the bad guy, and grew enough courage to ask me out. Something we had both been waiting for since the day we met. It was the perfect love story.

"Well. I mean you two are both musicians. You both have busy lives. How do you think you'll be spending time together when your off touring the world? You think he'll stay faithful when he won't have any way to communicate to you for weeks on end?"

"Mom!" I scold. "How could you think like that?"

"Hun, I don't want you to get your heart broken—"

"So you want me to break up with him and get my heart broken just to avoid getting my heart broken later on?" I exclaim. "Mom we love each other. Nothing is going to get in the way of our love."

"Yes but, I just don't think it'll work out."

"Mom!"

"What about if you get married? What are you going to do with your kids?" She asks.

"Mom, I'm turning twenty one, Josh is barely twenty five. Don't you think we're a little young?"

"But darling, if it took him six years to be your boyfriend, how long will it take him to be your husband!"

"Mom I am not talking about this right now! You should be happy I've finally found a boy who treats me right, and loves me. Loves me more than anything. So just, bye mom. I'm not talking about this," I hang up before she can say anything.

* * *

That conversation left me a bit chilled. How could she say those things? Why would anyone want to break us apart?

I had fallen in love. Really, fallen in love. Hard. It was just Josh and I against the world.

We found a private spot to have our little picnic. We ate and joked around, but I couldn't wait to play my guitar.

After we ate, I sat infront of him softly plucking at my guitar strings.

"So I've finally had enough, and I wrote a song. This is a song I wrote about, uh, you know how you fall in love, when you really, really fall in love. There's always going to be someone, or something that kind of gets in the way of it — threatens it. You know, somebody who try's to talk you out of it, or come between you. But I think that if its real, you realize that uh, your relationship is nobody else's it's just yours," I explained. "And this is called Ours."

I silently hoped that Josh would fid this song just as precious as I do. I knew he was feeling threatened by it as well, and I wanted him to know that we were both in this together.

"_Seems like there's always someone who disapproves._

_They'll judge it like they know about me and you."_

The blogs. The talk shows. Anyone who said anything about our relationship. Sure they knew about it, but they didn't know everything.

_"So don't you worry your pretty little mind,"_ him and his crazy doubts.

"_People throw rocks at things that shine,"_ all the put downs.

"_And life makes love look hard,_" every single little tragic detail to our lives had made love look impossible. But together, we found it. "_The stakes are high, waters rough, but this love is ou_rs."

Our love; to infinity and beyond.

"_Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me_

_Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles_

_But I don't care, cause right now you're mine."_

Who cares if he had a rocky past. If and when he needed support, I was going to be there for him. Yes. He was the one that was going to break the pattern of falling out of love.

_"And it's not theirs to speculate_

_If it's wrong and your hands are tough but they are where mine belong and_

_I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you,_" the only thing I ever really had a talent at.

"_Cause I love the gap between your teeth,_" the one he had in the old pictures his mom showed me.

"_And I love the riddles that you speak,"_ his songs were meaningful, but very subliminal. They had you guess at what he was really trying to say.

_"And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored,"_ who cares what my dad thinks about him. "_Cause my heart is yours."_

After finishing the song, Josh applauded. I looked at the ground to try and hide my blush.

"Well I'm glad someone can voice our opinion," he said. "I was beginning to worry if everyone's negative opinion was going to be the downfall of our relationship. But in glad that you're still in it to win it."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," I thanked. "I think the final line was crossed when my own mom tried to talk me out of this. But I could never leave you."

"I'm glad. Because I don't know who I'd be without you. But we'll finish this conversation at Prado later, because I have important business to attend to."

"And what's that?" I asked.

Before I could prod any deeper, he planted his lips on mine, and I moved my guitar away to get closer to him.

* * *

After a mildly inappropriate make out session I won't give you the details about, we made our way to Prado. We sat down at our usual table, and ordered our usual, Maple Lattes.

"Remember when this used to be our usual Friday afternoon?" Josh recalled as our drinks came.

"Or how we use to talk about what it'd be like to one day be famous?"

"Yeah," Josh sighed. "I'm just glad the sun glasses you got me distort my face enough to make me less recognizable in public."

"What, don't like being famous?" I teased.

"No, I don't really care, I guess I'll never get used to it," Josh let out a laugh, "and to think the guys and I used to joke about being famous. Now we actually have to use the techniques we mocked to stay low!"

"Oh well. Anyone who gets into this job needs to realize that's going to happen, and you can't complain because you chose this lifestyle."

"I just hate how it seems the fans don't care about the music, and are more interested in our personal lives," he complained.

"Just try your best to ignore it and live a normal life. Remember we're not normal. We were gifted with extreme talent and they're just trying to get the secret location to the lab where we were bred from," I joked.

Wow. Josh's sense of humor was really starting to run off on me.

He chuckled. "I guess I need to start writing about you now," he said, taking a sip from his mug.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, Ours isn't the first song you've wrote about me," he noticed. "Remember? Friday night beneath the stars, in a field behind your yard."

"Aw, I remember that!" I exclaimed. "I also remember how you tripped in the movie theatre."

"Uh, yeah let's not bring that up," Josh said quickly. "But hey, lets bring up how perfect this 'first day of fall' date was. Planned by me of course."

"It was magical," I breathed comically.

A silence erupted between us for a few moments before Josh started talking again. This time having a much more serious tone to his voice.

"Just know that I really, love you Taylor. I don't know what I'd do without you," he said.

As a wave of butterflies danced inside of me, I tried not to act too, 'teenage lovestruck'.

"I love you too Josh. I'm glad I met you," I confessed.

Josh got up, and grabbed my hand.

"Now, lets get out of here and save the world. To infinity, and beyond!" He said in an announcer voice.

He mocked Buzz Lightyear, and tugged me out the café.

_The stakes are high,_

_Waters rough,_

_But this love is ours_


	31. Haunted

Taylor's POV

Vancouver. Finally I was back. I had left for business and had been gone for a week. It felt wonderful to be here again. The whole entire flight I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. I was super excited to see him again.

I quickly made it to the nearest Starbucks in the airport, and grabbed a maple latte. I then found my taxi, and hopped in. I remembered I had to drop something off at the studio, so I told the driver to go there.

I looked out the window at the setting sun. With autumn falling in, some parts of the sky through purple shadows. Casting a haunted look to the sky. The falling leaves reminded me of the perfect date Josh had taken me on, on the first day of fall.

By the time the cab arrived at the studio, the sky had quickly fallen black. I thanked the driver and payed him. I told him that I would find a different way home after, so he didn't have to wait.

I got out, and immediately recognized Josh's car in the parking lot. But a foreign vehicle was parked beside it.

I walked towards the building. I breathed in the cold air as I remembered what it took to find the money for it. I smiled as Josh's face crossed my mind. I couldn't wait to kiss those lips again.

I opened the door and walked in. The sudden change of temperature sent a shiver down my spine. I decided to keep my coat on so that I could quickly surprise him.

I walked down the hallway towards the recording room. I figured that he would probably be in there, although I didn't hear anything. He was probably busy writing or something. I silently made it to the door and stopped to look in, to admire what he was doing.

But what I saw completely shocked me. I saw something completely different to what my imagination had conjured up.

My jaw dropped, along with my drink. I immediately felt tears in my eyes. This couldn't be right. This couldn't possibly happen. I had a long flight, I must have been seeing things.

"Josh?" I whispered. I had to make sure it was him.

His head snapped away from what he was doing, and looked at me bug-eyed. I didn't know who looked more shocked. Me or him.

"What, are you, doing?" My voice quivered. I was so close to breaking down. I felt a single tear slip from my eye.

"Taylor," he quickly whispered, shock still plastered on his face, "it's not what you think. Give me a minute to explain. Please. Taylor."

He pushed the girl on top of him off, and that's when I got a better look of who it was.

Amanda.

Rage suddenly rushed through me. I couldn't believe it. I clamped my jaw shut and walked away. I rushed to the door, and pushed through it. The cold air felt like a slap to the face.

"Taylor!"

I had to keep going. To get away from him. I took one step forward, when someone snatched my wrist and turned me around.

"What do you want?" I snapped, all of my shock turned to rage.

"Please, Taylor. I am so sorry," Josh began.

"No. Go away!"

I turned and started running away. But he held me back with his strength. I felt his grip around my wrist tighten.

"No! Stop it. Let go of me! I can't believe you Josh. How could you?" I shouted. I turned to go again.

"No, Taylor, it's not what you think!" He wouldn't let go of my wrist.

I turned and started beating his chest to make him let go.

"You cheated on me! Now let go of me, let go!"

"I can't Taylor. If I do I'm scared I'll lose you forever!" Josh said.

"Well you should have thought of that earlier you asshole. What were you thinking! I can't believe you would do such a thing. Let go of me! We are done. I never want to see your face again. I trusted you!"

"Well you need to trust me more and give me a chance!"

"A chance for what!" I screamed. "You know what. I'm not doing this here. Go run back to her. Because apparently you don't need me."

I stared into his eyes. Trying to put every last drop of fury in the look. Slowly, he dropped his hold. I hesitated before I turned and ran.

Angry tears streamed down my face. Fear flared up in my chest. This couldn't be happening.

I didn't know how long it was, until, running scared, I finally made it back to my home. I opened the door and slammed it shut. I ran up the stairs to my bedroom and stormed in.

I tangled my hands in my hair. I needed to let my anger out. I was furiously mad. I had no idea where this emotion was coming from. I reached out and tore books from their shelf in a sweeping motion. All of the books flew out, along with memories that went with them. Old notebooks shot out, landing with hard thuds. I backed up into a wall and slid down. I picked a book that had landed near me. It was the fifth Harry Potter.

This isn't happening.

It can't be.

I won't let it.

But it is happening.

He's fading.

I heard a door shut. It snapped me out of my thoughts. I stood up and slowly walked to the stairway. I stopped in my tracks when I saw him. How did he get in? The key I gave him. Of course.

"Taylor," he whispered.

"Go. Away," I said quietly, not wanting to let him hear my quivering voice.

"I can't."

I threw my book at him. It hit his shoulder.

"I deserved that," he muttered.

"Go away!" I screamed. I stormed down the stairs. "Get out of my house."

"Please,"

"No! Out. I can't believe you. How could you after everything?"

"Look. It's just a big mistake."

"No! I hate you! It's not a mistake. It was your choice. You ruined everything we had. How could you!"

"I'm sorry,"

"I can't believe you. I thought I had you figured out. I thought that we had something. I thought I could trust you. But you just went and blew it all away! I never thought that this would happen. Not like this. You know what you are? You are a disaster! You're poison."

"Taylor-"

"Shut up!" I cut him off, "I hate you. I wish we never met."

I opened the door.

"Now leave so that I don't have to see your face again."

He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but then he changed his mind and shut his mouth closed again. He shuffled his feet out the door before stopping again. He rested his hand on the door frame.

"Just remember. I still love you," he said. Then he shut the door behind him and walked away.

I dropped to my knees running my hands through my hair. Tears flowed down my cheeks like never ending waterfalls. A heavy pain in my chest erupted. I was losing him. We could never be friends after this. Never. I felt terrified. I couldn't deal with the heavy emotion that hit me like a brick.

I closed my eyes. But when I did, I saw them. Their lips locked together like chains on a handcuff.

I opened my eyes again. This couldn't be happening. He was gone, but at the same time he wasn't. He would always be here. But I would never be able to connect with him again. It was like he was a ghost. You could see him, just not touch or hold, or kiss... I only knew one way to deal with these feelings.

I brought myself up to my feet, walked back up the stairs and grabbed my notepad and pen. I walked past my guitar. I couldn't write it on there. I headed straight for my piano. The piano could make things sound like a few different emotions. It could make things sound very, very sad. But it could also make things sound, haunting.

I sometimes felt like our relationship could break at any moment, or rather, I was scared for that to happen. Although I never imagined it ending. But, I started there. My fingers had a mind of their own, and began playing random keys that brought up this sound. It sounded like desperation, frustration, fear.

"You and I walk a fragile line

I have known it all this time

But I never thought I'd live to see it break."

I looked outside the dark window. There was no one out there this time. No one throwing rocks at it. No one screaming my name. It was silent. A silence that swallowed anything that tried to make a noise. A silence that was so loud it made your ears ring. I remember what he said. He said it was just a big mistake. It was more than that. He wasn't drunk. He was in his right mind. It was his choice.

"It's getting dark and it's all too quiet

And I can't trust anything now

And It's coming over you

Like it's all a big mistake."

I closed my eyes again. Only for the image of familiar hands running up a foreign body. Tears suddenly started rushing down my cheeks again. The heavy weight in my chest feeling even heavier. It was restricting my breath. Swallowing me whole.

"Woah holding my breath

Won't lose you again,"

I can't lose him to Amanda again. It can't happen. It just can't. I recalled what I felt before when they first started dating, when I realized I had a crush on him and was about to confess when he told me they were back together.

"Something's made your eyes go cold,"

Those gorgeous crystal blue eyes had turned to an icy cool.

"Come on, come on

Don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted."

He's all I ever wanted and now he's gone. He left me broken.

"Come on, come on

Don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Cant breathe whenever you're gone

Cant turn back, now I'm haunted,"

I was practically screaming while writing this. This break up would never leave me. I could feel it. It was terrifying.

"Stood there,

Watched you walk away from everything we had

But I still mean every word I said to you."

I didn't care how horrible my words were. I was living in the moment and I would never take them back. He deserved them.

I could admit that I wasn't very talented at playing the piano, but my fingers found their way along the keys. Creating a storm of negative emotions. All played out in an iridescent way. If you could connect emotions with colours, this was a dark, dark red. Red and black.

"Never thought I'd see it break,

Never thought I'd see it-"

* * *

I was in the studio with Nathan recording the new song. I called it Haunted. But something didn't feel right about it.

"I don't know Nathan. I feel like it doesn't sound angry enough. You know what I mean? Like, it needs something more. Because it's about that horrible, terrifying moment where a relationship ends catastrophically. It needs more."

"Well, what about a string section? Those usually make things pretty epic. Just watch Pirates of the Caribbean," Nathan said.

"Yeah, that could work. You think it'll capture that chaotic, tragic confusing moment?"

"Well, with all the adjectives you're using, I know a guy who own's a studio down in LA, I'm sure he could do something."

"Good."


	32. Last Kiss

**Taylor's POV**

It was two days after I had returned from recording the strings for Haunted in LA, and I was back in the studio. The album was due next month, and suddenly I didn't feel like it was finished anymore. I had made the decision yesterday, to cut Ours from the list. Unfortunately, Jonathan insisted that I keep that song on the record, so I listed it as one of the bonus tracks. I had thirteen tracks now, but I needed one more to finish the album. My emotions had finally reached that 'complete sadness' part of the list. I was so sad that I couldn't even move, let alone write a song.

I was sitting alone in the writing room. Whenever I tried to close my eyes, the images of him kissing her still flashed through my mind. I missed those lips already. I missed those fireworks that went off every time our lips met. I didn't know how I was supposed to move on after this. I rolled my head over to the side. My notepad sat there, waiting for words and notes to come alive on it. My eyes roved the piano it was sitting on.

I heard a door close. It came from somewhere in the studio. It was probably Jonathan getting all worried about me. When he came to LA with me, he questioned why I had suddenly written Haunted. I think he knew that we had broken up. I'm sure it was obvious. It was probably written all over Josh's face as well.

I took a deep breath and mustered all of my courage up and stood. I shuffled over to the piano bench and sat down on it. I stared at the keys. Waiting for something to happen. Some idea, to pop into my mind.

* * *

**Josh's POV**

Shit – A contemptible or worthless thing.

Yup. That was me. I felt absolutely horrible for what I had done. I didn't care, if Amanda was completely shit-faced when it happened. It was still my fault. I shouldn't have let her stay. I should've driven her home right then and there.

My love life was the definition of disaster. There was so many ways that situation could've gone, should've gone. But no. I had to let her kiss me. I took full responsibility.

I walked into the studio. My best guess was that Taylor was here no doubt, and I had come to make amends. I traveled down the hallway, to the recording room. She wasn't here, but I saw her car so she must've been in the writing room. The door to it was just on the other side of the room.

I sat down on the couch. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I would probably just make things worse by showing up here, but I had to. Then, I heard a piano.

It sounded absolutely beautiful, but at the same time it made me even more sad. I realized that I ruined possibly the best thing ever. What had I done?

And then I heard her voice. The silky smooth voice ran with the piano, sounding just as sad.

"I do remember the look on your face

Lit through the darkness at 1:58

The words that you whispered for just us to know

You told me you loved me so why did you go away?"

Suddenly, I was back in that day. The first sort of official date we had. The first time I said that I loved her.

_I look at the clock. It glows 1:58. It is late, but I can't go another day without saying what I really want to._

_"How? How can I know for sure?" She asks._

_"Because," I place my hand on her cheek. My skin tingles when I feel her skin beneath my touch. I never take my eyes away from her baby blue ones. I can feel her breath on mine. "Because I love you."_

_Before I, or even Taylor can process what I said, I kiss her. The familiar fireworks go off, and I never want it to end. But my lips soon leave hers. I have more to say._

_"Now, if you felt anything of what I felt there, you're not going to run away from me. I hope," I say._

_She can't help but smile._

_I am floating on cloud nine. Why couldn't this have happened about six years ago? Oh right. Because life puts you on the hardest most confusing road._

_"I love you too Josh," she leans in and gives me another kiss._

If this truly was the end, god did I want to go back to that day. I'd go back to that very first day and re-live every moment of our relationship.

No. I would go back to the very first day I met her and re-live it all. Except, I would start dating her then, and never meet Amanda. Then none of this would've happened.

"I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement I ran off the plane

That July ninth

The beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

I can still feel your arms"

July ninth. Why was that day so significant? It was like every other day, why would she choose that?

Because they had an article in the magazines about that. Did she sing about that specifically so that everyone knew who she was singing about? So that I could know this song was directed towards me?

_Thankfully the plane soon lands, and she runs off._

_I wouldn't admit how much I truly missed her, but on a scale of one to ten, it was way up there._

_The smell of the rain on the wet pavement is intoxicating. I'm used to it. In fact Vancouver would not be the city it is without it._

_She runs into my arms. I catch her in a giant embrace, twirling around._

_She feels chilly, so I hope my body heat will warm her. I can't help but notice my heart is racing. I hope she doesn't notice it. She doesn't know, but her presence simply puts me in a trance. It is as if she casts a spell over me every time she looks me in the eyes._

_"I missed you so much!" She says._

_"You were only gone a day!" I chuckle._

_"I know, but I missed doing everything with you."_

_"Same here," I say softly, pulling her in closer._

_She looks up into my eyes. Hers are glowing brighter than any star in the sky._

_"But I did exactly what you said. At night when I was feeling extra lonely and couldn't fall asleep in your arms, I talked to the moon. Then, it was as if I could feel your presence and then I fell asleep and dreamed about you."_

_"I talked to the moon as well. Even if I was crowded by my cats, I still felt lonely. But, you're back now and that's all I need," I say before kissing her._

Now I wished she knew how much she affected me. How fast my heart drummed every time she got close. I wanted her to rush back into my arms again.

And maybe, over time that could happen, but it wouldn't feel the same. We would have boundaries and walls up. There would be no more open sparks. Only hidden feelings.

I could only imagine the next part she played was the chorus. So many questions ran through my head.

My clothes were still over at her house. Should I let her keep them? Or take them. What did she mean by be something I missed? What did I miss? What did she miss? Did I truly affect her enough for my name to forever be on her lips?

The one thing about country music I loved was that the songs were so honest and told the story.

"I do remember the swing in your step

The life of the party you're showing off again

And I'd roll my eyes and you'd pull me in

I'm not much for dancing but for you I did."

Maybe that's how I ended up cheating. I could barely even think that word. I was such a slimy creature for doing that. I was too outgoing. If I wasn't such a ham I never would've had the courage to go up to Amanda at that stupid Christmas party. But then I would never have had the courage to talk to Taylor in that café.

How was I ever supposed to walk by Prado again?

I couldn't help but flashback to a time in Prado. Taylor had just broken up with her then boyfriend at that time, Sam, because he cheated. Her words were strong then, but now they stung.

_She takes a long sip of her drink before answering._

_"Sam cheated on me," she sighs._

_"I'm sorry about that," I console._

_"Thanks. But, whatever. It's his fault. 'Should've Said No' is more of a moral statement. It's an I love you, we were awesome and great together, but you messed this up and I would still be with you kinda thing. You said yes, and you should've said no."_

_I nod my head._

_"He cheated on me. He can never take that back, and I will never forgive him. He should've known better. When you're in a relationship, it's only two people. Not three. You shouldn't have to cheat if you love the person you're with. You know what I mean? He cheated, and he shouldn't have. He's gone in my life now. I absolutely hate him. He's never coming back."_

_"Makes sense," I reply. "It's good of you, to stay strong. You're right. It is his fault."_

_"Exactly."_

Good God she must hate me now.

Stupid, stupid, boy. Why would I go and ruin everything. I always did this. I always broke things. Or rather, people.

"Because I love your handshake meeting my father."

Oh, her dad was going to have my head for this. He saw so many red flags around me. The coloured hair, the tattoos, the rocky past.

"I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets."

Did I do that? Did I walk around with my hands in my pockets? Was that something that Taylor truly loved about me?

"How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something"

I had made a habit of doing that. It annoyed her so much, but I knew deep down she loved it.

"There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions."

I would never be able to do that now. I would have to resist the impulse to plant my lips on hers and never break away.

"So I'll watch your life in pictures

Like I used to watch you sleep.

And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

And I'll keep up with our old friends

Just to ask them how you are."

This crazy stupid thing called love really annoyed me. It was like, that's everyone's main goal in life, —to eventually fall in love. But most of the time it never worked out. So what was the point?

That night, that night when I messed up everything, would haunt me.

It started off like any night at the studio. I had this great idea, and thought that I might actually finish it and get to recording.

But really, I was far from finished with this song. I had a large pile in the corner of crumpled up ideas. I had bits and pieces to this song. A line here, a line there. It all revolved around perfect, porcelain. Naturally, I had left the original copy in my pants pocket that were somewhere in Taylor's house. Of course I was too lazy to go over and grab it with my spare key.

I heard the front door to the studio, and my stomach did flips. Was that finally Taylor? Home from her trip? I sat there in excitement, waiting to see her beautiful face.

I realized I was still writing the song for her, and quickly stashed it away; I wanted to keep it a surprise.

But what surprised me even more, was when Amanda walked through the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Josh," she breathed.

I hadn't seen Amanda in pretty much a year. After we broke up on that, terrible, note, we hadn't talked. Perhaps she's finally come to apologize to me. That didn't matter though. I wasn't one to hold grudges.

"Uh, what's up?" I asked.

She walked closer to me, and could evidently see, something was wrong.

"Amanda, are you alright?"

She shook her head and looked down.

And this is where I went wrong. I should've made her go. I should've left. Or at least stood up. If I was standing, it would've been next to impossible for her to take advantage of me.

But no. Instead I held my arms out, and beckoned her in for a hug.

She felt so familiar in my arms. It wasn't until now, I realized I had missed her. I missed how goofy she was. I missed her humor. I missed how much she loved me.

But I had found someone else, so all of that didn't matter anymore. Right?

I wasn't positive, but I was sure she was crying. On top of her, intoxicating perfume, was that alcohol I smelt?

I pushed her away slightly, so I could look into her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked soothingly.

I really should not have been this close to my ex, but Taylor wasn't here, and Amanda was obviously distraught.

"I've just been so lonely," she sniffled. "After we broke up, I felt so, guilty. I shouldn't have said those things. I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. You know I don't stay mad," I comforted.

"Yeah, I guess so. I should've apologized earlier. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I should've apologized too. I know my job gets in the way, and I was yelling terrible things at you too."

"Oh shut up Josh. It's all my fault I created this mess, and you know it. But anyways, I was a wreck for a few months. I never thought I would ever get over you. I, I wasn't sleeping. Wasn't talking to friends. Wasn't going out. I was barely even eating."

"Are you eating now?" I asked sternly.

She looked me in the eyes. I couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions. What I was doing was so wrong, but I couldn't help it. She needed me, and I remember I had vowed to always be there for her.

"You're so sweet Josh," she placed her soft hand on my cheek. "More sweet, and caring than, than him."

She started to cry. I held her tight, until the tears started to calm.

"I wish I never made you leave. I was so wrong to get mad at you. You, you're the only thing I have left. I have no family, who knows where my friends are. I just, I'm so lost," she started to cry again.

"Hey, Amanda. I'm always going to be here for you, you know that. I made a promise. And whether we're together or not, I am always going to be here for you."

"I wish I'd known that sooner. Before, before I met him, before that, that stupid disease that just won't die came back."

That hit me. That hit me hard. In many ways.

"Thank you Josh. For always being here for me. I've, I've never stopped loving you."

Perhaps it was instinct, or just the nice thing to say, I found myself telling her something I didn't know if it was a lie or not.

"I never stopped either," I whispered.

And then she kissed me. It felt so good, but so wrong. That was when my life split in two;torn between my need for Taylor, and my love for Amanda.

* * *

**Ugh, it's so sad... Anyways, sorry about the last couple of chapters, they were pretty sucky.. My concentration has just not been here being busy with moving and stuff but be ready for the shit storm that's blowing in... And I mean that in the best way possible**


	33. So Soon

**Taylor's POV**

The constant ringing of my phone finally got to me. Since the break up, Josh had called me over four hundred times. The last time I saw him was the same night it happened. How was I supposed to speak to him when even just the thought of Josh made me break down?

I had jumped into a new relationship rather fast. To get my mind off things, try and believe that there were better things out there than him. But it was mostly just to get back at Josh. If he thinks that cheating on me is fine, then shouldn't he be fine seeing me in love with another man? Especially when it was eye candy like Jake Gylinhaal, someone that every girl went crazy for.

But, unfortunately making ex boyfriends jealous is not easy. Jake and I had barely been dating for a month. But we had already broken up and gotten back together at least, nine times. I guess, he wasn't the perfect candidate. It was rough being around someone all the time when you didn't like everything about them. But maybe I just needed to get to know him better. I had known Josh for six years or so. Obviously I would feel more comfortable around him.

I pretended to be ok around Jake, but on the inside, I was a mess. At night, when I was alone, I would cry myself to sleep. It was a painful habit, and hard to heal when the wound still felt so fresh.

Sighing in defeat, I wiped my tears away, and finally picked up.

"What do you want Josh?" I asked hoping my voice didn't sound as broken as it felt.

There was a long pause before he answered.

"Taylor?" He asked hesitantly.

I missed him saying my name. It was just that one simple word he said, and I instantly knew this conversation was going to be painful.

"Yeah?" I breathed.

"I- are you mad?" He asked.

Should I lie? Or should I tell the truth. Lying would be pointless. He would know that I wouldn't be telling the truth, and our relationship would turn even more sour.

"Yeah," I replied in a huff.

"Im sorry," he stated.

That was when I so desperately wanted to accept his apology and go back to being his girlfriend. But that couldn't happen. He already had a girlfriend. I couldn't go back.

I didn't know how to reply, so I stayed silent.

"You know, sometimes people can be pretty stupid. They can do stupid things without thinking, and then they can get caught. And the end result isn't always good. But, I don't want our end result to be bad. I don't want to forget you. So, we, we're, we can still stay friends, right?"

I was shocked. Yeah, he was stupid to fucking cheat on me, and almost smart to not forget about me. But he was just plain idiotic to ask if we could stay friends. That's when I mustered up enough courage to stand up to him. To speak for myself. To say, 'hey you're an idiot, you don't deserve me' and tell my side of the story.

_You say, sometimes, it's like I hardly know you_

"You know," I sighed, speaking up. "Sometimes it's like you're a whole different person. Comparing you now, to back in March? You're just not the same. I used to know you so well. Now, I don't know who you are. You aren't the man that would stick up for himself and fight for what he wanted. I don't even know what to call you now. I hardly know you."

He stayed silent for awhile, soaking in what I had just said.

"Well, maybe I didn't show all of me, but-"

_And maybe there's somethings I never showed you_

"I've known you since you were nineteen. It's pretty hard to hide a part of yourself for so long," I countered.

"We've been best friends for six years," Josh realized. It almost sounded as if he was muttering that to himself. "Can't it stay that way?"

I wanted it to, but it hurt so much.

"What, did you figure that after I saw you shoving your toung down your used-to-be-ex-girlfriend, I would forgive you? You cheated Josh!" My temper was slowly rising. "You said we'd be together forever. You said you'd never love another girl fuck you Josh, fuck. You!"

"Well, I was certain that you weren't one to hold a grudge," he replied emptily.

"And I was certain you weren't one to cheat on people," I countered.

"And I thought you were a very understanding person. Look, it's in the past. How about we move forward and-"

"And what Josh!" I interrupted. "Forget about this? Move on! Maybe you shouldn't have been so certain that I was going to forgive that easily. This isn't going to work."

"I don't understand," he whispered.

_Sometimes you're certain, but just can't get it working at all_

I shook my head, knowing he wouldn't see.

"Well maybe somebody better than you will. Obviously you aren't aware enough to realize what's going on in my life."

He didn't reply, but if he was in the same room he would be standing there with his jaw dropped to the ground.

"You mean," he choked. "Wh-who?"

"Jake Gylinhaal."

_You say to yourself somebody better_

_Will understand you more than I ever_

"You're dating a movie star?" He sounded heartbroken. It made my heart shatter even more. But, this was what I wanted, right?

"Yeah. And he treats me well. He stays true to himself. He keeps his promises. He doesn't break them. Unlike you. Called me up again just to break another one of your promises?" My words were turning into venom. "Would you like to meet him? Maybe you could learn a thing or two."

If I hadn't already stabbed him in the heart, I did now. I imediatly regretted the words I said. I was just about to take them back, but then he spoke up.

"I, I understand," he stated.

My jaw dropped. He what? Shouldn't he be mad? Shouldn't he be asking why? Shouldn't he be confused, and lonely, and jealous?

_I'll shake his hand, and smile, and say I understand. Well I do_

Did this really mean we were over? Did this mean that he really didn't miss me? He didn't think about me? He didn't regret what he shouldn't have done?

Maybe I should've kept my mouth shut, but I couldn't help it.

"You understand?" I hoped he didn't hear the doubt in my voice.

"Yeah. I realize that I can't keep you all to myself. I messed up. Really bad. I can't take that back. I just, I hope you're happy." After a brief silence, only interrupted by the sound of our breathing, he hung up.

_That don't mean I don't think about you_

I was stunned. He somehow found the upper hand. Even now, he still burned me. Tears streamed down my face. He was gone. He filled my life so much, now I felt empty. I didn't know how I was supposed to carry on.

I dragged myself off my bed and into the shower. I sat curled up in a ball on the floor. It took a few moments for me to realize that I was still fully dressed. I used all the will power I had, and flung my soaking clothes to the ground of the bathroom. The warm water pummeled down on me, yet I was too numb to feel it. The only thing the spray of water did was blend in with my tears.

I didn't know how long it was, but eventually the water turned cold, and I was forced to freeze or get out. I shut the tap off and climbed out. I went through my drawers and closet looking for something. Anything to wear. But in the state I was in, I hadn't been keeping up with my usual chores. I didn't have any clean clothes left.

I groaned in frustration. How could I not have a clean thing in sight? There must have been something somewhere.

And then I found it.

It was one of his.

I decided to throw the old t-shirt on anyways. Maybe it could comfort me. Just like he used to. It was soft and warm. The shirt smelled just like him. It was almost as if he was there, holding me in my arms.

Except he wasn't, and I was a mess. All alone and curled up in a ball on the floor of my closet. Crying tears I thought I ran out of long ago. Trying to bear with the pain stabbing my heart. Trying to feel something besides pain. Something that I knew wasn't a lie.

How could your life go from being at the top, to being at the bottom, without even a warning?

I knew Josh for so long. We were so close since the begining. Everyone said we were made for each other. We said we were going to be together for forever. He said he loved me to infinity and beyond. That he would fight an army for me. And now suddenly, he was gone. Gone from my life. Forever.

This just felt, this just.

This just felt so soon.

* * *

**Josh's POV**

She moved on fast. Maybe she was already planning on breaking up with me. But what about the songs she wrote? What were they supposed to mean?

I sat there stunned, with the phone still in my hands. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I had messed up everything. It was my fault. I ruined it. I ruined everything. I couldn't take it back. Ever.

When it came down to it, I was a disaster at love.

Thank god Amanda hadn't moved in yet, because I couldn't let her see me like this. I was a mess. It took everything I had to let Taylor go. But those words were only empty lies. I knew for a fact I wasn't letting her go from my heart anytime soon. It took everything I had not to break down and cry during that conversation. It was so hard to not just beg for her to come back. But I couldn't do that now. She had someone with her.

I had someone with me.

That's what hurt the most. There was no way we could get back together. We were both in relationships. She had someone else to love. Someone who wasn't me. That's what hurt. I wanted her to be with me, or no one. Not another man who would break her heart. Or worse, love her untill the day she dies.

Just like I did, to infinity and beyond.

I wiped at my sore eyes, and stumbled off my bed. I walked to my dresser. The one that had a mirror attached to it. I sighed as I pictured me hugging Taylor from behind. Trying to get her to accept my apology for locking her in a closet.

I half sobbed, half laughed at the memory.

God I was an awful boyfriend.

I needed Taylor. I needed her to live. I wouldn't be able to carry on knowing my best friend hated me for what I had done. I wanted to at least run my fingers through her hair one more time, smell her.

I quickly yanked open a certain drawer and dug through untill I found it.

Taylor's scarf.

I pulled it up to my nose and took a deep breath. It still smelled like her. It reminded me of the innocence I shattered. I could never get rid of it. It reminded me of too many things. It reminded me of that very first week. Our very first date. When I took her to my sisters then brought her back and told her I loved her for the very first time.

Another stab of pain hit my heart. A sob racked my body, quickly followed by others. Tears pooled in my eyes, until they flooded over. I hastily wiped away at them, but new ones just took the place of old tears.

I sat down hard on the ground. It was finally sinking in. I couldn't take her back.

What if that was my last conversation with her?

_I know some things should just stay broken_

**4 days later**

I perked up the courage to finally phone Taylor again. She would soon be leaving, and I only had a few days to, well I didn't really know yet.

Perhaps I could try and turn things normal again.

"Hello?" A slightly exhausted voice answered.

I knew releasing an album was exhausting work, but I was worried she was exhausted of me.

"Hey," I said weakly. Might as well start this conversation out nicely. "Congratulations on selling over a million copies in your albums first week!"

"Oh, thanks," she softly responded. "What do you want?"

That's right, this wasn't just some casual conversation that I could use to just hear her voice. It wouldn't work like that anymore.

"Um, I was wondering, since this is your last day in Vancouver for quite some time, we could have one last Prado run?" I asked, hoping we could have one last day, that could be like the old days.

"Oh," she hesitated.

Fuck. I never should've called her. This was such a big mistake.

"I'd, I'd love that," she replied.

Score one for the Ramsmaster!

"But," oh cheese and nuggets. "I promised Jake I'd spend the day with him."

I felt my heart shatter into a billion peices. That little fucker probably thought he was so cool hanging out with Taylor and breaking other men's hearts. Fuck.

"But that doesn't mean it has to be just me and him," she continued. I perked up a bit. Did I still have a chance for one last goodbye? For closure? "We could still hang out. Give you a chance to meet him."

And beat the shit out of him? Great.

"Ok," I agreed. "When and where?"

I prayed she was thinking what I was thinking.

"Um, how about Starbucks?"

"Which one?" I chuckled lightly. Partly from relief of not having to bring Jake into Prado, which was strictly Taylor and I's place. And partly from the fact there were probably hundreds of Starbucks in Vancouver.

"How about the one on Burrard Street?" She suggested. "The one right by the Pan Pacific?"

"Yeah sounds great," I replied almost desperately. "How's three sound?"

"Three sounds good."

As soon as she hung up, I instantly thought about my appearance. Should I not bother on looking good and show I was just as broken as she was about this split? Or should I look mean and threatening. Maybe I could scare Jake off in a 'you break my best friends heart I break your face' sort of thing? I looked in the mirror. Yeah, I had the height, but I definitely needed to add about twenty pounds of muscle to scare a grown man off.

I decided on my white shirt with the black stripes and zipper. I swear, I wore that shirt almost everyday. Wearing it would say everything and nothing. I threw on my black skinny jeans. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.

I opted to not do my hair. The annoying little wave/cowlick thing it did wouldn't be out of the ordinary. I think. Would it show that I didn't care about my appearance in front of Taylor? Or would it show I couldn't do my hair because I was an emotional wreck?

I decided to leave it. It wasn't a special occasion, even if it was probably going to be the last time I saw Taylor for a long time.

Lastly, I put my sunglasses on. Yes. The four hundred dollar pair she bought me a long time ago. It showed I didn't hate her, and kept me a little more hidden in crowds. Plus, it was a good way to hide my sore eyes.

* * *

I sat in Starbucks at the table that was empty. Just like me. I looked up and saw Taylor through the window. She had her arm linked with Jake's, and was laughing. I couldn't help but notice how put together she looked.

Why had I messed this up?

They walked in together, and she spotted me. She pulled Jake over to the table, and I quickly stood up.

I saw how confident she was. She wasn't broken like me. She had life figured out and she wasn't going to let it break her.

If only I could be that strong.

I almost didn't stop my reflexes.

I so badly wanted to tangle my finger in hers, and lean into a kiss. But I couldn't do that anymore.

I wonder if she hesitated too, because I noticed Jake awkwardly clearing his throat.

That seemed to focus Taylor. Unfortunately not me.

"Josh," she said lightheartedly. "I want you to meet Jake." She turned to him. "Jake, this is Josh. We've been friends since I first moved here."

Ouch.

_I'm well aware this should remain unspoken_

I guess she wasn't going to mention that she was my other half for eight months. It made sense though. As painful as it was, I was going to support her. We were still friends, right?

I plastered a fake half smile on my face, and stretched out my hand. He kindly shook it, in an almost robotic motion. Did he perhaps know more than what Taylor had just said? Did she not want to bring up the subject because it hurt her too?

We stood staring at each other, no one making the next move. That's when I realized we were all standing. I promptly sat down, and they followed suit.

"Well," Jake said, breaking the ice. "Perhaps we should get drinks. I'll order for us. What would you like?"

We told him our orders, and he left to get in line.

And there I sat. A million words going through my mind, but never making it out my mouth.

_But I've been working on the things that I was learning all wrong, oh_

I was a bastard. A coward. A cocky douche bag. So many things. I still didn't get how I had fans. It almost made me feel guilty. They were busy drooling over a man who was not what he was. That man was not a hero. Not someone to look up to.

_I know sometimes I only twist ya_

That man was a cheater. A heart breaker. A man who put people down. Who couldn't stay faithful. Someone who belonged in hell.

I'd been working on the attitude. It got better. Especially with the help of Taylor, but now that she was gone, who was I really?

I looked up at her and realized that she was probably staring at the same spot on the table I was. I figured Jake would return soon, and I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

This was my last chance to make things right. My last chance to change something.

But if she was so put together, so fine, what was the point?

_And maybe I'm too proud to say I missed ya_

"So, how's Jake treating you?" I ask.

And there was the brotherly protectiveness coming out. Wait. Brotherly. No wonder we would never be able to work out.

"Fine," she stated. I almost thought I saw her hesitate. "Wonderful. I wish I could've met him sooner."

Ouch. Time to put on the brave face. Maybe I should start fighting fire with fire.

"How's Amanda?" She asked.

I thought for a moment. I could easily lie, and say she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I could say that I was all figured out and I was fine. But that'd be another lie.

"She's doing good," I breathlessly replied.

Jake came back, just in time. I was about to do something stupid like apologize, or confess my love to her and make this scrambled mess even worse.

I swear, that was the one time in my life I was happy for one of Taylor's boyfriends to arrive.

I couldn't help but notice after he set the drinks down, he scooted his chair closer to Taylor.

_I know we, said it's just as well that I won't keep, keep you for myself_

I had no idea how the hell I was going to get through the rest of the day. Seeing it true. Right in front of my eyes. She was so happy. So, figured out.

It tore me apart inside. Did I ever make her that happy? Or was it all fake. Is Jake the one? Am I just a mistake?

_I don't want to see you happier with somebody else_

I'd rather have her single and just as broken as me. Not what I was seeing right now. Seeing her give her love to somebody who wasn't me. It hurt.

Why.

Why did this happen.

Why did I have to break everything. I was a disaster at love. I wasn't made to love. I was made to tear things apart, and in the end, break myself.

Why did she have to be in love with somebody? That should be me she's giving her extra attention to.

_Why can't you just be lonely?_

I just couldn't take it. They were both polite and composed. They weren't holding any grudges against me, Taylor was fine. Then here I was on the edge of my seat, so close to breaking down.

Jake leaned in, and whispered something into Taylor's ear. I watched as she giggled, her face lighting up.

Their hands were clasped tightly together, as if they would never let go.

It hurt, it hurt so much.

* * *

_And I know it seems beneath me_

_But sometimes it's not so easy_

_To wish you well and let you go_

I sat at my piano, in my empty apartment. It was dark, cold, and lifeless.

It was an empty shell of memories.

Amanda was moving in tomorrow. I had one last chance to fix the irreversible damage I had created.

And I didn't do anything.

I only sat at my piano writing out my thoughts. I had no courage. I was not brave. I did not have any fight in me to win her heart back.

I was useless and broken.

I had given up.

_And I say it's just as well_

_That I just can't keep you for myself_

_I don't want to see you happier with somebody else_

Perhaps one day she would hear this song. One day she would realize how I felt. She would know that I will always love her.

To infinity and beyond.


	34. By Now

**Sorry for the wait! My little cousins staying over, and I didn't really know how to write this chapter and I've been distracted by writing the second story... But it's all good.**

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

**December 13th 2010**

Today was my birthday. Usually, on this day I would feel like a princess. I would be happy and excited. I would feel wanted.

I didn't feel any of that today.

_How've you been? Can I come in?_  
_Just came to get my things and then I guess I'm leaving_

Today Josh was coming over to grab some of his stuff. I'm sure he wouldn't have come over if the stuff wasn't important. He has the organization of a toddler.

A knock on the door sounded throughout the house. I sighed and walked down the stairs to the door. The box of stuff rested beside it.

I took a deep breath before I opened it.

There Josh stood. Hands in his pocket, dark hair disheveled, glowing eyes staring bashfully at the ground.

"Hey," I said over the loud rain. It was pouring down like bullets.

Josh looked up into my eyes, and for a moment I was captivated by them.

"Hi," he said in a small voice.

_If I could say what you'd like to hear_  
_I'd whisper in your ear it's only temporary_

I decided the longer he was here, the worse I would feel, so I bent down and grabbed his box.

"I don't really know what's so important that you need, but here you go. All of your things," I said as I handed it to him.

"Thanks," he said in the same hollow voice.

I nodded. I reached to close the door.

"Happy birthday," he sighed before turning around. Never looking back. He was lost in the rain. His leather jacket the last thing I saw before the grey enveloped him.

I shut the door. The finality sounding from it made me shudder.

_But I've been taking you for granted_

And there I stood. Solid like a statue. Never moving. Stuck. Just like the blinking curser on a computer screen. Waiting. Waiting for the author to bring it to life.

I had one thing to look forward to today. My birthday party. But, I was dreading it. I should've expected that. I was still feeling so down since Josh.

I sighed and went back up the stairs. Not moments later was my phone ringing.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to sound upbeat.

"Hey Taylor," the person on the other side greeted.

I let out a sigh of relief. It was Matt.

"Thank god it's you," I said.

"Something troubling you?" He asked.

Although I had spent most of my time with Josh, I felt that Matt was the next closest member of the band. It didn't happen often, but I had confided to him about my troubles a few times.

"Something on your mind?" He asked.

"Yeah. Question is, what isn't?" I breathed.

"What's wrong? Oh, and by the way. Happy birthday!"

"It's not very happy," I muttered. Unfortunately, Matt heard.

"You still down about Josh?" He asked.

"Obviously. He came by to get his stuff. I'm kind of surprised that he got it. But he said there was something important that he needed. Figure that's the only thing that brought him here."

I could hear Matt sigh.

"Well forget about that idiot," he stated. "He screwed up. He knew the consequences. But he should be the one feeling bad. Not you."

"Well, that's not the only thing that's got me down today."

"What else is going on over there?"

"Well, I stupidly decided to have a birthday party today," I confessed.

"Well that's good, right? It'll get your mind off of things. Distract you."

"Yeah but, you see, the thing is, I wanted to invite you guys. Ian, Mike and you."

"But not Josh," Matt said, finishing my thought.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Well what's so bad about that?"

"Well he'll find out! And then he'll feel bad, and I'll feel guilty, and I'd certainly loose him for good!"

It felt like elementary school all over again. Inviting your friends over to your birthday party, but had to make sure that you invited the other little girls in your class so they wouldn't feel left out. Yeah. This was getting ridiculous.

"Well then don't invite us, make it a girls only sort of party," he suggested.

"But if I don't invite you guys, then I'll feel like I've exiled you for good," I explained. "And plus. I invited Jake."

"Ok, girls only party plus Jake. That's fine, and it makes sense. And it wouldn't be exiling if you didn't invite us. Just because you and Josh broke up doesn't mean you need to stop hanging out with us. We were all friends before you started dating."

I soaked in his words. It made sense. We were all really close, and just because one of the band members decided to cheat on me didn't mean I had to stop being friends with the rest of them.

Yeah. Maybe inviting them would be a good idea. It would show that we could all stay friends after what happened.

"You know what Matt. Come. Take the band with you. Every member. Pardon my language, but fuck it. Bring Josh as well," I amended.

"Really? You have the balls to invite Josh?" He exclaimed.

"Yeah. I guess so. I've made worse decisions in my life. Plus. It'll show that I'm the bigger person. And hey, maybe I can get my chance to speak now. Just like the theme of my album. In fact, I'll call him as well."

"Well, if you say so. But it's not my fault if, if anything happens," Matt said before hanging up.

What did I just do?

Of course. Like usual, the words I said sunk in after the fact. I slammed my fist down on the table. I groaned. I guess I had to make that call now. I dialed his number but paused right before I pressed talk.

_It's time that I come clean, but_  
_But for now can we just both pretend to sleep_

What would Jake think of all this? Having my boyfriend and ex at the same party sounded like a bad mix. Like really bad. But they were both on best behavior when we met up at Starbucks right after the break up. Course, back then, I was faking it.

Now, I didn't know.

Before talking to Josh, I decided to call Jake. The phone rang for a while before he finally picked up.

"Jake?" I said after he greeted.

"Taylor," his enthusiasm sounded forced.

"You ok?" I asked. It took a few moments for him to reply.

"Hm? Oh yeah of course. Couldn't be better."

His answers seemed robotic, and it was as if he wasn't trying to let the conversation carry on.

"What are you up to right now?" I asked weakly, dreading the answer.

"Um, you know. Stuff."

"Like what?" I persisted hopelessly.

"Look, I'm kind of busy right now. Can I call you later?"

Suddenly, I was mad. I was not going to be scammed this time. Especially not by him.

"No. I need to talk to you now!"

"Babe, now's not a good time."

"Well guess what. Now's enough time to at least give me a happy fucking birthday!" I screamed.

There was silence on the other end. Finally, he spoke up.

"Taylor, I was uh, planning something special for later. Um, a surprise!"

"Oh please. Does this mean you're not coming to my birthday party anymore?"

"Well…"

"You're not coming!"

"Taylor, you know I'm busy filming."

"You said you had the whole week free! You were on a small break from filming!"

"Look, things came up! You know the acting business isn't always very predictable."

I was stunned. I could not believe he was doing this to me.

"And really, who would I hang out with at the party? All of your girlfriends?"

Now I was hurting. Who was I really talking to?

"Well actually, you wouldn't be the only guy here. The boys from Marianas Trench are coming," I stated matter of factly.

"You mean you invited your ex-boyfriend?" He exclaimed.

"Yeah. I did. Got a problem with that?"

"Yes actually. I do. What the hell do you think you're doing inviting him?"

"We're friends Jake. We knew each other long before I met you."

"So what! I'm your boyfriend and I don't want you hanging around him," he demanded.

"You can't tell me what to do," I countered. "You don't control me. You're not even coming! Who says you have any word in all of this? You don't even know me!"

"I so know you!" He countered.

"Not well enough to remember that today is my birthday. You still haven't said anything about it! This whole conversation has been revolved around you!"

Suddenly, this talk was starting to sound familiar.

"Yeah? Has it really? Well in that case, happy fucking birthday you selfish bitch!" He hung up.

_What goes around don't come around_

I stood there in shock. What did he just say? I screamed in rage.

I should've known. He probably wasn't coming. I almost wasn't even surprised. This was predictable Jake. In the beginning I wouldn't even be fazed. Now, for some stupid reason, I felt disappointed and worthless.

But here I was, shocked and broken. Empty and lost.

_You should know me by now_

* * *

**Josh's POV**

I stood in my room with my box of stuff on the bed. I was unpacking, or rather, just throwing my clothes at empty spaces in my room. I really didn't need this stuff back —I had plenty of other clothing items. But, the thing I needed was in the pocket of one of the jeans.

However, I didn't know which one. I rifled through all the pants — man did I have a lot — until I finally found it. The jeans. The jeans that had the folded paper.

I snatched it up, and delicately unfolded it. The words on it just brought pain.

Before I could do anything stupid, like throw it away, although perhaps I should have, my phone started ringing.

It caught me off gaurd, and I dropped the paper in surprise. I fished in my pocket, and brought out my ringing phone.

Perhaps my mind, along with my emotions, were fuddled, because I saw Taylor's contact lighting up the screen. I stood there in shock not knowing what to do.

_Our talk is small, I'm seven inches tall_

Terrified, I answered it.

"T-Taylor?" I answered, hoping she didn't hear my stutter.

"Josh," she said trying to sound upbeat.

"Uh, you alright? Could've sworn I was at your house less than half an hour ago," I tried joking.

She let out a small laugh, although it sounded more like a sigh. "Well, I probably should have asked you this when you were here," she confessed.

"Ask me what?"

I tried my best to be cautious with what I was saying. We were actually making positive conversation, and I didn't want it to change. I was absolutely terrified she was going to start yelling at me any second.

"Uh, um," was she stuttering? Was she standing there on the other side, absolutely terrified as well? "I uh, I'm having a birthday party today, and I just want to tell you you're invited and just come at six you don't need to bring anything it's just a small thing."

Was that the Taylor, rushing her words because she had no idea what to say? Or rather, terrified of what she might say?

"Do you, would you mind coming? — I invited the guys so you won't be the only one," she rushed.

I tried my best resisting a laugh. What I let out, I hoped didn't sound like a sigh. "I'd love to come."

I hesitated. I felt almost certain she invited Jake, so it'd be alright if I brought Amanda along, right? I'm sure the boys would bring their girlfriends, and at least one of her friends had to have a boyfriend—or girlfriend, whatever floated their boat.

But how awkward would it be with the two of them there? Taylor's probably told all of her friends about my mistake by now; Amanda would just get hated on. I mean, she already gets enough of that from the predatory fan base.

And plus, Amanda still didn't know about my, mistake. Or, how she technically put it on me. But I still took full blame.

I decided to take the icy plunge.

"Now, is this invitation for two? Or just reserved for my awesomeness," I asked with empty confidence.

"Oh, um."

I slapped myself. Fuck, I shouldn't have talked. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck—

"You decide," she said sharply. Was she implying anything there? "Anyways, hope to see you later."

The line went dead.

Well shit. What did I just sign myself up for?

_We're only built to spill and wonder where the heart went_

"Who was that?" A soft, questioning voice called from the doorway.

"No one," I sighed, not looking up.

"Josh, who was that?" She asked again, still keeping that soft, angelic tone.

"Oh," I carry the word on to buy me time to think. "Just," who do I say? Who do I say? "Taylor," I confess looking up.

She nods and looks down. She was leaning against the door frame, biting her lip and hugging her chest. It almost looked as if she was guilty of something.

_And you've been taking me for granted._

"You ok there Amanda?" I asked lightly.

"Josh, I, I need to ask you something," she sighed. She looked back up and there was a sudden hardness that overcame her. "And don't you dare lie to me."

"Um, yeah of course. What's up?" I hoped I didn't sound as nervous as I felt.

"Did you, cheat on Taylor. With me?" She asked slowly in a quivering voice.

I stood there shocked. Fuck what do I do?

"Um. Yeah." Might as well be brutally honest, because at this point I didn't care about anything. I just felt like a worthless fuck up. Might as well show my true colours.

"Figured," she gives a stone cold laugh. "I should probably leave. I didn't realize I ruined things for you."

She turned and started walking out the bedroom. I quickly sprang towards her and grabbed her arm. I spun her around so that she faced me. I noticed her eyes were brimmed with tears. I hated seeing her like this, because I was already feeling the pain she was desperately trying to push away.

"No Amanda. Don't go," I begged. "You're the only thing I have left."

I cringed as I realized how bad that must have sound. She looked hurt. I quickly regained my composure.

"Look. I love you and you know that," I told her—but then I panicked. "I, I even wrote a song for you. It's called porcelain. Because that's you. You are perfect porcelain. You are as perfect as the doll, and strong as the material. I love you."

Before I could beat myself up even more about what I said, I leaned in and kissed her.

"Do you, do you love me too?" I asked.

After a brief hesitation, she answered. "You need to prove to me that I should stay."

"I will. Just let me sing to you. Like old times," I begged.

"I, I. I don't know," she broke down into tears. "This is all my fault isn't it? I tore you guys apart. I kissed you! God I made such a huge mistake."

I pulled her into a fierce hug.

"Shush. It's okay Amanda. And it's not your fault. If anything, this is all on me. I never should have left you in the first place. And I'm so sorry for that." I pulled away so that I could look her in the eyes. I caressed her face. "Just let me make it up for you. Let me play the song for you."

She wiped at her tears and nodded. She walked out and presumably went to the living room.

Did I just make a huge mistake? No not necessarily. Taylor would never have to know that the song was about her, and same with Amanda. Of course, for it to weave itself ever deeper into my growing basket of lies, I would have to change some words.

After a few minutes of desperate scribbling on the piece of paper, I walked out with my guitar in hand.

I sat across from her, and started strumming.

Throughout the song I couldn't shake the little nagging doubt in the back of my head. I was conflicted about bringing Amanda to Taylor's party. The guys would probably bring their girls, so Amanda wouldn't be completely alone. I could always ask her and see what she thought.

And hey, maybe by bringing her, Taylor could get stabbed in the heart like I did when she brought Jake to Starbucks.

"The slow and simple melody

Of tears you cannot keep from me

It's alright if you don't know what you need," I finished.

I looked up and fortunately, unfortunately, she was crying.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered.

"Well I do," I said softly. "Amanda, I love you. You are the one I love. No one else. I want to hold you for forever. I want to kiss you for as long as I live. I can't stand to see you with anyone else. Or even just alone. I want to see _me_ by _your_ side for eternity. _You_ are _my_ perfect porcelain. I may be a disaster at love. And our little story may be a disaster, but will you be my happily ever after?"

Perhaps that last little part was inspired by Taylor's love of fairy tales, but that was beyond the point. Because what Amanda said next, melted my heart, and made all my doubts disappear.

"Yes, I will be your happily ever after;you disaster," she giggled before kissing me.

After that, we decided to move her in. It was strange, that I had just as much clothes as a girl who was highly involved with fashion, maybe a little more. Hey. I gotta look good, and half of it was designed for me for like, interviews and shit.

Finally, we were unpacking the last box. I opened up a drawer, and instantly regretted it. I had already cleared out Taylor's belongings a while ago, and mailed it back to her, but unfortunately, not everything had made it back.

It was the scarf she forgot at my sisters house, from that very first week. If Amanda saw it, she would no doubt want me to get rid of it. I opted to just give it to her, but realized it still smelled like Taylor, along with the drawer. I quickly stuffed it into another drawer, and turned back around.

"Here's a nice empty drawer for you," I said a little too tightly.

She gave me a look, knowing I was lying. "Josh, what was that?"

"Nothing," I said all too quickly.

"Josh." She raised her eyebrow.

I sighed in defeat, planning as I went. I grabbed the first thing I was out of the drawer I stuffed the scarf in and threw it at her.

"Boxers?" She asked doubtfully.

"It's been a while," I said shrugging.

I thought about Taylor's invitation again. Maybe I should go, but at this point it really didn't matter to me.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

My girlfriends had already arrived, along with Marianas Trench and their girlfriends—minus Josh. Would he really sink that low and not come?

The Christmas lights strung about the house and neighborhood, glistened like stars. I had my eye glued to the door. Waiting for, someone to come in. Waiting for Jake to be Jake and not show, waiting for Josh to show up with his perfect little girlfriend in tow, ready to mock my love life.

Ian, leaving his girlfriend to mingle with one of mine, comes over and sat next to me.

"So, how've you been?" He asked. "I haven't seen you in a long time. Your albums doing good."

"Yeah, yeah it's been a lot more successful than I ever imagined," I replied, forcing myself to sound a lot more cheerful than I was.

He said he'd be here. Josh broke his promise, just like he did me.

"Are you alright there Taylor? You're looking kind of glum," Ian noticed.

It always surprised me, but Ian was a big sweetheart. He just hid it under his goofy personality.

"Yeah. I'm fine," I lied.

"Jake's not here," he reminded me.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I didn't know who I was more disappointed in. Josh, or Jake. I shouldn't have been broken over Josh not being here, but I was. And I was—surprisingly—destroyed about Jake being a no show.

And so here I sat. Sitting here all alone, boring the hell out of Ian, letting my party dress go to waste. I had gotten dressed up and put my favorite red lipstick on, but I had no one to impress. Ian soon left my side, excusing himself to get a drink, but I knew he was just being polite and wouldn't return.

I looked around the room, at everyone laughing and talking. I was happy that everyone I cared about made it and was having fun—even Abigail, my best friend from high school, who flew all the way from Kansas to be here—except one thing was missing. And that person, who still meant the most to me, didn't show.

Perhaps that meant that I was wrong. We could never go back to being just friends. We were a puzzle with missing pieces.

The hours continued to pass by.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Now it was nine, and all I wanted was to be alone.

So while everyone around me was busy having a great time, I snuck off down the hall, into my bathroom. I didn't want everyone worrying about me. I closed the door, then sunk to the ground, just like my tears.

"He said he'd be here. He said he'd be here," I muttered to myself as tears streamed down my face.

"Who said he'd be here?" A familiar voice asked.

I hastily wiped at my eyes before looking up at Josh.

_I know that I remember you_

"Oh, you made it," I said, trying to sound happy.

"You don't look too happy about it," he noticed.

"Hmm? Oh, no. No. I'm not, I'm I uh," I stuttered, trying to find words. "It's good you made it. I'm glad about that. Is uh, Amanda here?"

He gave me a look, before sliding down to sit beside me.

"Do you really think I'd be that low? Come on Taylor. I thought you knew me." I knew that last part was only supposed to mean he wouldn't be the douche bag I was scared he'd become.

_I think that you remember me too_

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "Guess I've just been stressed recently. I've been doubting a lot of things."

"It's alright. Now do you want to tell me why you're looking like your best friend just died?" He asked, putting an arm around my shoulder.

Should I say it? Should I let it all out and tell him it was because I missed him? Or blame it all on Jake. But that was just so confusing to explain. I don't even think I could explain it to myself.

_It just stays worse when it stays the same_

"What happened with you and Jake?" He asked tenderly.

"He stood me up," I whimpered before fully breaking down. I leaned my head on Josh's shoulder, and cried.

Was this right? Was him comforting me like this the right thing? Maybe it meant we were still friends. I mean, it did kind of remind me of a few heart breaks before I dated Josh.

I guess that meant he wasn't the one. Every single heart break you went through just led you to 'the one' and apparently Josh wasn't him. I wasn't his princess, this wasn't our fairy tale. We would never have a happy ever after.

I couldn't believe I had ever conjured up all those doubts in my mind. Did I really know who Josh was? Did I even know myself?

I was lost in this big scary world.

I didn't know how I was supposed to carry on the next day, or even the rest of my life, with this horrible, horrible sadness plaguing me.

_How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one's so lost_

**End of Part Two**


	35. Haven't Had Enough

_There is a faceless man, named Anorexia. He whispers in your ear, offering you gifts, promising you things._

_Beauty, happiness, safety, comfort, love, control. He tells you what you want and need._

_"You need to be delicate. Fragile. Tiny. Emaciated. Perfect. Nothing. To be safe. To be happy. Comfortable;secure. To be in control, all the time. To be powerful. To show your pain to the world. Whatever it is that you want;I can offer you all of this. I can offer you everything and anything. All you have to do, is take it."_

_He offers a beautiful, sweet, innocent flower;and you take it. In that moment, you loose all control. The journey of endless torture, isolation, desperation, misery, and self destruction, begins._

_You give Anorexia your life. You let him swallow you whole, dragging you down the seemingly endless dark pit. He consumes you. You take everything for granted because its not you making those thoughts, its him. Its Anorexia controlling every single thought. He controls your actions. Laughs at you. Tortures you, inside and out. He puts a negative on everything, until you too, hate yourself. Hate every single thing about you._

_All of this happens, because you let Anorexia take control of you with his iron grip._

_You gave Anorexia your life._

**Part Three**

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

**July 20th 2011**

I sat on the hard ground in the middle of the arena. We were going through rehearsals for the Speak Now World Tour. I heard footsteps thump behind me, and turned to see Josh heading my way.

"Hey," I called. "How's it looking?"

"The stage looks great," he replied. "I'm sure you have lots of surprises in store."

"Yeah, we're just kind of making it up as we go. I've spent a long time dreaming up things for the production."

Josh came and sat beside me. Ever since I got back from touring in Europe, we had remained friends, although not as close as we used to be. I would be lying if I said I was fine with it being like that. If anything, us being in a tense friendship made me feel more empty.

Apparently, Josh was fine. He was still energetic, and outgoing - he acted as if everything was fine. However, he didn't seem like his usual bubbly self today.

"Got something on your mind?" I asked.

"Just stressed," he sighed.

"About what? I thought your new single was doing great."

"Yeah, that's not the problem though. Or well, I suppose it is. We've been looking for a lead role for the music video. One that'll stay through it all. You know? And no one really pops out at me."

I didn't really know what was going on in my crazy mind, but I wanted to help him, in anyway possible.

"Well, I'm always here. If you need any help—"

The look on Josh's face made me trail off my thought. Lord only knows what goes on in his little pea brain.

"That's it!" He exclaimed.

"What's it?" I asked cautiously, already having an idea of the answer.

"You can be the lead role! Would you mind?"

I should've said no. I should've walked away—but I didn't, and made the biggest mistake of my life.

"Yeah, I'm sure I could fit it in my schedule," I said.

And plus, from the sound of their album so far, I wouldn't be surprised if there was kissing involved. Perhaps that could be the temporary fill in the empty void of where he once sat in my heart.

Maybe it would make me feel better.

But who knew it would only take one simple answer, to change me.

* * *

I waited in the change room. It was sometime around poo O'clock in the morning, and I was getting anxious. Small little doubts had been floating around my head for the past half hour. Scaring away any idea of having a good time. Perhaps this was a mistake, once again chasing after someone who was untouchable. But did it really matter?

What affect would today have on me? Would it make me miss Josh even more? Or would it mend my still shattered heart?

Finally, the door popped open, and in came an oriental man. He was wearing a fancy fedora, a blue button up, with a black best on top. He wore simple dark jeans, and dressy shoes on the bottom.

"Hi, I'm Taylor," I greeted holding out a hand for him to shake.

He gave me one look—from my out-stretched hand to my face—that held what almost looked like pitty.

He snapped his fingers, "Dawn! You better be bringing the alteration rack as well!" He called.

I was bit confused by this little act he was pulling, but quickly brushed it aside. In my years of being in this business, I've learned that some people truly act like that.

"I'm guessing you're my stylist?" I said, trying to spark a conversation.

"God honey," he sighed. "I am your savior."

He proceeded to walk around me, examining every inch of my body. At times I would hear him make a 'tisk' noise. Other times he would just sigh.

"I can't believe they made you the lead role," he said under his breath. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear that or not.

"So, what's your name?" I asked, pretending I didn't hear him.

"Dave Troy," he sighed. Saying it in a way as if I should already know.

I think I recognized him now. For the few Marianas Trench sets I had been on, he was there each time. I never knew he had an actual purpose.

I looked into his beady black eyes, trying to understand his rudeness. He was giving me this look, as if trying to telepathically tell me I wasn't good enough.

Small words flew around my head. Destructive ones like: 'ugly', and 'worthless'. 'Unloved', and 'not good enough'. I didn't understand if they came from Dave's faces, or were my own thoughts. Wherever they came from, they scared me. They scared me right down to the bone.

"So, Dave, how long have you been doing this for?"

"Long enough to realize you're the worst client I've had, and probably ever will," he exasperates.

I knit my eyebrows together. This man was by far the most rude person I had ever met in my life. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, all those things the gossip blogs and magazines say about you - is a whole bunch of bull. Your hair is frazzled and all over the place, you have very tiny eyes, you have no bust, but your gut is bigger than it. I, have a lot of work ahead of me."

"Who do you think you are?" I asked fiercely.

"The person who is digging inside your little air head, and telling you what you should have been told, a long, long time ago. I'm here to finally save you from your embarrassment. So, to start off, I'll have to put a nude corset on you. You'll wear it under every costume, and hopefully, it'll do some justice to your figure." he pulled some articles of clothes from the rack. "In fact, I would be surprised if these clothes fit you. Seems they're all a size small."

If he didn't have his face turned, I was sure I would've seen a smirk. I could almost hear it on his venomous tongue. He turned back towards me. "Taylor, I'm here to save Marianas Trench from making the biggest mistake ever, by casting you. I'm here to make you look somewhat acceptable next to them."

* * *

After getting into my outfit and having Dave poison my mind for over an hour, I walked onto set, with a main purpose on my mind. I stomped forward, looking for Josh. I was going to tell him how horrible of a person Dave was, and that not only should he get fired - he should get arrested for the horrible things he said. Those words could seriously hurt a person.

But when I got on set, he wasn't there. I walked up to the director.

"Hey Kevin, where's Josh?" I asked. "I need to talk to him

He looked up at me, examined my body, before answering. "Late. I have no idea where he is, so for now, we'll get some shots of you, and make sure the cast knows what they're doing."

I rolled my eyes. Typical Josh, being irresponsible and not showing up on time. And once again, when I was hurting, he wasn't there for me.

We spent the next half hour, blocking, and shooting as much of the first scene as we could, with a stand in for Josh. Finally he rushed in, apologizing for being late, and walked with his stylist to get ready.

I mulled in my thoughts, thinking deeply about Dave's words. Maybe, I shouldn't act too rash about him. Perhaps he was just stating the truth, and it would be embarrassing to complain to Josh about my flaws, saying they weren't real, when they really were.

When Josh came out, and ran onto the set, he passed by me.

"Where were you Josh?" I asked, a little more harshly than I intended.

"I fell asleep in my shower, for like forty minutes," he explained, blushing.

He hesitated, stopping mid-step, on his way to his spot. His eyes roved my body, examining every detail. I felt the need to hide my body from his intruding eyes.

"What you looking at there Josh?"

He moved his eyes to meet mine. They were wide, and looked surprised.

"You just," he gulped. "You look really good Taylor. You been working out? Or did Dave work some magic?"

I looked at him, unbelief filling my insides.

Did he really just say that? I suddenly felt really ashamed about myself earlier. Wanting to go and complain to Josh about someone who, although he was very rude, made me look good, and made Josh notice.

I forced a smile on my face, and answered as vague as possible. "Everybody has their tricks."

He nodded, and was about to walk away, when he turned back to me. "Oh, Kevin said you wanted to talk to me."

I looked at him, making my decision before my mind even knew. "Oh nothing. It wasn't really important - in fact I forget most of what I wanted to say. I think it had something to do with my call time. Anyways, get your butt to set!"

Was that where I made my mistake? No. There was no mistake there. I hadn't done anything wrong. Dave did what he did best, made me look good, and grabbed the attention I'd been wanting from Josh for months. Perhaps Dave had it right. Maybe, if he had given me the advice he told me today, sooner, Josh never would have left me. I would still have his attention, and I would have been the better woman.

* * *

Finally, the tiring shoot was finished, and I drove myself home. I stumbled through my door, and dragged myself up the stairs. I passed by my kitchen on the way to my bedroom, and realized I hadn't eaten anything during that twenty eight hour shoot.

I was hungry and feeling poor, and knew that if I stuffed something into my stomach, I would feel better. But as soon as I flopped onto my bed, I knew there was no getting up.

What was one skipped meal anyways? Or even a few. It wasn't a crime. It wasn't like I had a, problem.

Tomorrow, I would clean myself up, and have something healthy. Like a small salad. Dave had it right. Perhaps I had gained a little weight. I weighed around one-fifty. That wasn't too bad considering my height, but my usual was around one-forty. I guess I had gained a few pounds from grief since I had broken it with Josh. And Dave made something magical happen today. Josh noticed me, in a way I had never seen before. It made me feel good again, and not so empty and worthless.

Maybe, to feel good, I had to look good. And the only way to do that, would start with having a great body.

* * *

**And that, is the beginning of Part Three. Sorry for the wait, I had no idea how write this, and I was going to add a final chapter to Part Two, but decided that By Now had a good ending, and if I added that last chapter, it would have spaced out the timeline too much, and I would've just been repeating myself. So, sorry if this is all written really sudden and stuff, my mistake. Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed, and, as always, tell me what you think.**


	36. Speak Now World Tour

**Taylor's POV**

Today had been a hard day. I was so excited to be back in Vancouver, but I would have to see Josh again. Tonight Tal Bachman, one of my major idols, would be guest appearing - that, I was excited for. Tomorrow? Not so much. For some stupid reason, I had decided to let Marianas Trench perform with me, and then they would open for a few of my shows after.

I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. Here I was in Rogers Arena, dreading things. I should be happy. 13 000 people were gonna be here tonight. Uh, hello? Lucky number 13 multiplied by a thousand should equal a good time right?

My band and I had just finished doing sound check and were heading to go get ready, when Caitlin and Liz came up to me.

"So, we have the latest juicy gossip news here for you," Liz said in her cheeky voice.

"Oh really? What's that?" I asked mildly curious.

"Tonight," said Caitlin, "Someone is going to be in the crowd. Guess who?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Josh. Ramsay," Liz replied.

I stopped dead in my tracks, and stared at them wide eyed.

"What!" I exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

They nodded their heads.

"Where is he sitting?" I demanded.

"Section H, Row 12." Caitlin described. That was right in front of stage B. This can't be happening. "We'll give you some time alone before we come get ready too."

They left me as I sat down in front of the mirror delirious as ever. Wasn't it hard enough not getting closure from him? Now I get to sing my diary out to him, while trying to keep my emotions under control in front of thousands of others? I felt tears sting my eyes as I flashed back to the day he left me.

* * *

The concert rushed to me too fast. I might have looked ready, but emotionally I wasn't. I stood underneath the stage, listening to the monologue, and the screaming crowd chanting my name. Maybe I could just forget about him for tonight. I'll just get lost in the crowd - at least some people love me.

"I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now." I heard my voice say. The music started playing and I felt myself rise on the lift.

"Drop everything now!" I sang. The deafening explosion of screams erupted around me.

When I finished singing 'Sparks Fly' I stood there, in front of the sea of people, going hysterical around me. I looked deep into the crowd.

_Josh, I hope you see how much more successful I am than you. _I thought. of course, none of this would've happened without his help - no. I had to stop those thoughts and make myself feel bigger, instead of feeling so small. I walked back to where my guitar was, picked it up and sang into the microphone.

"Oh uh oh."

Instantly a flood of memories came rushing back as I sang 'Mine'.

_"You know, for someone who hates baby's, you're really good with them."_

_"Well, that's not really what I mean." Josh pauses to watch an amazing round of lightning before continuing. "I mean the whole thing. The baby, the children, marriage us," I continued weakly._

_"What was wrong with that?"_

_"Well, it all kind of made me freak out. Like. It made me think, where are we going to be in the future?"_

_"Touring world wide together?" I hypothesize hopefully._

_"That'd be great but—"_

_"But no buts," I interrupt. "Josh. We both still have yet to peak in our music careers. We are a long way from being anything more than boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't sweat it."_

_"But, you love kids, and I, I don't know."_

_"Josh. No one is pressuring you to do anything. Slow down. You're jumping ahead of yourself." I reach up, and wrap my arms around his neck. "I like where we're at right now. No need to change anything. It's perfect."_

_"You're perfect," he sighs, embracing me tighter._

I put my arms up and formed a heart with my hands. I looked into the sea, as everyone put their hands up with mine, forming the precious heart. I wondered if Josh was doing the same?

Soon enough I had finished the song, and had moved onto 'The Story of Us'. More memories came as I remembered the nights Josh protected me from those dreadful dreams that involved John. How the hell was I going to sing 'Dear John' tonight?

Finally everyone had shuffled off stage, to change for the next number: 'Our Song'. Finally a song that didn't bring back memories.

I got into place and popped out of the stage. I trotted over to my banjo, picked it up and started playing it. When I was done my little medley, Caitlin's fiddle filled my ears.

I brought the sound of my banjo up and played with her. When we finished the medley, I waited for her notes to be played. When she played them, the rest of the band filled in. I heard the crowd erupt into screams as they recognized the song. Sadly the song finished too quickly, because it was time for more memories.

The next song we performed was 'Mean.' Memories filled as I remembered reading that nasty comment, and plopped down right in front of Josh, writing this song. I remembered us giggling the night away, at the cheesy remarks being made. Finally we finished and I rushed under the stage to get dressed for the next song: 'Back To December'.

I sat on the bench, in my two dresses. This next song was already sad enough to sing, without the pressure of having my ex in the crowd. Even if it wasn't about him. I felt the lift rise and I started to play.

As the song went on I felt my emotions rise in the pit of my stomach. I was not ready for the next portion of the concert, where I moved to my second stage. I would not be able to perform twenty feet away from Josh. At least during 'Better Then Revenge' I got lost in anger. An emotion that made performing so much easier.

I got ready for the 'Speak Now', and stood there waiting to run on stage. After this song, I would be on stage B. I dreaded that so much. I got my que, and ran on. The guitar strums notifying me to start singing.

"I am not the kind of girl, who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion..."

Soon, the dreaded moment came.

"Lets run away now!"

I did not hold my peace. I spoke now, and the dancer and I ran off into the crowd.

Tonight I hugged more people than usual. I didn't rush over to the next stage, I just got lost in the crowd. I could feel my emotions bubbling. I didn't know how I'd be able to do the next song with out crying. Unfortunately, I too soon found myself on the next stage, singing the last lines of the song. I soaked in the energy of the crowd. I was gonna need their help to continue tonight.

I started to softly strum the ukulele in my hands. I sighed. I was already misty eyed. I finished my monologue for 'Fearless', and started to sing.

"There's something bout the way, the street looks when it's just rained."

Suddenly, I was back in that parking lot.

_"Look, Taylor. I just have one question I need to ask you."_

_I nodded my head._

_"Will you, will you take this dance?"_

_I smiled into his eyes._

_"Yes of course Josh."_

_He grabbed my hand in his and put his other hand on my waste. We began dancing in a slow circle. The street lamp acted as our spotlight._

_I didn't dare rest my head on his chest. I didn't want to break eye contact with him. He smiled. I smiled back. If people saw us they would think we were insane. We were both soaked, and in our best dress clothes._

_But I didn't care. I was just glad that I finally got my dance with him. Something I had waited for all night. I was feeling a little nervous. Something I'd never felt around Josh before._

_I found myself staring at his lips again. Once again wishing that I could kiss those._

_And finally, my wish came true._

That night was so magical. I had finally found it. And then he went and crushed that several months later.

I looked into the crowd as I sang. Connecting with each and every person. I tried not to look up at the people in the lower bowl, because I knew he would be there - too late. I looked up and saw him. He was perfect. He stood there, with his hands in his pockets, looking back emotionless. Then I saw a girl standing next to him. Her. It was Amanda. How dare she walk into one of my concerts, especially with him.

"And I don't know why, but with you'd I dance

In a storm in my best dress fearless…" the crowd exploded at the last note.

Usually I'd be happy too, but tonight I felt crushed. I looked up at the big screen portraying my face. My face was all red, and I could see that my eyes were shiny._ Oh god. Don't cry Taylor. You're over him. You don't care about him._

I quickly wiped my eyes, traded my ukulele for my coy fish guitar, and got ready to play 'Last Kiss'.

I heard the drum beat hit, and I instantly knew I was gonna cry tonight.

I sniffled and started my monologue.

"I started writing songs as a hobby…"

I listened to the crowd go silent. Capturing every word I said. Somewhere in the distance I heard an "I love you Taylor!"

"...About that first kiss and how magical it is, we never ever imagine that someday, that'd turn into a last kiss."

I started playing my guitar. A wave of complete sadness washed over me. And then I decided, that I would spill my heart out to Josh tonight. I don't care if other people are watching, he will know how I feel.

I looked out into the crowd and spotted him. Amanda wasn't there this time. Good.

"I still remember the look on your face, lit through the darkness at 1:58.

The words that you whispered, for just us to know

You told me you loved me, so why did you go away?"

It was an honest question, that I desperately wanted to know.

As the stage turned, he eventually ran out if my view. I just looked directly into the cameras., hoping he'd see me on the screens, calling to him. Missing him. Did he miss me too? Did he think about me at night?

"I never thought we'd have our last kiss."

I want you back.

"I never imagined we'd end like this.

You're name, forever the name on my lips."

I didn't think I'd ever love someone like I loved him. I'd never miss someone as much as I missed him. I will never want something as much as I want him…

"So I'll watch your life in pictures

Like I used to watch you sleep."

I didn't think we would ever be able to connect like we used to.

"And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe."

At night I could still feel his arms wrapped around me. His breath tickling my neck.

"And I'll keep up with our old friends

Just to ask them how you are."

I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn't. He was gone for good. We could never…

"You can plan for a change in the weather and time.

But I never planned on you changing your mind"

I managed to look him right in the eye when I sang that. Right up to the last note.

"Just like our last…"

There were no words to describe what he meant to me. But he moved on and I'm stuck in the past. I hoped he knew that I would always love him.

But it's time to move on.

The song ended and I quickly wiped my eyes. No use crying after someone who doesn't care for you.

I switched guitars. I began strumming to Brian Adams 'Summer of '69'.

The song voiced how I felt all the nostalgia about our relationship. How it hurt to look back - but hurt even more to look forward.

The song ended. I couldn't see him, but if I could I hoped that I had made him feel something tonight.

I began playing 'You Belong With Me'.

"If you could see that I'm the one who understand you, been here all this time so why can't you see.

You belong with me.

You belong with me."

This song brought back memories too. I remembered the inspiration for it.

_"So, my friend was on the phone with his girlfriend and she was just being one of those, needy girlfriends. And he was all like, I don't know how to say it. Like as if he was being ordered by her," I explained._

_"So you're gonna write a song about a guy and his needy girlfriend?" She chuckled._

_"Well, no not exactly. I was just thinking. What if we liked each other?"_

_"Like a love triangle sort of thing?" She asked._

_"Not exactly. Basically you want someone who is with this girl who doesn't appreciate him at all. Basically like 'girl-next-door-itis.' You like this guy who you have for your whole life, and you know him better than she does but somehow the popular girl gets the guy every time."_

_"Ok. I get it. So you are in love with a guy who has a girlfriend that doesn't appreciate him at all."_

_I nodded._

_"Got any lyrics?" She asked._

_"Well, while he was on the phone, this line popped into my head: you're on the phone with your girlfriend she's upset," I sang._

I got up, gave my guitar to the tech, and walked off stage. I made my way through the crowd. Stopping to hug people here and there. I made it back to the big stage, and sang the rest of the song.

"You belong with me," I finished. "Now everyone welcome, TAL BACHMAN!"

The guitar began and he walked into the light. We began singing 'She's So High', and I looked into the crowd. This was one of my favorite songs, and I could see everybody dancing and singing along to it. The song ended too quickly and we were finished. He waved to the crowd, and walked back into the shadows. I followed and found myself on the staircase. The music began.

"Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you."

I remembered waiting there in the darkness, anticipating when he'd come home.

"And my mother accused me of losing my mind, but I swore I was fine." Big mistake.

"Dear John,

I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?

The girl in the dress cried the whole way home

I should've known."

My voice was still shaky from singing Last Kiss. Horrible flashbacks of him hitting me, didn't make my voice any steadier.

"Well maybe it's me, and my blind optimism to blame."

That was it. I just kept falling in love too fast and too hard.

"Don't you think I was too young,

You should've known."

I finished the song, and walked back stage. I immediately fell into the arms of the back stage crew and cried. I cried out my emotions at John. How he treated me so, so wrong. How Josh was there. Right beside me. Protecting me. But I mostly cried for Josh. Why did he have to leave?

"Come on Taylor. You can do this babe. You gotta get dressed now," I heard one the crew members say.

I got dressed and waited on the lift.

I heard the soft violin play. It reminded me of hope. I didn't have any of that left. The dance number ended, and I began to rise.

"There I was again tonight, forcing laughter faking smiles, same old tired lonely place…"

I couldn't concentrate throughout the rest of the song. I remembered Adam. I remembered going crazy wondering if he felt the same sparks I did. But my thoughts quickly changed, I remembered feeling that way about Josh.

I remembered staying up all night thinking about him. I remembered when he finally showed me that he felt sparks too.

The song ended and I rushed back stage. I ended up crying again. I fell so hard for Josh. This time I didn't have much time so I changed as I cried. Slipping into my two dresses. We had such a beautiful thing. Why did he let it go? We could've been so much more. Maybe I just wasn't destined for love. Maybe Josh never loved me. Maybe the whole time he thought about her; Amanda. I hated her. She was the reason we ended. She was the reason I had no one to fall into when I was down. The reason I felt so empty and useless. That selfish little…

"Go!" The stage crew interrupted my thoughts and I walked on stage with my mallet. I swung and hit the bell. Weak… the next time I imagined it was her that I was hitting. Ding! Much better. I got lost in the music, and before I knew it I had the microphone in my hand and I was belting out all my anger. I had to restrain myself a bit, so that I wasn't just screaming the words.

Amanda was the reason this all ended. She purposefully broke us apart because she couldn't handle life. The reason I was standing here today - feeling more alone than ever - was her fault. And she had the nerve to bring herself to my concert. She crossed the line. It was my territory now.

"Come on, come on

Don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started." Amanda ripped the pages out of our story.

"Come on, come on

Don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Cant breathe whenever you're gone

Cant go back, I'm haunted." She broke me.

"Ohhh!" I stood there in the middle of the stage screaming.

"You and I walk a fragile line

I have known it all this time

Never ever thought I'd see it break

Never thought I'd see it..." I got pulled under the bell before I could do anymore. The lift sank, and the dancer ran off. I quickly stripped off one of my dresses, grabbed my guitar and waited.

The next songs flew by fast, and before I knew it, the concert was over.

* * *

**Josh's POV**

"Drop everything now!" Taylor sang into the crowd. She appeared in a gold sparkly dress. The crowd was going crazy over her. "The way you move is like a full on rain storm."

As she continued with the song, I watched as the performance came to life. I swear the crowd never quieted down one bit. It was like you could hear the crowd sing louder than her.

The song finished and she stood there taking in the crowd. If anything, the crowd got louder every second.

She moved onto the next song 'Mine'. Suddenly. memories flooded back. The day that she filmed the music video. I remembered how jealous I got seeing her cuddling with Toby. Even though I denied it, I'm sure that it was obvious. Was that how she felt now, knowing that I was doing all of those things with someone else?

For a second I felt a bit guilty, but then again it had been so long. She must've been over me by now. But that thought didn't exactly agree with me. I didn't want her to be over me. Did that mean I wasn't over her? No. I had to be. I was with Amanda now. All was good.

She moved onto 'The Story of Us'. I thought about John, and the nights where I held her till she fell asleep. When I would wake up to my phone buzzing and her voice racked in sobs would be on the other end. I wondered if those dreams have ever plagued her since. Was she still afraid of him? Then I wondered if I was gonna be wrapped up in memories and unanswered questions all night.

The song passed along with a few others. I wrapped my arms around Amanda, who had agreed to come - sort of. It took a while, and a lot pleading. She stared up at me and sighed.

"What's wrong?" I said close to her ear. The crowd was really loud.

"Nothing," she replied. I raised an eyebrow. Obviously something was wrong.

"What? Are you not enjoying it?"

"Well I mean its kind of awkward being here with you. I mean you-" She didn't finish her sentence.

I sighed. If I knew she was going to act like this, would I have still brought her? Probably, considering I sort of expected it.

I returned my attention back to the performance. Her two guitarists, Grant and Paul, were playing their solo. I gotta admit. It was a really sick solo. At the end I might've cheered a little. Uh oh. Did that mean that I was rubbing it in, all in Amanda's face?

The next song I imagined was Speak Now, considering the setting was a wedding. I heard the guitar strum and Taylor started singing. Then I realized something. A tree was coming down from the ceiling. I watched as it was lowered down to a second stage. Did this mean that Taylor would be performing right in front of us? For some reason I hoped that she wouldn't see Amanda.

I watched as Taylor ran off the stage and the crowd got even louder. I didn't know how that was possible, considering the crowd was already really loud. I was amazed at how the crowd went hysterical. I watched how she didn't rush to get to the other side - she took her time with her fans. Finally, she reached the next stage, sat down with her ukulele in hand, and sang the last words of the song.

She started a new monologue. I watched her talk. I realized I hadn't seen her in such a long time. I silently missed her a lot. She started singing 'Fearless'. My stomach turned. In a way, you could classify this song as our song, because the day I heard that song, was the day I had finally manned up. And then she was mine. I felt guilt rush through me as I realized that she would definitely see me with Amanda. Why did I insist on bringing her?

But then I was lost in the music. Lost in the rush of memories. And then I realized, too late, that I was softly singing along. The song finished.

I looked over at Amanda. She looked mad.

"I'm going to get some food," she stated, and then left.

I looked back at Taylor. I felt tears stinging my eyes. There was no use lying to myself. I missed what we had. She started singing 'Last Kiss'.

I wouldn't dare take my eyes off of her. If I looked away, I feared that she would disappear, and never come back. Just like last time.

"You told me you loved me, so why did you go away," she sang.

I wondered that same thing. It finally dawned on me that neither of us had the closure that usually comes with the end of a relationship. I had cheated on her. I felt dirty. I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes. Every word she sang cut through me. I felt horrible for just leaving her like that. But I had to move on. Just like every other relationship that ended badly. I had it better than Taylor anyways. I had someone who loved me and I loved back. Taylor didn't have someone to lean on. Being lonely sucked.

The song finished. I watched Amanda walk over to me. I immediately wrapped my arms around her.

"Uh, are you alright?" She asked.

"I'm fine," I said, "I'm just appreciating how good of a girlfriend I have."

* * *

**Ugh, sorry this chapter sucked... it was more of a really long filler/set-up for the next one.**


	37. Treacherous

**Honestly really proud of this little diddy here. It works perfectly with the song. Also, if you aren't already, I suggest you listen to the song—which would be the title, while you read the chapter if you aren't already. Or at least have an idea of what the song is. Enjoy. **

* * *

Josh's POV

_Put your lips close to mine_

_As long as they don't touch_

"Taylor! You ready to fuck this crowd up?" I exclaimed.

She looked up from the couch in her dressing room. I walked towards her, already warmed up for tonight.

"Just remember there are little ten year olds in the crowd tonight," she said cooly.

I was taken aback. Since when was Taylor not the sweetest person ever? Was something up? A crew member passed by saying she had five minutes before group huddle.

We sat beside each other, on opposite ends of the couch. A screaming silence sat between us, filled with words we should've said a long time ago. I thought about everything I should've said, should've done; it was overwhelming.

I opened my mouth, about to say something, but then I stopped myself. I didn't want to wreck her performance tonight, and I had my own performance to worry about as well.

But maybe I should apologize for bringing Amanda yesterday. Did Taylor even know I was there last night?

"Taylor I'm sor—"

"Save it Josh. It's fine. Just let me concentrate on my performance."

Ouch. That hurt.

But it shouldn't have. I was in love with someone else. Not Taylor. No matter what she said to me, it shouldn't have mattered.

I was not in love with her.

_Out of focus, eye to eye_

_Till the gravity is too much_

Before I could say anything more stupid, Matt walked in, and sat right inbetween us. He layed his arms on our shoulders.

"You getting pumped up for tonight?" Matt asked, being annoying and awkward as ever.

He waited for some sort of reply, but all he got was silence.

"You two sharing some sort of telepathic conversation right now? Sharing dirty little secrets? Come on Josh, don't go cheating on Amanda now."

I shot my head over at him, disbelief filling my eyes. How retarded was Matt? He shot me his stupid smile, before looking over at Taylor.

"So, blondie. How are you and Jake? You still together?"

I stopped myself at the last second from lighting Matt's face on fire.

Were Taylor and Jake back together? Or was Matt stupid enough to not know?

"Um, I have to go now. I'll see you later," she said quietly before walking away.

_And I'd be smart to walk away_

_But you're quicksand_

I waited five seconds after Taylor walked away, before screaming at Matt.

"What the hell man! Is your brain fucked up?" I exclaimed.

He looked at me innocently. "What are you talking about?"

"'Don't go cheating on Amanda now'?" I mocked him. "Are you fucking serious! How stupid are you?"

"Well, you're the stupid one for letting Taylor get away."

"Who do you think you are?"

"Your friend! I'm helping you out buddy, breaking the ice between you."

"Yeah '_buddy_' you're breaking something," I said coldly before getting out of that room.

I walked outside, took a deep breath, trying to clear my mind. This was all a mistake. A big ass mistake. Right down to the first day I met her. _I_ was the mistake in all of this.

"You nervous there Joshie boy?" Mike asked coming up to me.

"Sure," I sighed.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I knew there was no use hiding things from Mike. He was the most skeptical. However, if you avoided the topic as much as possible, he would eventually give up.

"It doesn't matter Mike. Nothing can help what's wrong anyways," I said before walking away.

There I was, pushing people away again. Something that came so easily to me.

_This slope is treacherous_

As long as I got this show over with, and the rest of the shows we were opening for Taylor, everything would be fine. I didn't know why things were so awkward. I mean, just a few months ago I went through twenty eight hours of a video shoot with Taylor. I even kissed her! Yet somehow this was awkward? Maybe I was Man-PMSing.

Or maybe I was nervous. Nervous of what could happen between Taylor and I. This wasn't something that was scripted. _Anything_ could happen. Maybe I was just scared that something would go wrong, and I would ruin our friendship even more.

_This path is reckless_

I needed to talk to her. In just the short moments we had been together, I could clearly tell something was off.

However, a coward like me, needed to work up the courage first. I would talk to her as soon as we got to the next stop on this tour—Nashville.

_And I, I, I, I like it_

Taylor's POV

I wasn't my usual self—I hadn't been for a long time. I was in Nashville, my native home. But it wasn't until now that I realized just how much of a rut I was in. That, of course, caused me to freak out and worry.

However all of that, was burried beneath my confusion. Yesterday, before the second show in Vancouver, I had a visitor at my house.

_I can't decide if it's a choice_

_Getting swept away_

_A knock on my door, wakes me from my dreamless sleep. I throw off my sheets, pull on a hoodie, and shuffle over to the stairs. I climb down, then open the door. _

_I am taken aback. I quickly recover from my surprise, and paint on a face of independence. _

_"Jake. What are you doing here?" I ask. _

_He moves his gaze from the floor to my eyes. I advert mine, as to not get captured by him again. _

_"Taylor, I made a mistake. I'm so sorry," he confesses. _

_I go to shut the door, but he catches it before I can escape. _

_"Just let me explain," he begs. _

_I can hear the desperation in his voice—something that sounds all too familiar. Before I know it, I am nodding my head. _

_"Look, I know this isn't the first time I've showed up at your door like this. And each time, I've never really understood how, but it_ _was like every road I took, lead me straight to you. I can imagine you all alone in your room, and it breaks my heart. I feel that loneliness too; I want to fix it."_

_I look into his eyes, giving them a good examination. Fortunately, unfortunately, I can't find a trace of lie. _

_"Everything feels better when you do that," he whispers. _

_"Do what?" I ask softly. _

_"Look into my eyes."_

_There I stand, captivated by his stare. Slowly falling back into him again. I am breaking right before his eyes. _

_"This is it Taylor. I swear this is the last time this happens."_

_"What happens?" My voice is wavering. "The last time for what?"_

_"The last time I ask you this. The last time I beg for you. The last time your heart ever gets broken. I swear Taylor. I will stay."_

_And then I am caught. Captured by him. My heart, stolen and belonging to Jake. He could make things better. He can make things good again, not broken. _

_To seal the deal, I take a step forward, wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him. Once again, falling hard and fast for a man who holds my life on a thin, thin strand. _

_I hear the sound of my own voice_

_Asking him to stay_

That was the poison deal. Something that felt so right, but now felt wrong. It made me guilty. Second guess everything. I was desperate for love, desperate for feeling wanted—I would do everything in my power, to keep that happiness, even if it was false.

But there I sat. In my tour bus moping about Josh. I layed there depressed. It just wasn't right. I had finished crying. I was done. I was pretty sure that my lifetime supply of tears had been depleted completely.

I loved Jake, every ounce of him, but with Josh so close to me, he felt farther away than ever. That was when the feeling sinked in, and I missed him. He didn't love me anymore, and that hurt. I wanted him, just as much as I wanted Jake.

I needed to snap out of the past, and into reality.

The sound of a door, woke me from my haze. I looked up to see Josh enter my bus.

"Hey," he greeted.

_And all we are is skin and bone_

"Hi," I said a little too harshly. "What do you want?"

He looked at the ground. He had his hands in his pockets.

"Um, are you alright Taylor? Because you seem a little down."

Who did he think he was, saying that? He had no right.

"I'm fine," I snapped at him.

"Well you don't seem-"

"I said I'm fine!" I shouted. He was silent.

"I-I'm sorry," he finally said.

"Sorry about what?"

"I'm sorry that. I'm sorry for," he seemed to be having trouble forming words. "I'm sorry that we didn't have proper closure."

He sat on my bed. I looked up at him.

"We're having this conversation now?" I snapped.

"Well, we never had it earlier."

"Well then. Fine time to bring it up now. Why didn't we have this conversation before I went on tour? Or how about this. Why didn't we have this conversation at the proper time, when you broke up with me properly! Oh wait, I know why. Because you cheated on me!" I sat up. "Have you not realized how I felt after that?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He looked ashamed.

"No. No you're not. You just feel bad about it, and now you finally have to face me."

He didn't respond. I shook my head.

"I am not having this conversation right now," I muttered. "Get out."

He looked up.

"But Taylor," he began.

"No. Get out of my bus!" I pointed at the exit.

"Fine," he said quietly and walked away.

_But you're friction_

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Great. He was over me now. He didn't care. I had just pushed away the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. I swallowed, but the acidic burning in my stomach continued to bubble.

I walked to the bathroom. I evaluated myself in the mirror. I was just some hopeless romantic getting crushed. Nothing new about that. I felt sick for yelling at Josh. He didn't need to hear all of those words—but I didn't need to feel all of these awful feelings.

The feelings hit me like a brick wall. Everything I had felt about him—how I felt when he cheated on me. How I felt knowing that the closure happened and that we will never be able to go back—was all brewing inside of me. Like a nasty bubbling poisonous potion. I needed to get rid of these feelings. I dropped to the ground and without thinking, leaned over the toilet and stuck a finger down my throat.

On cue, the contents of my stomach came hurdling up and into the bowl.

I stood up looking at my shaking body in the mirror. My face was pale and pasty. My mascara streaked down my cheeks. I could taste the acid in my mouth. No. I could feel it. It felt as if it was burning away the insides of my mouth, my throat, my soul.

I felt, in some sickening way, better. I felt cleansed. I felt empty. All the nagging feelings I had before were gone.

It felt _good. _

_This slope is treacherous_

_I, I, I, like it_

* * *

"On a childhood highway,

Through a night alone," I sang.

The crowd was electric tonight. They were screaming and singing and dancing, they cried during the most emotional songs. In fact, after I sang Last Kiss, they started chanting my name. It was like they were comforting me. Nashville. My old home.

"Well it's not quite London. Or south of France. Or an Asian island. Or a second chance."

Looking out at the crowd was like I was looking at my brothers and sisters. It was like looking at old classmates. Nostalgia built up in me. I missed this place.

"Going back to Nashville, thinking about the whole thing

Guess you gotta run sometimes

Maybe I'm a fast train rolling down a mountain

Watching all my life go by." I wished I could come here more often. Here I felt the support I had been looking for. Here felt like home. "You're a distant memory, you're an exit sign

I was talking crazy on the driver's side."

I felt the energy of the crowd. This crowd felt so much different than other crowds. Maybe there was some connection between us all. Like when people come together after something big happens.

"Going back to Nashville, laughing at a bad break

What's the use in wondering why?

Baby, I'm a storm front blowing through the valley

Tearing up a good July."

And suddenly I knew what I had to do.

* * *

I had told my band a few days ago that when the tour ended, I was leaving. I was moving back to Nashville. Vancouver had been wonderful, but too many painful memories haunted it. My band had surprisingly been really accepting and understanding. Now the really tough part, was telling Josh.

For some reason telling him did not play out easily in my mind. I worried he was gonna beg me to stay. I was even more worried that he wouldn't. My emotions were mixing together, causing a hurricane in my head.

_That nothing safe is_

_Worth the drive _

I stood looking at the sunset on the balcony of my hotel room. Earlier today I had asked Josh to meet me here. Now I stood with my nerves tingling. I was scared to tell him. There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I called. I had left the door unlocked.

"Hey," Josh said as he walked up to me. "So why did you want to meet here with me?"

"I have some news," I replied, keeping my eyes locked on the city.

"About what?"

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"I-I'm moving back to Nashville after this tour." There I finally said it. Josh was silent. "After that show, I had an epiphany. I realized that Nashville is my home. Not Vancouver."

_This hope is treacherous_

I turned to look at him. He was expressionless.

"There's just, too many problems in Vancouver. I hope you understand," I knitted my eyebrows.

"Well that seems like a sorry excuse," he finally spoke up.

"Look, I had an awesome time there. I, I found myself. Well, technically you did. I had lots of great times. But there's just too many bad memories. About lots of different things."

"I see," his voice was quiet. "And where do I fit in, in those bad memories."

Oh, I see how he was going to bring this up.

"Look. I've had my share of bad relationships. And I guess you were just another one, but-"

"Oh, I'm just another one to you? Is that all I ever mattered. Just another boyfriend no big deal."

"Why are you getting so worked up? Last time I checked, you were the one who ended the relationship. Not me!"

"So, apparently you have to lead your relationships then? You have to make all the calls? You're selfish that's what you are!"

"What are you talking about? I didn't say anything about our relationship. If you haven't realized it by now, I've had more than just one boyfriend!"

"Oh, so are you trying to say that you cheated on me during our relationship?"

"Oh don't even go there," my voice was deadly calm. "I didn't even want the relationship to end."

"But it ended anyways. Huh, why was that? Is it because none of your relationships _can_ last!"

That stung. A lot. Like a slap to the face.

_This daydream is dangerous_

"Well it's not my fault I walked in on the best thing I ever had, shoving their toung down someone elses throat!" Why was I telling him this? "You have no idea how much that hurt Josh! I was coming back from being out of the country. The whole time I was gone I was thinking about you.

"There's not a day that goes by now, that I don't think about you. You just ripped my state of grace right from under my feet! My life was finally perfect. It had finally mended after the horrible boyfriend I had before you, I was finally thinking that I could have a future that wasn't filled with loneliness. You were my everything! But apparently you had other things on your mind, and _you're_ the one calling _me_ selfish? I'm leaving because all I've ever found in love there, is self indulgent losers like you!"

He was silent.

"You have nothing to say?" I stated harshly.

I waited for him to respond.

"Just go then. I've had enough of you."

I walked to the bathroom and locked the door. I sank to the ground and bawled my eyes out. I didn't think about anything. It was just too painful. Crying was my only thought. My emotions started calming down, and my sobs lessened.

When I was sure he was gone, I reached up and turned on the sink. But I felt like that was too quiet. I flicked on the fan, and turned the shower on full blast. Even if my room was deserted, I felt like my band would still be able to hear me through the walls. I had to do everything to drown out the noise.

I felt sick after my fight with Josh. I poured my heart out to him, and he had nothing to say. Maybe he never loved me in the first place. It hurt, but he was right. None of my relationships ever last.

Before I got too caught up in reality and my thoughts, I leaned over the toilet and stuck my finger down my throat. I craved for that empty feeling. After the few times I had done this, it triggered more easily, and my half digested meal came back up.

I stayed there, heaving over the bowl. The strong smell and taste of acid invaded my senses. Suddenly, it felt as though someone was squeezing my head. I was feeling lightheaded, although my body felt like someone had stuffed it with weights. I hazily got up and flushed. I looked at myself in the slowly steaming over mirror. I looked wasted away. The light in my eye was gone, replaced with a dark depressing haze.

Quickly I turned off the taps and fan, and walked out. I slowly crawled into the bed, feeling empty. Just the way I liked it. For a second, it was almost scary thinking that I was addicted to that empty feeling, but I could stop anytime I wanted too.

And I had no such plans for that anytime soon.

_This slope is treacherous_

_I, I, I like it_


	38. Sad Beautiful Tragic

Taylor's POV

**September 25th 2011,**

I felt guilty. I had fought with Josh. I had called him horrible things. He didn't deserve it. Not all of it.

I'm sure he felt guilty too.

The boys were leaving on a train from Kansas, all the way to Vancouver. I was at the station seeing them off.

_Long handwritten note_

_Deep in your pocket_

Josh was wearing his leather jacket over a hoodie. What he didn't know, was deep in his pocket, a long hand written note sat. I had written a song. About us. My feelings, our feelings, were all written in it. Our sad, beautiful, tragic love story. Although he was right next to me, I missed him.

_Words, how little they mean_

_When you're a little too late_

Maybe if I had told him these words sooner, I would still have him. I should have accepted his many apologies. My many chances at still having him. People make mistakes. We're humans.

But I was too late. And it crushed me inside.

I could be hopeful, and wait out his rocky relationship with Amanda, but I knew I couldn't do it. No matter how hard I tried. How long I waited, was no use. I knew he loved her to death. I saw it before, and I saw it now.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as he sent her a text. It read: "Can't wait to see your beautiful eyes :)"

I almost broke down right then and there.

_Good girls, hopeful they'll be_

_And long they will wait_

The train pulled into the station. We all got up and walked towards it. The others got on, but Josh hesitated.

"See you on the other side, I guess," he said.

"Yeah. Good luck on the album," I smiled lightly.

"Good luck on the rest of the tour."

He kissed my cheek and walked on board the train. I stood there as the train blew its whistle and started leaving. I kept my eyes on the ground. It felt like he was leaving me again. Because I guess he was. Except this time he was the one walking away.

I sighed and walked towards my bus. Denver was next. His words echoed in my mind. I certainly needed some luck in completing this tour. I was so emotionally drained, I just wanted to collapse on the ground.

_We had a beautiful magic love there_

_What a sad, beautiful, tragic love affair_

* * *

Josh's POV

I was confused. Ever since we met up again, I had been dreaming about Taylor. I would have flashbacks about us together. I guess you could say we certainly weren't what we used to be. I missed her. The old her. This Taylor seemed different. Maybe she was just tired from the tour. But something wasn't right.

_In dreams, I meet you in long conversation_

_We both wake in lonely beds_

_In different cities_

We may have been miles apart, but even when I was standing right next to her it felt like that. The bed felt different at home. It felt emptier. Colder, even though there was someone else in it. I guess everybody fills a bed differently.

_And time is taking its sweet time erasing you_

It's taken it's toll on the both of us. Time would just have to fix us. Mend together what we had before. Back when we were best friends.

I felt guilty though. The words she had said really stung. Maybe cause they were all true. I broke her heart. I cheated on her. I should've at least had the closure then. Not a year later.

Why did I have to be a disaster when it came to love?

_And you've got your demons and darling_

_They all look like me_

I stuffed my hands in my pockets. I felt something in one of them. I quickly pulled it out. It was a piece of paper. I scrambled to unfold it.

It was a song. At the very bottom of the paper, eight words sat.

_**Thanks for fighting dragons with me - love Taylor**_

I read it, and read it over again. It was beautiful. It made my heart ache. It spoke all of my feelings.

A scream filled the room. I looked up almost expecting a fan to be there. But I knew better. That wasn't a scream of joy. It was a scream of pure terror.

I looked over and made eye contact with Matt, Mike, and Ian. We were all huddled in one of the booths with a table. No one in the cart could muster up the courage to make a noise.

A slam interrupted the silence. Everyone turned their heads to the source. A strong looking man appeared at the door that connected this cart to the others. He had a black ski mask on and dark clothes. I noticed in one of his hands, he was holding something.

A gun.

I think others noticed it too from the collection of gasps that appeared.

"Empty your pockets!" The man screamed. "Do it! Do it now!"

The rustle of change and what not landing on tables filled my ears. I moved my shaky hands to my pockets and deposited the letter. I reached into my pockets and threw a few bucks onto the table.

I exchanged fearful glances with the people in the cart. I noticed one lady who was too terrified to move.

Unfortunately, the gun man noticed this.

"I said give me your money!" He demanded.

The young lady was petrified.

The man pointed his gun right at her head and cocked it.

"Money! Now!" He yelled.

She started shaking.

He was going to murder her. I couldn't let that happen. I would not let an innocent girl get her life taken away.

I yelled out. I jumped out of my seat and took two large steps towards the woman. She was only about ten feet away. I jumped in front of her like a shield. Absolute terror overwhelmed my shuddering body. I was sure this was the day I died.

"Oh get out of the way you idiot," the man complained. His hand that held the gun reared back, and he swung it at my head. An explosion of pain spread across the side of my skull. Suddenly the ground smacked against my face. How'd that get there?

My vision was all splotchy. I felt large hands grab at my shirt, pull me up to a sitting position, then quickly slam me back into the ground by a hard punch to the face.

I grunted in pain. My ears were ringing. I felt multiple hits to my face. Each one causing a new explosion of pain.

Somewhere in the distance, my band finally decided to help their lead singer. I heard Matt call out, and Mike, being the biggest of them all, threw himself against the man. They rolled around for a while, until the robber, consequently being the bigger man, got on top, and beat the shit out of Mike.

Ian got in on the action, and grabbed at the mans shoulder to try and pull him off. Unfortunately, Ian was so scrawny, when the man went to throw him off, Ian flew into the wall, getting knocked unconsious.

The guy decided that Mike was beaten up enough, and returned for me. He pulled me up by the shirt collar. I saw in the corner of my eye, Matt getting up from checking Ian. He was about to go fight the guy, when in one swift movement the man had me in a chokehold, and a gun pressed to my head.

"NOBODY MOVE!" He screamed. "NOBODY MOVE OR THIS GUY GETS IT!"

I struggled against his beefy arm. I could barely get any oxygen past my airways. He was also preventing the blood flow to my brain, and the pressure was causing discomfort.

Everyone froze.

The man in black, started dragging me across the floor. I tried struggling against him, but he just squeezed his arm harder. My ears were ringing.

He was pointing his gun at the others, threatening them if they were to move. In the distance, I heard Matt yell my name.

The man pulled me into the next cart, which just so happened to be an empty cart with a few storage boxes. He threw me to the ground. I layed there waiting for a new wave of pain to explode from somewhere on my body.

"Get up," the man snarled.

I weakly pushed myself up to my hands and knees. He kicked me hard in the kidney.

"The fuck you think you're doing trying to stop me?" He demanded.

I fell over onto my side. I coughed and tasted coppery blood.

"You are weak and stupid!" He began kicking me in the stomach.

I grunted and tried to protect myself. I was curled up in the fetal position.

"Stop, please," I begged.

"Now you get to see your friends and the rest of your passengers burn down to crisps. Along with you," he explained with one final kick.

He forced me to a nearby pole, and cuffed my hands together, attaching me to the pole. I thrashed and yelled, protesting as to what he was about to do. He brought out a match, and lit it. He stared mesmerized at the glowing flame.

"Right now my buddy's are in process of lighting this train on fire. I'd be worried if I were you. You'd have to rip your arms off if you'd wanna escape death," he said with a smirk. "Any last words?"

I spat in his face.

He did not look impressed. He wiped my spittle of his face, and slapped me hard across the cheek. He took more of his duct tape, and plastered it over my mouth so I couldn't speak.

He stood up, and walked over to one of the crates, and dropped the match in it. Whatever it was, it must have been something highly flammable because the wooden box was glowing in seconds.

He walked over to and opened the window. He looked back once and half smiled.

"Have fun," he teased. Then he leaped out of the window, and out of sight.

I screamed as loud as I could, and thrashed hard against the handcuffs. I used all my energy to escape, but it was no use.

My adrenaline was finally escaping, being replaced by exhaustion.

I prayed some miracle would happen. I didn't want to die. I had so many loved ones waiting up for me back home. I could imagine Amanda sitting on a bench all alone at the train station. Waiting for a train that would never come. She would stay frozen out of grief there, until she turned to stone.

Pain ripped through my chest. I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't leave her alone like that. I needed her, and she needed me. Sure, our relationship wasn't the most stablest, but she was the best thing that ever happened to me.

The smell of smoke, filled my nostrils. My eyes began stinging. I looked up, and fear striked through me.

It was more than just the box that was ablaze. The roar of the flames had gotten louder, and fire had spread to more boxes, looking like it was soon going to catch on to the wall. I looked up to the ceiling as dark smokey tendrils crawled across the roof. They curled out, and reached forward like long witches fingers. The smoke was slowly getting thicker.

A single tear escaped my eye. I thought two last words, as my world slowly started to fade.

Goodbye Amanda.

My head hit the ground, and everything was gone.

_'Cause we had a beautiful magic love there_

_What a sad, beautiful, tragic love affair_

* * *

Taylor's POV

It was starting to become a habit of mine. Once again, I was sitting in my tour bus sulking. I had the TV on. I wasn't paying attention, but some newscaster was reporting useless things.

I looked outside my window. We were passing through a city right now. I checked my GPS to see where we were. Abilene.

Something caught my attention on the TV, and I grabbed the remote to turn it up.

_Distance, timing_

"Breaking News. We are just getting reports that an Amtrak train, en route to Vancouver Canada, was set on fire."

I gasped. That was the train Josh was on.

"No details yet, but the train arrived at the Amtrak train station in Omaha, Nebraska with three carts up in flames. There are reports of apparent foul play, but no confirmation yet. Firefighters and rescue crew are on the scene."

_Breakdown, fighting_

The screen flashed to showing a train stopped with smoke rising. I instantly recognized it. But apparently there were some type of explosive material on the train, because the roof on one of the carts blew off and a raging inferno was left.

I couldn't believe my eyes. This couldn't be happening.

_Silence, this train runs_

_Off its tracks_

I watched as the train made a sudden lurch, and then it tipped over.

I stood up on my feet.

"No!" I screamed.

I watched in pure terror as the train toppled onto its side.

_Kiss me, try to fix it_

What if he was dead? What if the whole band was dead? How did it catch on fire? Was everyone alright? What did the reporter mean by foul play?

_Could you just try to listen?_

I called to my bus driver.

"How fast can you get this thing to Omaha!"

"Maybe an hour if I speed," he said. "Why?"

"It's an emergency!"

"In that case, make it thirty minutes."

_Hang up, give up and for the life of us_

_We can't get back_

* * *

It took way too long, but we finally arrived at the train station. I ran through the crowds and ticket boxes, and onto the platform.

I stood on my tip toes to try and spot someone I recognized. Then I spotted Matt, Mike and Ian. But no Josh.

Where was Josh?

I bolted over to them. The expressions on their faces grim.

Matt was the first to spot me.

"Where is he? What happened!" I shouted over the chaos.

He didn't reply. He just looked at me with stone eyes. I shook his shoulders.

"Answer me!" I screamed. "What's going on?"

He merely pointed down at something on the ground. His face looked defeated.

My eyes fearfully followed what he was pointing.

There lay Josh, on the ground, surrounded by medics.

My insides did a flip flop, and my stomach ended up in my chest, my heart in my stomach.

"No," I murmured.

I couldn't see what was going on, but I knew he was alive because I heard coughing coming from him. I saw one of his legs twitch. Alright. He was good enough. He didn't need anymore medical attention. He needed my attention.

I pushed past the medics and knelt beside him, cupping his face.

"Josh!" I exclaimed. I wiped some of the grime from his face. "Josh, Josh answer me."

One more cough, and his eyes fluttered open.

* * *

Josh's POV

Well CPR was one thing to get woken up by, but it was a whole different thing when your ex-girlfriend giving you the scariest look you could ask for. She looked at me as if my bottom half had been chopped off. It certainly felt like that. I looked down just to make sure, the effort making me groan.

I saw my black skinny jeans covered in dirt and grime. Perhaps maybe a little blood. But I quickly had to set my head back down on the ground. It hurt to much to use that much effort.

I groaned again and suddenly took in my surroundings. Just now was the setting sinking in.

Why was I laying on the ground? Why were there medics surrounding me. What was with all the screaming and crying going on around me? Wasn't I supposed to be on a train? If that was true, then why was Taylor sitting beside me clasping my hand trying hard not to cry. I thought I left her back in Kansas.

Then it hit me.

Everything that had happened in the past hour struck me like lightning.

"Matt! Mike! Ian! Are they alright? Where are they?" I spluttered out of my mouth in panick.

"Shh, shh, Josh it's alright. They're all fine," Taylor comforted. "Everything's going to be ok."

She was patting and rubbing my shoulder, making sure that I stayed down.

"God Josh, you scared me so, so much. What were you doing?" Her hands had moved down to clasp my left hand. It sound like there were tears in her eyes.

"Protecting people," I coughed out.

"Oh you silly boy. Who did you think you were? A superhero? Josh, you almost died!" She chided.

"No, I just thought that I was any nice person trying to save lives. It was the natural thing to do. I'm not going to sit around while some jerk steals from woman! And by the looks of things, I'm still alive," I said, patting myself down for extra measure.

"Barely," she muttered, obviously not impressed.

"Well, why do you care so much? Last time I checked, I was a self indulgent loser," I rasped.

She looked down at the ground in shame. "I'm sorry, it's just—"

"Whatever. It doesn't matter. Point is, I'm going home. I've had enough of this dumb tour. It's just been a train of bad luck—no pun intended."

Sure, traveling the world was fun and exciting, I've come to realize that it isn't as luxurious as thought. Sure the change of scenery is nice, but a different hotel every night gets quite repetitive.

When it came down to it, there really was, no place like home.

And home was all I needed at the moment. My family, my apartment, my pets, my girlfriend.

Amanda. God, if Taylor knew about the train, she's bound to know as well. As soon as I got some alone time, calling her would be the first thing I'd do. Then, I would finally be on a plane home to Vancouver.

Vancouver. Vancouver was perfect. It was me and Amanda, facing the world together.

Perhaps there was no yellow brick road to run away from this disaster, and maybe I had a disaster waiting back home, but still; there's no place like home.

And Taylor was making a huge mistake by running from it.

* * *

**Well I hope you enjoyed that exciting chapter! It was real fun to write, and expect a whole lot more drama coming from the next chapters! or rather, the rest of the story!**


	39. The Last Time

**Taylor's POV**

I had fallen hard. Harder than ever for Jake. Maybe it was because I was so desperate for love. Maybe it was because he was the only thing I had left. Whatever it was, I knew that my heart would be absolutely torn to pieces without him. I had been dieting—eating salads and small portions. I would do anything and everything to make this love last.

I hadn't quite moved to Nashville yet. I had only returned a couple of weeks ago and had only just started looking for houses. I would go back touring in March. The next stop, Australia. I had a while yet to find a place.

But reality wasn't quite pulling me to Nashville. Unfortunately, everything that meant something to me, screamed Vancouver. Vancouver was my home. Vancouver was where I belonged. So why did I want to run away?

Maybe it truly was Josh. I just wanted to run away from him, and everything that reminded me of that boy, and every ounce of pain he caused me. But if I was running away from Josh, why did I agree to go to dinner with him today?

I had made myself presentable, and was now waiting in my living room for him to pick me up. We really didn't have any plans on where to go—we'd probably end up at Boston Pizza or something. At least they had healthy-Ish food there. I'd probably just order a small salad; Something I'd be able to choke down.

A knock on my door made me jump a little. A small bubble of anxiety had grown inside my belly. What caused it, I had no clue.

I grabbed my sweater, and walked down the stairs. I took a deep breath, before opening it.

There stood Josh, in all his glory. His flawless skin, his perfectly messy hair—it was almost intoxicating. No. Not almost, it was. I was in love with Jake, no doubt about it. But when Josh was with me, I couldn't help myself but he mystified by his presence.

* * *

**Josh's POV**

_Found myself at your door,_  
_Just like all those times before,_

I found myself standing in the cold darkness of Vancouver. A chill rushed through me when I walked up to Taylor's door. I knocked three times and waited. I was a little nervous of tonight's outcome. The last time I had seen Taylor in person, we fought.

Ever since returning from touring, our relationship had become tense. But, I wanted to save what little friendship we had. We had a beautiful thing, and this dinner was my mission to keep Taylor in Vancouver.

The door opened, and a rush of memories flooded out. Taylor looked beautiful in an outfit I had seen her wear before. She wore it to one of our many dinner dates.

"Hey Taylor," I greeted, pulling her into a warm hug. She seemed bonier than usual—of course she probably hadn't been staying the healthiest on tour.

"Hey Josh." She flashed a half-hearted smile. I decided to ignore it. I was to busy worrying about this possibly being the last time we ever went to dinner together.

"Ready to eat?" I asked, leading her to my car.

When she didn't reply, I looked behind me. She flashed me another one of those smiles. Again, I ignored how half-hearted it was.

I opened the passenger side door, and let her in. I closed it and walked to the other side. I climbed in, and started it up.

_I'm not sure how I got there,_  
_All roads they lead me here._

We ended up at a Boston Pizza, about ten minutes away. I was going to take her to my old favorite restaurant: Hamburger Mary's. It actually wasn't very far from where I used to live.

We found a table, and took our orders. I ordered some pasta thing, and Taylor ordered a salad—you never order pizza at the actual restaurant.

Once the waiter left, I gave Taylor a funny look. "Salad?" I asked.

She looked down and her hair fell in front of her face.

"Yeah, I uh, hadn't been eating very healthy on tour. Figured I needed to make up for it," she said shrugging it off.

We made small talk until our dinner came.

"Bon appetite," I said in my best French accent.

A crooked smile appeared on Taylor's face. "Your accent still hasn't improved."

I softly chuckled.

_And you open your eyes into mine,_  
_And everything feels better,_

We continued our little conversations, asking each other how our tours were. I told her about how Ever After went gold in its first week—she gave me a big congratulations for that.

During a moment of silence, I noticed I was half way done my dinner, and Taylor had barely made a dent.

"You alright Taylor?" I asked. "You've barely made a dent—I mean, it's a salad. You can't be that full."

She looked up at me, with a not so innocent look on her face. "Yes, of course," she answered quickly.

"Why are you picking at your food?" She had spent the last few minutes tossing the leaves around her plate.

"Well I uh, I guess I'm still tired and jet lagged from touring." She returned her gaze to her food.

I took that moment to bring up a topic I've wanted to talk about all night.

"That reminds me. Are you still moving?"

Her gaze shifted back up to mine. For the briefest moment, I swore I saw something in her eyes. Something that screamed desperation—if I didn't speak now, the biggest mistake would be made.

_Right before your eyes,_  
_I'm breaking and fast,_

"Please Taylor. Just stay," I begged.

"Why. Why do you want me to stay Josh?" She asked a little harshly.

"Because." I took a deep breath. "Taylor, I know we're a broken record, but I just can't permanently live thousands of miles away form you. Please Taylor. Stay. What's keeping you from Vancouver."

"I'd be closer to Jake," she said after a moment.

That hurt a lot. But deep inside I knew she would rather be closer to me, than closer to Jake. That was a poor excuse.

"Please Taylor."

"I-I'll think about it," she rushed.

"No Taylor. I need to know now. You need to make up your mind here," I ordered.

"Josh—"

"Taylor. Running away isn't going to do you any good. I know it's harsh, but it's reality. You need to stay."

_This is the last time I'm asking you this,_

"Why do you need me to stay so badly Josh? It's not like we see each other anymore," she argued.

"Yeah, but at least I know you're safe. We're still friends and don't you forget that."

And I may still have feelings for her, but that can stay a secret.

She swallowed, searching for words. She blinked slowly, then sighed in defeat.

"Fine then. I'll stay. I was having trouble looking for housing anyways."

_You break my heart in the blink of an eye_

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

_When right before your eyes,_  
_I'm aching, _

After that somewhat traumatizing dinner, Josh dropped me off at home. When I was getting out of the car, I almost—almost, leaned over and kissed him. Instead, I faked him another smile, and thanked him.

Now, inside the comfort of my own home, I sat, waiting for Jake to phone. He had been calling me everyday, at the exact same time. It was the only thing that tied me to the real world.

_Run fast,_

But today, he was late with his call. I tried my best to not get upset—he had a busy life. To distract myself, I turned on Greys Anatomy. It did nothing but make me wonder even more. What was making Jake so busy he couldn't call me? Didn't he know he was the only thing keeping me tied to this world?

I proceeded to take a long shower, trying not to think about the salad I had. It was only a salad—I didn't even finish it. It wasn't going to change my body at all.

But it was hard to convince myself. No matter what angle I looked at my body, flaws screamed out at me. Flaws that would make boys run away. Is that why Jake wasn't calling me? Because I wasn't perfect?

The toilet kept calling to me.

_Throw it all up. Quick! Before it takes hold of you and causes permanent damage. Purge to stay beautiful._

It was simple really, but dangerous. Don't keep the food you eat. If you throw it all up, you can stay skinny. Maybe even loose a few pounds. Although I hadn't done it too much, every time I stuck my fingers down my throat, it felt like a crime. It was bad—I knew it. I always felt incredibly guilty. But beyond that guilt, I felt empty. Weightless; _good_.

Eventually I made my way to my bedroom. I got dressed in my night clothes, and crawled in bed, with my phone clasped tightly in my fist. It was useless now, to keep my hopes up. But if I let them drop, I'd go down with them, and be buried alive in my own sadness.

_Nowhere to hide,_

Hours slid by, along with my tears. Jake was gone. He'd given up on me. I was worthless. Apparently I wasn't good enough for him. I was too big. And not just in music; my body was too big. I was freakishly tall, and every body part was too fat. I didn't have chiseled cheekbones, long thin fingers. The little bones in my feet didn't poke out anymore. My stomach jiggled, and wasn't toned. My thighs touched. It was all, too big.

My phone buzzed, snapping me out of my dark reverie. It was Jake. I almost surprised myself when I didn't get excited—almost.

"Hello," I said monotonously.

"Taylor," he sighed.

I stayed silent, knowing what was coming. That was my life. It had always been like that. I was the one being set up for heartbreak. I was the one getting cheated on. I was the one getting put down. I was worthless.

"Look, we need to talk."

"I get it Jake. Don't waste your breath. It's me, not you. Have a nice life," I sighed.

"I'm sorry Taylor."

"I get it. Good bye." I ended the call before I broke down.

I broke down in many ways. I cried and cried. Wallowing in my self pity. I rushed to the bathroom, and threw up. I stuck my fingers down my throat, and triggered the up bringing. Sometime through the sleepless night, I made my way back in bed. I lay there, numb. Tears were falling down my face, but I felt no pain.

I felt nothing.

_You break my heart in the blink of an eye_

Sometime around four in the morning, I found myself in the kitchen, baking cookies. Seemed it was the only thing that wouldn't quit on me. That, and my cat Meredith. I had to leave soon to go to the filming of Fallout—the newest single from Marianas Trench. Maybe if I gave everyone home-made cookies, they would enjoy my presence. I for sure was not enjoying it.

Another presence I knew I would not enjoy, would be Dave's. He helped send these poisonous thoughts into my brain—of course, he also made me look really good. Good enough to make Josh stop and stare.

In a horrible, sickening, destructive way, he could help me.

Somewhere, between 'you look horrible' and 'this is your costume' I had started venting everything to Dave. All the while stuffing my own baking into my mouth.

"I had been dieting and everything! I though that maybe if I looked good for him, he would want me," I confessed through mouthfuls of shortbread.

"Well obviously you didn't do a good enough job," he pointed out while curling my hair.

"Dave please, I need you. I need your help!" I cried while I stuffed another cookie in my mouth.

He snatched my bag of cookies from my hand. "Have you ever thought that maybe this is the problem?" He exclaimed.

"My baking?" I asked innocently. Another tear slipped from my eye.

"No you fat fuck, what your eating!" He snapped. His tone stated that I should've already have known that. And maybe I did, I just didn't want to accept that, and make it into a reality.

"You mean," I trailed off.

"Obviously it's working against you. You're disgusting. Just look at yourself! You're crying and stuffing your face with fat. You make me sick."

I looked into the mirror, taking in every destructive word he said.

He was right. He always had been. I was too fat. Too gross.

The only way to turn myself into that perfect woman, was to quit food.

So when no one was around, I threw the cookies away, brushing off any evidence I had ever eaten. I made my way to the bathroom, and privately triggered my food to come out. I continued pushing the button in the back of my mouth, until a yellow bile spat out, proving I had rid myself of all food.

_This is the last time_

The next months, were absolute hell. Everyday was torture. Touring was hell. I had to paint on an emotion I hadn't truly felt in over half a year. Perhaps more—happiness had left me a long time ago. But behind the scenes, a dark secret I kept even from my mom took place.

After every unwanted meal I forced down my throat at band dinners, and before every concert, I would stick my fingers down my throat and throw it all up. Throw it all away. I was diseased. Poisoned by Dave, heartbreak, the spotlight and more. I had fallen in deep, and was far from ever reaching the surface.

I was slowly breaking into a million pieces. Once I returned to the private solitude of my own home, food would be thing of the past. These few meals I had this tour, were more me breaking my habit starvation. People would wonder why I wouldn't eat, so the purging after every meal made up for that.

Things had changed. And when I returned to Canada I knew I would have to stay cautious. Paparazzi could catch on. My friends and family could catch on.

And, worst of all, Josh could catch on.


	40. Skin And Bones

**Woah, welcome to the first chapter that I wrote for this story. I hope you all enjoy, and sorry if its lacking in ability to wow you. Its amazing how far along my writing has got since is started this story back in October.**

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

I heard the knock at the door. It had been a few weeks since I had gotten back from touring in Australia, and today was Josh's first free day. He was coming over to catch up.

I hurriedly tried to make up lies in my head. In the few short months it had been since December, I had fallen hard. I was in too deep. My life had turned from bad, to worse.

I got off of my bed where I had been sulking all day and went to open the door.

"I brought sandwiches!" Josh greeted me. He wrapped me up in a hug. Oh god. I hope he didn't think I was too fat. Or that he thought I had somehow magically gotten too skinny. He would make me stop my destructive diet. But I was no where near skin and bone.

"Oh, awesome," I said trying to sound enthusiastic. I looked at the clock, 3:30. I hadn't eaten yet, well I actually hadn't eaten all week.

I let him in and closed the door. We sat at my table.

"So how was Australia? I haven't seen you in forever!" Josh asked.

"Oh it was good, tiring, but good," I replied. I failed at forcing the enthusiasm that I wanted in those words.

"Nice," Josh said as he pulled out the food. It was those little sandwiches you get from Tim Hortons. Way too many calories for me to comfortably choke them down. I felt fat just looking at them.

"I thought you didn't like Timmy's?" I asked Josh.

"I don't, but I know that you do and I wanted to make it special. I mean their not much but, maybe I'll make something later, I mean I am staying for supper right?"

"Hah of course," I halfheartedly laughed, rolling my eyes.

He handed me a sandwich and began chomping down on his own.

I stared at it. It was as if it was beckoning me. Yelling at me to eat it. I felt my stomach turn.

"You gonna eat that?" Josh asked.

I looked up at him. I couldn't let him know my secret. But, I hadn't had an actual meal in forever. I'd only really been living off of crackers and grapes. Sometimes apples.

"Uh duh, it's just…" I so desperately wanted to tell him my problem. Then maybe he would give me some sympathy for looking so big.

"Just what?" He asked between bites.

"It's just," it's now or never, "I just ate not too long ago, so I'm pretty full."

He looked at me questionably.

"You're full? Since when are you ever full."

Damn my bad habits. Before I decided to just quit food, I was always eating. No wonder I was too big.

"Since I got full," I snarkily answered his question. "But, just for you I guess I'll eat half." Hopefully that would satisfy him.

I grabbed a half of the sandwich, and brought it up to my mouth. Just the smell wanted me to throw up. I held my breath, and took a small bite. I faked a smile at Josh, signaling it was a good sandwich. He was already almost done his. I guess these sandwiches were pretty small. To me, they looked giant.

I had somehow managed to get through half of the half sandwich, when Josh finished his.

"You're obviously still hungry, have my half that I'm not eating."

He nodded, grabbed it and began chomping down. Thank god he didn't hesitate.

Every bite was a struggle for me. Chewing just made me want to puke it all up, but I willed myself to keep it down. I couldn't let Josh know how weak I was. I didn't want to disappoint, and let him down. I somehow managed to finish the sandwich. It took all I had not to run strait to the bathroom and throw it all up. Josh had finished his sandwich as well.

"Well I guess I'll start on supper now," he said with a laugh.

I gave him a heartless smile.

"You know where everything is," I told him. He walked over to the fridge.

"Hmm I'm thinking stir fry what about you?" He looked over at me.

"Sure, whatever you want." I was busy trying not to pass out. I could barely concentrate.

While Josh was busy examining things in the fridge, I finally couldn't handle it any more. The urge became too much. I felt like I was tied down by an anchor. I slid off my chair. My wobbly feet led me to the bathroom in the hallway.

"Hey Taylor," I heard Josh question. I didn't listen to him. I was already in the hallway. I stumbled to the bathroom door. I was almost there. As I passed the hallway mirror, I got a glance at my body. I could see the bulge where my stomach was. God why was I so huge?

I finally made it to the bathroom. I turned on the light and looked in the mirror.

I could barely stand. My body was too big. Why did I have to be so big? I thought I was pretty. I couldn't believe I went so long believing that crap. I was ugly and fat. Everything everybody didn't want to be. I was hopeless. I would never look good.

I stumbled to the toilet. On my knees. I stared at the porcelain whirlpool. I couldn't stand having this food in me any longer. I could feel myself getting heavier every second I kept it in. Finally, I let it go.

I shoved my fingers down my throat, as far as they could possibly go. Finally they hit the spot, I gagged, and it all came tumbling out.

My stomach tightened. The acidic fluids landed in the toilet. I rested my forearms on the seat, holding my hair back in one of my hands. It kept coming. Tears were stinging my eyes. I gagged again and another round of the bile came out. This time it burned my throat, as it tightened to get rid of the garbage. Finally, I finished. I wiped my my mouth, turned and leaned back on the wall, adjacent to the toilet, facing the door.

I leaned my elbows on my knees. I held my head with my fingers, closing my eyes.

This was how broken my life was now. I was slowly wasting away, self destructing into nothing. The pain that consumed me everyday was horrible, but at the same time, I was too numb to feel it.

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. My breath stopped short when I saw a pair of feet in the doorway. My eyes traveled up the legs, to the torso, and into the steel blue eyes of Josh. Our gaze locked, and I froze.

He ran to me. Grabbed my hands in his.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly. His eyes full of concern. I tuned him out. I rested my head back against the wall and stared at the toilet.

He found out. My deepest darkest secret, found out. God I can never hide my secrets. I was starting to feel nauseous again. My vision was getting blurry. I think Josh was talking to me, but he wasn't making sense. I made out little snippets like; sorry, how long, and dude my witch is fired. No, food in your fridge expired. I took a deep breath, but that just made my stomach feel worse. Was I nauseous from the guilt? Or nauseous because of the food. My head started throbbing. My body was going cold. Before I knew it I had my head in the toilet throwing up again.

Nothing was left in my stomach, so it was just yellow bile, and acid. It burned so much. I started crying. It kept coming it wouldn't stop. But there was nothing to puke up. My stomach muscles hurt from trying to get rid of its contents. Nothing was coming but I couldn't stop. Finally I coughed a final bit of bile out and fell back down to the floor. I lay down on my back. Why was I so tired?

I felt Josh's hands underneath me. Was he picking me up? I continued to cry. My body shaking with sobs. I felt myself lift off the ground. Wow considering how huge I was, he must be really strong. I buried my face in his chest. Still crying. I felt him walking. I saw the scenery change. From the bathroom to, outside my apartment.

"I'm taking you home with me, alright Taylor? I'm going to help you," his soft voice spoke.

Wait. What?

"No!" I declined. I won't go home with him. He'll try to fatten me up even more or something. He won't let me starve myself. He'd try to fix me, but I was beyond repair. I couldn't let him down like that.

"No! Let me go!" I screamed. I thrashed in his arms but he wouldn't put me down. He continued walking to the elevator.

"No! I won't eat! I won't eat!" I cried. I hit his chest. He made it down the stairs and the door closed.

"NO!" I cried in terror. I began sobbing hysterically. This can't be happening. Why me? I cried loudly into his shirt. I didn't stop. I felt him carry me to his car. He plopped me down in the passenger seat and closed the door. He jumped in the drivers seat and took off. I leaned my head against the window. Curled my body as small as possible. I cried until I finally passed out.

* * *

**Josh's POV**

I knocked on the door. Finally I got to see her again. I had brought Tim Hortons. It was Taylors favorite. The door opened.

"I brought sandwiches!" I exclaimed as I reached in to hug her. She was bonier than I remembered, but then again, you don't always eat the best when on tour.

As we sat down and ate, I noticed she was staring at her food.

"You gonna eat that?" I asked.

"Uh duh… it's just," she was staring longingly. Something was up. "It's just, I ate before you got here and I'm kinda full."

"You're full? Since when have you ever been full." I laughed.

"Since I was full... I'll just eat half then."

Strange of her, but she must have still been tired from touring.

When we finished our sandwiches I decided to make us my killer stir fry. I walked over and opened up her fridge. There wasn't much in there, but it was enough. I began sorting through the sauces and realized a very strange pattern. They were all expired. Since January. I looked at the fruit and saw that they had all gone rotten too. She had been back from tour long enough to go grocery shopping. This was strange.

"Hey Taylor," I said slowly, but she was gone. I closed the door. I walked over to the hallway and saw that the bathroom light was on. I looked in the mirror through the half closed door to see Taylor, bent over the toilet bowl, with her hand down her throat. I saw her throw up.

I was stunned and petrified. Then the dots started connecting and I prayed I was wrong. The fact that all her food had expired, and that she was bonier than usual. She did not look like she wanted to eat when I brought the sandwiches. And I had seen myself over the toilet bowl long enough to know what was the matter.

I opened the door wider. She had finally stopped purging and sat down against the wall. I stared at her. I tried convincing myself that she was just sick, but it was no use. And then she noticed me. I saw her baby blue eyes travel from my feet to my face. She stopped when she reached my eyes. We stayed there motionless for I don't know how long. I couldn't move. I didn't know how. An epiphany hit, and suddenly I made it my mission, that no matter what, I helped her till the end and farther. In a few swift strides I made it to her and knelt down to her level. I grabbed her hands.

"What are you doing?" I asked her. She didn't reply. That's when the questions started pouring out.

"Why are you doing this to yourself? I'm so sorry I didn't notice sooner! How long has it been? Why would you do this to yourself? Please answer me! All the food in your fridge has expired. Has it been going on for that long?"

She suddenly moved away and stuck her head in the toilet bowl again. It broke my heart to see her like this. But I was determined to help her. When she finished, I picked her up and carried her to my car. She was screaming and thrashing in protest, but I wouldn't let her go. I couldn't let her starve herself away. We finally made it to my car and I strapped her in. I walked over to the drivers side and started up the engine. I pulled out of the driveway, and drove to my apartment. When we got there I picked her up and carried her to my bed where I set her down to sleep.


	41. Secrets

**Taylor's POV**

I opened my eyes.

I had such a horrible dream last night it hurt to even think about it. My throat was raw, as if I had recently purged. My eyes were sore, probably from crying. I looked over at the window. Why did the street look so different outside? Wait why was there a window over there? I looked at the bedding. These were not my bed sheets. I shot up. I slowly turned my head to the left. I looked down to see that I wasn't alone in this bed. And this bed belonged to Josh.

"Oh good you're awake," he said groggily.

I looked at him wide eyed. No. That meant last nights dream was real. I ran my fingers through my hair, tangling them into the blond mess. My life was over.

Josh sat up next to me, laying a hand on my shoulder. It laid there as soft and light as a feather. I stared at it.

"So, do you wanna tell me what's going on?"

I looked desperately in his eyes._ Yes of course I do. But I can't._ I looked down at the covers.

"It's alright Taylor. You can tell me anything," he began rubbing my back. "Just tell me when it started."

"It, it began when we filmed the video for Haven't Had Enough. Dave, my stylist, he was so mean," my rough voice cracked. I swallowed a lump that was beginning to form. "H-he, would say that I was fat. That I was too ugly to be the lead role, and that you only cast me out of sympathy. All the costumes were size zero. I didn't fit in most and when he made alterations I just felt so ridiculous."

I sniffled.

"After that I began going on diets. I wouldn't eat very much. Not the serving sizes I was used to," I felt a warm tear slide down my face. "Sometimes if I felt like I had way too much, I would purge. And then when I had bad days, I would throw up just feel empty. To be numb inside."

I wiped away the tears.

"Then came the Fallout video, and I was dating Jake at the time to. He made me feel a little better, but I thought that I just needed to look absolutely perfect for him," I sobbed. I ran my hand through my hair. "Then when Jake dumped me, I just quit food altogether. I thought he broke up with me because I was to fat and ugly for him. I told Dave about that, and he somehow managed to poison me and made me believe that it was all because of food. I figured, if I didn't eat anymore, I wouldn't get fat."

I wiped away some more tears. I closed my eyes.

"I don't know why I bothered getting back together with him. And, well, since I'm apparently telling you all of my secrets, I didn't start dating Jake because I fell in love with him. I, I started dating him after we broke up because I wanted to make you jealous. I wanted you to feel just how, just how much it hurt to fucking see you with someone else."

A round of sobs wrapped around me. I was letting it all out. All of my secrets were being lifted off my chest. I almost felt lighter. I opened my eyes and leaned back against the head board.

"What about Australia? How'd you make it throught that?" Josh asked.

"I don't know," I took a deep breath. "I would, I would snack on grapes and crackers here and there. But no matter what, even if I hadn't had any food that day, I would always throw up before a concert."

I cringed at the memory.

"So, welcome to my horrible stupid life!" I said sarcastically to him. I began to break down into more sobs. He held his arms out and I curled into them.

"Shh, it's okay," he told me. I shook in his arms.

"No! It's never going to be ok. I'm a hopeless mess!" I cried into his arms. "My life is over, just leave me here. I don't want to drag you down too."

"No Taylor. I will help you. Hey look at me," I stared up at him. "You're better than this. You are beautiful. No one can take away your beauty. I can fix you. You just gotta believe in me. And trust me."

He kissed my forehead.

"One day, this will all be better." He whispered.

He got up off the bed and reached a hand out for me. I just stared at it.

"Come on," he said.

Hesitantly, I took it. He pulled me out of bed, and right next to him. He reached over and turned his radio on. He had both of my hands in his. Recognizing the song, I knew imediatly what he was planning on doing. I couldn't. He slowly started to sway his body with the rhythm. I just shook my head.

"No, Josh please." I looked up at him through my teary eyes.

But he didn't stop. He started walking in a circle. Forcing me to move with him or fall over. I slowly shuffled my cement feet.

_Hey, little train! Wait for me!_

_I once was blind but now I see_

_Have you left a seat for me?_

_Is that such a stretch of the imagination?_

He stepped back, and let go of one of my hands. He raised the other and twirled me, pulling me close to his body. He stopped when our faces were inches away. I could feel his breath on my face. I stared at his lips. I knew what was supposed to happen there. It happened when we were dancing around the kitchen, in the refrigerator light, listening to the exact same song, at his parents cabin. I felt a lump form in my throat, and tears prick my eyes. I couldn't do this. Especially to that song. We were supposed to kiss. I dropped my arms and stepped back.

"I-I'm sorry. But I can't do this," I said. I pulled my arms up and hugged my body. I dropped my gaze to the floor.

Silently, he reached over and turned the nob on the radio. This time I heard violins playing. I heard his footsteps shuffle across the floor as he made his way closer to me again.

_I need another story_

_Something to get off my chest_

_My life gets kind of boring_

_Need something that I can confess_

He took hold of my hands, and pulled them away from my body. He let them drop at my sides. I looked back up at him. We stood there for I don't know how long, staring into each others eyes.

_'Til all my sleeves are stained red_

_From all the truth that I've said_

He had a look in his eyes that I never saw that often. His face was plastered with concern, but his eyes said it all. It was hard to explain exactly what you saw. It was like looking into an old veterans eyes as he told an old war story. The eyes were focused right on you, but they were looking at something else.

_I've been on the brink, so_

His eyes studied my face. Like they were trying to look for a reason. An answer to all of the what if's, floating around in his head.

_Tell me what you want to hear_

_Something that will light those ears_

_I'm sick of all the insincere_

I couldn't stand that gaze any longer. It made my stomach turn. It made me feel guilty. I sighed.

_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

I took hold of one of his hands and placed my other on his shoulder. I rested my head there. Anything to not have his eyes boring into my soul.

_It's like we're chasing all those stars_

_Who drive the shiny big black cars_

We slowly turned around in a circle, my feet shuffled around. I felt him place his other hand onto the small of my back. Pulling me in closer.

_But I don't really like my flow, no,_

I was glad I had someone to lean on, but at the same time I was mad at myself for letting someone know my secret.

_Got no reason_

I couldn't help myself.

_Got no shame_

I let myself get fat.

_Got no family I can blame_

It was my fault for letting me get that way.

_Just don't let me disappear_

I needed to drop this weight, yet I felt like Josh was against that. But for some reason, I had just told him all of my secrets.

_I'__mma tell you everything_

* * *

**I know, its horribly, horribly short, but... oh well. I wrote this before I wrote part one so... sorry for my bad writing skills before hand.. ok tell me what you think! then maybe the next update will come sooner ;)**


	42. Desperate Measures

**Taylor's POV**

Ever since the incident, Josh had holed me up inside his apartment. I guess I'd been so out of it, I never learned he had his own drama in his life. Him and Amanda were still together, they were just living seperatley. He never gave me an answer as to how it got like that, and I never asked.

It had been a few weeks, and I was surprised I hadn't gone insane yet. Better yet, Josh hadn't even pushed me that hard to eat. I had fallen into the familiar pattern of not eating anything for three days or so, then crumbling and having a handful of grapes or something. But the hunger was good. The hunger made me feel lighter. Better—like I was making progress in whatever the hell I was doing to myself.

But with hunger, came tiredness. I had no energy—it was exhausting, and I wasn't even doing anything. I could feel this diet forming into a disease.

I think Josh had noticed that as well, because in the last couple of days, he had been pushing a little harder to make me eat something. He had yet to succeed. There had been a lot of fighting between us—mostly caused by me. I felt bad for yelling at Josh, which made me feel worse.

Desperate Measures was being filmed tomorrow, and I was absolutely terrified. I just didn't have the energy to have a fifteen hour work day. I was terrified to face Dave again. Would he scold me for not losing enough weight? Or would he laugh at what I've become? Fans were going to be there. I was worried they would judge me. Judge me about everything I am.

I felt even more alone than before. I had to keep my secrets barried even deeper with Josh around, although he already knew them all. How I got to this point in my life, I didn't know.

I was lying in Josh's bed, not bothering to get up. Getting up meant dizziness, and having to face Josh. Here, bundled under his covers, I could hide myself. Hide myself from him, and hide myself from me. The door opened, and in came Josh, holding a bowl of a cut up apple.

"Hey, Taylor. How are you doing?" He asked gently.

As usual, I stayed silent, and looked the opposite way.

"Alright, bad question. How about this, when's the last time you've eaten?"

To be totally honest, I had no idea. Maybe a week? I know that sounds ridiculous, but I had been drinking plenty of water—it took everything to convince me that water would do me no harm. It wouldn't make me fat. I could even loose some weight from drinking enough.

I stayed silent. I knew Josh knew the answer, he just didn't want it to be real.

"Look Taylor. I know I'm being pretty hypocritical, but it's not good. What you're doing isn't good for you. You're sick."

"I am not sick!" I snapped.

"Then stand up and do a dance for me!" He countered.

Obviously I was too weak. I wouldn't be surprised if I passed out. I didn't want to have an 'I told you so' come out of his mouth, so I just stayed out.

"Exactly. Look Taylor, I'm trying my best, but I'm no professional. There's going to come a time where I won't be here everyday. We need to get you better help—"

"I don't need help Josh! I was perfectly fine till you came along."

I didn't know which way he'd take that, and I wasn't sure which way I meant it.

"What are you going to do about tomorrow then?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. I was hoping maybe he'd just cancel it. He eventually gave up, and left. The tray of food was on the night stand, beckoning me. I rolled over and faced the other way.

This was a lot more harder now that it wasn't a secret.

We stopped filming for a lunch break. Dave was being more vicious than ever, and the outfits I've had to wear today were way more revealing than I liked. I sat in the cafeteria area beside Josh. I had a plate in front of me with a deliciously dangerous smelling grill cheese sandwich on it, cut diagonally.

"Just one bight? Come on Taylor. One bight isn't going to change anything. It's just a small sandwich. It's not going to do anything. You must be starving," Josh begged.

"If it's not going to do anything, than why do I need to bother eating one?" I reasoned.

"Because you're going to die!" He whisper shouted. "It's not healthy to be that hungry."

I looked up into his eyes, and instantly regretted it. Swimming around in those blue pools was worry—it was etched all over his face. It made me feel worse than I already was. I hated myself for making him feel like that. The light in his eyes was just gone. And I'd done that. I'd sapped every little bit of happiness out of him.

If it took a couple bites of a sandwich to make that happiness return, then maybe it was worth it.

I looked down at the grill cheese. I could smell the grease from here. I could tast it. Feel the crunch it made. The tang of the ketchup. It felt so good in my mind. It was incredibly unhealthy, and filled with calories, but was it worth it?

Hell, why not. I had nothing to live for, and the hunger in my stomach had spread over my entire body, mind, and soul—it was time for a break.

I reached a shaky hand forward, and grabbed the greasy bread. I lifted it up to my face, and already, the smell became that much more intoxicating. I took a deep breath, then bit in. It was a small, bight, but was it glorious. I took a but of a struggle, but I eventually swallowed it.

"How was that?" Josh asked. I could here the relief in his voice.

"Better than I expected," I admitted.

Josh had a crooked smile on his face, and I myself couldn't help but felt relieved as well. The only question was whether I was going to throw this up after; I would decide when I got to that point. For now, I had to savour this.

When I had finished the first half, I lost control and moved right into the other piece. Then Dave walked by and it all went down hill.

"Lets go Taylor. We gotta get you ready," he said.

I looked up at him feeling incredibly guilty. I pushed out of my chair, and started walking away with him.

"Taylor," Josh called. "Aren't you going to finish?"

I didn't look back.

As soon as we got to the dressing room, I excused myself to the bathroom. I looked the door, turned the taps on to maybe hide the sounds from Dave, then dropped to my knees I front of the toilet. Hot tears were streaming down my face. How could I loose control long enough to put that much food in my stomach? I shoved my fingers down my throat, and triggered it to all come hurdling up.

When I finished, I stood up dizzily and looked in the mirror. I cleaned myself up a bit, before flushing and walking out. I tried not to let Dave's smirk get to me.

Finally, my last scene. I wasn't really paying attention to what we were doing. I was very aware that my clothes were really tight. I had a hard time paying attention, because I was so light headed.

I tried my best to struggle through it, but it wasn't going away.

"Taylor!" The director called. "Are you listening?"

"Yes, yes of course," I lied. I plastered a fake smile on my face.

"Fine. Then lets go. Action!" He called.

I leaned into Josh. "What are we doing?" I whispered.

He gave me a funny look. I looked at him, then stumbled a bit. I was getting really dizzy.

"Cut! What the hell is going on with you two?" The director called.

But I didn't pay attention.

"Are you alright Taylor? You're really pale," Josh said, concerned.

"I'm fine," I breathed, before something smacked my face.

It was the ground. How'd it get there?

"Taylor!" Josh called. It sounded a million miles away. The black around my vision spread, and soon it swallowed me whole.

* * *

**Josh's POV**

It hurt a lot to see Taylor the way she was. She was ruining her life. I had spent the last couple of weeks hoping I could change her, but obviously she needed more help. I realized way too late.

We were standing beside each other, listening to commands and what not. I noticed she was wavering on her feet, and she had gotten very pale.

When she stumbled, I knew something was wrong.

"Are you alright Taylor?" I asked. "You're really pale."

"I'm fine," she slurred, before crumpling to the ground.

Well shit. I dropped to the ground next to her.

"Taylor!" I called. I was shaking. I had no idea what to do. "AGH! AGH! AGH!" You could say I struggled for words.

Paramedics rushed over, and I was soon pushed from her side.

What had I done? Had I somehow led her down this destructive path? Was she going to make it? Was the last contact we'd ever make going to be me trying to get her to do something she hated? Maybe I shouldn't have fed her that grill cheese sandwich. But if I hadn't. This probably would've happened sooner anyways. I guess you can't stop the inevitable.

But perhaps this could also be a good thing. She'd be moved to a hospital, then she could get real help.

Obviously when I told her I'd fight an army for her I hadn't realized how much of a coward I really was.

* * *

I sat in the chair beside her hospital bed. The scene was hauntingly familiar-it reminded me of when she had gotten hit by the car at the Cross My Heart video set. All of this reminded me of that. The only difference was back then, I was in love with Taylor. Now? I really had no idea.

Movement out of the corner of my eye, snapped me out of my reverie.

"Josh?" Taylor's voice was weak.

"Hey, I'm right here." I moved my chair closer to her and clasped her hand in mine.

"Wha-"

She was interrupted by a doctor coming in. I had to inwardly applaud him for his timing.

" , glad you're awake. I'm ," He said.

"What happened? Why am I here?" Taylor questioned.

"You fainted."

"What!" Taylor exclaimed. "Why?"

"It was a result of low blood sugar, and malnutrition. , you're severely underweight."

She adverted her eyes. I could instantly see the insecurity overwhelm her.

"Look, I've already talked to your friend over , about your condition. We need to send you to a rehabilitation center-"

"I'm not going!" Taylor demanded.

"Ms-"

"There is nothing you can do to make me go. I don't need help. I'm fine!"

"You're not fine, Taylor," I butted in. I was getting sick and tired of seeing her sick and tired. "You look horrible. You've lost too much weight. You look like you have some disease-which is true! You're sick Taylor. Not eating is not the answer. I've been down that road. I know what it's like. At least try it out? I promise you wont get hurt."

I so desperately wanted her to get better it hurt. She looked into my eyes, and I knew she was crumbling.

"Fine," she whispered. "I'll go. I'll try to get better."


	43. Fallout

**I know the song doesn't really fit with whats going on in the story, but it does; its just not written in-yet. I based this more on the music video, and how everything went to shit in the fallout. lol deep moment. Anyways, enjoy.**

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

I looked out the window of the car, at the folliage passing by. When the blur of green became too much, I looked up front, focused on one tree and followed it until it was out of sight.

Was that what life was like? The future was a long and disappointing wait, the present zoomed by too fast, and everything was left in the past?

Josh was driving me to the rehab centre. I could almost think of a million different things I would rather do, but frankly, I was too exhausted to think. The drive was long, and being as nervous as I was, it made it even longer.

"God, when is this drive going to be over?" I complained. "I'm sick and tired if waiting. Where are we? Alaska?"

"Calm down, we really haven't been driving for that long, the traffic was just extremely bad back there on Hastings. With the rate we're going now, we should be there soon," he explained.

"You don't have to do this," I said still trying to keep up a fight.

"It's for the best," he sighed. "You'll like it there I think. It's a facility for woman just like you. You can make friends, have fun—"

"How am I supposed to have fun in rehab?"

_It's easy to say it's for the best_

"Well you should make the best of it," he paused and looked over at me. I didn't bother looking back. "Taylor, this is our last shot—"

"Our?" I asked. "When did this become our? I was fine before you came into the picture."

I instantly regretted my words.

I knew he blamed himself a lot for what happened. He was the one who got me the record deal. Without that, I wouldn't be famous and in the spotlight. He cheated on me. If he hadn't done that, who knew where we'd be right now. If he hadn't made me the lead role in his stupid music videos, I would never have met Dave.

I took a deep breath through my nose, and let it out my mouth. The familiar intoxicating smell of cigarettes and leather invaded my senses.

"I'm sorry. You know I don't mean that. I'm just, tired. Tired of all of this," I apologized.

"I know. But when you get out, you'll be as good as new," he reassured.

The place was filled with ghosts. Stories that had once lived a happy life, stood there, with no power to escape. No way, of escaping imprisonment. It was dark now, and big fluorescent lights lit the long pathway to the front door—they were like spotlights, pointing out the next victim to be swallowed by the building.

All too soon, Josh was opening the door, and leading me through. If he wasn't at my heels, I would've dashed a long time ago. I passed by a few somber ghosts, one of which looked like they were waiting for someone they knew would never come. It broke my heart to see someone so desperately lost.

I sat down in a chair, and waited, while Josh went to the office. I set my bags down beside me. This was the last place I wanted to be, and by the looks of the few people surrounding me, it wasn't going to be an easy ride.

A nurse came over, followed by Josh.

"Well sweetheart," she said in a too sweet voice. "This is where we take you under our wing."

I looked over at Josh, hoping he could see in my eyes just how desperate I was to not be here. He sighed, but quickly tried to cover it with a cough.

"Good luck, Taylor," he said before pulling me into a soft hug.

"Please, Josh, don't make me stay," I begged quietly.

"I have to Taylor. I can't fix you—you're too stubborn."

_I'm on the ledge while you're so  
God damn polite and composed_

He pulled away.

"Come on Taylor," the nurse said. "Follow me to your dorm."

I took one last broken glance at Josh, before grabbing my bags, and walking away.

_And I know you see me,  
And you're making it look so easy_

I followed the nurse down a silent hallway. We passed several doors, till she stopped in front of one. She opened it, and motioned for me to go in.

I walked in, and was followed by two other people. A man, and a woman; I hadn't noticed them before. I set my bags on the bed, then turned to face them.

"Sit back and relax miss," the man said. "We have to go through your bags—it's protocol."

Fortunately, I had nothing to hide, and they soon found out. The nurse returned, and ushered me back through the hallway. She led me to a big room, then through a door that slightly resembled a doctors office. She had me change into one of those hospital gowns, then wanted me to step onto a scale.

I didn't dare look. I was ashamed, and now the nurse knew how much I weighed. I couldn't speak. I had been defeated.

I stepped off, then was told to hold my arms out. She checked my forearms for any wounds, then made me lift up my sweats to check my legs as well. She made me show my stomach, and back. She questioned the scar over my ribs, and I told her about the time I had been hit by a car.

I sat down on the seat, then had my blood pressure and vitals taken. After that, she grabbed a clip board, and sat across from me.

She asked me common things I guess, like my height, my occupation. But soon, the questions turned drastic.

"Have you ever attempted suicide in anyway?" She asked in a simple tone.

I was taken aback, but quickly recovered. "No. Never."

"Have you ever thought about it?"

I was about to answer, but then I decided to think about it. Had I ever wanted to die? Maybe.

"I guess so," I said in a small voice.

"Often?"

I shook my head.

"Do you restrict?"

"Restrict?" I guffawed. "I barely eat a handful of grapes a week."

"Do you ever binge and purge?"

"Not often. I've binged a little, when the hunger has become too much. Then I immediately purge."

"Do you do that often?"

"No. I try not to loose control. Maybe like, once every ten days sort of thing. Not exactly, but, you know. It can go from three days, to three weeks."

"What do you do during those periods of time where barely anything enters your stomach?"

"I drink. Lots of water."

She asked a few more questions, then said I was done. She told me to go to bed, and that I would be briefed in the morning.

_Well now there's him,  
And now there's me_

The next few days followed a pattern. Every morning we would be woken at 5:30. We would get checked—go through the same process without the questions in the doctor office. I had been told the rules, and given a schedule. I had individual therapy sessions and what not, then there was this group talk thing—I didn't pay very much attention to anything.

The cafeteria sucked. Everyone around me would be picking at their food, cutting it up into small sizes. We only had a limited time, and had to eat absolutely everything on the plate. The woman sat with their friends—I sat all alone.

At dinner, they would have a visiting hour. Not very many people came, but it was enough for people to feel loved I guess. I was pondering the idea of having Josh come one night. I would talk to him later on the phone.

Either I was too sick to be noticed, or no one had the energy, but nobody noticed me. Not one single person had come up to me and mentioned my occupation. I didn't even get any stares—they treated me like an average person.

The MMVA's were coming up in a few weeks, and I knew I had to see Josh again before he left. It would give both of us a peace of mind. And maybe, if he was generous enough, he could take me away from this hell hole.

That night, I stood, staring at the phone. I knew I only had fifteen minutes to convince Josh to come, and I was desperately summoning the courage to talk to him. We hadn't made contact since he brought me here. I took a deep breath, then dialed the familiar numbers. I prayed he would answer.

Only, he didn't. My heart sunk. Did this mean he had just dumped me here? Left me here to sort out my own problems. Was he finally done with me?

"Hey Josh, it's me, Taylor," I said, leaving a voicemail. "Um, please call me back as soon as you can. I, I uh just really need to talk to you. Um, bye."

I hung up the phone, and left the booth. Suddenly, my confidence I had before, was waning. But I had to remind myself that he was a busy man. On top of his own band, he helped other artists with producing and writing. He had the MMVA's he needed to plan for, and somewhere in there, he had to fit in a girlfriend. There was just no time for me.

The phone rang, and I rushed to answer it. Maybe Josh had been in the bathroom or something.

"Hello?" I answered, hope peaking inside of me.

"Oh hi," a woman answered. That hope immediately crashed. "Is Shelly there? Shelly Cooper?"

"Uh yeah," I said. "One moment."

On my way out, I passed the woman in question. I told her someone was waiting for her on the phone, then turned to sulk in my solitude. The other phone rang, and I sprang to answer it. Unfortunately, with the same result.

I sighed, depression pulling me under. I folded my arms to my chest, and started to walk back to my room. The phone rang, but I didn't bother answering.

Josh left me—again. He dumped me in some hospital full of sick people, thinking I was one of them; he was wrong. There was no way I was anywhere near as gone as they were. I still looked healthy. They were skin and bone; but I couldn't deny my brain. Silently, I wanted to be just as thin as them.

"Taylor," a voice called. "The phone's for you."

I immediately turned and rushed to the phone. I thanked the woman, then held it to my ear in the booth.

"Hello?" I said. I prayed it was Josh, and not someone else checking up on me.

"Taylor!" He panted. "You called."

"Josh," I breathed a sigh of relief. "Why didn't you answer earlier?"

"I uh, was busy. I ran to get the phone, but uh, I was too late."

"Took you a while to get back," I noticed. I could see through his obvious lie, but didn't have the energy to fight it.

"Sorry, I just, yeah. Sorry. Um, anyways, what did you want to talk about?"

That was it? no 'how are you'? Or did he just not feel like asking a question I wouldn't answer truthfully.

"Oh, um. Th-there's a visiting time tomorrow. I was just wondering if maybe-" I was in all honesty, terrified to ask him.

"I'd love-um, of course. Of course I'll come."

"Really? Great." There was something going on with him. He wasn't acting like his usual self, and his answers were half-hearted.

"_Josh? Who's that on the phone?_" A female voice asked on his end.

Well that explained it. Amanda was there. Once again, I was getting in the way of their relationship.

"Um, so yeah. see you at six?" I clarified.

"Sounds great see you," he replied.

_The secrets you give  
And the secrets you keep_

* * *

**Josh's POV**

I saw her waiting at the door. Any thoughts I had that this would be a good visit, very quickly dwindled. She looked almost sicker; more defeated. She wore tattered clothes, and her hair was a mess. She had a sunken look in her face. Her dark eyes resembled that of dark holes. I plastered a smile on my face hoping it would be contagious. I opened the door, walked in, and greeted her.

"Taylor! It's nice to see you!" I had to admit, I was laying the happiness on a little thick, but I so desperately wanted Taylor to be comfortable around me; and better yet, happy.

Right off the bat, her gloominess affected me, but I tried my best to ignore it, and think she was the happiest child alive.

"Hey, Josh," she replied quietly.

Without another word, she turned and led me to the cafeteria. We got in line, and the chef's started serving us food. I kept the beanie I had on my head low, so that less people would recognize me.

"Don't bother," Taylor said, taking notice of my hat. "Everyone here is too gone to even recognize me."

I pondered what she said. Too gone?

I followed her to a nearby table, and sat. I looked around at everyone else eating. They had strange looks on their faces, and were putting the small cut up pieces jerkily into their mouths.

"So how is it here?" I asked. Taylor was in the middle of pushing around her peas.

"Um," She took a breath. "I hate it."

I let out a half-laugh-half-sigh. "Well, I'm not surprised. Rehab sucks." I tried my best not to vacuum down my food, but it was good, and I was hungry.

"It's more than that though!"

Taylor's anger surprised me. She usually never got mad.

"What do you mean?"

"I sit around here, day after day. The councilors and therapists ask me pointless questions that I would never need to know the answer to. The stupid group talking session is more annoying than my ninth grade drama clas—you know, the one with all the annoying wannabe's? The people here are either too sick to hold a decent conversation with, or will go all philosophical on you, and counter your words with questions!" She exclaimed.

"Well Taylor—"

"if anything, I am getting worse! They're dragging me down with them; if anything, I'm getting worse! Can't you see?"

_Don't tell me to fight,  
To fight for you  
After this long, I shouldn't have to_

"Taylor," I said. "That's not true."

"You sure about that? Have you even looked at me today? Look at me Josh! Look at me!" Her voice was slowly rising.

"Quiet down Taylor," I cautioned, eyeing one of the nurses.

"Take me home Josh, please. _Please_!" She begged.

"Taylor I can't. You have to get better—"

"I'm not getting better Josh! Rehab sucks! I don't belong here!" She shot out of her chair, and hovered over the table, inches away from my face. "Help me Josh! For Gods sake, if I ever meant anything to you, get me out of here!"

I leanbacks far back in my chair as I could. I stared into her eyes—it was as if something had snapped. She had changed. I hoped somewhere deep inside of her, there was still a trace of old Taylor. Old Taylor who didn't give a shit about anything; the old Taylor that I fell in love with.

"Taylor," I whispered. A sudden wave of emotions had hit me. "Taylor, I don't—I can't. I-I-I. I have to go now. I'm sorry."

I quickly got out of my chair and walked away. I speed walked trough the hallway, until I made it to the front door. As soon as I saw it, I ran. I didn't stop until I made it to my car. I had to get away from that God forsaken hole as fast as possible.

I felt horrible for running away, but Taylor was asking the impossible. She wanted my help. She wanted me to save her.

I was too much of a coward to do it.

I couldn't fix her.

* * *

**Taylors POV**

_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_

I sat watching the MMVAs. Marianas Trench was busy tearing up the floor, and I knew what I had to do. There was no point in begging Josh; technically I could leave whenever I wanted. So I had packed all my bags, and would escape through the night. Or morning, this afternoon. Right now; it didn't matter—to me at least.

I looked up at the TV, as Josh shredded the final note—This was only a replay of yesterdays party. I of course had a stupid curfew I had to follow, so I couldn't watch it. I didn't really know where I would stay. I could always stay in my own home—in this whole mess, I had forgotten about that place. I could stay on my own. I didn't need anyone else.

Throughout my stay, I had managed to get acquainted with a few girls. That of course was the straw that snapped the camels back. I felt horrible for lashing out at Josh the other day—if it weren't for what Polly—one of the patients here—had done, I never would haany said anything.

What I had said to Josh, was kind of like my last battle in this war. If only Josh had manned up, and gotten me out of here, would I be sane.

What Polly did, was permanent. She helped me, in a way only a permanently broken record would. She gave me instruction, and a razor. She told me it helped with the pain. Helped you deal with surviving; I wrongfully took her advice, and had two little marks on my ankle—I was too scared someone would notice it on my wrists—especially Josh.

I was mad. Mad at him for not saving me at the most dire point. I understood he had a girlfriend and needed some personal space, but I needed him. Because now I was truly lost. Truly lost in this world. Although he thought he was making the right decisions about my life, he wasn't. In fact, he made the worst decision.

And I, I was busy putting all the blame on him, even though it was all my doing. _I_ took Dave's words to heart. _I_ quit eating. _I_ took the razor to my skin.

_I_ pressed the self destruct button.

_What comes and goes,  
I'd go without_

"Taylor?" A voice called. "The phones for you."

That was strange. The first name that popped into my mid was Josh, but why would he reach out to talk to me? In fact, he should still be in Toronto, nursing a major hangover, and hanging out with Amanda's family, or whatever. Rumour had it, before she came to my high school, she sliced in the big TO.

I walked into the booth, and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I said.

"Taylor," an almost pained voice said.

"Josh?" I asked. "Why are you calling? Are you alright?"

"Im fine Taylor," Josh laughed. "You don't have to always jump to the worst conclusion."

Whatever. In fact, he should be the one doing that, because the worst conclusion _had_ happened.

"Anyways," Josh continued. "Are you still thinking of leaving?"

I was taken aback. Why would Josh be asking these questions?

"Well, yeah. Obviously." That came out cooler than expected. Then a though occurred to me. Should I tell him the truth? Tell him what I've planned?

"Um, well. I hate to do this, but, uh, there's always room for you in my apartment."

My jaw dropped.

"Josh, are you alright? Are you still drunk or did you and Amanda break up again?"

"No, no, no. Everything's fine. I'm just saying, if you need a ride, I'm not letting you live by yourself."

I was truely shocked. Behind me, someone cleared their throlooked turned, and saw an impatient nurse standing there with a Resource in her hand. It was time for all the patients to drink their Resources—something that made you gain weight. Obviously my time with Josh, was over. For now.

"Yeah. Yeah sure. That sounds great. Anyways, I have to go now, so I'll, see you later?" I asked.

"Yes. See you in a couple hours."

Finally, my steady fall, was being slowed. However, I was still pointed in the wrong direction. And with my new methods, obviously I was in way deeper than I realized.

_You're the fallout_


	44. Say Anything

**Woah, two consecutive updates in a row? I honestly have no idea where I went with this chapter, but updates will probably be quicker because besides the next chapter, everything is written until the last one of this part. So, enjoy**

* * *

**Josh's POV**

_I never took you for a trick but  
sometimes I don't know what you want_

"Amanda's coming over for dinner tonight," I said when Taylor joined me in the kitchen. She kept her eyes to the ground.

"Oh. Do you, do you want me to leave then?" She asked.

"No! No not at all. You can stay. In fact, join us " I suggested.

She looked up at me, her broken, baby blue eyes piercing me.

"Josh, you know I can't. I'll just be awkwardly sitting there doing nothing."

"Well then eat. Hey, you wanted me to pull you out of rehab, you wanted my help!"

"But Josh, I don't need help for this!"

"So then why did you guilt me into taking you away from the one place that could!" I shouted.

"Because that place was ruining me! It wasn't fixing me at all!" She yelled back.

Great. So now this was turning into an argument.

"She doesn't even like me anyways. Just let me dissapear," Taylor snapped.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about Josh! Don't be so stupid. Just because you're some alpha leader of a band, doesn't mean that you can go running around with your head held high and girls galore under your arms. Be smart for once!"

I knew I should've kept my mouth shut. Shee didn't mean those words, but they riled me.

"Well fuck you Taylor, I'm trying to be the nice guy here!"

She shot out of her chair and grunted. "Fine. Whatever. I'm going for a walk," she grumbled.

She stormed out of my apartment without looking back.

I sighed. This was all twisting into a bigger mess than it needed to be. Taylor was starting to scare me. Her emotions were going crazy, and she would lash out at me about next to nothing.

She was starting to remind me of my old self.

I kept a close eye on her to make sure she didn't destroy her body at all. I managed to stay by her side since she got out of rehab, but I knew it wouldn't work. I had a job, I needed to tour to make money. I had a girlfriend, I needed to keep that relationship alive. I knew this little system would crumble soon.

I was terrified for the day when Taylor would have to walk out of here, again. And it would be permanent.

_I can take it if you need to  
take this out on someone_

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

I stormed out the door, but bumped into a familiar blond.

"Oh, hi. What are you doing here?" Amanda asked.

"Nothing," I said, before walking away.

I rushed as fast as I could out of that building. Curse Josh for living on the top floor. I walked through the noisy streets, praying no one would recognize me. That was the last thing I needed; some fake story about Josh and I getting back together. It would only hurt me more.

_This is where I scream from_

I didn't really know where I was going. I had no destination in mind. I was mad, and it took a lot to make me.

Amanda, I mean she was nice and all, but how could she walk in there like she owned the throne? Oh yeah. Because she sort of did. But couldn't she see I needed Josh to help me? She was just getting in the way.

God, was my mind jumbled. One minute I'm blaming Josh for everything as if he caused it, and that I didn't need his help. Next minute, his help was all I wanted.

_There's a little bit of you in all this_

Somehow, I found myself sitting at a bench on the sea wall. I pulled my feet up, and tucked my knees under my chin.

The only clear thing in my mind, was that I was hurting.

It hurt. More than anyone could ever know. I stayed strong. As strong as possible, even if the end result was the me right now. I knew that if I let my walls crash down, I would break. I was hanging on a thin line, just waiting to be snapped.

The hunger gnawed at me from the inside. Some days it got so horrible even a handful of grapes wasn't enough to tame it. No matter how much water I drank, it consumed me a little more.

Everyday I thought about food. The want for it. The need for it. Everyday the hunger would finally consume me, and my brain would walk me to the kitchen.

But everyday, I passed by the mirror in the hall, it would give me a reminder. A reminder that food would not cure the beast inside me.

I had to remember that the hunger was a good thing. And in the begining it was. I was almost overjoyed when my stomach rumbled. It would make me feel lighter.

Now, it weighed me down. It weighed me down so far, that I felt heavier than I did in the begining. I needed a way to distract me from the bottomless pit within.

All pain wanted was to be felt.

That's when I turned to the blade. Or iron, I picked at my skin if I didn't have anything else. Which in fact, I was doing right now, unconsciously. It was all for the pain. I deserved to look messed up, pained.

Was this how low I had gotten? I had to sneak out of a place that wasn't even mine, to hurt myself in public? It was ridiculous.

The hours passed, and soon, it was too dark to be outside all alone. whether I liked it or not, I had to go back to Josh's apartment.

_And you can say you only think you know_

* * *

When I arrived, I found the door unlocked, and a note on the table.

_Went out for a movie. Be back later. There's left-overs in the fridge - Josh_

I felt lucky that I walked into an empty house, for I had no idea how I would cover up the bloody mess on my ankle, but I sighed. I felt like an intruder in their lives. I walked over to the couch, and plopped down on the couch. I turned on the TV to see Entertainment Today talking about me.

"Singer Taylor Swift was seen driving around with former boyfriend Josh Ramsay, just two weeks ago. Today, Swift was found walking out of his apartment. Could these two be back together? Will it last this time? Or end up as a new break up song?"

I shut the TV off. I threw the remote across the room. It made me so angry, when the tabloids started rumors about me. Do they not understand that people can be friends with the opposite gender? It really upset me that all people thought was that I dated people just to 'bash' them in my songs. That was the last thing I needed—another reminder that Josh and I could never be what we were.

_You know I hate myself without you now_

The only way I knew how to deal with this, was to go to the bathroom, and find my blade. I tromped over, and fell to my knees. I opened up the drawer and reached itri the very back. My hand blindly padded around, until I felt the cool metal. Already, I felt less pained.

I pulled it out, and twirled it in my fingers. The bathroom light reflected off its shiny surface. Slowly, I brought it to my thigh. I already had a few cuts there, but they were healing; that was the worst. It was so painful to see the cuts healing. Maybe it was because they found a way to heal themselves, when I still hadn't. Just another temporary relasionship.

I pressed the razor to my skin, making a small indent. Without further hesitation, I pressed hard, and slid the harmful tool across. Instantly, blood began to bead. It still amazed me how bright the red substance was. How could something look so lively, inside such a dead body?

_Everybody wants a piece of you_

_Everyone takes a piece of me_

* * *

_Two weeks later_

"I'm going out. You gonna be alright?" Josh asked as he passed by me on the couch.

I didn't reply. I had been feeling numb for a long time now. I didn't really know how long it had been since the last time I could feel. I was just an emotionless pit of darkness. I sighed.

I sat on the couch, waiting until he left. Waiting until I had privacy. Waiting until I could feel relief. When I heard the door close, I made my way to the bathroom, where all my necessities stood.

I stared at my wrists. They were blank—innocent. They didn't have any battle wounds. I knew it was a more common place to cut, but I didn't dare. I knew someone would see them there. And when that someone knew, the only thing that still kept me sane, would be gone.

My legs were a bigger canvas to my pain. No one would notice a harmless mark there. As graceful and long as they looked, they were wounded. Wounded by my mistakes. Cut after cut, burn after burn. Scratch and pick, until nothing was left but a bloody mess.

Cutting was a strange thing. The urge to go deeper was always there, and when the urge to cut kicked in; it was like trying to stop a train with your body.

It was never an unconscious decision now, cutting or burning, but it used to be. I would stew over how this would hit me like bricks when the feeling slid in and locked itself into place, after the most minor trigger. Like the touch of an old friend, my muscles relaxed at its whisper in my head. The pain, depression, anorexia; they all whispered empty secrets to me.

The realization held me in a heightened sense of awareness. My exterior glazed over, remaining calm, cocky even. I'd be untouchable soon; it made my mouth water with fantasies of redemption.

The light blinked red on the iron while I waited for a temporary release. Part of me hoped that Josh would jump in and save me—tell me not to, make me stop. Most of me knew there was nothing to stop me. Not even the voices in my head. They spurred this, they wanted this. They'll let me do it anyway. Not because they too, have a love affair with It, but because the voices know, they can't grasp me, even if they wanted to.

When I got like this, there was no escaping it until I did it.

I looked down at curling iron. The light was green. Green meant go. Even my simple hair tool wanted me to do it. My phone buzzed, but I didn't need to open it to know I had permission. The silence was like porcelain. It was hard, and it was heavy.

I took the iron in hand, while it settled in for the ride. Josh was being more clingy than ever, and it had been almost two weeks since the last time I harmed—I wasn't even sure if I had the spine anymore. The bottom half of my shirt lifted, and was tied back with steady hands.

Did I really want to ruin two weeks of unintentional cleanliness? My eyes asked when they caught me in the mirror.

The feeling gripped me tighter, just to be sure I wouldn't stand from the altar. This was a half-hearted measure; I already knew my sacrifice was long overdue. The iron rose, and hovered above my stomach. The radiated heat raised goosebumps on my smooth skin. Blank like a canvas—not yet purged.

I jumped off the diving board, and crashed into the water—I pressed the iron fast to my skin. The voices laughed as the smell of blistering flesh curled into my nostrils. The corners of my mouth, slightly turned up. An evil, sickening look invaded my face.

Welcome home.

_And you will always find me here_


	45. Feeling Small

**Taylor's POV**

_This one's of you, taking your pill_  
_You sometimes forget, and that's okay I guess_

I sat in the bathtub. Listening to them argue.

"I'm just, why is she here?" I heard Amanda's voice complain.

"Who?" I heard Josh ask.

"Oh I know that you know who I'm talking about."

"Well, what do you mean why is she here?"

"Well I just thought that you know, when you're in a relationship with someone, it's with one other person. Not one other person plus some girl."

"Okay, she is not just some girl."

"Excuse me!"

"Well I'm sorry, I can't say that. She's my friend."

Oh. I'm just his friend. I'm flattered.

"Ugh. I'm sick and tired of having this relationship revolve around her!" Amanda complained.

"So what are you saying?" Asked Josh.

"Oh I think you know what I'm saying!"

"What! What are you saying?"

"She needs to go!"

"Shh, wait what?" Josh said in a quieter voice.

"I said she needs to go. I can't be in a relationship with you while your living with another girl!"

"So what do you want me to do then?"

"Oh, I don't know, kick her out! She's a multi-millionaire. I think she can afford to live in her own place."

"Amanda, I can't just kick her out."

"Why!"

A pause.

"Because, she's, sick. Um, mentally unstable. Taylor can't."

"This is me not caring," I heard Amanda sing as she mocked my song Enchanted.

_You're barely breathing, I know_

I looked down at myself in the tub. I had my knees up to my chest. The white bubbles were stained red in some places—I had only just given myself three cuts on my outer calf moments before. It had been a bad day, and this was only making me feel worse. They didn't know I could hear, but I would keep it that way.

"Amanda, don't you think you're being just a bit harsh?" Josh continued.

"Don't you think you're not taking this relationship seriously enough?" She countered.

"I can't just kick her out. The only reason she's here is because I'm trying to help her not kill herself."

I winced. Was that how far gone Josh thought I was? If he thought I was suicidal, did that mean he had seen my cuts?

No. That was impossible. Did he think maybe I would just starve to death? Well, contrary to even my beliefs, I had been eating a little more than before.

"I thought you said she was finally getting better!" Amanda said.

A hesitation.

"Well, yeah. But she still needs to be under close watch to make sure she's eating."

"Well you know what? She's a big girl. I think she can handle herself."

"Amanda—"

"JOSH! Why are you so protective of her? You're acting like she's more important. It's either me or her."

"Ok look, Amanda. Im sorry alright. I just, I just don't want her going down the same road as me okay? And don't worry. You're much more important to me than her. I choose you."

Well, that stung a little. Josh didn't care about me. Clearly, I was not wanted here.

A silence overlapped the conversation. Were they kissing? Whispering secrets to each other? I felt like I was violating their lives. How was I going to continue on with life? I was hopeless. No one cared for me. I'm just a useless peice of life form. Maybe Josh was right. I was closer to death than I thought. And perhaps, I already was, I just needed that final straw to break.

"I'll give you a week okay? And then she's gone," Amanda said sternly.

"Fine," Josh replied.

I felt nauseous. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up. I expected that the couple were saying goodbye right now. I took it upon myself to pick up my razor and add another cut to my ever growing list.

I pressed the blade against my wet skin. Just above the ones I had done earlier. I pulled it across my leg, tearing up the precious organ. I felt the blade rip open another path of destruction, then the fine line of red filled the empty space. I saw it spill over and run down the side of my calf, finally dropping into the bubbles.

I heard a knock at the bathroom door. I froze in shock. He couldn't catch me doing this. Not this out of anything—although it brought me closer to death, it was the only thing that kept me from it—I couldn't afford another bathroom encounter like before.

"Taylor? I'm coming in," Josh announced.

_What if it __started to show?_

I dropped the blade into the water and covered my fresh cuts with my arm. I wrapped my arms around my legs. Everything that needed to be covered, was covered.

"Um hey," he said, his eyes staying slightly shy. "How are you?"

"Fine," I said a little to harshly.

He sighed.

"I'm guessing you heard that didn't you?"

I decided to play innocent.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Look, I'm sorry—"

"No! I don't want to hear it. Just go away Josh." I turned my head. Hoping that he didn't see any tears.

"Fine," he quietly said. He started walking away from the tub towards the door, before he stopped and turned around. "Say Taylor, what's that on your leg?"

My heart started racing. Crap, what do I say? I looked down at my leg. Just a small portion of the top cut was showing. I quickly lied and said, "Oh, I just cut my leg while shaving, no big deal."

He seemed satisfied and left, closing the door behind him.

I sighed a big breath of relief. That was too close. I leaned back and stretched my legs out as far as possible. My back struck something sharp, and I shot up into a sitting position, stifling a cry. I reached my hand into the water to see what caused the pain. I found it and pulled my hand out. It was the blade. I had totally forgot about it.

My back was stinging. I couldn't move it, because each time I did, it sent a new wave of pain. God dammit. I had really really done it this time. It had better stop bleeding soon.

_This one's of me, throwing up for you_  
_And I'm paler still, and that's the way you wanted it_

I sat down in bed. Each time I lay down, a wave of pain would strike. Frustrated, I decided to just lay on my stomach. I closed my eyes, trying to shut the world off. I just wanted it to go away. Or me. Be caught in a trance of nothing, for forever.

Realization hit me, and my eyes shot open wide with fear. Pretty soon I'd be alone. Surprisingly, it was terrifying to think of being by myself, without Josh to show at least he cared a little bit. Suddenly I didn't feel like sleeping. I was terrified of what tomorrow would bring. I prayed he'd understand how I would feel. That little wench. I understood her motives completely, but didn't she understand I was dying over here?

Maybe it'd be better if I just did.

As I pretended to sleep, I felt the weight of the bed shift, and someone sigh. Would this be the last sleep with Josh by my side? Of course, even if we were in the same bed, it still felt lonely. There was an invisible barrier between us, blocking me from being held safely in his protective arms.

I thought about talking to him, and maybe bring up what I overheard earlier, but decided against it. Although it would make things easier—maybe even less complicated—but I just didn't have the courage. Or energy.

The weight that had made a home on my chest, now felt more heavier than ever. I didn't know if I could make it out alive.

Funny, how much things change. I was once thriving—on top of my carrier, in a healthy relationship with Josh; hell, I even had a high self-esteem. Now, I was officially at rock bottom. Stuck in such a rut, I had no way to escape.

I had officially been swallowed whole.

_And all my faces, they all were wasted on feeling small_

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of something cooking. Obviously Josh didn't realize how guilty and sick it made me feel. I wanted to eat, I wanted his food, but I couldn't. It would fill my bones with unhealthy fat cells—permanent damage I couldn't afford.

I stayed, lying there in the bed. I didn't want to face the world; I didn't want to face myself in the mirror. I didn't want to face Josh, or his cooking. I didn't want to face anything that would pull me into a binge. Because once that happened, I couldn't stop. And once that happened, I would feel incredulous amounts of guilt and worthlessness, and I would cut and purge. Then I would feel guilty for harming myself, and binge; again.

It was a vicious cycle that had no breaks.

And not to mention all of the above, but the argument I just happened to eavesdrop on, was burning bright in the back of my mind. Josh would probably bring it up, and I was terrified of what would come out of that conversation. However, if something didn't happen, the guilt riddling me would end badly.

I sighed, and threw my damaged legs out of the bed. I moved up to a sitting position, adjusting my light-feeling head to the new height. When the dizziness died down, I pushed myself to my feet. I padded to the closed door, and slowly opened it. The unmistakable wall of hunger hit me harder than a tsunami.

I summoned my courage, and walked towards Josh.

_And I know it won't ever change_  
_But it hurts the same_

I found him serving breakfast for two. I sat in the empty spot at the table, while Josh went to turn the stove off, and set the pan in the sink. I looked at the plate in front of me; bacon and eggs. I grumbled. The smell was intoxicating, as if the air was thick, and filled my airways with only that scent—it hung heavy in the air.

Josh came back and sat down across from me. Immediately, he started shoving things in his mouth. I tossed the scrambled eggs around my plate, trying to distract myself from eating; I was feeling sick.

"Eat up, it's a celebratory breakfast," Josh said.

"Celebratory?" I asked, feeling offended.

"You know. It's not often that I make something that's not burnt," Josh said.

I forced a small smile to my face; in all honesty, I felt like throwing up just from the smell. Or maybe I still felt nauseous from last nights argument and realization. Maybe I should just bring that up and get it over with. I mean, hadn't escaping from Josh's care been my wish for a while now?

"Um, Josh," I started, fiddling around with my eggs. So far I had managed to get a smile bight down my throat.

"Whats up?" he asked, sounding more cheery then usual.

"I, uh, I don't really know how to put this but um," I hesitated.

"But what?" He asked. "What's going on inside your brain? tell me."

A lot of things were going around my brain, but they were all too dark to share. I decided to be point.

"I uh, I heard you and Amanda talking last night."

There, said. Now the rest should be easy. Maybe.

"Oh, I see." Was that relief, or disappointment in his eyes?

"And she's right. I shouldn't be here. I'm invading your personal life; I'm sorry," I said.

"Well hey know," Josh started. I shushed him before he could continue.

"It's been on my mind for a while now anyways."

"But-"

I was on a role now. Everything that I had built up in my mind, was finally escaping.

"I feel guilty-and it's so not your fault. You're trying to help, and I can't thank you enough. But, I should really go. Maybe it'll be a good thing." But we both knew it wouldn't be.

"Taylor, I can't just leave you alone," Josh persisted.

"It'll have to happen eventually. Look at us Josh. We're both peaking in our carriers. You can come visit me or something. We'll set up a plan. But me and my cat need to go home now."

Yeah, I suppose somewhere in this jumbled mess, I forgot to mention my cat, Meredith. She got along pretty well with Josh's animals, but it was just another mouth to feed-or rather, a mouth to make up for mine.

"Maybe we can-"

"Josh, come on. Think about it. We both know this needs to happen. It'll be okay."

His eyes met mine, and I was so close to breaking, but I held my will. This was the strongest I'd ever been in a long time, and funny, how I was using it to get away from Josh.

He slowly nodded his head. "Alright," he whispered.

_This one's of me, losing the weight_  
_I'm feeling afraid_

* * *

**Alright so I lied a little on the quick updates.. but some things came up.. I apologize. And I'm also sorry for the short and non edited rushed chapter above... but things are looking up from here :)**_  
_


	46. Perfect

**Taylor's POV**

_Somebodies got to tell me what to do._

Where was he? He had been coming every week, the exact same day, the exact same time; he was late. Usually he would come around 5:00 with my groceries, cook, and stay for dinner. It was 5:30. Why wasn't he here?

I stood there, in the middle of the room with my arms tucked up to my chest. My hands folded under my chin, watching the door. I had been standing there since 5:05. He had no idea how much these little visits meant to me.

The clock struck 5:31. That was it. He wasn't coming. How could he do such a thing? I began shaking with sobs. My frail body doubled over. Tears fell from my eyes to the floor.

I stood up straight, shuffling to the bathroom in my bedroom. The other one made me ache for him. And besides, I had special things in this bathroom.

_Giving a frown to the sound when I hit ground._

I leaned over the toilet and purged. It burned. I had managed to have a granola bar that day, because I was excited for Josh to come over-now I felt crushed and embarrassed.

_"No use in letting your hopes up. You should have known that he would stop coming eventually,"_ the voices in my head screamed.

I sat down on the ground. Leaning against the bathtub adjacent to the toilet. I quickly reached over in the cabinet and pulled out my blade.

_"He's not coming. He's forgotten about you. Why would anyone want to care about you anyways? Your useless. You don't deserve anything. You just deserve pain."_

I brought my blade up to my right leg.

_Shake hands, and shoot smiles all around,  
As I sell my body by the pounds._

I would cut my shin, start right in the middle and make my way down. I yearned for the pain and release I would feel. I began with the first one. Placing my blade down, I pressed it down and slid it across; but something was different. It didn't work that time. I didn't feel the pain I should've felt.

I got lost in the words scrambling around my brain, and began slicing down my shin. I couldn't stop myself. This was it. This was what my body was made to do-made to feel. I could see the blood running, but I wouldn't stop. I didn't know how. Number four came around. I was lost in a trance. I had no motive to stop doing what I was doing anymore. I was halfway through number five, when strong hands grabbed at me. What was going on?

And then I realized they were trying to stop me. They were trying to pull the blade away from my skin. I began to panic.

"No!" I screamed.

I pulled the blade back to my skin, and finished number five more forcefully. I couldn't stop here, I went for the next one. The hands continued to pull away.

"No! Go away!" I cried.

I pulled with all my force, and met my leg with my skin. I used all my might to finish this cut. Something felt different about it. The blood ran out differently, it ran out like part of number five did. I realized these were _much_ deeper.

I went for seven, still stuck in my trance. But before I could touch my skin with it, my hand was jerked back, and the blade flew out onto the floor. My eyes were wide. I looked to my right, and looked straight into Josh's eyes.

I couldn't speak. Why would he do that? Was he trying to sabotage my life? It was the only thing that kept me sane enough to live to the next day.

"Why would you do that!" I screamed, an unknown rage building inside of me. He continued to look into my eyes. There was something there, but i couldn't words it. I couldn't quite tell what was there. I went to go reach for the blade, but he kicked it away.

He pushed me back. He continued looking into my eyes and I realized. He knew now. He knew how lost I was. My final secret, out. I began to cry for the umpteenth time that day. My body racked with sobs. Why was I so fat? So useless? All those other girls out there, they were pretty. They were skinny. They had everything I wanted. I was just fat, and ugly. I was a hopeless mess. Now I have to sit here, while Josh stares at me.

He wrapped his arms around my middle. My eyes went wide and I pushed his arms off of me and covered my stomach with my arms. I looked away. That was completely embarrassing. He just felt how fat I was. How big and broken I was. There was no hiding how much fat I had there. My life was over.

_Slow down now, the secrets out._

* * *

**Josh's POV**

I looked over at the clock in my car. 5:30. Shit shit shit. I was so late with bringing over Taylor's groceries. I screeched to a stop in her driveway, turned off the engine, got out, ran to the other side to let Amanda out and grabbed the bag of food from the backseat.

I grabbed her hand and we ran to the door. I fumbled with my keys untill I finally found the right one. I smashed it into the lock and turned until I heard it click home. I shot in and rushed up the stairs with Amanda in tow.

"Come on, come on," I said to myself. I was mad at myself for being so late. Finally, I made it up the stairs and I walked into her kitchen. I set my things on the island.

"Taylor?" I softly called.

I heard the noise of someone throwing up in the back bedroom. God dammit. Why did I have to be so bad at time management?

I rushed over there. I got to her room, and saw the bathroom light on. I crept to the open door. Looking inside I saw something I would never forget. She was sitting on the hard ground, with her pant leg rolled up. On her leg I saw many cuts and scars.

Fear bubbled in my stomach. I almost felt like throwing up too. She had a razor attached to her leg. A trail of blood following it. She had three fresh cuts already there. I stood there watching in a stupidity as she finished her fourth cut. She started the next one and my brain finally clicked. I raced to her and grabbed her hand.

"No!"she screamed.

She had a lot more strength in her arm than I had realized. I tried pulling her arm back, but that just made her cut deeper. She went for another one.

"No! Go away!" Taylor yelled at me.

I didn't care what she yelled. I had to get her to stop and I knew words would do nothing. I used both hands to try and pull her hand away, but she was so strong. The sixth cut was so deep. I had just made it worse. She went for another one, but I jerked the blade out of her hand before she could do any more damage. I heard it land somewhere on the tile.

I locked eyes with her. I felt tears prick my eye. How could I have not noticed sooner? Behind my back, she was alleged destructing.

She protested and went to grab the dreadful weapon, but I kicked it away. I continued to stare into her eyes. I could see she was shattered on the inside. I almost felt like that too—it was all my fault. She began to cry. I wanted to join in, but I had to stay strong.

I sat there shocked. This just wasn't right. I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her torso in an embrace, but she quickly pushed my arms away. She briefly glanced me in the eye before she looked away, sobbing even more. I had a voice in the back of my mind, telling me the reason why she would push me away. I didn't like the reason, but I knew it was true.

She thought I was too fat for her her. I felt my heart shatter into a billion different peices. This was all my fault. I leaned back against the tub. I rested my elbows on my knees and burried my face in my hands. I heard footsteps. Looking up, I saw Amanda standing in the doorway. I got up and we both walked to the kitchen.

_What you want, what you need has been killing me._

"Hey, you alright? You look kind of sullen," I asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she muttered.

"No you're not what's wrong? I'm your boyfriend, I know when you're not alright."

"I've just been thinking."

Uh oh. I felt a wave of fear wash over me. Good news never comes after 'I've been thinking.'

"What about?"

"Just about, life."

"Oh really?" I tried to sound upbeat, but I didn't like where this was going.

"It's just, this relationship is exhausting. It's a never ending roller coaster ride, and I'm getting sick and tired of it. It's always, break up I hate you. See each other somewhere, I love you. When will it ever stay as I love you?"

"Well, how about starting right now?"

"No. I'm sorry, but I just can't. This relationship has just faded out into that word. There's no butterfly's anymore."

"What are you trying to say? Because we can definitely spruce up our relationship together."

"Look. I've seen the way you look at her. I've seen enough relationships form to know what that look is. And you know what? I'm just done. I can't keep up with you anymore. Go ahead and take her."

"Amanda no! I don't look at her like that, you're just seeing things."

"No Josh. I'm not seeing things. Look, I'm walking away from this crazy relationship. It's been a wild ride with many ups and many downs. But go be really happy with her. You're gonna be a great couple. I can see it already."

I just stared at her in shock. She was breaking up with me, and literally giving me to Taylor. And she was doing it so calmly. She opened the door, and kissed me on the cheek.

"You were a great boyfriend, now go get her tiger." She walked out and closed the door behind her.

That was it. She was gone. I stared after the door in shock. What was I supposed to do now? I looked back in the direction of Taylor.

"Go get her tiger," Amanda's words rang in my head.

Fortunately, unfortunately, she was right. Our relationship had lost its sparks long ago. Now it was time for a new crazy person to love, in my messed up life. I walked towards Taylor, with a new strategy.

One day… _something_ will be better. One day my life would no longer revolve around anything but her. Now it was time to win her heart. Now I really had to fight for her. But first, I had to fix Taylor's crazy messed up life. Just as I had promised.

Once apon a time I promised I would fight an army for her. And I would; I would fight the army of demons that hid behind her eyes.

_Now I'll change everything, I'll make this perfect again._

* * *

**Please prepare yourselves for the shit storm of the next chapter (I mean that in the best way possible)**


	47. Fix Me

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter and find it inspiring and epic :)**

* * *

**Josh's POV**

"So, the guys and I, we're thinking of going camping," I said. "And, I don't want to leave you alone."

I hadn't left Taylor out of my sight since I found her. I had cleaned her up, and bandaged her. I disposed of her razors, then put her to bed, and let her fall asleep in my arms.

It had been two days since.

"So, how about you come with us?"

She rolled over in her bed to look at me. Her face was stone. She hadn't really left her spot since I put her there.

"Come on. I think it'll be good for you to get out. Distract yourself," I spoke softly.

She just stared at me. She was barely there. The familiar light in her eyes was burned out. The last burning embers were barely glowing. The fire had gone out, and the smoke had left a grey haze over her eyes.

I should've seen this coming.

_I, I know just how you feel_

"Well, I'm not leaving you. I can help you pack if you want. But get ready because we're leaving today," I told her.

I walked over and shook her shoulder.

"Come on, I'll help you into the shower."

She just groaned.

It was the first sound she had made since I found her.

I grabbed her by the upper arm, and dragged her out of the bed. I pulled her in to the bathroom. I reached over and turned on the shower.

"Are you good to go?" I asked.

She nodded, but kept her eyes on the ground.

I shut the door, and went to go and grab some of her things for the camping trip.

_'Cause I don't know how it ever got away_

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

The sound of rushing water filled my ears. I slowly took off my shirt. The soft fabric fell to the ground. I stared at myself in the slowly fogging over mirror. That was my view on life. It was slowly getting blurrier.

My life line slowly dissapearing from view.

I took off the rest of my clothes, and stepped into the warm water. I stood with my back to it. I had a horrible pain in my chest. I wanted to have a good cry and let it all out. But no tears came.

I needed to release it a different way.

I sunk to the floor of the bath. I found my razor in its usual position, calling me to use it. I reached over and grabbed it.

I examined the smooth metal, tool. It had become my best friend. Just looking at it made me feel more comfortable. The rush of knowing that it would be releasing my pain as soon as I put my arms to work.

My arms.

I looked down at them. It was the wrists, they were usually the ones eaten up the most when someone was in this situation.

But not mine.

No. They were the least damaged part of my body. My legs had it the worst. Thin cuts and scars crawled up them like spiders. Funny, how I chose to destroy them in thought of no one noticing. Well, I was rather wrong.

Maybe people tend to overlook the wrists because its so common. They think the victim would choose a more hidden place. I was one of those victims. Maybe only victims knew where to look. Then at least someone would understand me. Know what they mean and why I do it. Maybe then I could find others and I wouldn't feel so alone.

I felt so alone.

I am so alone. Nobody could lift the weight off my chest. No one could help me lift the weight of the world.

Everyone that surrounded me didn't know what I was going through. Save perhaps Josh, but he had gone through an eating disorder. He didn't have these wounds. Or, did anyways.

I decided to go for it. I pressed the sharp razor into my wrist. I took one last breath, before I pressed harder and felt the stinging pain. I slid it across, and where there was once beautiful skin, was now cut apart by a blade. I did two more, and then stopped.

Slowly, the tears started to fill my eyes, until the sobs filled my whole body. I curled my knees up to my chest and cried. The water fell down on me like bullets.

I wasn't perfect and I never was going to be. I just wanted to dissapear. But now I had to go and share a tent with four other guys. Three of which had no clue what was going on in my life. The other had an idea.

I watched through my tear filled eyes as small blood droplets escaped my wrist, only to be quickly washed away from the shower water. I was sure that one day my arms would look just as beat up as my legs did. I didn't want that to happen, but in order to make me feel better, it had to be done.

After a while, my sobbing calmed down, and I turned off the water. I still sat there though, as I watched my blood fill the open wounds. I waited while the blood dried, and they stopped bleeding. Now all that remained were red reminders of how worthless I was.

I stood up and stepped out. I grabbed my towel and dried myself. I walked out into my room with it wrapped around me. Thankfully Josh wasn't in there.

I was only wearing my undergarments when I examined myself in the mirror. It pained me to see my body. I hated it. Every little thing about my body made me want to throw up. My thighs were chunky, my stomach was bloated, and the under fat on my arms aged my appearance by twenty years.

I hated myself.

Slowly, I put on some beige cargo pants. They stopped midway down my calf. Some cuts and scars peeked through, but I didn't really care about them. My secret was already out.

I put on a white t-shirt and walked out of my room. Josh had all of the bags at the front door.

"That was fast," I mumbled.

"I guess I'm a little excited. You ready to go?" He asked.

I shrugged.

I followed him down the stairs, out the door and into his car. We climbed in, and he started the engine. I put my seatbelt on and leaned my head against the window.

This was the last thing on my list I wanted to do. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. After a few minutes of silence, Josh finally spoke up.

"You know, I feel like this is a good opportunity, to maybe let the guys know what's going on," he suggested.

I looked over at him. He couldn't be serious.

"Look, I know it sounds scary. But, you're like a sister to them. And I think they would want to know when their little sister was hurting. You don't need to be alone."

"They don't understand me though," my voice was hoarse. "They don't know what I've been through. What's running through my mind."

"Exactly. Look, we are your friends Taylor. And friends help each other out. I know, you're hurt. That smile that was always on your face is long gone. We want to help you."

I felt a lump form in my throat. I wanted to defend myself, but I didn't trust my voice. If I tried making a sound, I would probably end up breaking down and bawling my eyes out.

I returned my head to the window, and gazed outside.

_Remember all the ways you fixed me?_

_How will you fix me now?  
_

By the time we arrived at our destination, the sun was already setting. Not much of a camping trip if the whole day was practically gone.

Matt, Mike, and Ian were all sitting in lawn chairs. They already had two tents set up. Josh parked, and turned off the vehicle. He walked out, and started grabbing things from the back. I sat there for a while in the seat, trying to muster up some confidence. Finally, when I figured I had no choice, I crawled out. I shut the door behind me, and walked over to the others. I sat in one of the chairs.

They all made small talk. Josh was on my left, and and Ian, Mike, and Matt sat across from us. I was a little surprised at the fact Josh hadn't brought up the topic of me right away. Maybe he never would. I wasn't paying attention to the conversation, until it had died down. The sky had darkened, and you could see stars start to pop out. Everyone had gone silent while they roasted marshmallows and listened to the fire crack and hiss. Josh didn't eat any though. I think a long time ago he told me he didn't like them. Or maybe he was being kind and supporting me.

"You gonna have some s'mores Taylor?" Mike asked.

I looked up from the fire at him. I quickly shook my head and faked a small smile. I noticed I had started picking at my fingernails. I quickly turned my forearms over so that my cuts didn't show. I hoped no one had noticed. I hugged my body.

"Speaking of which," Josh cleared his throat. "I think Taylor has something to tell all of us."

I shot my head up and looked over at him. I stared daggers.

"Come on Taylor," he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head. His eyes pleaded, but I kept my lips pursed.

"What's up?" Matt prodded.

"Nothing," I quietly murmured. My voice an octave higher.

"Are you ok?" Mike asked.

I felt tears sting my eyes. I quickly tried to blink them away.

"I'm fine," my voice was high pitched from the lump in my throat I was trying to control.

_Who are you now?_

Control. I had lost a lot of that over the past year. Josh's hand was still on my shoulder. I turned my head away from them. From all of them. I stared into the darkness. I silently wished a wolf would jump out from behind the brush and kill me. Maul me to death. Make this end. I was sure it would be less painful than this.

"Is it a secret? Your secrets safe with us," Ian concluded.

I turned my head slowly, and looked at him. I opened my mouth as if to say something, but quickly decided not to, and shut it.

"You can trust us. After all we've been through, you're one of us. You're like a sister," Matt explained.

I was their sister.

I can trust them.

After all we've been through.

I made eye contact with Josh, desperate for help. I could feel the others eyes on me. He grabbed my hand, and led me to the public bathrooms in the camp sight.

* * *

**Josh's POV**

_And I know you hate to watch me pout_

I was disapointed that she didn't tell the guys, but I wasn't surprised. Even after watching her cut herself, I guess I never realized how lost she was. It was when I saw her examining herself in the bedroom mirror.

I knew that look on her face. I had seen that look staring back at me in the mirror many times. She was terribly, terribly thin. Her ribs were very noticeable. Her hip bones were more prominent. She had knobby elbows and knees, and her collar bones jutted out. There wasn't an ounce of fat left.

Her hair wasn't as froey as it used to be. She had naturally curly hair, and it sprung around everywhere. But not anymore. It just hung there. It was dull, and took on a greyish tinge. Same with the rest of her body. All of the colour was gone.

Now here we were, in a camp sight trying to confess her secret. I was planning to bring it up later in the conversation. Find a right place, but when Mike spoke up, I found myself in an opportunity.

"You gonna have some s'mores Taylor?" Mike asked.

I looked over at her, curious as to what her answer would be. I examined her posture. Just moments before, she had been slouched over, staring at nothing in particular. A flicker of movement caught my eye, she was picking at her fingernails. And then I noticed something new and heartbreaking.

Three, thin red lines, stretched across her left wrist. They were fresh. From today. I knew it. When I first found her cutting her legs, I had checked everywhere to make sure there weren't any others. The majority were all along her legs. Her wrists were bare not two days ago.

_I, I know that even though your breaking_

This hit me in the heart. Really hard. My wrists had once looked like that. I wasn't going to let her get that far. I had to make her stop. Somehow.

I watched Taylor fake a smile and shake her head.

"Speaking of which," I cleared my throat. "I think Taylor has something to tell all of us."

She shot her head up and looked over at me. She stared daggers.

"Come on Taylor," I said softly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

She shook her head. I pleaded with my eyes, but she kept her lips pursed.

"What's up?" Matt prodded.

"Nothing," she quietly murmured. Her voice an octave higher.

"Are you ok?" Mike asked.

I saw her eyes start to water, suggesting she was about to cry.

"I'm fine," her voice was high pitched.

I kept my hand on her shoulder. She turned her head away.

"Is it a secret? Your secrets safe with us," Ian concluded.

She turned her head back slowly, and looked at him. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but quickly decided not to, and shut it.

"You can trust us. After all we've been through, you're one of us. You're like a sister," Matt explained.

_You'll get sick and terrified_

She looked me in the eyes, I could tell she was desperate for help. The others were watching her. I decided to talk some sense into her. Try and help her out a bit. Make her realize what she's doing wont help her in the long run. I grabbed her hand, and led her away to the public bathrooms in the camp sight.

I pulled her into the men's washroom. I didn't care if she was a girl or not, I needed a private place to speak with her.

"Look, Taylor," I placed my hands on both her shoulders and made her look into my eyes. "I know, it may seem like the right answer, but cutting is certainly not the answer."

"Oh what do you know?" She snapped, her voice still shaky.

"I know a lot. I especially know how you fe-"

"Oh shut up," she interrupted. "You have no idea what I'm going through. You can't read my thoughts. Feel my emotions,"

"No, you're right I can't," I interrupted her. "But I can remember them."

_And if your ever feeling you're_

_Bruised and battered, always sore_

She looked at me bewildered.

"Look, Im going to tell you something that I've never told you before."

She looked away, at the somewhat steady stream of men walking in. They all gave strange looks as they passed by into the stalls, noticing there was a female in here. I saw her do the familiar head down, shoulders up, sort of posture and I instantly knew that she felt very insecure about being in here.

"I need you to look me in the eyes," I ordered.

She sighed.

"Oh what's the use?" She questioned. "I really don't care what lie you're going to tell me. It's not ok. I'm not fine. And there are too many people in here, and I need to leave."

She started walking towards the door, but I pulled her back.

"No. I'm not letting you leave. I will have this conversation with you, and you are going to listen," I demanded.

I grabbed her hand and led her into one of the stalls. It was a bit cramped, but it would have to do. I locked the door behind us.

"As I was saying, there's something I've never told you. It involves my past, but I think it could help you with your future," I paused to build confidence and to make sure she was listening. She was looking me strait in the eyes. "I know how you fee-"

_And I wont tell no one_

She huffed and pulled her hands away. She was turning to leave, but I pulled her back.

"Let me finish," I calmly said. "As I was saying, I know how you feel, because, well let me show you."

I held my right wrist, and pointed out tiny, thin white lines.

I heard her take a quick intake of breath as she recognized what they looked like. Her eyebrows slowly knit together.

_Just breathe; breathe_

_"_Look. They never go away. Not for good. No matter how long ago it was. The scars never fade. The same goes for the memories. You can choose to say they tell your story, but no matter what, they will remind you of your pain. I don't want that to happen to you. I know it's a little late, but I don't want you to feel the pain I felt."

She had tears in her eyes.

"Please stop," I whispered. "Please. Do it for me. Do it for yourself."

"It's so hard," she began to cry.

I wrapped her up in a hug.

"I know Taylor. I know. I'm so sorry. But I know you can do it. I know you can. You have the support. You just need to tell them what's going on."

I moved back so that I could look her in the eyes.

"Do it for me," I said.

"I. I can't do it on my own," she whimpered.

"I'll be right beside you. I'll be there. Every step of the way," I whispered.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

_And if your ever feeling you're_

_Bruised and battered, always sore_

We walked back towards the others. I was absolutely terrified of telling them. The whole way I considered running away into the woods, but Josh insisted I lead. When I looked back to see if he was paying attention or not, he would look strait into my eyes and smile.

We got back, and we sat down in our spots on the log beside the fire.

"What were you guys up to?" Matt asked wiggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up Matt," Josh said sounding annoyed. I kept my eyes on the ground. "Anyways, Taylor?"

I looked over at him. I couldn't do it. He knew I couldn't. Why did he have to torture me like this? I pleaded with my eyes. He sighed.

"Taylor, needs some help and support. She's going through a tough time right now," his eyes never left mine. "And she's not going to get better without us."

He prompted for me to go on.

_How do we fix you now?_

"I-I-I-I'm, uh. I um," I struggled for words. "I guess, I have a bit, of an, um. E-eating disorder."

My words were quiet, but everyone heard me. I looked down. I'm sure they probably didn't believe my words, and neither did I. To hell to what Josh said. To hell about the rehab centre.

But maybe I did need help.

_All the things you did before_

"Is that all?" Mike asked softly.

"No," I sighed. "I guess I kind of, self harm too."

_When you used to need it more_

I reluctantly raised my eyes to see their reaction. To my surprise, they all looked like they seemed to care.

"How long?" Ian timidly asked, his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

"Well, I officially quit food in December, I've been, hurting myself since," I shrugged my shoulders, "since the end of June I guess."

"Well I hope you know, we're one hundred percent here for you. You're our little sister. We don't want you to feel hurt," Ian replied.

_Remember all the ways you fixed us?_

_How do we fix this now?_

I felt the corner if my lip tug up just a bit. He was so sweet to say that. They all were sweet. I was so glad that none of them looked disgusted at me.

"You are loved Taylor. Don't you forget," Matt said. "You can be yourself. No ones ever gonna change who you are, deep down inside. Nobody will judge you for having fun in your own mind."

_And if your ever feeling your_

_Bruised and battered, always sore_

"You can make it past those obstacles. We all know you can. If you ever need anyone to talk to," Mike gestured to everybody, "you can trust us. Your secret is safe with us."

_I won't tell no one _

_Just breathe;_

It was that last sentence that finally made me believe. It made me believe that there really were good people in the world. I didn't have to be so alone. There were people who could understand me to a point. It felt good to know I didn't have to hold all the weight. I could share it with others. Lessen the load. Diminish the great pressure.

_Breathe;_

There were still good people in the world. Sometimes you didn't even have to look far to find them. I had them under my nose all along. I had just spent great months hiding it all, and burning a hole through my chest.

_Breathe;_

I could still do it. I could still make it.

I could fight this.

* * *

**Holy Stepheny Meyer (not sure if that's how you spell her name) moment. This chapter was kind of inspired by a dream I had many months ago. The camp fire part to the bathroom part. But then the dream twisted into some walking dead inspired shit... Yeah. Speaking of dreams.. Don't watch the nature program before you sleep. I had a dream that involved Josh Ramsay and a unicorn tattoo. Hah and that's all you need to know. **


End file.
